by E H Davis
“No, of course you can, here he comes.”
Jens handed the phone to Teddy, whose eyes were wide with anxiety.
“Mom! Are you okay? Where are you?” he said, breaking into tears. He glanced at Jens and Nola, then walked away with the phone to his ear, speaker phone off.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he cried. He let himself into Jens’ bedroom for privacy and shut the door.
Jens exchanged worried looks with Nola. “Thank God she’s all right.”
“It sounds like she’s all alone,” said Nola. She paused, her face revealing her inner struggle. “Will she come here if you ask her?”
“I don’t know if I can do that.” Jens hid his surprise. Was she really suggesting his ex-wife share their roof? After everything?
“What about you?”
She nodded yes. “For Teddy’s sake I could.”
Teddy returned with his hand over the phone. “Mom’s at a women’s shelter outside Boston. She registered under an assumed name — that’s why Ferdie couldn’t find her. Can we go see her tomorrow? She wants to tell you how sorry she is about hurting you.”
Jens exchanged looks with Nola before answering. Teddy’s eyes had softened with pain,
“We can.” Jens’ voice wobbled.
“I love you, Mom,” whispered Teddy, as he hung up.
Teddy put his arm around Jens. “Thanks, Dad.” His voice was choked with emotion. He hurried away, not wanting anyone to see him crying.
Later, when Jens and Nola were in bed, the clank of Teddy’s weightlifting in the basement seemed to keep rhythm with their lovemaking. In the aftermath, he stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep.
Nola propped herself on an elbow.
“You worry too much.”
“Do I? Comes with the territory, I guess.”
Nola smiled at him, brushed a wave of hair from his eyes.
“I love you.”
He turned to her.
“I worry about that too.”
She kissed him goodnight and rolled away onto her side.
Chapter Sixty
Jens sat bolt upright in bed.
“Oh, shit!”
“What now?” With a groan, Nola pulled the pillow over her head.
“Shit! Shit!”
“What?”
“All this time I assumed Bruzza was keeping Vivian company. If she’s in the shelter, where’s the dog?”
He lurched out of bed, fumbled into his robe in the dark, and started for the door.
“Where you going?”
“Maybe Teddy knows.”
________
Over breakfast, Jens took some ribbing from Nola and Teddy about his earlier panic attack. Teddy, who could barely be roused from his sleep, had broken into laughter once he understood what Jens was asking.
“The day I left, Mom said she was going to drop him at the Young’s farm in Lee,” he said, recounting the story for Nola’s benefit. “They’d been having a problem with rats at the horse barn — you know what a good ratter Bruzza is. Mom didn’t think you’d want him, Dad.”
Teddy cut through the stack of pancakes on his plate and shoveled a thick wedge into his mouth.
“Not want him? I love that dog!” Jens exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I guess I forgot, with all the changes.”
Jens immediately got the Young’s number from information and called.
“Yeah, we still got him,” drawled Luke. In his seventies, he sounded disappointed to hear from Jens.
“Fine beast. We thought, what with the divorce and your ... ah ... accident, maybe you didn’t want him around anymore.”
Jens told him they’d be passing by to collect him, thanked him, and hung up. Bruzza, he explained to Nola, was not only a good ratter but he was also a reliable watchdog.
“Can’t hurt to have him looking after us, with Laurent still at-large.”
Dressed for work, she kissed Jens goodbye, told him she’d see him that evening and to have a safe trip to the shelter to see Vivian.
“Good luck, Teddy,” she said, leaning in to hug him.
Surprised, he hugged her back. “Thanks.”
Chapter Sixty-One
They’d agreed to meet Vivian at a Waffle House off Route 95 in Burlington, not far from the Burlington Mall. They’d arrived early, having set out shortly before 8 A.M. to make the three hour drive down from the mountains. Traffic had been light all the way, even on the 95 as they skirted Boston proper. They’d made good time.
