Tony shakes and throws off his trash bag bed sheets and slides out of bed still wet from the rain, but he is also sweating and looks feverish. Mitch is sleeping with his eyes open. His eyes follow Henry as he slumbers into the bathroom. He stands looking into the mirror thinking of the monster with the scars. Fear creeps in again. He also thinks of the woman with the buzz saws and administers another dose of rubbing alcohol and Q-Tips to his penis. He yells again. The veins in his neck are bulging. His face is red.
“Tony what the hell is going on in there? Do you need a laxative? Calls out a groggy Mitch.
“No, no I’m fine.” Tony says in a strained voice. He twists and turns the Q-Tip around inside. Then he pulls it out. He is panting and sweating. He drops it into the toilet and flushes.
The dorm room phone rings. Mitch just lets it ring and ring until the automated message systems picks it up.
He turns his gaze to this mirror. His eyes are bloodshot, face looking old and thin. Although, now his hair, which at one time been his calling, card is looking slightly greasy and tangled. He runs his hands through it. The knots will not let him finish and his hand gets struck. He splashes water in his face, licks his lips and walks out.
Tony comes through the bathroom door to find Mitch sitting on the side of his bed with his head buried in his hands. He looks at him with a lowered brow.
“They want to see us,” Mitch says in a cracked voice.
“Who? And why?”
“The resident advisor and the fire.”
“Why, we didn’t do anything? Remember?” Tony says with conviction.
“The alarm in the hallway is right by our door. I told them we were here and they think it is suspicious that we don’t know anything.”
“That’s monkey shit!”
“I think someone ratted on us. They said they heard me and you bragging about it.”
“What the fuck. We’ll be alright, man. They don’t have shit on us.”
“We meet them this afternoon. They said if we don’t confess they’re getting the law dogs on us. They’re going to make us take a lie detector test. Right now they just want it to be a university thing. They’re coming after me, man.”
“You’re paranoid. Everything will be alright, bro. Just take it easy.”
Tony is staring into the large windows of the Resident Advisors office.
Mitch looks to be stating his case as he is throwing his arms in the air emphatically. The Advisor, a woman, and her assistant are not paying a bit of attention to him, frustrating him to no end. Mitch seems to be on the verge of tears. The advisor and her assistant are sitting at a desk, the assistant across from the advisor, with her back turned to Mitch. He walks to the desk and starts pounding his fists. Nothing. He storms around the room, squeezing his forehead with his sweaty palms. His face is red with anger.
Tony lights a cigarette and walks to the window to get a closer listen. No one can see him but he still cannot hear anything. He notices that Mitch is calming down but still has his jaw and fists clinched. He turns his back to the Advisor and her assistant. They have a one page document and are reading it back and forth to each other, highlighting specific areas. All of the sudden Mitch snaps his head around, yells something obscene and angrily walks out of the office slamming the door and rattling plaques and other walk decorations.
Mitch comes out of the door and joins Bryan and Tony. He is nervous and begins chain smoking.
“I’m going to say I was involved too man, fuck it,” says Bryan.
“You were, you silly shit,” says Tony pissed off.
“You’re not bigger than the fucking law and this fucking institution. They got us. We’re going down. We’re going to get kicked out of school,” says Mitch even more pissed off.
“Well they still, technically, don’t know who did it. Whoever did it needs to be a man and stand up though,” says Bryan.
“They got us. They fucking got us,” whispers Mitch to himself, shaking his head and is continuously smoking cigarette after cigarette.
“Do we just go to her office? What do we do?” asks Tony.
“Yeah. I feel sick, man. I feel anxious and dehydrated. I feel like I’m going to die.”
“I can’t believe all this. You should just tell them the truth. They have nothing on you,” advises Bryan.
“That’s what I’m telling him,” says Tony.
“What?” says Bryan
“You’re fucking losing it, man. You don’t get it! We’re going to get kicked out. Are you listening to a word ii am saying?”
“Let’s just go there and get it over with,” scoffs Tony.
They begin to walk over to the door of the Advisor’s office and Tony notices that both the women are staring at him. He looks away with a slanted smile.
Tony and Mitch sit side by side in two chairs with a desk across from them. On the desk are the charred remains of the university fliers. Mitch is pale and straight faced. He is also sweating and shaking. Ton is comfortable. He can’t be touched. Delusional. Also pale and ghostly but not from nerves.
The Resident Advisor is still staring out of the window with her arms folded behind her back, with the assistant right beside her standing the same way. She’s turns around and Tony notices she is young and vaguely attractive, in her early 30s. Her face looking different than when he saw her from the other side of the window. She looks powerful pissed. She walks directly to her desk and grabs the burned fliers. She has a homemade, laminated badge that says ‘Resident Advisor Micah.’
