by Kate Stewart
“Oh yeah? How much?”
“Free, if you smoke with me.”
I shake my head, regretting my decision to start the interaction. Ryan is right. I’m being stupid and reckless. But after today, I’m finding less and less fucks to give. It’s the look in the stranger’s eyes that has me on edge. “That’s not what I’m looking for.”
“It’s all good. I don’t bite.”
“Well, I do. And I’m saying no, thank you. Forget I asked. It was a bad idea.”
“Sounds like a good one to me.”
“Trust me. It’s not.”
He inches closer, his eyes roaming over me, and I know he hasn’t heard a word I’ve said.
“Seriously, never mind.” As he draws near, my sixth sense kicks in, and bells begin to ring in warning. “I mean it, stay away from me.”
“Don’t be like that,” he says, setting his beer on my table and leaning toward me with a clear look of intent. “We’re just getting to know each other.”
“Jack,” Eddie speaks up from where he stands behind the bar, “you don’t want to mess with that one.”
“Yeah, Jack,” I say, a faint if not imagined itch stirring on either side of my spine. “You should go.”
Jack eyes Eddie and then me before pulling back, contemplating the warning while picking up his beer, but he’s too late. Standing at the entrance of the seedy bar is the most lethal and beautiful of devils, and he’s brought hell with him, the summoned flames dancing in his eyes.
I slowly stand, the chair scraping the floor behind me as I prepare for war. “Jack, there’s an exit behind the bathroom,” I whisper hoarsely. “You better take it.”
Jack stands frozen as his threat sets into motion. Head dipped, an Armani tailored imp, he moves toward us in a cloud seeming to create a wind of his own, his powerful arms extended, his menacing movements barely traceable as cocktail tables start to fly and explode on either side of him.
Flip. Flip. Flip. Flip. Flip. Flip.
Tables somersault and burst into splinters as if willed so by some invisible force as he makes his way toward me, punishment promised in his eyes while he leaves nothing but destruction in his wake.
Oh, fuck!
I’ve never seen him so angry. Terrified, I turn to Jack. “Jesus! Go!”
Jack’s white as a sheet when he turns to haul ass toward the dark hall leading to the exit. I swallow as he draws near, thankful for the whiskey thrumming through me, steadying my shake. Tobias reaches me just as I lift the tumbler to my lips before he bats it out of my hand. The glass falls with the force of it, smacking the side of the table, the amber liquid splashing on my skirt before the tumbler shatters at my feet. It’s then I realized the bar has cleared and the music’s been cut off.
“I take it you aren’t in the mood to dance?”
“I told you to leave.”
“Come now. We should be celebrating. We’re business partners.”
“What the fuck, man,” Eddie says as he surveys his destroyed bar, righting a table.
Tobias glares down at me without an ounce of regard for Eddie and his horribly renovated bar. “You need to leave. I’m not asking anymore.”
“Or what?”
“Stop playing fucking games, Cecelia.”
“You’re the one acting like a child. I came here to have a few drinks.”
“What do you want?”
“The truth! I want the truth! I want to know what happened!”
His jaw ticks as his acidic glare cleaves me to pieces.
I lift the bottle in offering. “Sure you don’t want a drink?”
He slaps if from my hand, and it joins the pile of rubble on the floor.
“I mean, I know you’re more of a gin man, but that was uncalled for.” His face remains granite. “Jesus, Tobias. I just want to talk.”
Murderous eyes roam over me, and my body responds to every inch his gaze sears over. He’s so fucking beautiful, and his anger brings me back to the long nights we spent exorcising our hate for the other in much better ways. He’s aged incredibly, and I find myself aching to pull him closer, even in his furious state.
I lift my palms to his heaving chest and leave them there. His nostrils flare, but he allows it. “Do you ever think of me?”
“No.”
“Liar,” I drawl, with a watery smile. He grips one of my hands painfully and steps away from my touch.
“This is not a game.”
“I know,” I say softly. “There’s a death toll. What’s it up to now? Did you include me? Did you add us both in?”
