by Julia London
“Soon. I’ve got to take care of a few things first.”
When he arrived home, a very sheepish Rico met him in the drive. The two of them hadn’t spoken since Rafe took his place and went to Aspen. Rafe looked his brother up and down. “So you’re out of jail.”
“Yeah. Dude,” Rico said. “I’m sorry.”
Rafe shrugged. “You’re always sorry, Rico, but being sorry doesn’t change anything. You have to make the change. You have to want it.”
“I do want it,” Rico said, and shoved his fingers through his hair. “You have no idea how much I want it. Or how hard it is. I think I’ve got it, then something happens, and I just . . . just can’t stop myself.”
Rico was right—Rafe didn’t know how hard it was. But he was tired of the apologies and the promises to do better. He considered his brother a moment before saying, “I have an idea for you, if you’re willing.”
“What’s that?” Rico asked warily.
Rafe had talked to Jason and Chaco, and they’d agreed with Rafe. Rico needed a big change.
He suspected Rico would jump at any opportunity to get him off this ranch. Hallie had been right about that—Rico was not cut out for ranch life. And Rafe couldn’t not help his brother. “Let’s go inside,” he said, and put his hand on Rico’s shoulder, squeezing affectionately.
When Rafe explained what he had in mind, Rico didn’t hesitate. “I’ll go. When are we leaving?”
“End of the week,” Rafe said.
“Dude,” Rico said. “Thanks.”
Rafe didn’t have much to say to that. He wanted to help Rico. But he resented that it had to intrude on his life.
He left Rico in the kitchen with his mom, talking excitedly about going to Chicago. According to Rico, he’d “always wanted to go there.”
Rafe walked outside, got in his truck, drove into town, and parked in the Timmons Tire and Body Shop parking lot. He had missed Hallie something awful. Had thought about her every moment of every day he’d been gone. He didn’t know how he was going to explain the new wrinkle in his family life. He still wanted her to come to Chicago, but he didn’t know how he would make this all work.
He texted, What up?
Looking for my pointe shoes. I swear I had them here.
Can you come into town?
!!! Are you back?
He responded with an emoji wearing sunglasses and a smile.
Where are you?
Good question. Where was he? His heart was with Hallie. His head was somewhere different. Timmons Tire and Body. Beautiful afternoon. Meet me at the park by the gazebo.
Give me thirty. No emoji. No kissy faces, no GIFs of someone frantically finding something to wear. A simple give me thirty.
He tried not to read too much into it.
He was sitting in the gazebo in their bicentennial park when Hallie drove up and hopped out of her Range Rover. She was wearing jeans that accentuated her curves, and her strawberry blond hair hung in a braid over her shoulder. When she spotted him, she ran across the park, and he had to admit with a smile that her form had improved drastically.
He stood up when she entered the gazebo, and Hallie took a flying leap at him, wrapping her legs around him and kissing him hard. She lifted her head. “That’s how they do it on The Bachelor.”
“I have no idea what that means.”
She unwrapped her legs and slid down his body. “I missed you, dude. It seemed like forever! How long has it been?”
An eternity. “Ah . . . four or five days?” He put his fingers beneath her chin and tilted her head back to kiss her. He lingered there, his lips on hers, his tongue touching hers, and he felt a rumble in his body that went to his core. It was an earthquake. But he had to keep his emotions in check, under wraps. He had to do the right thing, to say this in the right way.
When he lifted his head, she smiled. “Did you fix your problem?”
She was talking about Chicago, but he immediately thought of his personal problem. “Some of it.” They’d paid for the plumbing inspection. But they’d run into some trouble with the electrical wiring. Chaco said he thought they might have to rewire the whole damn building. “How have you been?”
“Oh! Busy,” she said. She smiled.
Rafe pushed his hands into his pockets. “It’s cold. Want to go to the taco stand? Or how about the Magnolia? It’s nearly happy hour—”
“Wait, Rafe. I need to tell you something.”