“You’re early,” she says.
“I just want to get this over with,” responds Tony.
“So this is what you think of our university?” she says scathingly. “Well I’m going to let you know that the last thing I want to do is get the police department involved. We can handle it in here. Even though in my heart of hearts you should be locked away.”
“There’s nothing to handle. We know nothing,” says Tony, smiling.
“Sadly, um … I’m sorry, what is your name?”
“Tony.”
“Do you even live in the dorm?”
“No, not technically.”
“Will you stand by your defiance if I were to get the police involved?”
“I have nothing to do with any of this. This is crazy. I have people who will say I have nothing to do with this. You would be wasting there time and your time.
Micah flips through more papers, writes something notes. The assistant just stands there like a remedial bodyguard.
“I have nothing more to say. We have all the evidence we need. We’re going to get finger prints from the flier, set up lie detector tests for you. Do you mind is we finger print you or do you have something on file. I am sure you do. We’ll be in touch. But if by some chance you miraculously find out who really did this. Let me know.”
“Waste. Of. Time,” says Tony as they get up and walk out of her office. Mitch is in a hurry for the door. Tony follows behind but slowly.
Mitch is almost convulsing until he lights his cigarette, take the first drag and then instant bliss and relief. For a moment. He sinks down under a tree and smokes his cigarette in peace. Controlled chaos, as his mind must be racing but his body sits motionless.
“That didn’t go as bad as I thought,” chimes Tony.
“Sure. You practically insulted her by telling her she was wasting her time.”
“Well, look at it this way. By the time they get everything figured out the semester will be almost over and we can just leave. Did you see that assistant? Ugh. I didn’t know if she was a broad or a dude. Do you think they are lovers?”
“I’ve thought about that.”
“Leaving or the assistant?”
“I have absolutely no love for this place. This valley is like Satan’s ass crack and Radcliffe is the hole.”
“We’re all shit.”
A strong, cold wind blows, extinguishing their cigarettes.
“And he flaps his wings trying
to escape. We need to leave.”
“I am not finished yet. Maybe this is what will send this place into frenzy. Injustice to rally the troops. They are trying to take off the head to kill the body. They don’t realize how strong we really are, Mitch. They really, really don’t. This is it. This is our time. I didn’t think the fire worked but in a way it has. They are going to twist this on us in a way that will provoke the masses to revolt. Maybe we can spread a few non truths too, to start the process of the slow burn.”
“What are you talking about,” Mitch says flabbergasted.
“The phenomenon is on the verge of bursting. Don’t you realize the moral, political and economic crisis this place is going through? We feed this place and they bite us and smile. What was it about this Institution that made everyone want to be here? It was freedom, which is systematically being taken away. Whether it is outlawing parties, far away parking lots and a new parking garage for faculty, and what about the designated smoking areas? They will ban smoking soon too. This leads us to the destruction of corrupt ideals. This leads us up the scorched path of demoralization. But it means nothing to destroy and let something rot. Real strength is in the destruction and reconstruction of brand new ideals. That is strength, Mitch. That is what the strong do.”
“At the rate you’re going, the only thing that will be demoralized is you. And you will be up that path by yourself. And how do you have strength. I am surprised you didn’t float away like a leaf just now.”
Darkness. Tony looks over at his best friend as he suffers over something he didn’t have any involvement in. Mitch is constantly tossing and turning, not for comfort but because he is so nervous about what has and could transpire. Tony’s facial expression paints a picture of regret and embarrassment. A moment of clarity. Tony stares at the sky wondering where the next phase in his dream may lead. A light snow begins to fall on to ground.
“Maybe we should just go for a ride man. That will take your mind off of all the shit going on here.”
“Yeah. Yeah you’re probably right. But no talking.”
Tony and Mitch are walking to Mitch’s car. As they get to the Morelit Hall parking lot, where they parked the car, it isn’t there. It has been towed away. Mitch is on the verge of tears of frustration. “FUCK!”
“Anything for a dollar, buddy. I told you.”
They just look around hoping to accidentally stumble on it. Nothing.
“I do not have the money for this. What is going on? Why is all of this happening?”
“Ok. A ride was not a good idea. There are better ways to forget about things. I have some beer upstairs. That always works well when I am trying to forget or feel better about something.”
Tony and Mitch are sitting around a small card table in their room. Mitch is still depressed and angry. He has not even opened or touched his beer. Tony notices and reaches over and pops it open for him.
“I can’t take you just sitting there lethargic.”
