by Eric Vall
The best part? It was large enough for at least five or six people to fit in comfortably.
“That’s totally gonna be the orgy shower, isn’t it?” Todd rolled his eyes.
Superbia patted the imp on the head. “Absolutely.”
Todd didn’t seem too enthralled by the attention. “Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled. “I think I’m gonna go hit the hay. An imp needs his beauty sleep, and it sounds like your night is gonna go in a completely different direction.”
“Todd, we’re not--” I started.
“Bro,” he shook his head, “I get it. You need to wet the ol’ lizard and giblets. Were there any blankets out in the living room?”
“We’re going to bed too,” I laughed, “and you don’t have to sleep on the couch. There’s a whole second bedroom all for the Toddster.”
“Really?” Todd’s eyes lit up.
“Yep, just go through that door on the other side of the den out there,” I directed.
“You’re the best, Jakey!” the imp proclaimed as he ran over and wrapped his arms around my leg. After a brief hug, he turned around and disappeared through the threshold in a flash.
“Shall we?” I asked the girls and stuck out my elbows.
All three of the succubi took my arms, and we proceeded back out into the bedroom.
We plopped down underneath the covers of the king-sized bed, and the girls snuggled up against me tenderly. We still had a long day ahead of us, and we needed all the rest and relaxation we could possibly get.
Tomorrow, we were gonna hit the capital, stop Sister Ira, and just possibly save the world.
Chapter 12
“Even the room service at this place is fit for a king,” Todd belched proudly from the sleek gray couch in the living room.
“President, you mean,” Libidine groggily corrected. “Right, Jacob?”
All I could manage was a muffled “mhmmm” through a final mouthful of fluffy, syrup-drenched pancakes.
“Ha!” The curvy woman giggled. “I’m getting good at understanding your Earth Realm’s hierarchy. Maybe someday I could run for Congress.”
“You’d probably fit right in on Capitol Hill,” Todd moaned. “I swear half of our elected officials are demons, anyway.”
“I’d vote for you, Liby,” I said earnestly as I wiped the sticky maple syrup off of my face.
After the long night we had yesterday, the very first thing I did this morning was to order us all room service for breakfast. I didn’t go as all-out as I normally did, but there were still mountains of doughy pancakes, plump smoky sausages, crispy and smoky bacon, and an entire box of Grape Nuts. It wasn’t much for five people, but it did the trick.
As I looked around at my friends in their various states of food comas, I confirmed that I’d done well.
“You know,” Cupi groaned, “I keep thinking that we’re gonna run out of new Earth food to try or that we’re gonna get bored with the stuff we’ve eaten, but then Jacob always finds a way to surprise us.”
“I agree.” Sia nodded. “This breakfast was much more delicious than the meal we had in the motel out in California.”
“This is a five-star resort, and that was a tiny, run-down motel out in the middle of the desert.” I chuckled. “I’d really fucking hope there was a difference in quality.”
I suddenly felt Libidine’s warm hand against my back.
“We’re simply happy to have a master who does these sorts of things for us,” she cooed. “Before we met you, a ‘gourmet meal’ was a Vargrat that was fire-roasted instead of boiled.”
“Your former masters only let you eat boiled Hell-rats?” I raised an eyebrow.
“There isn’t much around to sustain yourself down in the Pit of Fire,” Sia added, “and the masters are very concerned about their succubi keeping their womanly figures, so Earth Realm food was completely out of the question.”
“I bet Gula needs to be kept away from Earth food, eh?” Todd giggled, but then belched in anguish halfway through and patted his belly.
“We’ve been over this, Todd.” Cupiditas rolled her eyes. “Just because Gula is gluttony doesn’t mean she eats like a pig. She’s skinny and curvy just like Liby over there. In fact, some would say she was the most beautiful of us all.”
“Indeed,” Sia added. “Sister Gula’s gluttonous tastes extended far beyond consuming food. It’s why she’s still down in Hell with Azazel.”
“How do you figure?” I asked as I plunked down onto one of the living room chairs.
