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Of course this had to happen sometime. It wasn't like I'd never have to have this interaction. But I didn't think I was ready for it and by the look of things neither was she. It felt so strange to be in this position. I never would have guessed that there would be a day when I would be on the opposite side of my friends, working against them.
I thought back to all the time we had spent together, all we had done. My friends had always been there for me, even when everyone else treated me like a freak. Even at their graduation from Resurrector training, they all made sure that I was with them for everything. When some of the other Resurrectors said they didn't want me at their party, Kiran and Damir had shrugged it off. Then they threw their own party. A handful of other people came and they either didn't care about it all so they at least spoke to me in a civil manner, or they simply ignored my existence as usual. When I had to stay in school that extra year, it was no big deal. They were waiting for me when I finally graduated. We celebrated together, supported each other through everything.
They were the family I had created for myself and I would be forever grateful that I had them in my life at all. But now…I had a job to do and that meant that I had to ensure the death of one of my best friend's charges.
"Tamesis, I know why you're here, but you can't do this. Please."
I stared at her, trying to ignore her pleading, to not focus on the pained look in her eyes. This was a difficult situation for the both of us. I hadn't hesitated before with Anwell but this was Alaula. We had been through so much together and I owed her so much. Without her, I wouldn’t have had any friends. She was the one her brought me into her group and included me in everything. "I'm sorry. I have to."
She shook her head causing her dark hair to fly around and then she looked at me, peridot green eyes filling with tears. "No, you don't. She deserves a chance to live."
"But it's her time to die. I can't just let her go and pretend that this wasn't meant to happen now. You have no idea how much that would affect the world."
“And you do? Tam, I wish you could see how much you’ve changed. Death just swoops in and brainwashes you and you believe him because he acts as if you are so powerful and important. You could never accept how gratifying it is to be a part of a team and to succeed with them. Instead you felt the need to always prove that you were so much better and didn’t need anyone’s help.”
“We have all changed. There is something going on with the Leaders. They are too withdrawn from everything and so secretive. You can’t honestly say that you are okay with that. I wasn’t. But I have been shown the truth and I have accepted it. This now isn’t about proving who is better. It is about following the path laid down before us and doing what we believe to be right. I have to collect her soul, Alaula. I’m sorry.”
"Tam, I'm not here for her. I'm here for her baby."
That stopped me. It certainly wasn’t what I expected her to say at all. I just stared at her, unsure of what to do now. None of my information corroborated—or disproved—her story about the woman having an unborn child. But Alaula wouldn’t lie about something like this; she couldn’t.
"Surely her unborn child deserves a chance to live. The car accident made the mother brain dead. I just need to keep her alive long enough to get her to a hospital. The local hospital is one of the few ones where we still have a Resurrector on staff. You know as well as I do that I don't have the energy anymore to save everyone. We've all had to make decisions since you killed all those Resurrectors."
"I didn't kill those Resurrectors," I interrupted. "I couldn't have. I certainly didn’t kill Kiran. No matter what I would not have been able to harm him…or any of you." I still believed that I hadn't done anything. It hadn't really come up with Thanos though, but I did want to ask him.
"Really? Based on what you're doing now I'd say there's a very good chance that you're capable of killing."
"Alaula, that's not fair. I didn't choose this job; it chose me. And I'm going to do this job to the best of my ability. Besides, I’m not the one who made this car crash. I don’t bring about their deaths. I just make sure someone is able to care for their soul in their last moments."
"Tamesis, please. I need to save this baby." She looked…desperate. Her eyes were wide and it almost made her look crazed.
Why did it have to be two lives at risk when I encountered Alaula? If it was just the woman it would be so easy to continue with my job, to take her soul even though it would destroy any semblance of a relationship left with Alaula. I couldn't do this. It wasn't right. And the baby wasn’t on the list. The mother was dead anyway; her body acting as nothing more than an incubator. My job was to ensure the Balance, to make certain that events played out how Fate expected.
I let out a deep breath and then moved towards the woman, looking down at her. Now that I looked I could detect the slight bump of her stomach indicating that Alaula was indeed telling the truth. The mother had to die; I knew that much…but where on the list was her baby? I hadn't seen the baby on there anywhere and it should have been with her. It all kept going back to that single fact. It was what I clung to as I made my choice.
There was a loophole here. I stopped as I reached the woman and stood over her. This decision was mine as the Angel of Death. Thanos would understand, wouldn't he? This was a part of my duties after all. I had to interpret my list to the best of my ability. I hoped this was the right move.
"Tam, no!"
I knelt down beside the woman and then I looked up at Alaula. "Please, just relax and trust me. I'm not nearly as exhausted as you guys are. Have a little faith." I placed my left hand on her temple and my right hand over her heart, concentrating and carefully guiding the healing so that it was just enough to keep the woman's body going. It was such a natural action and yet I hadn’t done it much the past weeks. Just being able to help was such a pleasant rush. While I was connected to her I also made sure the baby was healthy and strong.
