by Eric Vall
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” Ira cackled from atop the monster. “I’m done working for assholes who don’t appreciate me. Fuck Azazel, fuck the Seventy-Two Servants, fuck the Divine, and fuck Jacob Ralston!”
The remaining army of demons began to unleash attacks of Hellfire at the evil succubus and her pet, but they seemed to be just as useless as the Cultists and Angels’ attacks.
Ira continued to laugh as the dog started to tear into both armies. The clone took a swipe at the demon horde with his massive paw, and there was a mist of crimson as several of the fuckers were thrown back through the air.
A few of the Divine were airborne, strafing the giant dog as they blasted at it with beams of blinding light. The left and right heads of the beast snapped at the passing angels, but the Divine were too quick for the beast.
Meanwhile, the center head of the creature was focused on the foot soldiers on the ground. Ira unleashed blasts of turquoise fire from the top of the beast down onto the demons and cultists like an acidic rainstorm.
Several of the targets were able to toss up purple barriers or teleport themselves away with a flash of emerald. A few inhuman screams of agony, however, told me that some of the demons hadn’t been quick enough.
“How the fuck are we gonna take down ‘roided out Lassie?” Todd mused as he threw another handful of fireballs at the beast.
“If video games have taught me anything, it’s that every giant creature has a weakness,” I joked. “There has to a weak spot on his body, or he has to be vulnerable to a certain type of spell, or--”
“The central head,” Uriel’s voice panted as the Archangel landed beside us. “Cerberus’ brain is located in his center head. It might be the same with this beast, so if we can destroy that, we can destroy her minion.”
“How exactly do we do that?” Cupi scoffed. “If you haven’t noticed, our attacks aren’t really doing any damage.”
“Our attacks aren’t, but his might.” Uriel pointed at me. “Raphael tells me that you can control the powers of both Heaven and Hell, no?”
“Well, yeah,” I started, “but that hasn’t exactly done much good so far.”
The Archangel put his hand on my shoulder. “Trust me on this, Jacob Ralston,” he implored. “You are much stronger than anyone else here, including Raphael and me.”
I nodded to Uriel. I wasn’t sure if I actually believed him, or whether I thought he was just blowing smoke up my ass. Either way, I liked what I was hearing.
“Thanks for the pep talk.” I chuckled. “So what? I teleport up there, blast poochie in the head with my Divine powers, and that’s it?”
“I wish it were that simple,” Uriel said with a sigh. “Unfortunately, Ira has cast an anti-teleportation hex around her. You’ll have to get up there the old-fashioned way.”
“That’s what I was afraid of,” I said.
“Shoulda read the fine print, bro.” Todd snickered.
“What are we waiting for?” Libidine asked as I suddenly felt her arms wrap around my torso. “Sisters, let’s get Jacob up!”
“Phrasing, dudette.” Todd chuckled and then walked over to Uriel. “Care to be my Divine Uber, Urinal?”
“Uriel,” the Archangel corrected with a sigh and then held out his arms, “but yes, I’ll take you.”
“Uh-oh,” Todd started as he hopped up into the blond angel’s arms, “I’m totally giving you a bad driver review.”
Uriel ignored the imp’s antics and pushed his bright red wings downward to take off toward the Cerberus clone. A second later, Liby lifted us off into the air, and we followed the Archangel into battle.
“Sia and I will distract Sister Ira,” Cupi called out over the sound of the rushing wind. “You just worry about the clone.”
As we approached the beast, I surveyed the battlefield from above. There were only a few angels in the fray, and they seemed to be fighting alongside my cultists like they were all one well-oiled machine. From what I could tell, nobody on our side had fallen, thankfully.
The demons, on the other hand, were not so lucky. Those fuckers were being assaulted on all sides by angels, cultists, succubi, and a giant demon dog. Several of the demons looked like they were trying to flee as they were skewered by spears, incinerated by white light, and crushed under the Cerberus clone’s body. It was only a matter of time before they were wiped out, and victory was ours.