“Azazel has been sending his succubi after you in a particular order, Jacob.” The redhead joined me in one of the fancy chairs. “In my opinion, it’s been in the order of strength and controllability. I was first, and in Azazel’s mind, there was no way in Hell I was going to turn. I was the oldest, most mature, and most loyal succubus he had, and I was in full control of all my Hellfire powers.”
“Sister Superbia is a badass,” Cupi let out enthusiastically.
“Thank you, Cupiditas.” Sia rolled her eyes and then continued. “After I turned, he panicked and tried to bring himself back so that he could face you personally.”
“That didn’t really work out too well for him, did it?” Todd snickered. “Jakey and I kicked his ass to the Golden Gate Bridge and back.”
“Indeed.” Sia nodded. “Now, he’s getting desperate. Sister Ira is one of the most fearsome warriors in the Circle of Sin, but she’s also quite… hard to control.”
“That’s a fancy way of saying she’s insane in the membrane,” Todd said with an extended finger. “Paging Sigmund Freud!”
“Sister Ira, especially her dominant side, is nearly impossible to command,” the madame explained. “She does what she wants, when she wants, and she doesn’t let anyone stand in her way.”
“Then why didn’t Azazel send Gula or Tris or, uh, Envy?” I inquired of the redhead.
“Because they’re even worse!” Sia chuckled.
“Sister Tris disappeared the last time she was sent to Earth unsupervised,” Libidine said as she joined the conversation. “It took Earl weeks to find her. It turns out that she got sidetracked before she could even do her succubus duties, and she went off to explore Earth Realm on her own. Tris was punished severely when she was finally caught.”
“What about the other two?” Todd now sat upright.
“Well, Sister Gula is beautiful and one of the most-requested succubi from our harem,” Sia explained, “but she and Tris have a very special relationship.”
“Ahhhh…” Todd made two circles with his hands and started pounding them together. “I gotcha.”
“You joke, but you’re more or less correct.” The madame chuckled at that. “Anyway, Gula is very easily swayed by the influence of Tris. As you can imagine, she didn’t take to Tris’ punishment too kindly. I know that Azazel fears she will betray him the first chance she gets.”
“And Envy?” I asked.
“Sister Vidi?” Cupi laughed. “She’s not allowed on Earth Realm anymore. We don’t really get along.”
“I wouldn’t get along with the succubus who tried to literally stab me in the back, either,” Liby joked.
“Invidia was always jealous of the other girls,” Sia added. “Though I’m not sure why. She is just as stunning. Anyway, one day her envy got the best of her, and she tried to take out Cupiditas.”
Cupi pulled down her dress, turned around, and pointed to one of the scars on her back.
“Got me right here,” she said with a, well, prideful tone. “Missed all my major organs, but it still hurt like a bitch.”
“If she’s already got it out for Cupi, then why wouldn’t Azazel send her after us before Ira?” I asked. Something didn’t add up here.
“Because if Gula and Tris are difficult to control, then Invidia is impossible to control.” Sia’s eyes narrowed. “She would take one look at you, Jacob, and she’d join us in an instant. She’s the succubus of envy, and she’d be envious that we all are part of this incredibl
e group with an incredible new master.”
“And once Azazel loses all his succubi, he’s going to grow weak.” Cupi slapped her fist into her open palm. “That’s why he’s bringing out the big guns first.”
I stood up and stuck out my hands.
“Then it’s a good thing I’ve already got the greatest succubi and imp on my side,” I exclaimed, “but for now, we need to go and find Ira and Forneus.”
“Brrrrrrooooooooo,” Todd said and then shook his head. “We’re in D.C. There’s a fuckton of cool shit here that we can do for free, and we have all the time in the world.”
“How do you figure?” I asked the imp skeptically.
Todd stood up on the couch with his tiny hooves, placed one hand on his hip and the other into the air, and then cleared his throat.
“Proposition Sixty-Six is being introduced today,” he explained with a scholarly voice, “but that doesn’t mean it’s gonna be a law. In fact, we probably have weeks or months before we even would have to worry about this shit getting passed.”
