by Eric Vall
“Yes, it is.” I grinned. “Jacob’s got a new set of wheels.”
“How on Earth did you get a new car?” My father was puzzled. “A month or two ago, you could barely afford to pay your half of the rent.”
“It’s a long story that all happened very quickly.” I laughed. “I got a new job which led to a huge increase in pay, which then let me afford a new car.”
“Oh?” Dad raised his eyebrow. “A new job? It better not involve Todd and the Devil’s Lettuce.”
I was sure it was taking every ounce of Todd’s willpower not to make a snarky comment, but the imp remained silent.
“Of course not, Dad,” I reassured him. “It’s this cushy pencil-pushing job in downtown Albuquerque. The professor at my night class introduced me to one of his contacts a week or so ago, and the rest is history. I feel like a real adult now, and that was part of the reason I wanted to visit; so I could tell you in person and not over the phone.”
“I’m proud of you, son.” Dad placed his hand on my shoulder. “I knew you would make it eventually, it was only a matter of time. You’ve always been destined for great things, Jacob.”
Oh, if he only knew the half of it.
“Well?” Mom cleared her throat. “Are you gonna introduce us to these lovely ladies?”
“Of course, Mom.” I motioned to the girls. “These are my friends, Sia, Liby, and Cupi,” I explained.
Dad went around and shook each of the succubi’s hands.
“Cupi?” he asked. “That’s a beautiful name that I’ve never heard before.”
“It’s Latin,” the fit blonde explained.
“Well, it’s nice to meet all of you.” Dad smiled. “You said you go to school with Jacob. What are you majoring in?”
“Business management,” Sia responded without missing a beat.
Cupi had to think for a second. “Political science, particularly involving warfare,” she said coyly.
“I’m studying fashion design.” Libidine grinned proudly.
“Those are all excellent choices,” my mom chimed in. “If you’re as great of students as Jacob is, then I’m sure you will go far in life.”
“Mom, you’re embarrassing me.” I chuckled.
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Jacob,” she said with a laugh and then motioned for us to follow. “We have a pull-out couch in the basement, right next to Jacob’s old room. I hope you girls don’t mind sleeping in the same bed.”
“Of course not,” Cupi said with a subtle grin.
We followed my mom down a set of wooden stairs to the basement.
This place used to be my “man cave” in high school, the place where Todd and I would hang out and play video games, or Dungeons and Dragons all night long or where I’d kick back and watch a movie while my parents were fast asleep.
“Here you go, guys,” Mom said as she flipped on the lights of my old room. “You four make yourself comfortable, and I’m gonna go make some of my homemade pasta! Have you girls ever had a home-cooked Italian dinner before?”
“I can’t say we have, Mrs. Ralston,” Sia answered.
“Then you’re in for a treat!” My mom smiled and then turned around to leave. “I’ll go get started, and I’ll have your father come get you when it’s ready. In the meantime, you guys just relax. I’m sure you’ve already had a long drive, and you’re gonna have another one tomorrow!”
“Thanks, Mom,” I grinned warmly as she left.
“Holyshitholyshitholyshit!” Todd’s voice couldn’t contain its excitement. “We’re gonna eat Mrs. Ralston’s cooking! Lord, take me now.”
“I was wondering how long before you’d crack,” I laughed, “but you’re right, Mom’s food is the fucking best.”
“Your parents are very kind,” Sia noted as she looked at the posters that were still hanging on my wall.
“We shouldn’t be surprised, Sister,” Libidine said softly. “Jacob is the kindest soul we’ve ever met. His parents surely played a big part in that.”
“Who is this ‘Juicy’ woman?” Cupiditas mused and pointed to a poster of a scantily clad supermodel sitting on top of a Mustang. “One of your old girlfriends?”
Todd burst out into uncontrollable laughter.
“He wishes!” the imp cackled. “The best thing Jakey here could snag in High School was the spawn of Satan herself.”
“Tamira?” Libidine asked.
