by Eric Vall
“Unfortunately, Robert could not be here tonight, but he has my gratitude and my humble appreciation,” the dark-haired man continued. “Now, you might be wondering why you’ve all been asked here tonight. Believe it or not, it’s not for the incredible shrimp cocktail.”
The crowd feigned laughter at the weak joke.
“No,” Franklin’s voice now grew more serious, “I asked you here tonight because we have a problem in Washington. For far too long, the fat cats in Congress have pushed back against the will of the American people. Our infrastructure is crumbling. Bridges are collapsing due to misrepair, pollution is running rampant, and what does Congress do? They take the tax revenue that comes out of our paychecks, our hard-earned paychecks, and use it on things that have no bearing on the common folk.”
Several “yeahs” and cheers arose from the crowd at the man’s words.
Emboldened by that, Franklin continued. “It says right there, in the Constitution, that the government is supposed to ‘promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity.’ Well, I’ll tell you, my friends, I will ensure that your voices are heard! And with the help of Proposition Sixty-Six, I will make sure that we address this wasteful government spending and the hindrance of red tape that plagues our country. I will fight for you, and I will make sure that congress listens to the people it claims to work for! Thank you everyone, and enjoy the rest of your night.”
The entire party erupted into cheers as Franklin handed the microphone back to the band leader. As he walked away, the music started up again, and I turned back to Ira.
“That was a very rousing speech,” I joked. “I totally would have voted for him… had I not known he was a demon, of course.”
Ira clicked her tongue. “You don’t know everything, Jacob. Or should I call you ‘master’ like all the other succubi do?”
“Ah, that’s where you don’t know everything, Ira,” I shot back at the succubus. “Nobody calls me ‘master.’ I hate that hierarchical shit. Everyone is equal in my eyes, whether they’re demons or imps or mortals.”
“You know, you could be a good politician too,” the dark-haired woman purred, “if only you knew how to pick your words more carefully. Saying ‘shit’ on national television would kill your career very quickly.”
“I don’t give a fuck,” I snarked back.
“Oh, I hope you do.” Ira locked her intense eyes with my own. “With me. And that massive hammer you’ve got down there.”
“Well, maybe if you weren’t still working for that asshole Azazel, I’d consider it.” I winked.
“I’ve served the King of the Fourth Circle for millennia.” She shrugged. “It’s going to take more than a few bouts of dumb luck in battle, a handsome face, and a large dick to get me to change alliances. In fact, once this is all over, I’m sure my master will promote me. I’ll be his most trusted advisor, and then I’ll single-handedly help him reunite the Seventy-Two Servants and defeat the forces of the Divine once and for all.”
As we made our next turn, I looked over Ira’s shoulder and saw Libidine and Sia both talking with Marvin Franklin. I was sure they were trying to flirt their way to information, but if what Ira had said was true, it wasn’t going to work.
Either way, I had to keep the evil succubus distracted for a little while longer.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Ira,” I continued. “Even if you are victorious, and even if we aren’t able to stop you this time, Azazel will never promote you. Everyone under Lucifer follows his Chain of Being, remember? To a demon, a lowly succubus will never grow beyond their level.”
Ira stopped dancing, slowly slid her left arm up my shoulder, and began to squeeze my neck tightly. She was much stronger than she looked, and I began to struggle for breath.
“You have no idea what you are talking about, mortal,” Ira hissed. “If we weren’t surrounded by your own cronies, I’d snap your neck like a twig right here and now.”
“But we are.” I tried to laugh through my collapsing windpipe. “You kill me, and they’ll turn you into a smear of black blood on the dance floor. And even if they don’t, it’ll be a PR nightmare for your ‘husband.’”
Ira released her grip and pulled away. Then she frowned as she readjusted her green dress and stared at me with hatred in her eyes.
“I will be victorious, and Azazel will be grateful,” the succubus promised. “But don’t worry Jacob. Before I torture and kill you, I’ll fuck you at least once. As I said, you are quite handsome, and I want to feel that cock inside of me, just not as much as I want to kill you. Good thing I can have both.”