My words seem to strike him where intended, and he darts his eyes away.
“Because I’ve been slowly dying every day since I left.”
His jaw flares, and my fingers itch to touch it, to soothe his anger. He reads my thoughts, sneering down at me.
“You’re drunk.”
“I just want to talk. Please, please, talk to me.”
He grabs my purse from the table and finds my keys before taking me by the arm like a child and making his way toward the back exit.
“Wait, please, Tobias, hold on.” I grab my purse from him and gather the envelope of cash I withdrew this morning and set it on the table before addressing Eddie who’s gazing around the bar with a helpless expression. “Sorry, Eddie. This should cover it.” The look in Eddie’s eyes tells me I won’t be welcome back.
Tobias doesn’t waste a second, dragging me past the bathroom before we burst through the back door. He unhands me as I stumble in my heels. The minute the night air hits me, I turn back toward the building and vomit.
“Putain.” Fuck. Tobias pulls my purse out of the line of fire and steps forward, gripping my hair.
“It’s just nerves,” I say through a dry heave.
Another curse as I wretch again, and he unhands me, disappearing behind the door before it slams next to me. Completely empty, I pant, disgusted with myself that I can’t keep it together. Being here, seeing him, his reaction to me, the emotions it’s stirring is too much. It’s like constantly being struck with a wrecking ball.
Tobias comes back a minute later with some bottled water, unscrewing the cap before he thrusts it toward me.
Humanity.
He’s still in there. Somewhere.
I take the water and sip, looking up at him.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he snaps, pulling his cell phone from his pocket.
“Like what?” I nod toward his cell. “What are you doing?”
“Getting you a ride home.”
“Why bother? I’m sure you would just love it if I disappeared over a cliff.”
“Always so dramatic.”
I tilt my head back against the brick and laugh. “You just destroyed a bar, and I’m dramatic?”
Tobias turns away from me, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket before lighting one up.
“I wasn’t planning on driving.”
He doesn’t spare me a glance when his call is connected. “Hey, get a blue light at the bar.”
A pause.
“A ride.” Pause. “Cecelia.”
I faintly hear a voice on the other end. “They aren’t a taxi service. You take her.”
Sean.
“Get someone here, now.”
“All tied up right now, boss. Deal with it.”
Sobering, I walk over to where he stands. “Is that Sean?”
Silence on the other end of the line.
“I’ll figure it out,” Tobias snaps, ending the call and taking another drag.
“Since when do you smoke?”
“This?” he asks, before blowing out a plume of smoke. “This is just to keep my hands occupied to prevent myself from strangling you.”
“Har har,” I counter. “You never smoked when we were together.”
“You mean all of the five minutes we were together?”
“Don’t act like I don’t know you. It’s insulting.”
He draws on the cigarette a
nd glares at me.
“So, you have the cops in your pocket now, huh? Well, thanks for getting my car impounded, asshole. And if this isn’t a game and you’re not playing, then why the shady move?”
“You have no fucking business speeding around smoking dope.”
“Last time I checked, my father’s urn is sitting in his mansion.”
“When are you going to fucking grow up? You need a reality check.”
“Oh, trust me, this trip down memory lane has been nothing short of sobering. But if I’m going to suffer through it, I’m going to numb as much as I can, because no one seems to want to help me out here, you’ve made sure of it!”
“That’s your cue to leave. But you seem to be missing those.”
“And just who in the hell do you think you are telling me where I can and cannot be? You might own half the businesses in this town, but you don’t own me. You think I’m childish? How childish is it to tell me I can’t take a turn on your playground? Especially with the price of admission tattooed on my back!”
We glower at each other for endless seconds before he draws on his cigarette and tosses it, grinding it out with the heel of his glossed shoe.
It’s the sound of a car door opening and closing that cuts our argument, drawing both our eyes to the source. All words fail me as a gorgeous, dark-haired woman approaches, her eyes on Tobias. She’s polished from head to heel, her hair dark spun silk, a curtain of it draped over her shoulders.
