“Have a seat anywhere, Rina,” said Therapy Brittany while the other participants filtered in. She waited until the group got settled. “Everyone, let’s get started today by saying hello to our new member, Rina.”
A flurry of “hey,” “hi,” and “welcome” came her way from the small gathering of people, along with a muddle of names.
“Hello,” she replied.
For the entire hour, Rina listened to people whose lives had been turned inside out from drug use. Since she was bad at recalling their names, she found it easier to identify them in her mind by assigning nicknames.
First to speak was “Jack Smack,” whose heroin addiction had caused him to separate from his wife and kids. Then came “Bump,” the woman who kept referring to her cocaine use as measured in “bumps.” A bump in the morning, a bump before, during, and after one event or another.
After Bump came “Notes,” a famous musician, and then a woman in her forties whom she vaguely recognized and therefore named “Hollywood.”
Lastly, the prescription drug addict—the girl from the bench by the lake. Young. Sweet. Liked feeding ducks but was pretty enough to be called “Swan.” If I had met this girl under different circumstances, I would never have guessed that she had a drug problem.
The more everyone in the group shared their individual stories, the more Rina wished she had a piece of chocolate. Not a big one. Just a tiny taste to get her through the last of the session.
“Rina?” said Therapy Brittany.
Rina was jolted back to reality. “Yes.”
“Do you have anything you’d like to say?”
“No.”
“This process works a lot better if you share. Would you like to share with us what brought you here?”
“Not really.”
“May I ask why?” said the therapist.
“I’m afraid of what everyone here will think of me.”
“We’re all familiar with that feeling and we’re not going to judge you. We know what judgment feels like, and it’s not useful to healing. So have at it.”
Jack Smack snickered, folded his arms and sank down in his chair. “We’re going to figure it out anyway. You might as well come clean. Besides, have you been listening? We’ve all done really bad shit.”
“Yeah,” said Bump. “What’s your poison, Rina? Meth, blow, heroin?”
“Chocolate,” Rina answered.
The circle suddenly became intensely still, as though the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. All eyes focused on her.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” said Jack.
“Oh man!” said Bump. “You’re not serious.”
Rina turned toward the therapist and raised an eyebrow. “Now, what was that speech you gave about judgment?”
Swan sat up straight. “Settle down, people. Rina shared and that’s what’s important.” She turned to Rina and tilted her head. “What kind of chocolate?”
Chapter Six
The following afternoon, Rina ambled toward the lake and watched Swan toss the last of her bread scraps to the ducks. She stopped several feet before the bench. “Mind if join you?”
Swan turned her head and welcomed Rina with only a smile, then turned back toward the lake. Rina shared the bench and stared at the water.
“How was your first night?” asked Swan.
“Okay.”
Swan glanced over at her. “I meant how was your first night without Belgian dark?”
“Boring. You’ll have to excuse me,” Rina began. “I’m really bad with names, especially when I meet more than one person at a time.”
“Amanda.”
Rina chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
“I had to give you a name in my head until I could ask you.”
“What was it?”
“Swan.”
“Swan?”
“I saw you feeding the ducks and geese yesterday, and neither of those names fit you.”
“Hmm. Swan,” said Amanda. “I like it. You can call me Swan.”
“May I ask you a personal question?”
“Sure,” Swan replied.
“Why did you choose this particular rehab?”
“I had heard that this is where all the movie industry people go.”
“Ah, so you’re in the business.” Rina handed Swan a piece of bread wrapped in a napkin. “I took this for you at lunch time.”
“Thanks.” Swan tore the bread into pieces and tossed them to the ducks. “I like your movies. I hope you don’t mind me saying so.”
“No, it’s what I’m best known for.”
“Your eyes are overwhelming in person, you know.”
“So I hear.”
Rina glanced down at the legal pad on the bench. She wouldn’t attempt to read what was on it without her reading glasses, and she wasn’t about to wear her reading glasses in public while fighting back an urge for chocolate. “You like to write, Swan?”
“It’s what I’m best known for. Although I have worked as a script editor for TV.”
“What do you write?”
“Novels and teleplays, except now I’m working on a screenplay.”
“Have you written something I might have read or seen?”
Swan shrugged and stared across the lake.
“How much longer are you here for?” asked Rina.
“A few weeks. Can I ask why you think you need to come to rehab for chocolate?”
“Dr. Malinworthy asked me the same question. It seemed like the right thing to do and the time to do it.”
“You know, it’s never about the drug. It’s about answering the question of why we self-medicate. What could be so painful that we kill ourselves slowly, so that we don’t have to feel what’s causing the pain?”
Rina nodded. “I guess I’m about to find out. Have you figured out why you took drugs? I’m sorry. Is that out of line?”
Swan turned to her and smiled. “No, it’s not out of line at all. I’m starting to get an idea of why I went off the rails. I’m glad to make a friend here. It’s a good program, but I haven’t connected with anyone in group.”
Rina drew in a slow breath and then exhaled. “I’m glad to know you too. It’s relaxing watching you feed the ducks.”
Swan tore a piece of bread and handed it to Rina. “Give it a try. I think we could learn a few things from the fowl around here.”