“Can you not blame me, man? What the fuck? I hate paying for these fucking parking tickets. Thousands of dollars down the fucking tube for god damn parking tickets.”
“How about this, I’ll pay to get your truck back man. If you’d just get out of that bad mood. You’re fucking depressing me.”
“Yeah well I still have other things to worry about too. Like my mortality.”
“That’ll be taken care of soon man,” he says then swigs a mouthful of brew. “Very soon.”
Bryan storms into the kitchen. “Dude, I heard there’s an 80s party we can get to that’ll take our minds of everything. Come over here Tony I need to show you something.”
“What now?”
They walk into the bathroom where Bryan pulls out a plastic baggie with few pills inside. He dumps them onto the sink and cuts them up into a fine powder and then into lines.
“This is new man. I picked it up from some black dude standing outside. This’ll make you feel on time.”
“I hope so,” says Tony, looking at the lines of powder and smiles. Salivating.
Bryan takes a powerful snort of a few lines with a small straw.
“Oh I’ve missed this so much” Tony then takes a powerful snort of a few lines. He throws his head back and breathes heavily until he starts laughing. “You got that right, boy! Wow!
Mitch walks in while Tony pushes Bryan aside and takes his lines. He shakes his head, turns, and walks out of the room.
Mitch walks outside and sees that Tony is smoking a cigarette outside by himself. He can hear the noise from the people inside. They didn’t go to the eighties party, not this one at least.
The snow is still falling. Tony is merely wearing his usual attire. Snow is perched upon him as if he hasn’t moved in hours.
I know this may sound redundant, but you look like shit. You alright, man?”
“Yeah bro, I’m cool. Not as high as I’d like. That stuff hits like a truck and then a few minutes later you come down. It sucks. But whatever.”
“Thanks for helping me with the tow bill.”
“Well, I just don’t want to see my best friend all depressed and shit. It depressed me.”
“Well regardless, I appreciate it, man. Means a lot.”
“Good. Let me have your card so I can get back in the building. I’m a little tired. Don’t feel like doing much.”
“You sure you’re feeling alright?”
“Yeah. Just don’t lose Bryan, or find a way to pass out on the floor or something.”
Tony gets up and shakes the snow off. He walks off and Mitch sits there with an accepting smile. Then lights a cigarette of his own
Tony bursts through a solid oak door with purpose and sits in the same chair as he did before. He is in Micah’s office. He sits with confidence and pride. The fliers are still there, never leaving the spot it was. Tony stares at the fliers. ‘were they really going to do anything’? he thought.
Micah looks surprised but walks around the office smiling. She was packing her belongings to leave for the evening.
“I assume You want to speak with me?” All of the sudden a feeling arises in her stomach as if she were going to vomit. “What is that smell? Have you been drinking?”
“Um yeah. Well, here’s the thing. I started the fire. It was me. Mitch has nothing to do with it. All me. No one else. End your investigation. Call off the dogs. Whatever.”
“Ok well, I do appreciate your honesty. That is very mature of you. Like I said I really just want to keep this a university thing so with you saying that, law enforcement won’t be needed. “
“Thanks.”
“However I do have to file a report with the university and you’ll have to meet with the dean.”
“It’s cool. We go way back. I look forward to seeing him again.”
“I doubt that is a good thing.”
“Depends how you look at it.”
“Well with you coming here to me and telling me this, it will definitely help you.”
“Just tell me the damage. What’s the punishment?”
“Well with a clean record maybe 32 weeks of probation, which the university would have you clean up the grounds. Another thing is setting up props for festivals we’d be having. Stuff like that.”
“I can handle that. What if I don’t have a ‘clean record‘?”
“Well then it gets difficult. You might be looking at suspension. Maybe a semester. At the most a year. I think I need to sit down.”
“Really?”
“I guess it’s safe to assume you don’t have a clean record.”
“What gave it away?”
“Well I’m going to do the best I can to help you out. In all honesty you helped me out by being honest and making this somewhat less difficult for me.”
“So what’s the process here? You write something to the dean then what?”
“Well I’m going to write the charges to the dean. He’ll look them over and make a decision. Now I advise you that what you’re going to need
to do is get a trial by your peers. I can help you with that. Alcohol or anything other substance wasn’t involved in this. That could mean more charges.”
“No.”
“OK good. Well I have nothing more. You should hear back from the dean fairly soon. And there will be a meeting set up with him to discuss the charges and repercussions.”
“Like I said, Mitch had nothing to do with this. He is my best friend and seeing him tore up the way he was killed me. Can you write that down too?”
“Sure. Who’s Mitch, again?”
They shake hands and Tony walks to exit when-
“Oh, before you go.”