Teddy, seated with his dad at the counter with a view of the parking lot, was sipping on a power drink he’d convinced the reluctant counterman to concoct. Vivian had insisted she could drive herself to meet them there, and now that she was a half hour late, Teddy was getting nervous.
“Maybe she’s having second thoughts about coming, Dad.”
Jens glanced at his son, sipped his coffee, nodded.
“I understand. This can’t be easy for her.”
“You’re so understanding. Why aren’t you mad? I’d be, if someone had been double-timing me.”
Jens smiled. “I wasn’t aware you were messing with the ladies.”
“You know what I mean.” Teddy spun around on his stool, leaving Jens staring at the fry cook turning burgers on the grill.
“Did you love her, Dad?” he asked quietly.
Jens turned on his stool to face him. “I did, Teddy, with all my heart.”
“She hurt you, didn’t she? Bad.”
Jens nodded. “She did.”
“You ready to forgive her?”
“I’m here to try.”
“Why?”
“Son, I come from people who didn’t know how to forgive — and didn’t want to.”
Teddy looked at him, thinking. Finally, his eyes brimming, he turned away.
“I love you, Dad,” he said.
Jens, choked up, managed to say, “Me too.”
________
A few minutes later, they watched Vivian park her Volvo next to Jens’s car, get out, and survey the parking lot nervously, before proceeding to the Waffle House entrance.
Jens wondered if she was still worried about Warren or Laurent. He could reassure her that both were likely gone, though he wasn’t sure how she’d feel about Laurent’s disappearance. She and Jens hadn’t spoken since before the divorce. This was the guy she’d divorced him over; this was her first love and maybe her only. This was the guy who had tried to kill him and threatened their son.
She peered in the window and saw them at the counter as she went in. If she’d looked haggard at the divorce hearing, now she looked like a complete stranger. Her hair had been cut unfashionably short, making Jens wonder if she’d had some sort of treatment, like electroshock, that required sheering. She wore no makeup, accentuating the lines of her face. Her dress consisted of a nondescript shift that hung from her gaunt figure.
Only her eyes showed any life, becoming animated once they lighted on Teddy. A cry escaped her lips as she uttered his name. She wept as she went to him.
“Teddy, my dear, dear boy.”
“Mom,” he cried, burying himself in her arms. “I’ve missed you so much.”
Her eyes brimming, she stood back from Teddy and kissed him. “Me too.”
Jens stood apart, waiting for them.
“We can get a booth if you want.”
She nodded and they moved to a booth away from the lunch time crowd.
________
Once seated, Vivian regained her composure and was ready to tell her story.
“Do you mind if Teddy stays to hear what I have to say? I feel he deserves to know who I am. I need your understanding — both of you.”
When Jens hesitated, she turned to Teddy.
“This may be rough for you, hearing about your mother’s shame.”
Teddy exchanged looks with Jens.
“I want to stay.” Seated alongside his mom opposite Jens, he reached out and touched his father�
�s hand. “Can I, Dad?”
Jens squeezed his hand. “Okay. Sure. I guess.” He turned his attention to Vivian.
Eyes averted, she first thanked him for coming. Then she asked him to try not to judge her but to listen with an open heart. She waited for him to agree before going on, smiling tentatively when he nodded. Her monotone voice was shaky at first but grew stronger.
“I’d just turned fourteen when we first met at the county fair. Armand — for that is how I wish to remember Laurent — was two years older. He was tall and well-mannered, and he treated me with respect, which was rare for someone from my side of town. I later found out that was because he was the only child of one of Berlin’s oldest and most respected families, and he’d had all the advantages wealth and status could buy, like attending Philips-Exeter.” Here she paused, meeting Jens’ gaze. “That’s why I insisted Teddy go there.”
She seemed to wander in her mind before picking up the thread of her story. Jens wondered how the tale of her first love could possibly serve to elicit his forgiveness for her betraying and destroying their marriage. He had to know if she was still in contact with Laurent, and whether he was a danger to any of them, especially Teddy.