Then, Franklin’s “son” appeared at Ira’s side and tugged at her dress.
“Mother,” the kid said in a monotone, almost robotic voice, “I have to use the restroom. Will you come help me?”
“Sorry, ‘Marcus,’” Ira sneered as she traced her finger down my jawline and throat, “but motherly duties call. Ta-ta for now.”
As the evil succubus walked away, she made a point to swing her hips back and forth and shake her ass forcefully. She knew I was watching, and I was sure she just wanted to tease me.
I rubbed the spot on my neck where Ira had grabbed me and thought about how the woman had turned on me in seconds flat. She was probably exaggerating when she said she could kill me single-handedly, but the minor twinge of pain throbbing on my throat reminded me that I didn’t want to test out that theory. Ira had gone from flirty and seductive to psycho and murderous in an instant, like some sort of switch had flipped in her brain.
She really was wrath incarnate.
“I see you survived your meeting with Sister Ira,” Sia’s voice sounded amused as she and her sisters approached. “She is quite the character, isn’t she?”
“I’d hate to see how her dominant side is in bed,” I joked and pointed to my throat.
“Oh, you don’t want to see that.” Libidine shuddered. “She’s definitely killed some people before.”
“What a way to go.” I shook my head at the thought. “Death by snu snu.”
“It’s more common than you think, bro.” Todd’s voice suddenly joined the conversation. “It’s a problem plaguing America to this day. Fuck, maybe I should become a politician and spread the word about this modern-day crisis.”
“Our first imp congressman?” I laughed. “I like the sound of that.”
“Also, legal weed.” The imp chuckled. “The Masterson platform is one that every slacker, stoner, and pervert in America can get behind!”
“You’d have my vote, Todd.” Libidine chuckled.
“So,” I brought us back on track, “how’d it go with Franklin?”
Cupiditas frowned. “He didn’t respond to us at all. We tried to sweet-talk him into ‘getting out of here,’ but he kept pulling up the ‘I have a wife and kid’ card.”
“That’s because he’s as straight as a circle,” Todd explained.
“As much as I hate to admit it, I think Todd is right,” I conceded. “Ira told me the same thing.”
“Did Jakey just say I was right?” The imp sounded like he was in complete disbelief. “I need to mark this day on my calendar, for it is a momentous occasion!”
“I just want to know what kind of contact lenses he uses,” Libidine chimed in. “I couldn’t see the purple in his eyes at all. All the brands we’ve tried so far still allow our true colors to shine through.”
“So Plan A and Plan B are completely out the window.” I sighed. “Time for Plan C and D.”
“Plan CD, if you will,” Todd snickered.
I turned to the redheaded succubus. “Sia, can you tell the caterers to go grab that expensive bottle of wine I ordered and meet me in the living room?”
“It will be done, Jacob,” Sia confirmed.
I turned to the other three. “Cupi, I want you to go let Jane and Oliver know what just went down. All of us need to be ready just in case things go south and Ira tries to pull something.”<
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“She wants to pull something, alright.” Cupi winked at me. “I saw how close you two were dancing over there.”
“What about Lib and me, Jakey?” Todd raised his hand.
“You two are coming with me.” I nodded. “While I’m shooting the shit and drinking with Franklin, I want Libidine to snag his phone. Once he’s nice and tipsy, Sia will come around and switch out his wine glass. Use it to grab his finger prints, copy them into your human hand, and then unlock his phone and see what you can find. Sound like a plan?”
“Complicated, team-oriented, and extremely unlikely to succeed?” Todd mused. “Sounds great!”
“Plan C and D, go!” I nodded to my friends, and then we split up.
I scanned the crowd for our guest of honor. It took me a while to find Marvin Franklin, but eventually, I saw his familiar profile of greasy hair and a crooked nose making its way toward the sliding glass door.
I dashed across the lawn to try to catch the politician, and I entered the mansion just behind him.