Tony slowly turns and cuts his eyes.
“You’re not a martyr. Your finger prints were all over that flier. And who’s Mitch?”
Tony sends a psychotic-looking smile and walks out of the office and back to his room.
Mitch is passed out in his bed after a long night of drinking. Tony kicks his bed to wake him up. It doesn’t work. He gets something out of the fridge, a beer and kicks the bed again, nothing.
“MITCH!”
No response. Mitch is sleeping with his eyes open.
“Yo, dick! Get up!”
Mitch starts to move, wakes up, and says something inaudible.
“Get up man shit.”
“What up?” Mitch says in a groggy voice.
“I need to talk to you. I gotta tell you something.”
“Is it that important?”
Well how important is your college career or mortality or whatever you called it? I just talked to the hag.
Mitch shapes up quickly “Fuck, man why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone with you. I’m thinking about getting a lawyer, man, we’ll be straight. This dude is wild looking but I hear he‘s good”
“Well you better call him and tell him you are oh so sorry but you‘re off the hook anyways. I just confessed. You’re in the clear.”
“You confessed?”
“Yeah. I told her I lit that thing on fire being dumb. Told her you had nothing to do with it.”
“Holy fuck, man.”
“Yeah the dean is going to be calling me soon. At that time he’s going to have me drawn and quartered like William Wallace. You know he started a revolution too.”
“And nothing is going to happen to me? You told them I was not involved?”
“I told them the truth.”
Mitch sits at the edge of the bed and bows his head in relief. He smiles. Tears well up in his eyes.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.”
“Nah man, you don’t have to thank me. I’m sorry you had to go through suffering like you did.”
“Yeah.”
“Call your lawyer and tell him everything is ok. You do, however, owe me $84.”
“$84? For what?”
“That‘s how much it is going to cost me to get your car out of the impound. Just pay me whenever. But I won’t forget.”
Mitch runs and grabs the dorm phone and takes it outside.
Tony climbs in his bed and just stares off into the ceiling. Motionless and with a blank look on his face. The voices are coming back. Millions of them. He lets himself get absorbed in the voices and his own thoughts. It looks like they are here to stay.
Tony is sitting across from the Dean Dickson, he did his best to try and look not so much like a rock and roll hobo. Dean Dickson is reading the files from what Micah has written. He looks powerful pissed. Tony sits bored and irritable but looks around the room again, decorated plaques from his college career and other things. Fraternity plaques, university plaques, community service plaques etc. he notices something new on the wall, a picture with him and the sheriff shaking hands.
“Tony. I’m sorry I almost forgot you were even here. How are you?”
“And we meet again. I am doing well. Yourself?”
“More trouble I see.”
“It sure looks that way, doesn’t it?”
“Guess you know already, this isn’t looking good for you.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
Well I will spell it out for you with crayons and construction paper since you seem to be too stupid to understand. Let me first start by reading the charges. I have starting a fire in a building, disruptive behavior, endangering conduct, and finally damaging of university property.
“I didn’t damage the wall or anything.”
“I’m talking about the fliers.”
Tony looks on stunned and awestruck, but says nothing.
“I move to have you expelled affective immediately and in that time you are not at all allowed to step foot on university soil, you understand?”
“I’m sorry. What?” He is still in shock.
“Now you can appeal this and have a hearing of your peers.”
“Yeah, yeah let’s do that one.”
“Alright. But you don’t stand a chance, son. This is your second offense for endangering conduct. From the little alcohol induced incident a while ago.”
“Well fortunately l Micah said she’d do everything she can do to help me.”
“She can do nothing to help you. You haven’t done anything to help yourself. Look around this office, sure I’ve done some things I’m not at all proud of but look.”
Tony looks around the office, again, still not impressed.
“I graduated from Radcliffe not once, but twice. Twice! That’s helping you. Granted you still have time, but if you keep this attitude and behavior up, you will go nowhere in life. A bum in the streets, a street urchin monster covered in your own feces.
“Ok first off, how is a flier university property? Second, why am I being suspended?”
“OK first off, anything with Radcliffe University stamped on it is university property. If a damn ant had Radcliffe on it and you step on it, you’d be damaging university property. Second, why am I suspending you?” he says with a bellowing laugh. “Well I want you out of here. In my opinion, you’re a danger to this campus on or off. This place is a lot bigger than you. I am a lot bigger than you. And that is the way it is going to stay. Do you understand that?
“I understand. However I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into. I will save the rest of what I have to say for the appeal.”
“Well how about we schedule it for later today.”
“That sounds perfect. I will see you soon.”
“And I’ll make sure it’ll be the last time.”
“We’ll see.”