“Such as?” Rina asked in surprise.
Swan pointed to the geese. “Take Gary and Greta there.”
“You’ve named them?”
“Only the ones I’ve become fond of. Anyway, Gary always positions himself to protect Greta when she eats. Did you know that geese pair for life?”
“I didn’t.”
“And if one of them gets sick or injured, their partner won’t leave them, even if winter looms or all their friends are flying south. Now that’s what I call loyalty.”
“I agree. I can barely conjure anyone I know who’s that loyal.” Rina paused. “Maybe I can learn something from the geese.”
Swan nodded. “That makes two of us.”
The bell rang.
“Time for group, Rina.”
The women walked back to the building and up to the second floor in silence.
“Hello, Therapy Brittany,” said Rina as she took a seat.
Swan took a seat on the opposite side of the circle from Rina.
Therapy Brittany waited until the group was assembled. “Today we’re going to switch things up a little and hopefully have fun.” She had Bump and Jack Smack and Hollywood and Notes exchange addictions and role-play. When they finished, she looked to Swan and Rina.
“Rina, you now have Amanda’s addiction to prescription drugs. Amanda, you’re now addicted to chocolate. Amanda, you go first.”
Amanda stood and strutted across the room, tossed back her imaginary long hair and mimicked Rina. Before she uttered a word, everyone except Therapy Brittany laughed.
“I don’t just love chocolate. No
, I’m addicted to it! Belgian Dark—75 percent cacao.” She turned to the therapist. “Do you have any chocolate? I wonder if there’s any chocolate in this place. There has to be a piece of chocolate somewhere. I’d eat a Hershey bar at this point. Life is so boring without chocolate.”
The addicts laughed again, none harder than Rina as she applauded Swan’s performance. Swan curtsied and sat.
“Okay, Rina, here’s your turn to get even,” said Therapy Brittany.
Rina ripped a sheet of paper from her notebook, tore it into scraps, and made little paper balls. She pulled her chair into the middle of the circle, sat, and took a moment to get into character. She tossed the first paper ball at Jack Smack’s head. “I love feeding the ducks and geese,” she said wistfully. “Geese mate for life.” She tossed paper balls at each person’s head. “Did you know geese mate for life? They’re loyal.” And then with her worst melodramatic portrayal said, “I could go for some Oxy. Oxy! Got any Oxy? Wait, I’m asking the geese if they have Oxy. Come here, Gary and Greta. You’re my fave goose couple.” Rina continued tossing the balled-up paper at each person in the group, playfully aiming the largest one at Swan.
Slumped in her seat, Swan belly-laughed and batted the paper ball back at Rina.
Therapy Brittany applauded. “Great job, group. I’m going to let you go a few minutes early today because I want you to take some time to share what you saw and how you felt when your partner was making fun of your addiction. Then I want you to explain to each other why you chose to highlight the things you acted out. For example, Rina, why did you pick feeding geese? Take notes if you have to, because tomorrow we’re going to share about it. Have a good night, everybody.”
“Hey, Rina,” said Swan, “you want to have dinner with me?”
Rina turned to her and mocked Swan’s performance. “Do you have any chocolate?”
Swan laughed. “No. Got any Oxy?”
“No! And I wouldn’t give it to you if I did.”
“Then good luck finding my chocolate.”
Rina smirked and then smiled. “You really know how to hurt a girl, Swan. After you,” she said, following Swan out the door.
Chapter Seven
Julia finished feeding the horses. “Time for my breakfast now. No more rides for you guys until I finish that sculpture or it’ll never be ready in time for Nicki’s birthday.” She patted the side of each horse before leaving.
When she heard the phone ringing in the kitchen, she sprinted for the back door. “Hello.”
“Why are you breathing so hard?”
“Vitty! Is that you?”
“Hi, Sis.”
“I called you a couple of nights ago but didn’t leave a message.”
“I saw that,” said Vitty. “I haven’t left the office before ten at night in over a week. Would you believe this is the first chance I’ve had to get back to you?”
“I would. We Dearling women are hard workers.”
“Listen, JuJu, I have a meeting in a minute, but I wanted to give you a quick call to see when I can come home for a visit. My boss owes me a long weekend off and I want to see you.”
“Sure!” Julia beamed. “Yeah, that’d be great. I have Nicki’s birthday party coming up, but any other weekend is fine. I’ll see if Cass can cover me when you’re here.”
“Great, tell her I said hi. I’ll call you later with the details. Gotta go. Muah,” Vitty said before the line went dead.
Julia dialed Cass while she juggled vegetable containers from the fridge to the counter for an omelette. “Hey,” she said when her friend picked up. “I just heard from Vitty. She wants to come for a visit—I’m guessing within a few weeks. Any chance you can swap a Saturday with me?”
“You want to work for me today and we’ll call it even?” asked Cass.
“Sure, I’ll grab a quick shower and open.”
“It’s too dang early to sound that chipper.”
“Vitty’s coming home! Thanks, Cass.”
Julia placed the food containers back in the fridge and raced upstairs.
“Yay! Vitty and Nicki can finally meet.”