“Yeah, but--” I started.
“No ‘buts’ about it, bro.” The imp waggled his finger. “Do you really think an entire bill is going to be passed in the next day or two?”
“You have a point.” I laughed as I shook my head. “Bureaucracy is a bitch.”
“Exactly!” Todd clapped his hands together. “Now look, I want to get down to the badass world-saving shit as much as anyone, but we should at least have a little bit of fun before we do it.”
“What would you suggest?” I asked, finally conceding to the imp’s demands.
“You gotta start with the museums, bro.” Todd giggled. “Everybody knows the Toddster is an imp of culture.”
“All in favor?” I said to the rest of the room.
All five of us raised our hands.
“The ‘ayes’ have it!” I grinned. “Let’s go grab Shadow and head downtown.”
“Ugh, tourists.” Todd snorted in derision. “Trust me, bro, you don’t wanna drive down here. For your sanity, and for ours. This beautiful suite is already a hop, skip, and a jump away from everything we could possibly want to see. Let’s take the Metro.”
“Metro?” Libidine asked curiously.
“It’s a train system,” he explained.
“I’ve always wanted to ride on a train!” Sia giggled. “The closest thing we have in Hell is Charron’s ferry.”
“I don’t think you’re allowed to call them that anymore,” Todd corrected.
“You’re not allowed to call them a boat?” The madame raised an eyebrow at the imp.
“Oh, yeah,” Todd muttered, “that’s totally what I meant.”
The girls and I were all still in our clothes from last night, so with our plans set, we had to go make a quick change.
I tossed on a black and gray flannel button-up and a clean pair of jeans. As much as I enjoyed getting all dressed up, we needed to blend in. Sure, we could have worn suits and business attire and claimed to be government officials, but I had left my suit at home. Besides, sometimes it was nice to dress casually.
“I think it looks sexy,” Cupiditas purred, “like a hunky farm boy.”
“You joke, but I’m enjoying what I’m seeing,” Sia added and bit her lip. “If they all looked like Jacob, I’d move out to the country in a heartbeat.”
“Easy there, cowgirl.” I chuckled. “It’s just flannel. Lots of people wear it.”
“What about this?” Libidine asked as she gave a little twirl. “Do you think my outfit looks touristy enough?”
The dark-haired succubus was wearing a navy v-neck T-shirt that plunged all the way down and barely covered her large breasts. Small silver lightning-bolt earrings dangled from each of her earlobes, and a simple pair of leggings threatened to burst at the seams as they tried to contain her curvy ass.
“Oh, for sure.” I smiled at Liby.
“What about me?” Cupi pouted.
The fit blonde was wearing a white tank top and a pair of tight jeans. The tank top was as tight as her jeans, and I could see the outline of her toned stomach perfectly. She was going commando as always, so it was also quite easy to see her erect nipples through the thin fabric of the shirt. When Cupi turned, both of her small breasts tried to escape out the side of the garment.
“You’re gonna turn a lot of heads,” I said with a big grin, “in a good way.”
Then there was Sia.
The redhead had always made it clear that she hated wearing clothes, so she was dressed as skimpily as she legally could. Around her torso was a gold halter top that hid her petite breasts under its glistening fabric and left her navel exposed. On her bottoms, Sia wore the tiniest pair of black shorts that she could find. The entire outfit was topped off by a pair of golden gladiator sandals.
“No red?” I asked in shock.
“I wanted to try something different.” The madame shrugged and then pointed to her hair. “Besides, I always have red on me.”
“And what about me, Jakey-poo?” Todd did his best to imitate a woman’s voice.
I turned to the imp who looked no different.
“Uh… Did you do something to your horns?” I asked.
“Typical guy,” he jokingly huffed. “I totally got a new set of hooves.”
I squinted at the imp’s feet and tried to figure out what the fuck he was talking about. After about a minute of observation, he started laughing uncontrollably.
“I’m just fucking with you, bro,” he cackled. “Now let’s go hit the town!”
