by Reid, B. B.
Callously, he stepped back and leaned against his car as if he truly didn’t have a care in the world. “Then what’s with the attitude?”
“Just because I know what you are doesn’t mean I’m okay with it!”
“A little late to be self-righteous,” he remarked, his tone and his gaze dismissive.
“Screw you.”
My attempt to storm away, however, was swiftly thwarted by his hand gripping my arm. He dragged me close, nostrils flaring and breathing fire until he had me pressed against his hard chest. “Don’t you fucking walk away from me.”
All pretense of nonchalance had been swept away.
“Or what?” I challenged.
“You really want to peek behind that curtain?”
He pressed closer, and it was then that I felt his other hand—on my hip—squeezing. I wasn’t sure he was even aware of it—as if it had naturally fallen there. My lips parted as my heart sped up and the urge to press my legs together mounted.
Maybe I did.
But like always, as quick as the thought formed, I brushed it aside. Wren and I weren’t the types of friends to share anything more than our time and loyalty. I didn’t know all of his secrets, and he didn’t know mine. The fact that we were content to keep this wall erected between us ironically was what made us the best of friends. It was a load-bearing kind that would turn our friendship into rubble if we ever tore it down.
I didn’t look away, didn’t dare cower. If I had, I wouldn’t have seen the plea in his stormy blue gaze.
“You and I both know,” he snapped as he gripped me tighter, “that I’m not the only one afraid of what’s behind there.”
I snatched away when I felt the sting of his rejection all over again. “And I distinctly remember you being the reason.”
He looked ready to grab me again, but at the look I sent him, he plowed his fingers through his hair instead. “You were sixteen, Lou. What was I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know, but you weren’t supposed to lie to me!” I wanted to scream some more, but the surge of anger I felt quickly faded away as my shoulders sagged and a tear escaped. “You weren’t supposed to make me look like a fool.”
His lips parted, but when he said nothing, I turned and ran away, leaving him standing alone on the street.
One Year Ago
“YOU’RE LATE!” I SCREECHED OVER the sound of pouring rain and thunder.
A soaking wet Wren winced at my shrill tone as he climbed through my bedroom window cloaked in black from head to toe. My stomach turned because I knew what the dark clothing meant, but I chose not to fixate on it. Tonight was the season two premiere of The 100, and I didn’t want to miss a second of Bellamy Blake. I was convinced there was no one like him, so broken yet he gave and gave and gave.
“I was getting the damn milkshake you asked for. At the last minute.”
My irritation dissipated at the sight of the chocolate shake in his hand. Without an apology or word of thanks, I snatched the shake from him and began devouring its yummy goodness. How he managed to climb up here with it, I’ll never know and didn’t bother to ask.
“Quit your bellyaching, bestie. It was on the way.”
“And just my fucking luck the shake machine was broken, so I had to drive to another White Castle to get it.”
I flopped back onto my bed and turned up the volume to drown out Wren’s grumbling. Bellamy was going to be on screen any minute. “Uh-huh.”
“It was twenty minutes in the opposite direction.”
“That sucks.”
“You’re not even listening to me, are you?”
“Of course, I am.” I couldn’t believe the real name of the actor who played Bellamy was Bob. Bellamy was dreamier. I couldn’t imagine myself in a million years screaming “Harder, Bob!” while in the throes of passion.
Wren finally gave up trying to make me feel bad and peeled his soaking wet hoodie off before sliding onto the floor where he rested his back against the foot of my bed. Ten minutes into the show, I heard what sounded like a bear yawning and realized it was coming from Wren’s stomach.
“Jesus, is that you? Didn’t you eat?” It sounded like he hadn’t in days.
“There wasn’t enough time.”
I was about to remark that he could have gotten food at White Castle when I remembered he hated it. Finally, shame came.
“Want some of my shake?” I offered the cup, but when he looked over his shoulder with a frown, I remembered that he hated chocolate, too. Psychopath. Who doesn’t like chocolate? As far as I was concerned, it should have been a major food group. With a shake of his head, he refocused on the television.
The show went to commercial, and I used that time to run downstairs. Five minutes later, I guiltily returned with a plate of the roast Cathleen had made for dinner. I tried not to think about how many Bellamy scenes I’d missed. Thank fuck for reruns, I guess.
“Here you go. It’s not much.” The budget in the Henderson household was strict, and not even the stipend they received for fostering me helped much, but once upon a time, even a roast had been out of the question. Neither one of the Hendersons had received a promotion or raise, so where the extra cash came from, I didn’t have a clue.
He only glanced at the plate before holding my gaze long enough to make me squirm. Finally, he took the food with a smirk that confused me, and dug in.
My eyes widened when the plate full of roast and rice was gone in under a minute. I wasn’t sure even a wild animal could be capable of such a feat.
“Want some more?”
“Nah,” he said with a burp and a smile that made me giggle. “I’m trying to watch my figure.”
My laughter died when I eyed the muscles stretching his shirt and jeans. Wren was far from the lanky teen I’d met. At nineteen, he was still a teen, but he was no longer lanky. And he certainly had nothing to worry about. We may have been friends and nothing more, but not even I could deny that he was pure hunk.