“Shhhhhhhhhhh!” Todd stopped laughing. “Don’t say her name aloud. Some say that if you look in the mirror and say her name three times, she’ll appear in the darkness and nag you to death.”
“Nobody says that.” I rolled my eyes. “She was just a bitch.”
“Understatement of the year, bro,” Todd’s voice retorted. “Understatement of the fucking year.”
“Now I’m intrigued.” Sia placed her delicate hand on her chin.
“Sorry,” I said as I shook my head, “that’s a part of my past I’m not ready to grapple with yet.”
“Those memories should be locked away, and the key should be thrown into a deep, dark hole where nobody can ever find it,” Todd mused.
“Awwww,” Libidine purred. “Are these yours?”
I looked over to see that the curvy succubus was now standing by my old dresser. She had pulled open one of the drawers, and in her hand was a pair of my old boxer shorts. They had some famous comic strip character on the back, with the character’s face on the front and a hole where the nose should be.
I cringed at the sight of my teenage years.
“I thought it was funny.” I shrugged. “I did a lot of stupid shit back when I was a teenager.”
“You ‘did’ a lot of stupid shit?” Todd snickered.
“Hey, at least I’m not still wearing novelty boxers and hanging up supermodel posters or listening to goth screamo,” I pointed out.
“Goth screamo?” Cupi giggled.
“I really should learn to keep my mouth shut.” I shook my head and put my hand against my face in embarrassment.
“Oooh, I bet Jakey has some of his old CDs around here somewhere!” Todd’s voice exclaimed, and then I saw a few boxes from underneath my bed move out on their own.
And so, we hung around in my old room for about an hour and a half. Todd and I reminisced about all the trouble we got ourselves into when we were growing up, the succubi asked about a bunch of the embarrassing stuff they found from my teenage years, and we even put on a few tracks of the goth screamo CD we’d found under my bed.
Thankfully, it was just a few tracks.
“Hey, guysssss!” My dad’s voice rang out from the stairwell. “It’s time for dinner!”
“Oh shit,” Todd clapped his hands. “I get to eat Jacob’s mom--”
“Bro!” I hissed.
“--’s home cooking,” he finished in an offended tone.
“Oops.” I chuckled and then stood up and motioned for my friends to follow. “Well, let’s go, guys. It’s getting colder by the minute.”
The succubi rushed past me toward the stairs, and I followed closely behind them. We’d made it this far without spilling the beans, but the real test was yet to come.
Now, it was time to find out if we could keep this charade going all through dinner.
Chapter 9
“You know the low-down, bro,” Todd’s voice whispered to me as we walked down the hallway of my parent’s house. “You’re gonna slip me some of that incredilicious food underneath the table when your parents aren’t looking, and I’ll eat it all stealth-like. It’ll be like you’re a kid feeding the family dog.”
“Stealth-like?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “I’ve seen how you eat. You’re about as subtle as a lawnmower.”
“Cross my heart and hope to-- Oh shit!” The imp chuckled. “I forgot I’m invisible. Just imagine that I’m doing the motion.”
“Don’t worry, Todd,” I reassured my friend, “I’ll make sure you get some. Mom makes so much food for these family dinners that she probably won’t e
ven realize it’s gone.”
“If your mother is as good at choosing food as you are, Jacob, then we’re in for something else,” Sia said eagerly.
“Oh, trust me,” I said as I smiled at the redhead, “she’s even better.”
“There you guys are!” my mom greeted us as we entered into the dining room. “I thought it was gonna get cold before you ever got up here.”
Our round family dining table was usually only equipped to hold four people at a time. It was only my parents, my brother, and me in this house, so it was all we needed for the longest time. For special occasions where the Ralston household had company, the dark brown oaken table was expanded with a leaf to accommodate our visitors.
Today was one of those days.
As we approached the table, my nostrils were filled with the pleasant aroma of a home-cooked meal. All across the dining area were large bowls filled to the brim with pasta, meats, and sauces. It was almost like a family-style, build your own entree buffet.
“Goodness, Mom.” I laughed, put my hands on my hips, and whistled. “You’re really outdone yourself this time.”