“I told you before that I can ruin you. Now I think you’re getting off light. You leave this place and never come back. Ever. Not even to visit. I don’t care if your own mother was a student here. You are to never come back. And if I see you, well, let’s just say, don’t let me see you anywhere.”
Tony is pissed off. He angrily gets up, knocks the chair over and leaves, slamming the door behind him. Dickson remains seated and smiles victoriously.
Tony stands out in the middle of the brick walk way which is in front of the food court. His head is hung as he looks around him. Students are walking with book bags to class. Some are just out walking their dogs with coffee in hand, while others are walking without a purpose. No one even looks his way.
Tony starts walking in the direction of his building. He walks without ever looking up, fidgeting from the cold and mumbling gibberish to himself. He walks through the front door and makes a bee line straight for Micah’s office. Her door is open, and she is standing by her fax machine.
“Damaging school property? Endangering conduct? I didn’t site these. Well like I said I’ll be with you there. He wants to do this in a few hours.”
“Right, yeah, I bet you’re behind me,” he says violently. “Ready to push me off the edge. Well I’m right there. All I need is just a little push. But I will let you know, you, him, you’re not bigger than me. I don’t need help from you. You two are cut from the same authoritative cloth.
Cloth can burn too.
Micah is
looking at Tony in fear of what he is going to do. Tony exit’s the room and slams the door behind him. Micah walks over to the window and looks out and sees Tony lighting up a cigarette walking in circles mumbling again. Then he starts laughing uncontrollably and jumping around.
Tony is tearing through his closet. Looking at the clothes he has. There are rock shirts ripped jeans and a random assortment off all kinds of dirty linens. There is absolutely nothing in there that resembles anything presentable or someone going to a meeting. But there is something in the back: the white button up shirt, which he wore when he was arrested. Still dirty and covered in blood. Of course, he grabs it. He throws his rail thin arms inside and buttons the buttons all the way to his neck.
Tony walks the lonely sidewalks. They are wet from the falling rain. A steady pounding rain. His hair is tangled and wet, dripping down his face. He is constantly mumbling uncontrollably and incoherently as he walks. Not a soul is on the sidewalk or the quads adjacent to them. No one is even looking out there windows at him, all the curtains are closed. He is alone in his fight.
The chair is squeaking as Tony sits, rocking back and forth in a wooden chair waiting for word to come in. There is a false sense of security around him. He is oozing confidence, not understanding the levity of the situation. Assistants and interns continually walk by just to have a look at the wet, greasy, frail renegade where a filthy shirt covered in his blood. Finally one speaks, “They are ready for you, sir,” she says nervously.
Tony gets up and walks to into the conference room. Tony takes a seat by Micah, who smiles at him. In the room there are Dean Dickson, and three others: an old man teacher, and slightly younger female teacher, and a student.
“Well Tony come in and takes a seat, please,” says a cocky Dickson.
“My peers or your peers,” Tony asks.
“Everything will be ok,” whispers Micah.
Tony stares directly at Dickson under his lowered brow paying no attention to Micah or anyone else in the room.
“This will be recorded. Fine with everyone?” asks Dickson.
All parties nod in agreement, except Tony who isn’t listening. He clicks the button on the recorder.
“Well let’s get started shall we? We are gathered here to discuss Tony’s ruling that I have handed down. That being there semester’s worth of suspension. Now Tony doesn’t agree with the punishment and neither does Micah. If you will start, tell us what you have gathered in your investigation.”
“Well as everyone knows, we did have an alarm go off in Morelit Hall several weeks back. And upon that time the fire department was called and found a burnt flier on the third floor.”
“Where exactly on the third floor was with flier found and tell us which alarm was going off.”
“Both outside the room Tony was reported to be staying.”
“Thank you.”
“Yes sir.”
Dickson flips through some papers furiously. “Thank you, Micah. You can leave now. We’re finished with you,” he says waving her off. “Good bye.”
Micah stares for a minute at Dickson. She is stunned. She stares at Tony, her mouth a gape. She whispers to Tony, “I’m sorry.” Micah gets up and walks out of the conference room. Tony takes zero notice.
Dickson turns his full attention back on Tony. He is all business, maybe a little too much business.
“Now what I can not get over is how someone could light a piece of paper on fire inside of a building where students sleep, they study; they hang out, and talk. And you could have killed them. Over three hundred students. Why son? Why? Did you think you could get away with it? You could have killed your own peers.”
“Yeah.”
“Speak up son. We have to hear you over here. This is being recorded. Speak up.”
Tony’s anger sets in. “I will speak up but I don’t think you are going to like what I have to say,” he growls through clinched teeth.