* * *
Julia bounded into the diner, flipped the OPEN sign in the window and entered the kitchen. “Morning, Isabella.”
The cook raised her eyebrows. “What are you doing here?”
Julia stowed her purse and tied her apron. “I switched days with Cass. Vitty’s coming for a visit.”
“Why?” said the matronly fifty-five-year-old.
“She misses me.”
Isabella snapped down the lid of a container with more force than necessary. “Julia, I promised your grandmother I’d watch over you. I know you love and miss Vitty, but if she’s coming home it’s because she wants something.”
Julia pursed her lips. “No, we miss each other!”
Isabella shook her head. “I hope you’re right, but I don’t want you to be disappointed if she lets you down.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. We’re sisters who live three thousand miles apart.”
“When was she here last?”
“About a year ago.”
“Uh-huh. And what happened on the third day?”
Julia thought about it. “Oh, she wasn’t serious about selling the ranch.”
“You sure about that, mija?”
“What is it with you and Cass? You always suspect Vitty of the worst. I’m proud of how successful she is.”
“I watched you and Vitty grow up. You couldn’t be more different. She flew the coop for New York, leaving you to handle all of Grandmother Lucia’s affairs.”
“Well, yeah. I was the executor.”
“With good reason.”
Julia thought about it. Isabella had been in her life forever, and she was the one who had comforted Julia when Grandmother Lucia had died—when Vitty left. “Vitty’s strong suit was math, not cooking.”
Isabella chuckled. “Boy, that’s the truth! Luckily, one of you got Lucia’s talent. Cass and I could package this stuff for sale. We could make a lot of money with these fabulous recipes.”
Julia peeked through the window in the door. “Breakfast crowd is here.” She flung back the door, grabbed a stack of menus, and set them down on the table of four women. The one she knew was a friend of Nicki’s.
“Hi, Caroline. Nice to see you. You girls know what you’d like or do you need a minute?”
“So you’re Nicki’s current girlfriend,” said the blonde on Caroline’s right. “I used to date her.”
Julia plastered a noncommittal smile on her lips.
“So did I,” one of the remaining two women chimed in. “Guess it’s your turn. Good luck.”
“I’ll give you all a minute to figure out what you want,” said Julia. She turned away and rolled her eyes.
Is it a full moon?
Chapter Eight
The first week without her phone had been harder for Rina than the last two. She enjoyed eating the healthy meals and having time to explore who and what she was without her entourage talking in her ear. While she admitted to being homesick, there was no denying that the simplicity of her routine had left room to meditate on what was important. A smorgasbord of thoughts and feelings made their rounds on a daily basis. She thought about how she liked filming on location because it meant there would be people around her. But then she wondered how many more opportunities would come to a woman her age. And if that thought wasn’t depressing enough, it was compounded by the fact that she lived a reclusive existence in her Malibu mansion.
But here in this Namaste place, she was finally able to admit to herself that she missed being the sexual and passionate woman that she was. It had been a long time since she’d been able to trust someone enough to allow them to get that close. Then she wondered if, like her career, the best of it was over and done.
Clay had left a message while Rina was in therapy, asking her to call back. He said he had good news—no, “great news”!
Her urge to scratch
and claw her way to the next big role, like her urge to reach for Belgian dark, was no longer immediate. I’ll call him later.
The chocolate addict then thought of how Swan had proved to be a good friend, helping Rina rediscover the value of laughter in the face of adversity. Sometimes, after dinner, they worked on Swan’s screenplay, and during afternoon reflection time, Rina had taken to Swan’s daily ritual of communing with waterfowl. She was beginning to feel like a regular person—the most challenging role she’d been offered in a long time.
“Okay,” Rina said to no one as she leaned back on her bed pillows. “I have a choice—at least according to Dr. Malinworthy. I’ve made the choice to not have chocolate every day so far. So I choose not to have chocolate today. Huh. Could that have sounded any less convincing?”
She stood, walked to the mirror, and cleared her throat. “Who is this character? What is her motivation?” She thought for a moment, then tossed her chestnut waves and stared into the character playing opposite her in the mirror. Rina tried on three different facial expressions and settled on Determined Glare Number Four—distinguishable from Number Three by the raised eyebrow.
“You think you can control me! But you’re dead wrong. I have a choice, and you’re not it. I don’t choose you, chocolate. Get it? Not interested. Now get out.” She laughed. “And, end scene. Cheesy, but fun.”
She turned toward the light tap on the door. “Who is it?”
“It’s Swan.”
“Hi,” Rina said when she answered.
“Sorry to bother you. Is this a bad time?”
“Not at all. I was just practicing choosing in the mirror.”
Swan chuckled. “In the mirror?”
“I am an actor, Swan. Come in.”
“How does one practice choosing in a mirror, Rina?”
“Watch and learn. I’ve titled this scene, ‘Breaking Up With Chocolate.’”
Rina performed a second take of the breakup.
Swan laughed and applauded. “Brava!”
“I’m sure it will get better with practice,” Rina said sarcastically.
“You’ve acted it out, while I’ve actually written the scene in the screenplay.”
“The whole scene?” said Rina.
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