________
The story she recounted over the next hour felt like a punch in the gut. Though Jens tried to detach himself, he couldn’t. A strange dislocation took place inside him: the time they’d shared together as husband and wife, with all its attendant joys and miseries, seemed blotted out by the sheer magnitude of her suffering. He was emptied.
And, somehow, he became her for the briefest of moments, suffering along with her, as she was seduced, corrupted, and tricked out by D’Arcy, her father’s brother, the man she trusted after her father died. He’d forced her to marry Laurent and then betray him, the only man she’d ever loved besides her father. Pregnant by D’Arcy, she’d been left bleeding to death in a motel room, after a botched abortion performed by D’Arcy with a coat hanger. After saving her, Laurent had tried to stop D’Arcy from fleeing, only to kill him in self-defense.
Tears streamed down her face. She wrapped her arms around herself. Teddy tried to put his arm around her to comfort her, but she gently shrugged him off.
“Though our marriage had been annulled, Armand still thought of me as his wife, and I came to visit him as often as I could at the penitentiary, even though his parents tried to get my visiting privileges revoked. A model prisoner for the first few years, he soon changed. He lifted weights and learned how to protect himself. In his third year, he began to get into fights with other prisoners. About this time, he told me to stop coming, as my visits made him sad and weakened his will to survive.”
“By then I’d turned eighteen. I came one last time to say goodbye, but he refused to see me. After that, my letters came back unopened. I tried to move on with my life, but I couldn’t. After a time, I wrote to him again and finally received an answer. He begged me to forget him. He said that my success as an artist would be his salvation, but only if I let him go.”
Vivian wiped her tears on her sleeve and shook herself, as though trying to rid her mind of unwanted memories. She studied Jens for a reaction; he held his tongue, unsure of what he felt, aside from a well of sadness. She lay her hand on Teddy’s.
“I think you know the rest,” she went on. “I couldn’t abandon him. It turns out that Teddy had been intercepting his letters recently, when he wrote to me again, after all the years, asking to renew our relationship. His parents had died in the interim, after running out of money trying to get his conviction overturned or pardoned. He had no one to turn to except me. He’d given his life for me and I owed him, even if it meant destroying my own in the process. How could I know the depths to which he’d sunk, or the jealousy and hatred he’d developed for you, Jens? You were everything he’d wanted to be in life. And you were married to the only woman he’d ever loved.”
The silence was thick with shame and regret. Neither made eye contact. Jens held himself in reserve, thrown back on his thoughts and feelings, touched by Vivian’s story. Teddy looked at her with sympathy, shook his head in disbelief.
Meanwhile, Jens was unsure of what he felt. Was he supposed to forgive her for ruining their lives? For putting his and Teddy’s life in jeopardy? For bringing a killer into their bed?
“What do you want from me?” he said, his voice aquiver, his anger flaring.
“I never meant to hurt you, Jens. I’m so sorry. I’m worthless, I know. But won’t you let me make it up to you now? Please?”
“Did you ever love me?”
He studied her, waiting, sad because he already knew the answer. He sighed.
“Your allegiance lies with Teddy, now. Take care not to bring any more harm into our lives. If you can do that, I’ll let you stay two weeks until you can get back on your feet, and make sure Teddy remains a part of your life. But if I suspect that you’ve gone back on your word and have anything more to do with this killer —”
“No, no, believe me, I won’t.”
“Do you know where he is?”
She shook her head no. “He disappeared. After I asked him to leave me alone.”
“So why are you hiding out in a women’s shelter?”
“His friend, his ex-cellmate, Warren Flynn. He’s been blackmailing me. He’s a real killer. He threatened to get at Teddy if I didn’t turn over the divorce money. I was afraid to go to the police.”
Jens and Teddy exchanged looks.
“Ferdie thinks he’s in the wind. They found his pickup abandoned out on Peirce Island,” said Jens.