Rafe’s heart hitched. Don’t do it. Don’t say it. “Listen, Rico relapsed,” he blurted. He didn’t know why he said it like that, other than he wasn’t ready to hear what she had to say.
Hallie gasped.
“He was arrested for public intoxication—”
“No! He’s in jail?”
“He’s out now.”
“I am so sorry. How did I not know this? I saw Martin yesterday—”
“That is not something my dad would want known.”
“Oh.” She stared up at him. “I’m so sorry, Rafe. I know how much you and your family have worried about him.”
“Right,” he said, and glanced down. “So here’s the thing. Rico needs help.”
“Sure.”
“I’m going to take him to Chicago with me, and he’s going to work with us.”
Hallie nodded again. She swallowed. “Okay,” she said after a moment. “That’s great. So . . . you’re both moving to Chicago.”
“Yes. I know I asked you, and I still—”
“You know, that actually works out great for both of us, I think.”
He felt suddenly incapable of movement or speech.
“I’m moving to Austin. To finish school.”
Rafe was stunned. He couldn’t think of what to say.
“Remember? I told you in Aspen.”
“Yeah,” he said. He put his hand on his waist. He turned away from her, ran his palm over his head, trying to absorb the blow. “Did you at least think about coming to Chicago?”
“I did,” she said quietly. “A lot.”
He looked at her over his shoulder. He loved her so much that he couldn’t breathe right now. “You thought about it.”
She sighed. She looked at her hands for a long moment. When she looked up, she said, “I did think about it. And I thought you were right, that I was jumping from a broken engagement into another relationship—”
“Oh my God,” he muttered. There it was, the gut punch.
“It doesn’t mean I feel any differently about you, Rafe. I love you. But I think I need to get out on my own. I need to do this, to accomplish something without anyone’s help. I need to know who Hallie is.”
“You can’t accomplish that in Chicago?”
She pressed her lips together.
“Right,” he muttered. He felt sick. He had skated onto the lake, and he had plunged through the thin ice, and now he was drowning. “So what, we just go back to where we were? After what happened in Aspen?”
“Aspen was amazing,” she said. The tears were glistening in her eyes.
“Yeah, so glad you thought so, too,” he said sarcastically. “I never should have gone. I never should have told you.”
“But I’m so glad you did—”
“So you can break me now?” he asked hoarsely. “How can you just turn it off? I can’t! I think about you all the time. I thought things were different now.”
“I am different,” she said, pressing her hands one on top of the other over her heart. “I am profoundly changed. But I need to do this for myself. I can’t go from depending on one man to depending on another. I have never in my life been on my own, Rafe. I have never had to make it. Someone always made it for me. I need to discover this, and if I don’t, I don’t know what kind of partner I could be to you. I really thought you’d understand.”
>
“What I understand,” he said bitterly, “is that I was right about you and me. I knew it could never go anywhere, not really. You were never going to be with a guy like me. Well, Hal, we’ve had our moment in the sun. Now I have my brother to think about, and a business I’m trying to get off the ground, and you are moving to Austin, apparently, and we need to step back and let things settle.”
She looked stricken. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Rafe. I am trying to be a better person!”
He looked at her beautiful, lovely face and gave a small, sardonic laugh. “My old man was right.”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
“Rafe!” She put her hands on her hips. “I am obviously not explaining myself well. I’m doing this for both of us, don’t you get it?
“You’re not doing it for me,” he said, the anger suddenly gone out of him. “But do what you need to do, Hallie. I would never be able to bear your resentment anyway.”
“What resentment?”
“The resentment that would come. It might not happen now, but someday, down the road, when I couldn’t provide for you in the way you wanted or be the high-society escort you’re used to, when I couldn’t give you the lavish things your father gave your mother, you would resent me.”
“Wow,” she said. She took another step back. Her expression had gone from dark to stunned. “Is that what you think of me? Sounds to me like the real resentment would be on your end. Because I would never resent you, Rafe. Especially not for something as shallow as things.”