“I think you’ll be fine.” I reached out for the plate, and when he handed it over, I ran back downstairs. For a brief moment, I didn’t care about the show or Bellamy Blake. I just wanted to take care of my friend.
Thankfully, tonight was Bible study at the church, which meant we were all alone. It occurred to me then that there hadn’t been a need to make Wren climb through my window. At least there was less chance of the nosy neighbors seeing. Wren was a bit of a hot topic among the neighborhood, which I hated even more than he did. Especially since Samantha Davis, the leggy neighborhood slut was always sniffing around him. It wouldn’t have bothered me as much if I hadn’t glimpsed the interest in his eyes whenever she came prancing around in tight low-riders that showcased her tramp stamp. She’d noticed too and had become even more smug than usual.
It wasn’t that I was jealous…like I wanted Wren for myself…sexually.
It was that Trampy Bambi pretended like they were a couple, the world was their house with a white picket fence, and I was the goddamn dog.
I can’t count how many pats on the head I’ve received since she photobombed our friendship, but I did know the next one would probably end with me breaking her bony wrist.
What did Wren even see in her long legs, twenty-four-inch waist, and perky DDs, anyway? If she could just find a runway on the other side of the world and leave us the hell alone, that would be great.
I spooned food onto the plate and trekked back up the stairs, but when I made it to my room, I found Wren preparing to leave. He was typing on his phone and hadn’t noticed me yet.
“Where are you going?”
My stomach turned as I silently prayed it wasn’t Exiled.
“Sam’s. She said her parents aren’t home.”
I swallowed down the bile threatening to rise when I realized there was a worse alternative to Exiled.
“So what, are you like her boyfriend now?”
He grimaced as he continued to type on his phone. “I’m going to fuck her, Lou. We don’t need a labe
l for that.”
The plate nearly slipped from my hand. Wren’s mumbled words felt like a band around my throat cutting off my next breath. He didn’t even notice me slowly dying. He was probably describing all the dirty things he wanted to do to her while I was already a forgotten, insignificant blip in his past.
This was the part where someone would tell me to shut up, that I was overthinking, being dramatic, and a tad silly.
But it didn’t feel that way. My fears were very real. For as long as I’d known him, there had been no one else, and now out of the blue, I was expected to share him with little resistance?
Not a goddamn chance.
She’d only ruin the parts of him that were still beautiful.
I couldn’t allow that to happen.
“Why do you like her?”
He glanced up then, more than likely detecting the jealousy I tried so hard to hide. “Why does it matter?” he shot back with a confused frown.
“Because it’s getting serious, don’t you think?”
He snorted. “Hardly.”
“But you want to have sex with her, so that means it’s serious!”
He stared at me for a moment before tossing his head back and laughing. “God, you’re naïve.”
A growl so fierce ripped from my belly that it vibrated my entire body and shook the plate in my hands. “Just answer the question, Harlan.”
His laughter died as quickly as my composure had unraveled.
“Jesus…” he swore with narrowed eyes. “What the fuck is up with you, Lou?”
A valid question. What had come over me? I’d always been possessive of our friendship but not like this. It was as if someone had flipped a switch and woken up a part of me I didn’t recognize.
Neither did Wren, judging by the way he was looking at me right now.
“I just…” I inhaled and slowly released. With every breath of air, I felt more in control. To be safe, I set the plate down before I could do something rash…like hurl it at his head. “I don’t trust her.”
He shrugged and pocketed his phone as if my revelation didn’t matter. “I’m not in love with her, Lou. I want to fuck her because she’s sexy sure but also because she’s not…”
“Not what?” I demanded when he hesitated.
He looked pissed off, and I could tell he was reluctant to answer me when he pushed the words through his teeth. “Jailbait.”
I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach. All I could do was watch him go when he turned on his heel and flung his body through my open window.
The wind howled and blew the curtains on my window. I was still frozen in the same spot when it dawned on me that he was running away.
From me.
To her.
Spinning around, I raced down the stairs, my heart reaching out for the troubled boy it craved while pounding a mile a minute. I barely slowed enough to throw open the front door. The sky had opened up in the seconds it took me to run outside, and just then, a lightning bolt cracked across the sky, illuminating his shadow moving through the pouring rain.
It was beating down on his back, soaking through his clothes, but his steps were quick and determined. Not to get to her, I realized, but to get away from me.
“Wren!”
Thunder rumbled at that moment, drowning out my voice. The small part of me that was still unsure how much of him was really mine told me it was a sign to turn back now. To let him go.
But I couldn’t.
I knew us too well.
“Wren!” This time, my voice carried, and when he turned around, I realized I didn’t know what the hell to do or say. His eyes were pleading as he stared back at me through the dark and rain. He wanted me to let him run away.
“Go back inside,” he shouted over the rain.
“No.”
“Go back inside!”
“No!”
He was glaring now as he stomped back across the street, but I didn’t care because as soon as he was within reach, I launched myself off the small stoop and into his arms. Wrapping myself around him, I held on tight and savagely sank my teeth into his sculpted jaw.