We exited our suite, walked down to the lobby, and then headed outside into the brisk air of the city.
An invisible force tugged at my jeans, and I looked down to see a floating map being offered.
“Check it out, bro,” Todd’s voice explained. “We don’t even have to take the train. The Smithsonian is only a ten-minute walk from here.”
“Does that sound good to everyone?” I asked the group.
“You’ve never steered us wrong before, Jacob,” Sia noted. “We will follow you wherever you want to go.”
“Come on, guys!” Todd exclaimed as his voice grew further and further away down the sidewalk. “I wanna go see dinosaurs and shit!”
“Did turning him into an imp also turn him into a toddler, Cupiditas?” Sia asked the blonde succubus.
“Oh no.” I laughed as I answered for Cupi and shook my head. “That’s just his personality. It’s why he’s so fun to be around. And don’t lie, you wanna see dinosaurs and shit just as much as he does.”
“Alright, fine.” The redhead giggled. “Let’s go see ‘dinosaurs and shit.’”
Libidine’s mouth dropped open. “Did… Did Sister Superbia just swear?”
“This is a day for the history books,” Cupi proclaimed.
“It was a direct quote of Todd,” Sia said with a sly smile. “Now let it go before I have to wipe those damn smiles off your faces.”
“Oooooohhh!” Cupi and Liby both giggled, but then a dirty look from the madame made them shut up.
We walked down the streets of D.C. for a couple of blocks as we took in the beautiful sights. All around us were buildings similar to our resort, with the same blend of colonial and modern architecture. The air was filled with the smell of cherry blossoms, and the muted pink flowery trees lined the sidewalks. Finally, we arrived at a massive white building with a golden dome.
“Come on, slowpokes!” Todd’s voice giggled as we made our way up the steps of the Museum of Natural History.
For the next four or five hours, the succubi, Todd, and I went around to the different museums on the mall. The little imp was like a kid in a candy store at all the animal exhibits, but he went off his rocker when we went to the Museum of American History. Our entire trip in that place was filled with Todd making ridiculous pop culture references and doing his best impersonations of famous movie characters.
As much fun as it was to see all these timeless relics, I breathed a huge sigh of
relief the second we were through the doors.
“There were soooo many factual errors in those places.” Cupi clicked her tongue. “Everybody knows that dinosaurs played a major role in the war between Heaven and Hell.”
“Wait,” Todd stopped the succubus. “Please tell me you guys rode around on them like He-Man and Battlecat.”
“I’m not familiar with those warriors--” the blonde shrugged.
“They’re Eternia’s greatest defenders,” Todd added.
“But yes, there were some instances where we rode them into battle,” Cupi finished.
Todd’s disembodied voice let out a squeal of glee.
“Why couldn’t we learn that shit in history class?” he moaned. “I’d have paid way more attention if our teacher had been talking about battle-dinos in High School.”
“Well, there’s an easy way to fix that,” I supplied with a chuckle. “We’re already in Washington. Why don’t we just go to the Secretary of Education and tell them that we need to implement this important piece of history into the national curriculum?”
“That’s a brilliant idea, Jakey!” Todd agreed.
“We can even bring in the succubi as eyewitnesses,” I continued the joke, unbeknownst to Todd.
“Of course,” the imp continued. “Seeing is believing, after all.”
“Of course.” I nodded sarcastically. “We’ll roll up to the Secretary of Education’s office, tell them that their entire view of history is wrong, and say that they need to start telling students about demons riding dinosaurs. And if they don’t believe us, we’ll say we have three millennia-old demons that can vouch for us.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Todd confirmed. “Now, how do we get to the Department of Education?”
“Todd…” I sighed. “That was sarcasm.”
“Was it really though?” he asked hopefully. “You know you want your kids to read about demons kicking ass on top of dinosaurs.”
“Angels and demons,” Cupi corrected.
“Angels and demons, bro,” Todd reiterated.
“Maybe we should go check out the rest of the city first?” I tried to change the subject before the idea picked up any more traction. “There’s still a bunch of things we haven’t seen yet.”
