Peace? Don’t people usually wish safety for journeys, not peace?
“In you go.” She smiled at me again. It was the most heart-wrenching smile I had ever seen. She pushed me not too gently toward the hole.
I hesitated. It was like leaving my grandmother for the last time all over again. I bent at the waist and inched my way forward under the rock overhang. I slid my feet through the snow, squinting to see. In the dark, I saw a circle an even deeper shade of black. It was about three feet wide. Had Aoife and Seanna really gone down that hole? I glanced back at the old woman who waved her hand for me to keep going.
I pushed closer to the dark circle. I slid the tip of my shoe to the edge of it. I felt a tug on my foot as a whoosh of air sounded from outside the rock formation. Metal clicked. I snapped my head around. Just before darkness washed over me, I saw Elder Narit watching me with a serene smile on her thin lips. The stars in the sky blotted out as a large, black shape moved behind her.
11
Empathy
I’m not sure what I expected as I slipped into the darkness. Maybe the same sensation I felt stepping through the gateway onto this planet. That feeling like my whole being was ripped apart bit by bit. It wasn’t like that at all. For that, I was grateful. I hadn’t felt quite all put together since the gateway had torn me apart on Earth and spit me out here. Well, I felt fine physically. Besides not being able to warm up completely and having my forehead gashed open by things that looked like a cross between bats and dinosaurs, that is. Emotionally and mentally was another story. I hadn’t been able to grasp on to anything substantial to stop my head from reeling with confusion. The last thing I needed was that disorienting feeling of being stripped down to the molecules that bounced together to make me again.
No, stepping into that hole was a whole other experience. On one of the rare trips we took outside of the Gate City area, my parents surprised me with a day at a water park near Denver. The place featured two huge pools and several different waterslides that ranged from a simple ten-foot slide to massive ones with all kinds of twists, turns, and drops. There was one in particular called The Toilet Bowl. It circled down in three large spirals before abruptly dropping the unsuspecting slider down an almost vertical drop they couldn’t see coming. It was terrifying. I went on it at least five times. It felt a little like that.
Instead of circling, however, the hole twisted and turned at random intervals. I felt myself jerked around, sure I would end up with whiplash by the end of the fall. If there was an end. For one heart stopping moment, the thought crossed my mind. What if there was no end? What if dropping us into an endless, looping hole was the Elder’s punishment for trespassing on the Jo-Shar lands.
The longer I fell, the more my head lightened. My stomach felt like it was trying to defy gravity by jumping out my throat and flying back up the hole. I couldn’t shake the sensation of dropping like a rock, but somewhat guided by the flow of water in the tube. Completely out of control in a controlled way. Make sense?
I couldn’t say how long I dropped. It was one of those situations that felt like an eternity within a few seconds. My heart thumped in my chest and I wanted to reach out my hands in hopes of grabbing the sides of the tunnel, but I was too afraid of what was out there. It was too dark to see. I kept them tucked in close to my body. I plummeted down the dark hole in a near free fall, moving faster and faster. I slid on my back on a smooth surface and, at times, I felt myself lift off as I fell faster and faster.
And then it was over. With a lurch, I found myself standing on solid ground, at least for a moment before the blood rushed back to my head. I opened my eyes, wondering when I had closed them, and my vision swam. I tipped over, managing to push my hands out to catch myself before I fell flat on my face. I stayed on my hands and knees until my vision cleared enough to lift my head. I found Seanna and Aoife watching me.
“What?” I asked.
“You look ready to bring your dinner back up,” Aoife said.
“What dinner? Nothing to bring up,” I said. I twisted into a sitting position. I looked up at a rock outcropping looming over my head and remembered that last vision of Elder Narit. I hurried to my feet, ignoring the rush of dizziness. “Elder Narit,” I whispered, turning to the girls. “We have to go back, she’s in trouble.”
“What do you mean?” Aoife asked.