Of course, there was still the matter of the evil succubus and the giant demonic beast. One thing at a time, I guess.
“Sisters!” Ira called out happily when she finally noticed our approach. “Welcome! It’s beautiful, isn’t it? We can finally write our own destiny. No more bowing down to a master, no more following the rules of Lucifer or the Divine, and no more sitting at the bottom of the food chain!”
Libidine corkscrewed her body to avoid a blast of red Hellfire, and for a moment I felt like I was gonna be sick. The succubus and I continued to twist through the air until we were right above Ira.
“We’ve already broken our bonds, sister,” Liby proclaimed firmly. “We are with Jacob because we want to be, not because he is our ‘master.’”
From above, there was the sound of beating wings. Cupi landed beside us on the back of the beast with Sia still in tow.
“I was skeptical at first too, Ira,” Sia added, “but he is a kind and gentle soul who truly cares for us.”
“We love him, Ira,” Cupiditas explained.
Ira made a gagging face. “Love?” she spat. “Ewww. I just thought you were with him for his massive cock. That sounds much more appealing than all that mushy, touchy-feely shit.”
“Oh, we get plenty ‘touchy-feely’ when we want to,” Cupi quipped with a giggle.
“I can vouch for that.” Todd shuddered. “I’ve walked in on it so many times that my retinas have been permanently scarred.”
Without warning, Ira unleashed a blast of acidic Hellfire in our direction.
Liby spun us out of the way of the deadly attack just in time, and I countered with a giant fireball right as the succubus stopped spinning. At the same time, I saw two more flashes of red hurling toward the Sister of Wrath.
The dog lifted his head, opened his massive jaws, and the fireballs entered his throat. The dog slammed his mouth closed and swallowed the attack harmlessly.
“Cute,” Ira giggled, “but it’s gonna take a lot more than that to stop my baby.”
The dog beast lashed out and used his snout as a blunt instrument to strike at Uriel. Though the Archangel tried to twist out of the way, the false Cerberus was too immense to dodge. Uriel was struck hard in the back, and Todd’s screams grew distant as he and the Archangel were sent hurtling through the air away from the battle.
“That’s quite enough, Ira!” Sia hissed and blasted at the evil succubus with black fire. At the same time, Cupi cast a blue spell at her former sister.
“I agree,” Ira cackled as she summoned pink Hellfire around her body. “I want to end this as quickly as possible.”
It was too late for either succubi to cut off their spells, and the second the attacks struck the evil succubus, they reverberated back and engulfed Cupi and Sia. Both of my friends tensed up and froze in midair, trapped by their own spells. Both of the succubi began to fall toward the ground, unconscious and helpless.
“Fuck!” I roared and cast down a purple platform.
Sia and Cupi’s bodies bounced off the barrier and rolled into the trees below. They might be hurt, but they were at least far enough away from the battle that they were safe for the moment.
“Get us behind this fucker, now!” I commanded Libidine as I launched another blast of Hellfire.
The succubus wasted no time. We darted around to the backside of the Cerberus clone, and I tried to summon up my Divine powers.
My entire body surged with power as I charged my attack. A brilliant white light surrounded my form, and I could feel my horns throbbing on my temples. I channeled my power into my hands, clapp
ed them together, and prepared to unleash figurative Hell on these fuckers.
There was a flash of turquoise light as Ira tried to take us out, and Libidine’s body suddenly jerked to the side. She saved my life even as the acid rocked her, but the sudden dodge came right as I released the Divine blast.
Instead of taking out the Cerberus clone, the Divine light shot into the remnants of the demon horde as we spun downward. Liby and I both landed roughly onto the back of the dog, and I had to throw up a wall of violet fire to keep us from tumbling off completely.
“That hurt like a bitch,” the curvy succubus hissed as she pulled herself to her feet.
“It must have, if it got you to swear,” I noted with a groan.
“I really hope Superbia can fix this.” Liby grimaced and outstretched her left wing.