“Marvin!” I called out to get his attention, and the dark-haired man turned around with his ever-so-fake smile. “You’re not leaving yet, are you?”
“Mr. Pearson,” Franklin said with a grin. “It’s been very fun, and I really appreciate Robert’s hospitality, but all good things must come to an end. I’d love to stay, but it’s getting late, and my flight to DC leaves early tomorrow morning.”
“But you haven’t even gotten to sample Mr. Quinn’s special gift yet,” I implored.
The politician raised a curious eyebrow. “Special gift?”
I could see that Sia was standing just off in the kitchen with the bottle of wine in her hand. I motioned for the succubus to bring us the wine and indicated that we’d need three glasses.
“Mr. Quinn knows how much you enjoy your wine,” I explained. “He sprang for a vintage bottle of Chateau Margaux 1787 as a special treat.”
Franklin’ eyes lit up. “Did you say 1787? That’s almost as old as our country itself!”
“The more aged, the better.” I shrugged. “Come on, why don’t the three of us sit down and enjoy Mr. Quinn’s generous gift?”
“Well, when you put it like that…” The politician smiled slyly. “Maggie and Ralphie can socialize for a bit longer.”
“That’s the spirit,” I placed my hand on Franklin’ shoulder and then led him over to the fancy couch in the living room. Sia was already waiting for us, and the redhead poured us each a drink and then sat down next to me on the couch.
I raised my glass of wine into the air, and the two of them followed suit.
“To new beginnings, and to the people!” I exclaimed.
“And to Robert Quinn!” Marvin added.
I lowered my cup, swirled the wine around to mix up the flavor, and then sniffed. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, but I’d seen some people on TV do it once so I assumed that’s what all stuffy wine drinkers did. Finally, I raised the glass to my lips and gulped down the fermented red liquid.
As soon as the wine hit my lips, I knew that it had been worth every penny we’d spent. My mouth was filled with the sweet mixture, and I savored it before I swallowed it down my throat.
I glanced over and saw that Franklin was enjoying the wine just as much as I was.
“More?” I asked.
“Of course!” He giggled. “It would be a shame to let such an expensive bottle go to waste!”
We continued to drink for a solid hour. Every few minutes, our conversation would be interrupted by somebody coming by to bid farewell to the politician and thank him for his hospitality. Before too long, it was just Franklin, my followers, and me left at the party.
Though he wasn’t completely trashed, I could tell that Marvin was starting to get a little tipsy. He had drank four glasses of the Chateau Margaux, and he was beginning to slur his words and hang on every sentence we said.
Now was the time to strike.
I glanced over and noticed that Liby had now joined Sia off in the kitchen. I gave the girls the signal, and they nodded back to confirm.
“So, Marvin-- Can I call you Marvin?” I asked coyly.
“You can call me whatever you want, friendo.” He giggled.
“Well, Marvin,” I continued, “I wanted to ask you about something in your speech. You mentioned Proposition Sixty-Six…”
“Ah yes,” he said as he stuck his finger up into the air, “the white whale of my campaign.”
“Exactly. I keep hearing you talk about it, but details online are pretty scarce,” I implored. “I tried to read the whole damn thing, but if we’re being honest, I have no idea what half of those damn words even mean!”
Franklin leaned in close and motioned for me to come closer.
“Let me in on a little secret, my friend,” he giggled. “Neither do we!”
The politician threw his head back and roared with glee at his own joke.
As he did so, I saw a flash of green appear in his pocket, and his phone slowly slid out of his dress pants and toward the waiting Libidine.
“No,” the politician tried to calm himself down. “Proposition Sixty-Six is a great piece of legislature that the American people have needed for a very long time. There is so much land all around this country that could be used for the common good, but too many stubborn landowners refuse to see the bigger picture.”
Sia walked over and nodded to our glasses.
“More wine for you gentlemen?” she asked kindly.
“Sister,” Franklin was now giddy drunk. “I’ll take the whole bottle if you’ve got it!”