He turned away a moment, trying to get his thoughts together. But when he pivoted back around, two tears had slid down Hallie’s face. He crumbled. “No, no, no,” he said. “Hallie, baby, please don’t cry. I’m just . . . I’m disappointed.”
“I’m not crying. When I found my fiancé in bed with a bridesmaid, I cried,” she said. “Tears of sheer fury. But these aren’t tears.” She pointed at her face. “You want to know what this is? This is a leak from a broken heart. I’m leaking, Rafe, because I really do love you. I really do. I should have told you, I should have made that clear. But I love you so much, and I think that I have to figure out how to love myself, too, or I’m never going to be the woman you need me to be. Did you ever think about that? Because I don’t want you to resent me either.”
He felt his own heart cracking and leaking, too. He carefully put his hand on her elbow and slowly pulled her into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her. “I guess we’re breaking up before we even start,” he said into her hair.
“Ohmigod, this is just like The Bachelor, too,” she said tearfully. “My life is one long episode of the fucking Bachelor.” And then she began to cry.
He still didn’t know what she was talking about, but he felt like he’d just been tossed into a dumpster to lie in the ruins of his broken heart.
Chapter Twenty-five
A stiff breeze kept snapping the Texas flag Dolly had installed over Charlie’s grave. Like they needed to call any more attention to themselves.
Cordelia had on her sheepskin booties and a puffy jacket Charlie had bought her in Zurich one year. It was a bit of overkill—it wasn’t that cold—but Cordelia could not seem to shake a chill that had settled into her bones with the first winter rain.
“Well, you won’t believe what happened,” she said to Charlie’s grave. “Martin pulled me aside and apologized for his son. Can you believe that? I wouldn’t apologize for our kids even if they murdered someone.” She hesitated a moment to think about that. “Well. Maybe if they murdered someone. My point is, you defend your kids.”
A lone hawk circled overhead, checking out the ground for something to eat.
“Weather is coming,” she announced. “Rain. Might ice a little.” She wondered if she could have a fire pit up here. She’d ask Martin about that when he’d had a chance to calm down from their latest spat.
“Helloooo!”
“For God’s sake,” Cordelia muttered. Here came Dolly. She had a thermos and a tote bag slung over her shoulder.
“A bit chilly today, isn’t it?” Dolly asked.
“Yes, too chilly for seniors. You don’t have to stay,” Cordelia said.
“Oh, I’m all right. And besides, I like spending time with you, Delia.” She smiled and patted the top of Cordelia’s head.
Cordelia swatted Dolly’s hand away.
Dolly settled into the chair next to Cordelia, the thermos dangling from her fingers. “What’s in there?” Cordelia asked.
“A medicinal.”
“What sort of medicinal?”
“The type to soothe a weary soul,” Dolly said with a wink.
“My soul is not weary,” Cordelia countered.
“Okay, then it sparks a perky soul.”
Cordelia arched a brow.
“It’ll warm you up.”
“Do you have cups?”
Dolly reached into the tote bag and withdrew a pair of plastic coffee cups. She opened up the thermos and poured. Cordelia could smell the alcohol. Dolly handed a cup to Cordelia, tapped her cup against it, then said, “Now, what did you say to Martin that upset him so?”
“Oh, that,” Cordelia said. “Can you believe that stupid man actually thought I’d let him go? He said between the money problems, and our argument about the horses, which, for the record, he won, and his son messing around with my daughter, he fully expected to be cut.”
“We can’t cut Martin,” Dolly said.
“Well, I know.” Cordelia sipped the concoction. It was spiked hot tea. “This is delicious.”
“Good afternoon, ladies!”
Cordelia and Dolly turned their heads to see George struggling up the hill. “Are we going to have to put in a chair lift in for you, George?” Cordelia called. She stood up, opened up the third lawn chair, purchased at the end-of-season sale at Walmart. She set it next to Dolly. “Dolly makes it up here just fine.”