She’s stunning.
Stunning. And familiar.
“Alicia?”
Her eyes flit to mine. “Hello, Cecelia.”
“I almost didn’t recognize you.” Though her smile has some genuine warmth, her brown eyes hold some grudge as she weighs the situation.
“It’s been a long time,” she concedes. “You look well.”
My hair is plastered back with sweat, and I know I’m white as a sheet. There’s vomit on my heels. She’s being kind, cordial. The same sweet disposition of the girl I met all those years ago but…not at all a girl anymore. I’m still reeling from the change in her. She carries herself in a majestic way as she makes her way toward us, a far cry from the reluctant teenager I met when she reaches Tobias.
“Hey,” she greets him with a tone of familiarity.
His gaze softens as he addresses her. “Almost done here.”
My hurt lurches in my chest as Alicia moves toward him, placing her hand on his jaw before leaning in…to kiss him. It’s brief, but it’s enough. The sight of it knocking the breath from me like a sledgehammer. She pulls back, and Tobias looks down at her, his eyes glittering with affection.
“Take the car,” he says softly, and she nods.
“See you at home?”
Tobias nods in reply. “Sorry about dinner.”
“You’ll make it up to me,” she whispers, “you always do.”
My insides clang together as I watch their intimate exchange. Apart, they’re stunning. Together, they’re devastating. She grew up in the life, and she seems to have it together in a way I never will. She’s perfect for him. The type to keep her calm despite any circumstance, to keep her emotions in check, a strong silent support. A true queen.
And I’m willing to bet she’s never slept with his best friend or his brother.
I die a thousand times before she turns back to me, not at all intimidated by my presence, and that undoes me. I feel the stab soul deep. It’s like losing him all over again.
“It was good to see you, Cecelia.”
I can only nod, as white-hot jealousy eats me alive before she saunters away. She starts his Jag and makes her way out of the parking lot, and I stare after her for several ragged heartbeats before my eyes drift back to Tobias. My voice fails me for a handful of seconds before I finally speak.
“She’s beautiful.”
He nods, watching me closely.
“Good for you,” I rasp out. “I was supposed to get married in two months, but I broke it off before I came here.”
He slides his hands in his pockets, his expression unintelligible.
“I can see myself home. You should get back to her. I’ll figure it out.”
“Come on,” he says, moving toward me, and I shake my head, refusing him.
He pulls my keys from his pocket, gripping my elbow. I jerk my arm away and he groans out in frustration. “Just get in the fucking car, Cecelia.”
My chest screams for relief, but I know tears won’t ever be enough to alleviate the unbearable ache.
“Were you going to tell me about her?”
“No point.”
“Why? Because you knew it would hurt me? That’s what you do best.”
“This doesn’t have to get any uglier.”
“But you love seeing me in shreds. And you love to be the one to do it. So why hide her? You had to know how much it would hurt me.”
He lowers his gaze.
“Look at me, you bastard!”
Blazing eyes flick to mine. “It’s been six years, Cecelia. What did you expect?”
Not her. Anyone but her. Anyone but a woman capable of making him happy, of being the right woman at his side. Anyone but a woman who deserves him, anyone but a worthy woman. He scans the parking lot and clicks the fob to locate my rental. He wants no part of this conversation.
“She didn’t fall for or fuck your brothers,” I say, and his head snaps up. “She had a crush on Sean back when,” I continue, “but I guess that’s a minor offense compared to me.”
Agony. Pure agony. It’s nothing like I’ve ever felt, which surprises me because I thought I’d felt it all up until this point. I can only imagine it’s nothing compared to what he felt when he witnessed and heard my confessions for the two men closest to him after the fact.
I was a fool to think that my sexual exploits wouldn’t have consequences. They were fools to think so as well, but I seem to be the only one paying for them.
Either way, it’s a punishment that I. Can’t. Handle.
Not in my state, not with so much alcohol in my veins.
“I don’t know what I expected.”