“Laurent, too,” added Teddy.
“Flynn’s gone?”
“According to Ferdie.”
She sighed with relief. “I’m safe. I can’t believe it.”
She started crying again. Teddy comforted her.
“So, I can stay with you?” She held her breath.
“You’ll like Nola,” added Teddy, presuming on his father’s answer.
Jens bit his lip, hesitating.
“You can stay.” He looked at her severely. “But remember what I said about Laurent.”
Vivian smiled at him, grateful. Eyes wet with tears, she mouthed thank you.
Chapter Sixty-Two
As Jens drove away from the Waffle House, he felt ambivalent about his decision to take Vivian into his home, even for a few weeks. It seemed ridiculous — now that he wasn’t under the spell of her dramatic confession — that he, the injured party, should be responsible for the woman who’d put their lives in turmoil and danger.
What if he’d said no? What if he’d been the one who’d had a breakdown and was being tossed onto the street? Would Vivian have taken him in?
He knew what Vincent, his lawyer, would say: Are you out of your mind?
He knew from personal experience how violently people resist change, while holding onto the past for dear life. Only when we are blasted to the roots, like Vivian, do we seek to let it go. And yet, though she’d brought this all on herself, she’d suffered much and deserved his forgiveness. If not for Teddy, though, he would not do it.
She was coming Saturday, driving up by herself. Her counselor at the shelter agreed that it would be a step towards independence. Though she was on medication, Vivian said she’s been diagnosed with manic-depression, she could skip it for the drive.
“I almost forgot.” Jens slapped the wheel. “We gotta pick up the Bruzza on the way home, right?”
Lost in thought, Teddy started at the sound of his father’s voice. He nodded, not really sure of what he was being asked.
Jens plowed on in the stop-and-go traffic on Route 128, headed for Boston and north to New Hampshire.
“You worried about Mom?” Jens braked in the stalled traffic.
“Aren’t you?”
“She seems to be in good hands with that shrink from the shelter.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about. She’s tough, she’ll bounce back.” He hesitated. “I never thought Lau
rent was a threat, or I would have told you sooner.”
“But you did, finally.”
He shook his head ruefully.
“I read the letters he’d sent her just before his release, asking for her help. There was nothing in them that seemed like a threat. It wasn’t until he tried to kill you ... by then it was too late.”
“We all make terrible mistakes in life. What matters is that we grow from them.”
“Like you, huh?” he said, deftly tossing back his father’s veiled reference to his anger issues.
Jens felt a stab of regret about telling Teddy about his breakdown — he realized that Teddy wasn’t above using it against him when he felt threatened.
They did not speak again until Jens turned onto Route 1 north of Boston, weaving through late afternoon traffic, passing old landmarks he’d known since childhood. Like Vivian, Boston had been his cultural Mecca growing up.
He resumed their previous conversation without preamble.
“It’s a rite of passage, Teddy. Acknowledging and growing from our mistakes. One day you’ll know what I’m talking about.”
“Dad, I only care about one thing in all this,” he said heatedly, “protecting Mom and protecting you. If that asshole Laurent comes anywhere near us, I’ll blow him away.”
Jens felt the specter of Daniel’s missing pistol, which disappeared at the site of his suicide attempt, raised again.
“You don’t have Daniel’s gun, do you?”
“No, but trust me, I know where to get one.”
“Teddy, Teddy.” He shook his head. “What makes you think violence is the only solution?”
“Live by the sword, die by the sword. That’s my game avatar’s motto.”
“What about the Golden Rule, do unto others?” He stared at him.
Teddy fell into a hostile silence, leaving Jens to ponder a better answer.
“Look, Laurent’s long gone. He’d be a fool to come back. He’s gotten from your mother all he could. Warren, too. I doubt either wants to go back to prison for the rest of their lives.”
“It didn’t stop Laurent from coming after you, did it?”
________
