by Reid, B. B.
“How are you so good at this, anyway?” I asked him as he applied the first stroke.
He frowned before he ducked his head, and I had the feeling he was hiding. “My dad sometimes painted my mom’s toes. After he died, she would always cry whenever she did them herself.”
“So you painted them for her.”
He shrugged and dipped the brush inside the bottle for more polish. “I didn’t like seeing her cry.”
“Aww, Jamie!” we all cooed at the same time.
The vicious scowl he wore in response had us laughing until we cried.
“Laugh all you want, but the joke’s on you,” he grumbled. “I lied so one of you would sleep with me.”
I shook my head while Four rolled her eyes. Jamie hadn’t lied, but the way he avoided our gazes told me he was afraid of being open. So afraid that it made me wonder if he’d been hurt before and how deeply.
“You’re shit at that,” Tyra said, throwing his words from before back at him.
“At what?”
“Keeping people from seeing who you really are.”
“Perhaps I’m a magician, and you’re too busy watching the wrong hand to see all the magic happening in the other.”
“Now who’s the thief,” Four teased. “You totally stole that from Now You See Me!” She bent over clutching her stomach while Jamie glared daggers. It didn’t faze her one bit, and after a while, Jamie grinned, too. I realized then that their friendship was an honest one despite its flaws. Something Wren and I never truly had.
I hadn’t realized I had Jamie’s attention until gentle fingers lifted my chin. “Your eyes don’t belong down there.”
I smiled at him. It was hesitant and small but the best I could do.
“Are you okay?” Jamie asked.
“I will be if you throw in a foot massage, too.”
He shook his head and laughed. “Sorry, but I have to draw the line there. No one’s going to buy the cow if they can get the milk for free.”
“I don’t think that saying applies to foot massages and pedicures,” Tyra pointed out.
He looked her up and down. “You’d know, wouldn’t you, virgin?” She rolled her eyes, and he turned to me. “So yeah, even though we had a good thing going,” he said as he finished up, “I hope you and Wren work things out.”
“Jamie,” Four said as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “You dated her for like two seconds.”
He stood from the bed and grinned down at me. “And they were two glorious seconds, weren’t they?”
Jamie thankfully left before I could respond, and Tyra said her goodbyes shortly after. It was just Four and me, and with Jay D asleep at the foot of the bed, both of us were content with the silence.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed when she produced a paper out of the top drawer of her nightstand, stared at it for a few minutes, and sighed. It was wrinkled as if this wasn’t the first or even hundredth time she’d stared at it.
“What’s that?”
I didn’t miss her hesitation or the way she clutched the paper tighter before she replied. “A form…to change my name.”
I sat up quickly and rounded on her. “What? Why?”
“Because Rosalyn is a schizophrenic with an addiction to falling for the wrong man.”
My lips parted, but when no response came, I frowned. “Yeah, you’re going to have to explain that one to me.”
So she did.
By the time she was done telling me about her mother’s failed relationships and the three miscarriages that led to her mental spiral downward, I realized I’d underestimated Four.
But so had she.
“Did you know my birth mother was the one who named me?” Four blinked at me, and I shrugged. “I’m sure she picked it out with so much love in her heart right before she left me in the cold with a note that said I’m sorry, Louchana.” Taking the form from her hand, I ripped it in half, making her eyes bulge. “It’s just a fucking name.” I ripped the form again into fours. “Your mother could have given you the most beautiful or exotic name in the world, and she’d still be messed up.” I ripped the pieces of paper in half again. “That’s not your fault. These scars you bear are what made you who you are. Bold, beautiful, and badass. Wear them, Four. They’re your crown.”
I’LL TAKE THESE.” JAMIE SNATCHED the bouquet of roses from my hand and tossed them over the railing of the porch. It was a long way down given the blue beach house was sitting on stilts, so I watched them land in the sand, the petals scattered and ruined, before glaring at Jamie. “You’ll be showing your hand the moment she sees you,” he explained. “You need to sweep her off her feet before she has the chance to put her guard up.”