“The thing. Whatever it was, it was right behind her. We have to go back.” I turned back to the hole darkening the overhanging rock above us. “How do we go back up?”
“We can’t go back,” Seanna said.
“What? We have to! Didn’t you hear? She’s in trouble.” The rock formation was at least thirteen feet from the ground. I glanced around, looking for something I could drag over to climb up to the hole.
“It doesn’t work like that, Gaige.”
“What doesn’t?”
“The hole. They’re one way. It won’t take you back up,” Seanna explained.
I looked at her. My mind raced, trying to make sense of what she just said. “No, that’s not right. It can’t be. We have to get up there.”
“You know how the travelways work, then?” she asked. A hint of annoyance invaded her voice.
I felt heat rise to my face, angry but unable to deny I had no idea what the travelways even were. I rushed out from underneath the outcropping, looking up the side of the dark mountain. I was beyond shocked to find we were indeed down near the bottom. In fact, we were a ways away from it, standing in its foothills. I shook off the disbelief. I had the feeling I’d have to start doing that a lot if I was going to make sense of anything. Suspend your disbelief or go crazy. “We have to go another way then.”
“Are you going to climb?” She gestured up. The mountain rose dark, high into the night sky above us. “It’s at least a three days’ climb. It’s too late, Gaige. We’ll never make it up there in time to help her or any of the other Jo-Shar that get caught out in the open with that thing. There’s nothing we can do.”
“So, we’re just going to do nothing? Not try anything at all?” I heard anger creep into my voice. “There must be some kind of magic you can do to get us back up there.” I whirled on her, directing my rage at her. “That’s what you do, right? Magic? Wave your hands around and poof us up there or something.”
“And then what?” Seanna voice filled with anger as well, biting hard through the night. “You’re going to throw rocks at it? Yell at it until it feels bad and leaves? What are you going to do?”
She had a point, of course, but that didn’t stop me from glaring at her. She glared right back until my shoulders drooped. “So, we can’t do anything?” Just as quickly as the anger had welled up in my voice, it fled, leaving only pleading.
“No,” Seanna said simply. “Even if I had a way to get us back up there, if it was behind her when you came through the hole, then it’s most likely already too late. The Jo-Shar will mourn the loss of an Elder, but they can take care of themselves.”
I looked back up the mountain and ground my teeth in frustration. “So, what do we do now?” I couldn’t believe we were giving up that easy. Maybe there really wasn’t anything we could do, like Seanna said. Maybe there was, but we were giving up. I was giving up.
“We need to find a place for the two of you to rest,” Seanna said. “I’m sure we can find a cave around here somewhere.” She turned and made her way slowly along the rocks, guided only by stars and a partial moon.
Aoife paused beside me and put a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she said and followed Seanna.
***
Clouds crept across the dark sky as we made our way down a steep hill like smears of black paint across a dark blue canvas. They blocked out the stars and made it nearly impossible to move safely. I stumbled and slid on loose rocks, following close behind Seanna with Aoife behind me. I don’t know how, but Seanna seemed to know where she was going. She didn’t hesitate as she led us along a path that wound around trees and rocks. Now that we we
re off the mountain, the night wasn’t nearly as cold, but still chilly enough for me to wrap the blanket of furs around my shoulders.
“Where is it?” Aoife called up from behind us.
“What?” Seanna asked.
“The village. The thing. I don’t see any light from the fire. From, you know, the village.”
“The other side of the mountain,” Seanna replied as if that was answer enough.
It wasn’t for Aoife. “The other side of the mountain?”
“The travelway took us through the mountain to the bottom, on the other side.”
“What are travelways?” I asked.
“Just what their names say.” She looked back, sighed, and went on. “Magic. Some of the only magic left on Alisundi. Long ago, they were used to travel the world in a blink.” She hesitated and I wondered if that was all we were getting from her, but then she added, “Many are closing as the magic drains from the land. Soon, they’ll be no more.”