“Well I sure as hell don’t like what you’ve done. But go ahead.”
“Where do we begin,” he says with a devilish giggle. He runs his skinny, frail, pale hand through his hair. He wipes the water and grease on his pants. His lips are wet with anticipation. “Well let me start by saying that I am not going to sit here and jerk off your ego like these dogs and clowns sitting in front of me. It’s like a fascist circus in here. You are arrogant, narcissistic, incestuous, uptight, and you live your life just to show that you made it and that you’re better than everyone else because you have some sort of power. This is not about doing what is right for you, it’s a continuation of putting someone else down because you can. You like watching people suffer. Well I’m not suffering. I didn’t come here to defend myself because I know what I did. I did it. Fuck it. And fuck you. I came here to tell you, that I want you to kick me out now. This place is a dump. This place that you represent is a dump. And that label on the flier, you represent also. I watched it burn and I liked. I burned your label. But trust me there’s a lot more things in this place to worry about than me lighting a piece of paper on fire. That’ll never change. It’s like rolling a rock up a steep hill. Once you get to the top of the hill and think you’ve accomplished something, the rock will right back down to the bottom. And you do it again. And again. And again. It’s the culture here. You can do whatever you want to try and change it with your rules. But let me please speak for everyone when I say, keep your change. Your change is useless. You cannot highjack freedom for economic relief. The longer you stay the more you and your goals will deteriorate while the people you use will watch and get pleasure from your pain. The martyr never gets to watch what he creates. The decline of your morality and values will finally give rise to decadence and valueless ness. I can excuse myself. Dick. Son.
Tony gets up and leaves while laughing and leaving everyone in the room in a state of bewilderment.
The rain is pouring as he is walking proudly throughout the university. He stops outside his building and turns to see the university. A manically laugh follows him. He lights a cigarette and sits on the stage. By himself. Thinking. Mitch walks out from behind the trees. He sits beside Tony.
“Well, you look terrible,” Mitch says with a smile.
“I look great. And I feel better.”
“So would I be wrong in assuming this is our last night here?”
“Sure.”
“What happened?”
“I think I finally did some good for myself.”
“I bet you did.”
“Yeah. I look back at everything I’ve done and have no regrets. I don’t think this is what my parents had in mind when they sent me away to this Institution to get educated. I’m in the fast lane to the land of nothingness.”
“No, and I think if you told them some of the things you’ve done or seen, I don’t even know if they’ll believe you.”
“You should know that once I leave this place a lot of things will change.”
“I know.”
“There won’t be anymore all-nighters. No more drinks, pot none of that. No more fucking Dickson, thank god. I remember before I even came here, someone told me that the party scene would get to you. Well I will be damned if he wasn’t right. I got caught right in the maelstrom.”
“We all did. But you know I was once told that sometimes you never even really know how bad the smell of shit is until you smell fresh air. “
“There will be a day when this place has finally succumbed to the people it dictates to.”
“Didn’t you notice something when you left that conference hall? Or even after you meeting with Dickson. As you stood there letting the rain drops fall on top of you what did you see?”
“I saw an old woman hading dinosaur over a fence; I saw sunlight in a vacuum.”
“Come on.”
“Nothing.”
“Exactly. This place may fall, but there’s a better chance that it will fall because of itself. Self dissolution. Do not hope and lead nothing other than your own actions.
You will find life is much better that way. If not, you will just be an irrational person failing in an irrational world.”
“Good to know that everything I have done means absolute shit.”
“Indeed, but after a while all the memories will only live inside your thoughts, and I believe you said you have ways to erase that.”
“I just wish I had more time. I wasted every moment I had in self indulgence that I failed to realize any of my surroundings. I could still get this started.”
“You are going to drive yourself insane.”
“Or maybe the people just aren’t ready. Maybe I took things a little too far and am a little ahead of my time. And no. I am far from insane. The only thing that is insane is this place.”
“Fine. How do you plan on spending your last night here, as a free man?”
“Same as we always do. Some things just shouldn’t change.”
“There’s a beer pong tournament tonight at one of the frat houses.”
Tony is staring at his emasculated body. Months of drinking, smoking, drugging and have taken their toll. His face is sunken in and his eyes are red and purple. His hair still long and blonde but now is more disheveled and greasy from not washing. He snorts some white powdery substance. He splashed water on his face. His chest and stomach are now sunken in as well. There seems to be no muscle left on his body. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his lighter and a cigarette, not caring about being indoors. He looks back at himself. He flicks his lighter and holds it to his face and burns his eye brows off..