George braced himself against a tree to catch his breath. “She’s a fit and healthy woman.”
“You should take up tai chi, George,” Dolly suggested.
“I just might.”
“What are you doing here?” Cordelia asked, and gestured to his chair.
“Dropping off some papers for Hallie. She’s interested in doing something with those warehouses after all.”
“What?” Dolly asked. “She’s moving to Austin next week. What’s she going to do with warehouses?”
“That, I don’t know. She asked for the deed restrictions and I brought them down.” He sat, and accepted a cup from Dolly. He sipped. He coughed. He sipped again. “What’s Martin so mad about?”
Cordelia waved her hand. “I didn’t consider his feelings.”
“There’s a shocker,” Dolly muttered. “And he thought Delia was going to fire him.”
“I’m not going to fire him, I’m not an idiot,” she said to Dolly. To George, she explained, “He apologized to me for Rafe. Said he didn’t think anything between Rafe and Hallie was appropriate given the Fontana working relationship with us. I told him to take his head out of his ass, he was being more uptight than me. He said he didn’t think that was even possible, and that his concern was for his son, not Hallie. Well, that didn’t sit well, so I said, ‘Listen, Martin. There are two types of people in the world. The type that thinks young love is beautiful no matter who it is,’” she said, holding up one finger, “‘and dumb-asses. And guess which one you’re being.’” She snorted. “Last I checked, Rafe was a grown-ass man. And why would Martin apologize for anyone spending time with my daughter? So I told him it wasn’t his business, and that I couldn’t ask for a better companion for Hallie, and he said, oh sure, when they had their first big fight, I’d think differently, and then it would be the old heave-ho for the Fontanas.” She shook her head. “Ridiculous. Why are men so ridiculous?”
> “Delia, you’d be an absolute fool to let Martin Fontana go,” George said sternly.
“Well, I know that, George. I told him he was a damn fool if he thought for one minute that I could run this place without him, and he’d be buried up here along with the rest of us.”
“What’d he say?” Dolly asked.
“Not much. He got down off his high horse and swanned right out of there.”
She noticed that Dolly and George were looking at each other with surprise. “What?” she demanded.
“Two weeks ago, you said you’d take Charlie’s gun and shoot Rafe if you found out he was in Aspen with Hallie,” Dolly reminded her.
“I say a lot of things I don’t mean,” Cordelia said defensively. “But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that outside of family, no one has ever stood by Hallie like Rafe Fontana has. He’s a good man. Look at the way he’s cared for his own family. He took Rico to Chicago to get him straightened out. He cared for his mother all those years when she was sick. He’s a good man, and if he wants to keep Hallie safe and love her, I’m not standing in the way.”
“They’re in love, you know,” Dolly said.
Cordelia looked at her. “Are they?”
“Well, I think so. They practically smell like it. I don’t blame Hallie—he’s got a great butt.”
“Dolly—”
“But I don’t want her to go to Chicago,” Dolly said. “That’s too far.”
Cordelia shrugged. “I don’t, either, but if that’s where life leads her, who are we to say?”
Dolly reared back and stared at Cordelia. “What in blazes has happened to you?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Could have been Wednesday night when George over here took me out for a drink and explained that I was a little snooty.”
“I never said snooty,” George said.
“You said I should live and let live.”
“What I said was that you had to stop harassing Tanner Sutton.”
George was referring to Margaret Sutton Rhodes’s son, Tanner. Or, as Cordelia thought of him, Charlie’s illegitimate son with his illegitimate lover. Who had once been Cordelia’s best friend. And now Tanner was heir to the acreage on the west side. “Well, that’s not going to happen—I’m not going to let him build apartments there. But I thought about what you said, George, and I decided you are right. Life doesn’t always go according to plan. People need to be happy, and Hallie hasn’t been happy in a very long time.”