“Well, I know how much you love my cooking.” She shrugged. “Besides, I wanted to treat your friends to a good ol’ fashioned Ralston family dinner. Do they even have good Italian food out in Albuquerque?”
“They’ve got some good restaurants, but nothing compares to your food,” I conceded.
My mom pointed at me with a wooden spoon and smiled. “Right answer.”
My parents sat down at their regular seats. Dad was at the head of the table, and Mom sat directly to his left. I plopped myself down onto the rickety wooden chair on the right of my father, and the succubi filled up the remaining seats. Todd, I assumed, was hiding somewhere underneath the table.
“Would you like to lead us in Grace, Jacob?” Dad asked. “You are our guest of honor.”
“Uh, sure,” I agreed.
Mom and Dad both closed their eyes and bowed their head, but the succubi looked at me quizzically.
“Just play along,” I mouthed silently to my friends.
“Jacob?” my dad asked and opened an eye in annoyance.
“Sorry about that.” I apologized and cleared my throat. “Dear Exalted One, we thank you for this glorious food and the bountiful feast that sits before us. We thank you for our friends, our family, and the cherished memories we shall make here on your creation. Amen.”
“Exalted One?” Mom asked. “Where on Earth did you hear him called that?”
“It’s a more accurate term.” I shrugged. “We learned it in one of my religion electives.”
“Alright then,” my dad said, still a little confused, “let’s dig in!”
First up was the age-old classic, spaghetti. The noodles themselves were store-bought, but they were the premium kind that had Italian seasoning and parsley baked right into the gourmet dough. As for the sauce, it was my mom’s special recipe, cooked and canned right here in her kitchen. The concoction was dark red, and the aromatic smell of tomatoes, garlic, and parmesan wafted off as I poured it onto my noodles.
“Is that sausage?” Libidine’s perky voice asked. “I love sausage!”
Oh no.
I slowly turned to look at the succubus who was now holding a half-sausage with her hand firmly gripped around the base. As much as I wanted to see what happened next, I really didn’t want it to happen in front of my parents.
“Why, yes, dear,” Mom explained, “but you’re going to want to mix that in with the rest of your pasta. Those are much too small to eat on their own.”
I heard Todd snickering from beneath the table, and I was sure he was thinking of some ridiculously dirty comment. I gave the imp a tiny nudge with my foot to remind him to keep quiet.
“Oh.” Libidine grinned. “Do forgive me. I’m used to eating ones that are much larger.”
“You know,” my Dad said with a chuckle, “if Jacob’s friend Todd were here, he’d probably have something very filthy to say about that. Have you three ever met Todd?”
“Of course we have,” Cupiditas said as a sly grin slid up her face. “How could we be friends with Jacob and not be familiar with the legendary Todd?”
“He’s such a sweet boy…” My mom smiled.
“Schwing!” I heard Todd whisper under the table.
“... but he’s got some… character issues, that’s for sure,” she added.
“Oh?” Cupi looked like she was holding back a laugh. “How so? He seemed like a normal guy to me.”
“Well, despite Jacob’s many denials in High School, I know he’s smoking the devil’s lettuce.” Mom took a puff of a pretend joint. “How could I not know? He reeked of the stuff twenty-four seven!”
“Then there’s all the stuff about conspiracies and the occult.” Dad rolled his eyes as he scooped some Alfredo sauce onto his plate. “I always wanted to offer him a tin-foil hat when he started talking about all that.”
“But he was always very kind and kinda awkward around me.” Mom chuckled as she reminisced about it.
“Yeah,” my Dad laughed. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Jacob’s friend had a crush on Mrs. Ralston!”
I could feel Todd tugging at my pant leg, and I was sure he wanted me to change the subject.
“Oh, Todd…” Dad shook his head. “What’s he up to these days, anyway?”
“He’s actually got a decent paying job right now,” I explained.
“Really?” My dad took a bite of his pasta, chewed and swallowed, and then leaned forward with curiosity. “What kind of work does he do? Hopefully not drug dealing.”