The succubus’ bat-like appendage was now gnarled beyond recognition. Half of the wing was melted off, and there was a giant hole in the middle of the remaining skin.
“No wonder we just did a tailspin,” I growled and then turned back to Ira. “That bitch is gonna pay for hurting you.”
“Don’t be too harsh on her, Jacob,” Liby pleaded. “Ira is merely misguided... and a little looney. All she needs is a little bit of love and direction in her life.”
“I’ll say,” I muttered. “Maybe she just needs some sense knocked into her, too.”
“Aw, poor doggie!” Ira clicked her tongue and floated up into the air. “It looks like you have a couple of pesky fleas. But don’t worry, Mommy will exterminate them for you.”
The evil succubus summoned her enchanted morning star into her right hand as she charged at me from above. She launched another shot of acid flame in our direction as she glided, and Liby and I were forced to roll out of the way.
That gave Ira time to close the gap, and I was barely able to toss up a violet shield before her morning star smashed into my face. The impact from the blow knocked me to my knees, but I quickly recovered with a blast of red Hellfire to the succubus’ stomach.
Ira let out a grunt of pain and somersaulted backward. She halted her momentum by thrusting her feet down into the beast’s back and propelling her body into the sky. The succubus twisted agilely out of the way of Liby’s yellow daggers and then returned fire with a blast of red magic.
Liby rolled out of the way of the attack, but Ira was prepared. The evil succubus readied her morning star and darted downward, ready to finish the job.
Unfortunately for her, I was prepared too.
I cast up a wall of purple fire, and Ira crashed right into it, face-first.
The succubus ricocheted off the barrier as her morning star flew out of her hand and over the edge of the beast’s body. Ira collapsed to the ground, but she was back on her feet in no time. The succubus’ nose was bloodied, her eyes were intense with fury, and she was now nursing her left shoulder as she stood.
“This isn’t over, Jacob,” she hissed. “I will never bow down to you and worship you like my sisters do.”
Ira tossed a spray of turquoise fire in my direction, but it harmlessly sizzled as it met another enchanted purple barrier.
“That’s not what I want at all, Ira,” I explained to the crazy-eyed woman. “I want you to be free just as much as you do.”
“Liar!” The succubus hissed and then charged at me with her hand aglow in red Hellfire.
Ira raised her enchanted hand above her head, but I closed the gap and caught her wrist before she could release the spell. Instead, a brilliant beam of crimson flames shot up into the air like a spotlight.
“You’re just like Azazel and Earl,” Ira growled. “You want to get all of us under your control so that can grow more powerful and conquer all of creation. You may have Sia and Cupi and Liby all fooled, but if you’ve seen one Succubus Lord, you’ve seen them all!”
The succubus continued to struggle in my grasp, but I tightened my grip and made sure she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Your sisters are free to go whenever they wish,” I tried to explain. “They choose to follow me because they believe in our mission.”
“Your mission?” Ira sneered.
“Yes, sister,” Liby added painfully as she favored her crippled wing. “To eliminate the evils in this world, to crush those who prey on the weak and the innocent. And of course, to have a blast while doing so.”
“We’re succubi, Liby.” Ira sighed. “We are ‘evil.’ It’s in our nature.”
“That’s not true at all!” I shook my head. “Ira, meeting your sisters was the single greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. Before them, I was a down-on-his-luck loser with a dead-end job and a shitty apartment.”
“I can believe that,” the dark-haired woman spat.
“Thanks.” I chuckled. “The point is, your sisters are the purest souls I’ve ever met. Demonic or not, they have done more good in this world than most people could ever dream of. You’re not evil at heart, Ira.”
The succubus finally stopped struggling, so I let her go. Then Ira’s body relaxed, and she looked down at the ground sadly.
Then, she did something I never would have dreamed of. Ira started to cry.
“I-- I just wanted to do good for once,” she sobbed. “I just wanted to be more than a lowly succubus, to be treated like somebody who mattered.”