“Fuck, Lou.” He tried like hell to untangle me, but I only bit down harder, earning his grunt of pain. There was no way I was letting go if it meant sharing him with Samantha Davis. Or anyone.
I still couldn’t put together the reasons behind my actions. I was simply reacting out of instinct, and it urged me to fight like hell.
He was still wrestling to free himself when an annoyingly sultry voice called out. “What the hell…Wren?”
Peeking over his shoulder, I saw Samantha standing on her stoop, sporting serious camel toe in red satin shorts with lace trim and a matching cami.
I felt my dinner rising in my throat.
I couldn’t compete with that because I could never give him that.
Wren and I shared a bond deeper than Samantha could ever hope to have with him. Sex would only ruin it. Not that I wanted to…with him.
“Are you okay?” she shouted as she descended the steps.
Wren spun around until he faced her.
“What is she doing to you?” I heard her question.
It was then I remembered that my teeth were embedded in his skin. I realized how deranged I must have looked, but if the shoe were on the other foot, Wren wouldn’t have reacted any saner.
He simply had no understanding when it came to protecting me. Why couldn’t I be allowed to feel the same?
“Go back inside,” he ordered her. “I got her.”
“But she’s—”
“Go!” Like a whipped puppy, she scurried back across the street. Or at least I assumed she did. “Lou,” he cooed as he smoothed a hand down my back. “You’ve got to let me go.”
I shook my head, and when he winced, I finally let go, not wanting to hurt him further. My arms and legs were still wrapped around him, but he no longer seemed so eager to get away.
Laying my head on his shoulder, I whispered, “Stay with me.”
His hands tightened around my hips as if he wanted to do just that. “We both know why I can’t, Lou.”
His tone was level and without emotion, but I knew better. I lifted my head needing to look into his eyes, and just as I suspected, blue had completely taken over.
“We both know you want to.”
He sighed. “I wasn’t a virgin when we met, Lou.”
Nodding, I forced myself to swallow. “I know that.”
“I haven’t been a virgin since we met, either,” he clarified with a raised brow.
“I…know,” I responded a little less enthused.
“So what’s up with the cockblocking?” His gaze was unflinching as he waited for an answer.
Fearing that he’d see too much, I unwrapped my arms and legs from around him. His hands were there to steady me once I was back on my feet, but suddenly, his touch felt too intimate. His frown only burrowed deeper when I moved away from him.
“Lou?”
“I don’t know why, okay? It just feels different.”
“Different how?”
“For starters, you’ve never flaunted them in my face before. I know there are girls who…do stuff…with you…but I never had to know who they were or what they looked like. Trampy Bambi lives right across the street! I have to see her face every single day, all smug and sexed, and I hate her!”
“But why? What did she do to you?”
She reminded me that I couldn’t have all of you.
“Nothing. It’s just…you trust your gut all the time. This is me trusting mine.” Only I had nothing to go on except jealousy.
Wren stared down at me for a long time, his gaze hard and unyielding, and I knew he was just trying to stare me into submission. When a full minute passed, and I still hadn’t changed my mind, his nostrils flared, and this time, he was the one to pull away.
But then my heart dropped when his feet kept moving, carrying him across the street, and I helplessly watched as he e
ntered her home and shut the door behind him. For a while, I felt too numb to move. Too numb to feel the rain. But then I realized the rain had stopped and the sky had cleared, and so had my mind. Coming to my senses, I slowly trudged inside and headed straight for the shower. I needed to wash away my shame and hope some of my dignity remained. One day, I’d look back on this day and cringe. Hopefully, it wasn’t sixty or seventy years from now because I’d probably stroke and die from embarrassment.
I could still smell him when I shed my wet clothes, so once I was under the pounding hot spray, I made sure to scrub my skin extra hard. His scent always had a way of clinging to me even after the briefest touch, and I never minded before, but this time was different. For the first time, it felt like it didn’t belong. Right now, he was across the street imprinting on someone else.
The most frustrating part was that I knew Wren was no monk, but I’d never actually been subjected to seeing him with girls. Once upon a time, I could have been that girl, but we’d fooled ourselves into thinking we were better off as friends. I never forgot the bet or the way he looked at me when I agreed. I just…pushed it away. We both did.
After ten minutes of scrubbing, I could no longer feel him on me, so I stepped out and with only a towel covering me, I headed to my room and tried not to hope that she’d give him herpes.
The 100 was still playing when I got to my room, but I wasn’t in the mood. With one last lingering look at Bellamy, who suddenly didn’t seem quite so captivating anymore, I shut off the TV and immediately plunged the room in darkness.
Unwrapping my towel, I let it fall to the floor at the same time light flooded the room. A yelp escaped me as I dove for the towel. Meanwhile, Wren stood frozen to the spot with eyebrows damn near touching his hairline, his mouth forming a perfect O, and his hand still on the switch.
When the shock wore off, anger quickly took its place. “What the hell are you doing?” he had the nerve to yell.
“Excuse me?”
“Why are you naked?”
“I took a shower, genius!” He continued to glower even after I finally managed to secure the towel around me. “What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be banging headboards with Bambi?”