“Right away, Mr. Franklin.” The succubus picked up his wine glass and shot him a knowing grin.
“So, back to Proposition Sixty-Six…” I tried to get Forneus back on track.
“Right.” Franklin nodded. “So, I was proudly one of the many representatives to put my name on this piece of legislation. I want to see good ‘ol red-blooded Americans like you, Mr. Pearson, get what they deserve. Did you know that in less than two decades, scientists predict that our entire infrastructure system here will collapse?”
I looked over the politician’s shoulder and saw Libidine give me a thumbs up.
“That sounds made up,” I said with skepticism.
Sia returned with the entire bottle of wine and two new glasses, sat them down in front of us, and then walked away in a hurry.
Franklin pointed a drunken finger at my face. “I thought you were supposed to be on our side?” he interrogated.
“I am, I am.” I corrected. “I just have a hard time believing rhetoric and simple words, that’s all. I’m a man of hard science, you know?”
“Damn straight,” Marvin slurred and slapped my playfully on the shoulder. “Here, let me show you that report--”
The politician reached into his pocket and then panicked when he realized his phone was missing.
“Well shit,” he grumbled, “I could have sworn it was here just a second ago.”
“Looking for this, Mr. Franklin?” Libidine pranced over and held out the man’s phone in her hand. “I found it out near the dance floor.”
“Why thank you, pretty lady.” The politician hiccuped and took the small rectangular device.
“Pssst!” Todd’s disembodied voice whispered into my ear. “The BDSM Bitch is comin’!”
“Honey, there you are!” Ira’s annoyance was clear as day when she called to her fake husband. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“Hi, dear,” he mumbled. “Me and Mr. Pearson here were just talking politics.”
“Oh no, I see you found the wine,” Ira said with an insanely fake laugh. “You know you can’t trust anything this guy says while he’s drunk, right?”
The succubus tried to make her words sound like a joke, but I could hear the twinge of fear in her voice. Ira helped Marvin up off of the couch and motioned to the door.
“It’s really late, dear,” she said as she batted her violet eyes at the politi
cian. “We need to get Ralphie back to the hotel. You know how grumpy he is when he doesn’t get a full eight hours of sleep.”
“I guess you’re right.” Franklin sighed and then gave Sia and me a wave. “It was nice meeting you all. I hope to see you again someday!”
Ira led the politician and their ‘son’ out the door in a huff.
“So, what did you guys find out?” I asked the succubi.
“There weren’t many incriminating e-mails or text messages, but we did find something quite disturbing,” Liby shuddered. “Todd took pictures of it with your phone.”
The imp fumbled around in his pocket and pulled out my black smartphone. He tapped his tiny claws against the screen and then held it up for me to see.
On the display was a forested area in what appeared to be a mountainous landscape. The picture looked like it was taken from above with a plane or a satellite, but it was as clear as day. Smack dab in the center of the image was an old, beat-up water well.
“It’s a well in the middle of the forest.” I questioned with a raised eyebrow. “What’s so special about that?”
“Look closer.” Liby implored.
I squinted my eyes and leaned in closer to the picture. Now, I could just barely make out a fiery glow coming from deep within the depths of the well.
“What am I looking at, guys?” I asked.
“It’s worse than we thought.” Sia shook her head back and forth in denial. “He’s going after the Porta ad Inferos.”
“My Latin may just be a tad rusty,” I chuckled, “but did you say he’s going after the Gateway to Hell?”
“Bro,” Todd scolded as he reappeared, “you don’t know about the Porta ad Inferos?”
“Obviously not--” I started.
“It’s an alleged portal that connects Earth Realm to Hell,” the imp explained. “Duh. Some people--”
“Let me guess,” I cut him off. “Some people believe that it’s located in Virginia?”
“Dingdingdingdingding!” Todd jumped up and down. “Jakey does know his paranormal shit!”
“Lucky guess,” I mumbled. “So I guess my next question is why go through all the pomp and circumstance? Why can’t Ira and all of Azazel’s cronies just go and take it by force?”