He goes and puts some clothes on. A black sweater with thumb holes cut out. A black hooded zip up sweater. Ripped jeans. He is almost ready to go until he sees something on the corner floor of his closet. His bandana. He struts out of the bathroom. “Let’s go.”
Mitch and Bryan look on in horror at the sight of their fallen friend.
Tony signs him and Mitch up for the beer pong tournament and pays the five dollar sign up fee. The frat house is not unlike the others: dirty, grimy, dark, and moist; however the floors in the one are carpeted and the walls are covered with old particle board and decorated with black spray paint.
“We’re in that bracket over there. We play those dudes over there.”
“They should just hold the money for us. No doubt.”
Mitch and Tony walk to the beer pong table where their opponents and a small crowd of people have gathered to watch.
“I have to piss.” says Mitch leaving.
They start off with eye to eye and their opponents win. They both shoot and make their shots to bring it back to them to shoot again. The two guys both make it again. Balls go back to them. Then one dude bounces and makes it to end the game. A skunk. The people around the table are going crazy at what just happened. They are all heckling Tony, even though he really did nothing wrong. He never had a chance. The people he was supposed to lead are all having a laugh at his expense.
Tony is mortified as people are telling him he has to run around the house naked. He walks through the basement feverishly looking for Mitch, with other people looking and laughing. More people form a larger crowd to watch him run.
The large crowd has gathered outside the house, still heckling. Tony strips. Leaving only his shoes on. The people are appalled. His body looks like a thin slab of skin covering a model skeleton. He takes no notice.
He makes his lap around the house naked. His pale thin skin is jiggling up and down with each step. His rib cage is clearly evident and shockingly disgusting. As he passes the street horns honk and cops blue lights flicker. He runs even quicker to get back to his clothes and everyone that was outside is now gone. He immediately puts his clothes back on and runs down the street.
The night is cold; Tony is walking down the street as fast as he can. He turns around and notices someone running towards him. He squints to try and make out who it is. It’s Mitch.
“Where in the hell have you been?”
“I went up to take a piss, came back down and you were gone. What happened?”
“I got skunked and had to run around the fucking house. Naked. By myself. I was laughed at. They were looking and pointing and laughing at me”
“That’s unfortunate.”
“I’m calling Q. I need some help. He will help me out.”
“He can’t offer the help you need.”
Tony pulls his cell phone from his pocket and dials the number. “Yo, Q I need your help brother. Where you at?” he pauses getting an answer. “We’ll be right there.”
A drunken student stumbles in front of them and pukes up a whole days worth of food.
“Hey, watch it we’re walking here! You fuck.” As the student is bent over Tony shoves him with his foot and he falls to the ground in his own vomit.
Tony and Mitch find themselves at another random house and descend the basement staircase to the pit of mud and drunkenness. There are lights wound around the support beams of the basement to add to affect of something. No one is really quite sure. Everything else is as follows: mud, beer/water/piss puddles, crushed cans, cigarette butts, etc.
Tony walks to the beer stand. “What’s there to drink here?”
“What else? Beast.” says the dork behind the bar.
“Beast? Fuck that shit, man! Pabots Blue Ribbon!
“What?”
“I will fuck anything that moves!”
“Just take a beast, dude.”
Tony puts his hand out and accepts. Mitch is embarrassed. Tony sees Q in the corner of the room. He struts over to him as he is lighting up a little glass piece.
“That for me?” asks Tony confidently.
“No doubt.” answers Q
Q hands Tony his glass piece. It is unknown what this substance is. It’s not green. Tony lights the end and a fine white smoke fills then pipe, with a deep thrusting inhale the smoke disappears into his lungs. He holds. Holds. Holds. Then exhales. Almost immediately he turns blue and then translucent. He is beyond the ghostly figure he was before and looks like a living incarnation of death.
Mitch finally walks over, beers in hand. He hands Tony one. Tony’s hand trails and moves in slow motion to the can and it slips right through his hand. Just as soon as Mitch looks at him, Tony is hearing the voices. There’s so many voices and cannot differentiate what they are saying. Millions of voices are pouring through him. He cringes in pain and falls. Before he goes face first into the mud/shit/piss combination covering the floor he floats through the door and is immediately outside and aimlessly walking the streets. The wind is blowing hard and the rain falling accordingly. Again he mumbles nonsense. He has no idea what he is looking for until his eyes happen upon the monster. Tony is slowly drawn over to him. The monster is seated on the curb of the road with his head between hid legs, still wearing his dirty overcoat.
His head turns up, eyes still sewn shut, and holds his dirty, almost skeletal hand out to Tony. Tony holds his hand out accepting. The monster smiles a hyper active alligator grin and gets up. They proceed down the street to abandoned house. The windows and doors are all boarded up. There’s moss and random dead plants that have grown up the sides of the house. They approach the fallen and broken porch, and carefully walk the stairs. The monster extends his arm and tears through the boarded up door.