Tobias comes for me as the threatening tears finally fall. “No,” I shake my head over and over. “I left my fiancé. I left my whole life…I’m so damned stupid,” I say as the first tear falls.
“Cecelia, don’t—”
“What must you think of me now,” my breath hitches as my heart scatters at my feet. “Have you ever once missed me? Have you ever wondered what would have happened between us had it all gone down a different way?”
“I’m not doing this.” He closes the space, gripping my elbow again and unlocks my rental with the fob before he ushers me inside, tossing my purse on my lap before leaning in to buckle me in. “I’ve got it,” I snap, clicking my seat belt before he rounds the car and gets behind the steering wheel.
He turns over the ignition, and I lean back cradled in the leather and just stare at him, utterly lost. I feel too damned much and always have. I don’t care if he sees it now. Let him. My foolish heart brought me here, and it’s been completely drained of all hope. So be it.
Because if he’s truly moved on, if he loves her, if he’s happy…I suffocate in my skin as I look over at him. He didn’t want me to see her, or maybe he’s glad I did. Maybe he’s never taken me seriously because of my past with his brothers. But for me, what Tobias and I had was sacred.
Exposed and raw, I watch him in the dim blue cabin light as he turns out of the parking lot and onto Main Street.
“Tobias—”
“Just go to sleep.”
“I’ve slept enough,” I sniff, as tears I can’t deny begin falling one after the other. “I was asleep my whole life until I came here.”
“Cecelia,” he sighs. “It was a long time ago. Everyone has moved on.”
I reach out and tentatively stroke his jaw with shaking fingers, unbelieving he’s sitting next to me. The minute my touch lands, his eyes close briefly. “It wasn’t that l
ong ago. Do you love her?”
“Love,” he tilts his head, withdrawing from my touch. “It’s always about love with you.”
“That’s why all this started, isn’t it? The love of your mother, your parents, the love of your brothers, a promise to protect each other, and the ones who couldn’t protect themselves.” I swallow, my words coming out dry. “But you keep throwing me in the fire when I’m the one who loves you most.”
He snaps his gaze toward me and stares at me for long seconds before focusing back on the road.
“I wish I could move on,” I sigh, turning back to stare at the dark road ahead as we pass the rest of the city lights. “Collin, that was my fiancé, he didn’t deserve what I did to him. I’ll never forgive myself for hurting him.”
I run my fingers along my cheeks, but it’s useless. I’m not wasting a second with him. It’s time to confess.
“That first year was the hardest.” I turn in my seat to face him, my cheek resting on the fabric. “I got on the highway no less than a hundred times, on my way here, back to you. And the whole time, I prayed you were on your way for me too. That you didn’t mean it when you sent me away, that you were grieving, and you didn’t mean it when you told me not to come back.”
Silence.
“School saved me in a way. In the summers, I fled to France. I explored every part of that country. It was a dream. I fell in love. It was everything I hoped it would be.” I swallow. “I saw a few familiar tattoos while I was there. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
Silence. Not a single tell.
“I even took a trip to Saint-Jean-de-Luz. Your finish line is beautiful, Tobias. A dream.” His expression remains stoic. “I was hoping so much that you were watching. Hoping that you were proud of me,” I sniff as years of sadness and longing creep up on me. It’s only been a few weeks and I’m unraveling. I was nowhere near prepared for this.
“See, in my new life, I couldn’t make a move without you in mind, hoping every day you saw what happened mattered to me, changed me.”
I study his face carefully, and he gives away nothing.
“I threw myself into school, into my plans. By the time I graduated with my masters, I’d already started my company. I did it mostly for me, but the whole time I had you in the back of my mind. Hoping that you saw what I was doing was honoring Dominic.” I stifle a sob and collect myself enough to speak. “Even though you all refused to let me in, I wanted to play my part.” Throat burning, I get lost in the years I spent away. “Then Collin came along, and he was so…gentle, so understanding, sexy, so…safe to love, and I let him fall for me knowing…”