“And fix your face,” Vaughn criticized. “You want to look sorry, not pathetic.” My scowl deepened, and he grinned before saying, “Much better.”
“Now put this on,” Ever ordered while handing over a blue and gray sweater that read ‘Snow’s Out Ho Ho Ho’s Out’ with a snowflake pattern.
“Why?” I said, finding my voice for the first time since they bombarded me. It’s been nearly two weeks since Lou’s ultimatum, and I was running out of air. It was only a matter of time before I drowned, so when Ever invited me to this party, I readily agreed after he casually mentioned that Lou would be here as well.
“It’s the theme.”
I looked them over realizing that they were all wearing sweaters. Jamie wore a tank that looked like the top half of a Santa suit. His tattoos were in full effect, which I suspected was the reason he decided to risk the biting cold. Vaughn wore a black and white sweater that read ‘Snowtorious’ above a scowling snowman wearing a tilted crown. Ever’s was a Christmas-patterned cardigan and tie.
“The theme is ugly-ass Christmas sweater?”
“Exactly,” Jamie confirmed as we stepped inside the crowded house. “We’re having a contest,” he shouted over the music.
After shoving on the sweater, I looked around and saw everyone wearing one, each uglier than the last. ‘Get Low’ by Lil Jon, The Eastside Boyz & Yang-Yang Twins was playing, and everyone started pushing and shoving to out-hype each other. We escaped into the kitchen where the drinks were, and with one bellow, Vaughn cleared the room.
“What does the winner get?” I asked even though I didn’t care. I just needed to distract myself from searching the crowd for Lou.
“Our respect,” Vaughn answered.
“At least until the party’s over,” Jamie added.
“Wow,” Lou drawled as she stepped inside the kitchen. “A bit douchey, don’t you think?”
I spun around, eyes wide, but thankfully, her gaze stubbornly fixed on Jamie, which gave me time once Vaughn nudged me to compose myself. And admire her. Lou had her hair pinned up in a ponytail, curls cascading down her back while a few framed her face. The sweater she wore was white with red and green ribbons covering the front. She looked so soft and wholesome, concealing the hard edge I knew she possessed and often displayed proudly.
“There’s also a five-hundred-dollar cash prize,” Four wryly informed me. I hadn’t even realized her and Tyra were standing there wearing sweaters just like Lou’s. “Unfortunately, ninety-nine percent of Brynwood’s population have rich mommies and daddies, so a high-five from these three is as good as it gets.”
Ever fought a smile as he moved behind Four, who stood in front of the island and started mixing a drink. Four tensed at his closeness for some reason before looking around in a panic.
“I don’t know what you’re getting tight about,” Jamie scoffed. “You’re one of us now.”
Crossing her arms, she moved away from Ever and squared off with Jamie. “How is that, exactly?”
“You made your bed,” he answered, jerking his chin toward his cousin, “now lie in it.”
Vaughn, Tyra and, to my surprise, Lou sighed, telling me this may have been a reoccurring argument.
“Make up your mind, Jamie. You either want me with your cousin, or you don�
��t. Frankly, I couldn’t give a shit what you think, but the bitch fits are getting old.”
“Careful not to say that too loud,” Jamie taunted. “Someone might hear.”
“And why would I care?”
“Because you sold your soul for that dick. But look on the bright side,” he continued before Four could rebut, “at least you can’t tell anyone.”
Four stood still for God knows how long, with Ever at her back practically blowing steam from his nose, before she blinked away the tears forming and stormed from the kitchen.
“Jamie!” Tyra scolded before punching him in the arm and running after Four.
Ever started to follow, but Jamie stopped him in his tracks.
“So how many times am I going to have to make her feel small before you do something about it?”
Ever approached him, each step silent but lethal, until his chest brushed Jamie’s. “You mean other than kicking your ass?”