They proceed through the empty living room. The floor is covered in dust. No person has walked these floors in what could be, centuries. The wall paper is peeling off the walls exposing the studs and the floor boards are buckling. They continue through until the approach another basement staircase. Tony takes one step on the dirty stair case and falls through and plummets to the basement floor, splashing in the mud, piss cocktail.
Upon rising from the floor he sees the party he was just at. Instead of lights on the support beams they are on fire. There is a gathering of people. There are faces in hands in the walls. they are reaching out, trying to grab something. Or someone. He slowly moves through. He can’t. He gets more physical. When the peop
le turn to see who’s pushing, their faces are elongated and smiles hyper active. He is frightened. He keeps pushing his way through until he sees his own body on the floor, covered in the mud, shit, and piss combination. He is motionless. He goes to his body and drops to his knees. Everyone around him is laughing and drawing closer to him. He grabs his body and pulls it to his chest and starts crying. He is holding his dead body. The party attendants are bearing over top of him. They start grabbing at him. They are trying to tear him apart. He does his best to fight them off. He sees the monster staring at him. The crowds of people now have control of him and are dragging and pulling him to the monster. Tony is kicking and screaming. The voices get louder and louder. They bring him to the monster that opens his mouth wide enough to swallow Tony whole again. Tony’s nasty, greasy, wet hair is blowing behind him from the air blowing at him from the monster mouth. Tony then opens his mouth wide and yells. The monster closes his mouth and the people scatter away like spiders, scared. Tony looks around at them and notices the old man is stepping back and fading away smiling. Tony is standing alone by his dead body. Just as he grabs his body the house begins to shake and walls are starting to crumble. He doesn’t move and stays with his body. The bodies in the walls are still reaching. The ceiling is falling around him but he grabs hold tighter to his body. When everything falls around him -
Tony is lying half naked on Mitch’s cold bathroom floor, wearing only his boxers and bandana. He is alone. His hair is all astray, dirty. Next to his head is vomit with blood sprinkled in it. He looks at his pale, ghostly skin and body and doesn’t know if he is alive. He struggles to lift his head off the ground. His body is tingling, trying to regain sensation.
The tile walls are covered in nonsensical, subconscious word spatter. Travel the path beyond the ordinary mind. Seek a greater wisdom. Where are we going to bury him? Drink and dance Midget, gnash your teeth. Fuck Hope, she strangles one sunny day. We live in a cell block of granite walls and granite floors. You’ve been carrying that dead boy around for too long! Sanity is like a prostitute, she will stretch a mile before she tears an inch. Mary is helpless. I am a waste. I am the Fool’s Messiah. Miss him, miss him. Everybody fucks up, everybody fucks up. Why aren’t we crying like everyone else? At the juncture of Death, there is no Light just the inexistence of Darkness. He makes an effort to force a smile on his lips. Who do we really think we are? Mickey Mouse bribed a baby killer. End scene. You better hang on to yourself. Nobody wants to see what is inside of there. Part one is living. Breathe slowly, breathe deeply. Fucking cut!
Finally a knock at the door.
“Yeah, come in,” he says with a strained cough.
Mitch pushes through the doorway, “Holy fuck! You look dead, man”
“I have been to hell and back and have never felt more alive.”
“Oh man, come on, get up we’re going to the hospital.” Mitch walks to him and grabs for him.
“No, no don’t. I’m done.” Tony peels the bandana off his head and dumps it in the toilet.
Mitch stares for a moment, looking at Tony, to the toilet with the bandana floating inside, then back to Tony. He nods, disproving and saddened, but exit’s the bathroom walking slowly backwards and fades from Tony’s view.
Tony reaches with all his might trying to flush the bandana. The tips of his finger are merely flicking the handle. He moans and strains while lifting his half dead body off the cold bathroom floor and finally succeed in the disposal of the bandana. The bandana spins around the toilet and disappears into the pipes, leaving the trash and sewage above the ground to rest with the trash and sewage below.
He flops back down onto the floor. He looks around on the floor and sees apoplectic scribbling. There are long lines, distorted and twisted with smudged black ink and drawn with a finger tip. They look like branches writhing away from a perverted trunk. A nefarious Tree of Life. This doleful, unpropitious tree encapsulates his entire vitreous bag of bones. His eyes are icy blue with red veins so profound they look as if they are elevated from the eye. He ends this evening with a dry cough and gravelly laugh.
IV
Crack3d Picture Page 4