Then I pulled away and looked up at my friend. "The baby will be fine," I said. "I'm sure an ambulance will be here soon to take them in to the hospital." I paused, knowing that I had to tell her everything. "The mother will die after the baby is born. Her mind, her personality, they’re gone. She isn't meant to live any longer. I'm sorry but that it how it has to be."
Alaula just stared at me with a strange expression on her face. It was a mix of shock and surprise. I looked into her eyes, trying to figure out why she was looking at me that way. "You just healed them," she said slowly. "How is it that you can still heal? You're the Angel of Death."
I shook my head. We really needed a better name for my position. No wonder people only saw me as a sign of impending death. "My purpose is to ensure that Fate gets what it wants. Sometimes that's death but not all the time. The Leaders wouldn't exactly be willing to tell all of you that. We're not evil; we just sometimes have a more difficult task."
"I…I don't believe this."
I understood her surprise but to have her doubt my words and my intentions still stung a little. I sighed. "I'm sorry that you doubt me, but I'm telling you the truth. Do what you want with the information; I really don’t care. If you'll excuse me, I have other things I need to be doing." I turned away from her and started to walk away, feeling tears prick my eyes once more. It seemed like I had cried a lot more since becoming the Angel of Death and I really wasn't used to it.
I wanted to find that peace of being comfortable with my job so I could stop doubting and over-thinking. As a Resurrector I didn't have to think about what I was going to do; my actions were automatic as muscle memory took over most of the time. I didn't see their injuries so much as them being fully healed. Now I exploited their injuries, using those to keep them from recovering. It was a completely different feeling and I couldn't help but wonder how long it would take me to get past it. I hoped that I would sometime relatively soon.
The gray mist surrounded me and I left the scene of the car accident with Alaula and the you
ng mother who would never see or hold her child.
Thanos was waiting when I arrived back at the Facility. By the scowl on his face, I knew something was wrong. "What is it?" I asked, looking at him.
He shook his head and turned away from me. "It is not any of your concern. And no, it has nothing to do with your latest heal. Dinner is in the kitchen." His answer was brusquer than I had ever heard from him. Then he started to walk away.
I felt a pain in my chest. "You're not staying?"
He stopped and turned to look at me. The look in his eyes was one of a man who was tired and needed a break but knew he would not get one anytime soon. "Not tonight. I have far too much work to deal with. We can talk later, Tam. There's still plenty of time before you decide to move on."
He didn't even wait for me to say anything else. He was gone before I could stop him. Why did he always have this effect on me? I wanted him near me because of the way it made me feel but then again I didn't want him to be around me because the feelings were completely strange. I didn’t know how to deal with them. Then there was the feeling of not wanting him to leave but also thinking it would be best if he wasn't around.
I was so confused. What was going on? If Alaula hadn't treated me like an enemy then perhaps I could have asked her. She had always been more understanding than Sitara. This was something I knew next to nothing about. I knew I needed to get answers and soon. Dealing with this, trying to figure it all out seemed to be occupying most of my time. Concentrating on my work should have been my first priority, not this.
The next time Thanos and I sat down together, particularly if we did so in the study after dinner I would have to talk to him. Maybe he knew what I was experiencing and would be able to help me get through this. It couldn't continue like this; that much I knew.
I walked into the kitchen and saw dinner sitting on the stove, waiting for me. Pulling out my plate, I served up a decent sized portion of everything and then sat down at the table. As usual it both looked and smelled delicious. Chicken breasts with mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans. Each time it tasted different and I wondered just how he had learned to cook this way. He probably had a lot of time to master the skill. It was an explosion of flavor with every bite.
I rested my elbows on the table and propped my head up with my hands. My stomach rumbled but I pushed the food away. Eating meals alone always had the effect of making me feel like that loner freak that no one wanted to be around. Spending so much time alone wasn’t exactly a good thing.
It reminded me of the beginning of Resurrector training, after completing all the basic general education classes like History and Science. We were supposed to have an understanding of the lives of our charges, so we learned what they did in school. Kiran and Alaula had come to sit by me on that first day at lunch. I remembered Alaula saying something about not liking to see people alone. That was the first time I could remember anyone being nice to me just because it was in their nature, their personality to do so. And Alaula never treated me like a charity case either. Everything she said or did was genuine. Kiran and Alaula were the first ones who didn't make me think that I was a freak because of the black streaks in my hair.
I let out a deep breath and just sat there. I really missed having them around.
A while later I stood up and wrapped up my plate; I would have to eat it later, when I actually felt like eating. As I walked back to my room I couldn't help but think about Thanos and whatever work he had to do. He had never worked through a meal before. Something had changed and it couldn't be anything good. His grumpy mood attested to that. At that moment I wished he felt comfortable discussing his problems with me. I just wanted to spend time with people and not by myself so much.
I kicked off my shoes, changed into comfortable lounge clothes and lay down in bed. I would rest now and hopefully talk with Thanos later. That was the best option.
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Project Death: Resurrection Page 22