Jamie shook his head as if Ever were the one who was hard to believe. “You and I both know a bloody nose and busted lip won’t do shit but piss me off.”
“What the fuck do you want me to do, Jamie?”
“The right thing,” he bit out.
“You don’t have the facts to tell me what’s right and what’s wrong.”
“But I’ve got twenty-twenty vision.” Ever’s answering silence had Jamie narrowing his eyes. “You really don’t see what your little arrangement is doing to her?”
“And you do?”
“I can relate,” was all Jamie said.
“She’s fine,” Ever said, gritting his teeth.
“Now. Maybe. But for how long?”
Ever pinched the bridge of his nose. When he met Jamie’s gaze again, the same mask he wore when he was Danny Boy was in place. “Don’t say shit else to her about our relationship, Jamie. I’m fucking warning you.”
“Can’t do that, cousin. You don’t give a shit if I insult you, but your panties bunch so tightly they might split you in half whenever I say just one word to Four.”
Jamie didn’t stick around, bumping Ever’s shoulder on his way out. I had the feeling he was going after Four to comfort her since he was a dick but not a heartless dick. As if realizing this himself, Ever rushed out of the kitchen a moment later. Vaughn sighed and after downing the last of his drink, he left, too.
That left me alone with Lou, who was eyeing the exit. She was probably afraid I’d pounce if she ran while I didn’t know what I’d do. I felt like I was living in someone else’s skin.
“Any idea what that was about?” I asked to break through the awkwardness between us.
She looked at me then for the first time since I walked away from her, and the longing I felt was sharp enough to gut me completely.
“No idea. They have so much drama exploding around here that it’s hard to catch every grenade.”
Just then, a crowd of people rushed inside the kitchen. Seeing the coast was clear they went straight for the drinks. We were herded into a corner until she was trapped between the counter and me. Lou tensed and refused to meet my gaze as her breathing became faster and uncontrolled.
Sensing she needed space, I took her hand, feeling like I’d been shocked back to life, and cleared the way out of the kitchen. I didn’t stop until we stood outside of the beach house near one of the fires they’d lit.
“Better?”
She gave me a curt nod and looked away. My hands began shaking, so I shoved them in my pockets so she couldn’t see my nervousness. It had never been this awkward between us.
“I’m sorry,” I said when no other words would come. It was then that I realized I’d never actually told her just how fucking sorry I was. I simply told her what happened five years ago and expected her to forgive me for the truth without actually apologizing for it.
The truth was just as ugly as the lie I’d let her believe.
Her head whipped around, and the shock in her eyes told me just how much I’d fucked this whole thing up. I shouldn’t have left her that day. I should have got on my knees and stayed there until she forgave me—morning, noon, and night. I never expected that losing her heart would hurt a hell of a lot more than losing her friendship. I would have walked away the moment I realized I was falling in love with her.
She didn’t respond right away, and I counted each agonizing second until she decided my fate.
However, instead of putting me out of my misery, she said, “Did you know who I was the night we met?”
I swallowed. “Not right away, but…yes. After what happened to your parents, I couldn’t resist seeking you out. I needed to make sure you were okay.”
“I wasn’t,” she spat, and I hung my head.
“I know.” But I’d forced myself to forget about her anyway. There was nothing I could offer her but more pain. “When I saw you during that snowstorm, I knew I couldn’t walk away again.”
Her lips flattened into a tight line. “So you became my friend out of guilt? You thought it would absolve you?”
“Yes,” I admitted even though it burned. “I thought if I took care of you, I could fill the hole your parents left behind, but you ended up filling all of mine, instead.”
All around us, music played, the ocean waves crashed in the distance, and people were reveling, but somehow, I was only aware of Lou and me and the empty void left between us.
“I suppose I should thank you,” she said after a few tears had fallen and she’d wiped them away. “For trying to help my parents.”
I had trouble swallowing the lump in my throat. “You don’t owe me anything. I should have done more.”
She shook her head and stared into the flames. “You were only fifteen.”