Libidine embraced Ira tenderly from behind.
“I understand, Sister,” she comforted Ira. “Sia, Cupi, and I all felt the exact same way when we were under Earl’s rule, but even if you succeed with this plan, Azazel won’t look at you any differently. He’s using you as a means to an end, that’s all. He’ll toss you aside the second he’s back on Earth, and I think deep down you know that too.”
The clone of Cerberus growled as a few more angels dive-bombed it from overhead.
“Ira,” I said as I tried to bring us back to the task at hand, “the Seventy-Two Servants and their minions are all but wiped out. It doesn’t look like we’ve suffered any casualties, but if this continues this little doggie’s gonna run out of bad guys to chew up. How can we stop this thing?”
“You already know the way.” The succubus sighed in defeat. “Take out the main head, and the body will die. But I don’t know how that’s possible, only a--”
“Leave it to me,” I interrupted.
I walked over to the base of the beast’s neck and closed my eyes. The first Divine blast already missed, and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to summon up enough energy to do a second. I thought about all the things that were at stake. If I couldn’t do this, the best-case scenario would be a bunch of my allies and followers would die. The worst case scenario was that Azazel would return and wreak havoc on the universe.
Neither of those options sounded particularly good.
I could feel the power of the Divine coursing through my body as a brilliant light began to glow around me.
“So those holy powers weren’t just a one time thing,” Ira cooed. “It is what they are afraid of.”
“What are you talking about?” Liby asked.
“I’ll explain later,” the other succubus said slyly. “For now, we need to focus on channeling our energy to Jacob.”
“We?” I asked coyly and then my power surged.
Suddenly, I felt Ira’s surprisingly tender hand on my back. “Yes, Jacob,” she whispered into my ear. “I’ll join your little foursome.”
At Ira’s words, the light surrounding my body grew even more intense.
I could barely see anything beyond the outline of the creature in front of me, but my powers felt stronger than I had ever felt before. I clapped my hands together and let out a scream as I funneled all my divine energy toward the Cerberus clone’s neck.
The beast’s outer heads let out a yelp of surprise as the white-hot energy melted the flesh and muscle off the middle one. The clone began to flail around wildly in terror and then went limp.
When I finally let up on my attack, all that was left of the middle head was a smoking stump
of burnt meat. The Cerberus clone’s body started to topple to the side. He was dead.
“Hold on!” Ira called out, and then I felt the succubus’ hand on the nape of my shirt. Ira pulled me and Libidine up into the air as the creature fell.
The dead body of the massive beast smashed into the ground, and the impact caused the Earth to tremble. Then, it lit up with a vibrant pink Hellfire and disappeared into the morning air like a specter.
The next thing I knew, my feet were safely back on solid ground, with Ira and Liby right beside me.
In the distance, I could see the few surviving demons fleeing toward the Portas ad Inferos with my followers in hot pursuit. Several of the fuckers were taken down by blasts of red and yellow Hellfire, but a handful of them made it to the Porta ad Inferos in time. The demons leapt over the edge of the well and screamed as they descended into the portal, toward the fiery abyss. Finally, there was nothing left of the demon horde but dead bodies.
All around, I heard the cultists and angels erupt into happy cheers.
Somehow, some way, we had won the battle.
Chapter 20
Liby and I all rushed through the forest, through the brush and the bramble and the thorns, as we looked for our two fallen friends. Their bodies had landed somewhere just to the west of the Porta ad Inferos, and I just hoped that they were okay.
“I found them!” Ira called from above.
The dark-haired succubus swooped down into a cluster of trees and then reappeared with Cupiditas and Sia in her arms. Ira glided down gracefully in front of us and sat the unconscious succubi gently down onto the ground.
I ran over, knelt down, and sat up Cupi in my hands.
“Come on, Cupiditas,” I begged. “You’re fine. It was just a little de-powering spell, right?”
“That barrier hurt, jerk,” the blonde stirred with a grin. “Don’t you think you could have let us down a little easier?”