“Magic is draining from the land?” I asked. “You mean, like, there won’t be any more at all? What’s happening to it?”
She didn’t answer. She led us on in silence. Apparently, that was all we were going to get from her.
Seanna found a cave about fifteen minutes later. The entrance was partially hidden behind a copse of evergreen trees. I would have completely missed it, but she went right to it like she knew it was there.
We ducked through the entrance and found ourselves in total darkness. I was about to sarcastically ask if anybody had a flashlight when I remembered my old standby. I dug my cell phone out of my pocket and flipped it open, expecting its backlight to provide at least a little illumination. It didn’t.
“I think my cell phone is dead,” I said with regret. “Can’t see a thing in here.”
A soft, purple glow sprung to life from Seanna’s amulet. “You don’t know how truly dead it is. Technology doesn’t survive passing through the Gateway. That thing will never work again.” She lifted her chin at the cell in my hand.
I sighed. Of course, it was dead. What had I expected in a day nothing had gone right for me? I stuck it back in my pocket despite its deadness and turned to look around. Seanna’s light cast a strange purple hue over everything but revealed a dirty cave that stretched twenty feet back with a ceiling about eight-foot-high at its highest point. It was dirty but dry. It also lacked any creepy crawlers that I could see, which was a huge bonus.
Aoife stood by my side, looking like a ghost in the pale light. I tried to smile, but I’m pretty sure it came across as a grimace. She didn’t react, only pulled her cloak and blanket tighter against her.
“I can’t leave this on for very long, so make yourselves comfortable,” Seanna said.
I looked at the ground around me. Where I stood was as level as any, so I sat down. Was she really dead? Elder Narit moved better up the rocky hill than I would have thought, but there was no way she could have escaped. Was there? The image of the hut exploding in the village ran through my mind. Was that what happened to the Elder, blown to bits trying to help us escape?
“What was that thing?” I asked.
Seanna stood at the mouth of the cave, looking out into the dark. She glanced over her shoulder. “You two should try to get some rest,” she finally said. “We have a long day tomorrow, and I’ll have plenty of time to answer your questions.” She didn’t say anything for several long moments.
“I’d really like some answers now,” I said.
“I’m going to go put up a few wards. For protection.” She disappeared into the night, plunging the cave back into darkness.
“Thanks for that,” I said sarcastically even though I knew she wouldn’t hear it.
Funny thing, a mind in the dark. When there was nothing to see, it invited images to satisfy itself. And when a vivid image starts running around inside, the mind doesn’t want to let go of it easily. No matter how hard I tried to push the completely fabricated image of Elder Narit being blown to bits out of my head, it just kept right on replaying itself. I tried to think of other less gruesome things, but I couldn’t shake that image.
And I couldn’t take the silence of the cave. It was going to drive me crazy.
I felt Aoife settle to the ground near me. I aimed my attention at her. “What happened back there?”
“I freaked out.” She shrugged without looking at me.
“I don’t believe that. What was the Elder talking about? She said you could control it. Control what?”
“People around here don’t know when to keep their mouths shut,” she muttered.
“That’s not really the point, is it?” If I couldn’t get answers out of Seanna, maybe I could force them from Aoife.
“It’s none of your business,” she snapped. A half beat later, she said, “Okay, fine. Wanna know? I’m an empath, okay? Happy?”
“A what?”
“Are you really that dense?” she asked.
“I guess so.”
“Empath. Empathy. Somebody who can feel what other people are feeling?”
“Oh,” I said lamely.
“Yeah. And it’s not like an ‘I feel you, bro,’ type of thing. I can feel what people feel and it affects me. Even if you try to hide your emotions, I can see them.”
“See them?”
“I see emotions as color. Every emotion has its own color.”
I barked a laugh. “You’re just messing with me now.”
She let out a huff, and somewhere inside me, I knew she really wasn’t.
“So, you can feel and see other people’s emotions?” I asked. “Isn’t that distracting, always seeing people’s, um, color?” I couldn’t believe I was even asking. It was all just so ludicrous.