“No, no,” I scoffed. “He’s in… management. At a really popular local nightclub. And he does a little bit of extermination on the side.”
Dad leaned back with a look of bewilderment on his face. “Well, I’ll be damned.” He clicked his tongue. “I never would have pegged Todd for the management type, but good for him!”
Landmines dodged, I finally took a bite of my spaghetti, and the flavors nearly knocked me out of my seat.
The sauce was the perfect mixture of garlic, oregano, and Italian seasoning, with just a hint of red pepper to give it a little kick. I could feel the chunks of tomato in the sauce, but they only acted as a counter to the buttery-smooth noodles they were mixed with.
I made a sound of satisfaction and then swallowed the spaghetti down my gullet.
Libidine had heeded my mom’s advice and mixed together the small Italian sausages into her fettuccine Alfredo. The curvy succubus picked up a forkful of the pasta, examined it for a moment, and then quickly shoved it into her mouth. Liby’s eyes fluttered happily as she chewed and then swallowed.
“Oh my, Mrs. Ralston,” she nearly moaned. “This is delicious!”
“I’m glad you like it, Liby.” Mom nodded. “If you liked that, you need to make sure to try some of my ravioli.”
While my parents were locked in conversation with Libidine, I slowly lowered my plate with the spaghetti down to where Todd could reach it. After that, it all happened so fast. There was a slight tug as the plate was ripped from my grasp, a muffled slurping sound, and then the dish was right back in my hand mere seconds after it had left.
I brought the plate back up to the top of the table and began to refill it with more food.
“What… is… this?” Cupiditas was staring down at the bowl full of manicotti tubes that my mom had just handed her.
“My world-famous manicotti!” Mom grinned.
The blonde succubus picked up one of the pieces of the dish, and my stomach instantly started growling. Even from all the way across the table, I could see the chunky, creamy ricotta dripping out from the handmade tube of pasta. Unlike the spaghetti noodles, my mom had surely made these completely by hand.
Cupi’s eyes were as big as saucers as she marveled at the manicotti in her hand. The succubus raised the food to her mouth and opened wide to take it all in. However, instead of taking a bite of the cheese-fille
d tube, Cupi closed her lips around the end and started to suck all the filling out. It was all but gone in a few seconds, and then the succubus used her tongue to clean out the remaining bits with laser-like precision. Finally, she put both hands around the end of the manicotti and inhaled the shell into her mouth with a single gulp.
“So, uh, where did you girls say you were from again?” my dad asked after he cleared his throat.
“We’re from Texas,” Sia said as she joined the conversation. The redheaded succubus had been pushing her food around on her plate the entire meal, but she had yet to eat anything.
“Texas.” My dad nodded. “I never would have guessed. You don’t have accents at all.”
I laughed. “Dad, not everyone from Texas sounds like a cowboy.”
“Of course not,” he snorted and then turned back to Sia. “So, are you all finishing up your degrees at Mardsen University too?”
Sia didn’t appear to know what to say, so I shot her a subtle nod.
“Yes.” She smiled. “The three of us were all good friends before we met Jacob and Todd, but now our friend group is growing.”
“All thanks to a political science class,” Cupiditas added. “Who would have thought?”
As the succubi continued to distract my parents, I slipped Todd down a plate of manicotti. The food was gone in an instant, and then the imp let out a massive, Earth-shattering burp.
The entire room went silent, and both my parents and the succubi turned to look at me.
“Uh, sorry.” I chuckled awkwardly. “I didn’t think it was going to be that loud.”
“We raised you better than that, Jacob,” my mom scolded, “and in the presence of such beautiful ladies. Tsk, tsk.”
“It’s alright, Mrs. Ralston.” Libidine giggled. “You know, it’s considered a compliment in some countries to belch after you’ve eaten your meal.”
“You’ve traveled abroad?” Dad asked in disbelief.
My father turned to me and gave my shoulder a playful punch.
“Jacob, you’d better grab onto one of these girls, and fast,” he quipped. “I don’t think you’re ever gonna find somebody this great again in your life!”