“That’s no excuse,” I growled, pissed at myself rather than her.
“You’re right,” she conceded. “It doesn’t matter if you were fifteen or fifty. If you had done something, you would have died and I—” Her eyes closed, and I could sense the war waging within her. “I wouldn’t want that,” she finally admitted. Her eyes opened and found mine. The vulnerability she never allowed herself before shone brightly within them now. “Not then and not now.”
Feeling like the gates of heaven had just opened up, I grabbed her and pressed her against one of the wooden stilts raising the house from the ground. Before she could protest or ask a million fucking questions, I sealed my lips to hers. It might be the last time I’d ever get to kiss her. With an impending sense of doom, I deepened the kiss, drawing all I dared take from her while giving her everything I had left to give—my heart, my soul, and my life if she asked for it. I’d slit my wrists right here and now so that she could see how I bled for her. How much I wanted to carry her pain for her.
As if hearing my thoughts, she ripped her mouth away with a startled cry and gripped my sweater as she rested her head on my chest.
Leaning down, I kissed the top of her head and inhaled when I caught a whiff of her shampoo.
“Do you trust me?”
“I don’t want to,” she admitted in a small voice.
“But you do.” She drew in a sharp breath but wisely remained silent. We both knew if she gave an inch, I’d take a mile and feel no shame for my greediness. “If nothing else, trust that I won’t give up on us.”
She lifted her head, her mouth opening and closing until she finally said, “I—I just want to be friends, Wren.”
“No, Lou. You don’t.” I kissed her again, and it felt like my heart was in her fist when she greedily sank into it. This time, I was the one to pull away although it felt like chewing off my limb. “But I’ll wait.”
“Forever?” she challenged, her tone skeptical.
“However long you need me to,” I confirmed as I backed away. “I’m yours, Lou. I’ll always be yours.”
Lou looked like she wanted to argue, but then, with a frustrated cry, she fled back to the safety of the house. A moment later, Jamie emerged from the shadows, clutching the lit cigarette hanging from his mouth
.
“How much did you hear?” I said as my nostrils flared. I was getting sick of this fucker putting his nose in my shit.
“Enough.” He propped his shoulder against the side of the house and grinned. “You should invest in kneepads,” he suggested while looking like he was enjoying every minute of my fall from grace.
“Why?”
“Because you’re going to need to grovel better than that.”
Gritting my teeth, I turned away, knowing he was right, but then a sudden thought had me turning back to him.
“Whether she forgives me or not, I’m going to make damn sure you don’t get her, either.” Whatever was left of her that I hadn’t ruined, Jamie would surely finish the job.
Standing up straight, he shrugged. “Then you’d be wasting your time barking up the wrong tree.”
My gaze narrowed on him. “You expect me to believe that?” I saw him kiss her two weeks ago, and it had been all I could do not to rip his throat out. Since I’d come to beg and not to demand, I refrained. Somehow.
“You can keep your little Lou Who,” he told me cockily. “I’ve got my heart set on a much bigger challenge.” Shoving his free hand into his pocket, he swaggered away before I could knock his teeth down his throat.
I considered going back inside and finding Lou to plead some more, but knowing I had work to do, I made an about-face and headed for my car.
ONE MINUTE I WAS WATCHING the snow descend over the city much like it had the night I met Wren, and the next, I was tearfully watching the glass surrounding the scene shatter and crumble to the floor after it crashed into the wall.
Two months.
It’s been two fucking months since I’d seen or heard from Wren.
My eighteenth birthday had come and gone two weeks ago, and he still hadn’t shown his stupid face—all the promises he made me shattered. Just like that fucking snow globe.
Seconds later, Ever appeared at my door, looking dapper in dark jeans, a white button-up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, an open gray vest, and a red tie.
I was now staying in the spare bedroom his father had surprisingly offered to me. Any other parent would have called social services by now or at least asked questions, but Thomas hadn’t. I tried not to dwell on the reason why, but the question lingered in the back of my mind.