“I can control when it happens.” She let out a breath. “Well, usually.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Since we got here, I’ve had a hard time reading anybody. Even you.”
“You read me?” I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of that. I really didn’t want somebody looking into some of the things I felt.
“You’re an open book, Gaige. But no, not all the time.”
A thought bounded through the dark and hit me like a slap upside the head. “Your eyes. They turn golden when you’re reading people?” I meant it as a statement, something I figured out all on my own, but it came out as a question.
“Like I said, I can usually control it, and I don’t do it all the time. Frankly, it’s a pain in the butt to deal with. Most of the time, I really don’t want to know what people are feeling. You have no idea what it’s like to feel somebody’s petty jealousy. Greed. Hurt. Love.” She let out a short laugh. There was no humor behind it. “I don’t just feel their emotions, they affect me, like I said. Do you know what it’s like to get a sudden welling up of emotion and not understand why?”
I knew it was a rhetorical question, but I made an attempt at some sort of reply. “A big enough pain to keep you up all night?”
She grunted, sounding suitably impressed I was able to put two and two together.
“But I thought you could control it.”
She thought a moment. “I guess not really. I can’t block it out completely. I can filter it. Dim it, but there are always bits and pieces of emotion and feelings getting into me. The more people I’m around, the harder it is to keep them out. And nights are the worse. That’s when people’s emotions run out of control.”
I decided I would definitely take lower grades over what she went through. “So, what happened?” I asked again.
She thought for a moment. “You know, I’d give anything to not have this stupid ‘gift.’ It’s a burden. But I’m not sure how I would be able to handle not having it. When I got here, it was like it was shut down completely with Seanna. Even with the Jo-Shar, I only picked up bits and pieces, caught a dim color here and there. It was like losing a sense like hearing or sight. It was losing a sense. It left me with nothing but my own feelings. You have no idea
how awkward that is. All the fear, the doubt, the suspicion, it was all mine. But I could see enough of Niklas to know to trust him. Elder Narit, too, even though it was muffled. Their feelings and their colors were so dim and muted I could barely see them. But every time I tried to open myself to others, it just wasn’t there. Everything I felt was mine.”
“What were you feeling?”
I felt her shrug a shoulder, dismissing the question. “Out in the field, when that hut exploded, it was like the dam burst. It all came back like a stampeding herd of buffalo. It’s like that snapped whatever was blocking my empathy, and all of the fear the Jo-Shar felt came rushing into me. I had no time to even prepare myself for that kind of onslaught.”
I had no idea what to say to her. What was there to say? Sorry you have some weird ability that has caused you to become an insomniac and to question your own feelings. I didn’t think there was a Hallmark card for that.
“Gaige, I don’t trust Seanna,” she said abruptly.
“What? Why not?”
“She’s different. Blocked off,” she said, struggling to find the right words.
“You can’t read her?”
“No. Not even before we came here. Back on Earth, I couldn’t read her. But now that my empathy is back, I still can’t.”
“Magic.”
We both jumped and turned to the cave entrance. Seanna stood there in the dark, her amulet no longer lit. “You can’t read me because I am guarded by magic. Not all of us are willing to have every one of our emotions on display and used.”
“What do you have to hide?” Aoife asked.
“Nothing,” Seanna retorted. “It’s a matter of privacy, not secrecy.”
“Is there a difference?”
“To me, there is. You two should sleep.”
As soon as Seanna said it, I felt the whole day’s weariness fall on my shoulders like somebody turned gravity up to ten when it usually simmered at three. I found myself agreeing with her and lying down, trying to get comfortable on the hard-packed ground, wrapped in the blanket. I was mildly surprised that Aoife did the same. I closed my eyes with a sigh, and immediately the made-up image of Elder Narit exploding started playing in my head. I felt a hand on my shoulder.
The Gatekeeper Trilogy Page 11
