by Kelli Kimble
I smiled. I wasn’t sure what to say to that.
She looked around, then leaned forward slightly. “You asked if you look different.”
“Yes. The woman behind the counter, she told me I’m different.”
“You are different, yes. But not physically. You are a person with eyes and a smile and ten fingers and ten toes.” She smiled. “You do have ten toes, right?”
“Yes,” I said, laughing.
“Your teeth—they look different. Now that I see you talking. But, I didn’t notice that before. And your skin. It’s so brown.” She dropped her gaze to my hands and studied them for a moment. “But, the big difference is in your presence. You don’t look. . .” She waved her hands as she searched for a word. “You don’t look compressed by the mountain.”
“Compressed?”
“Yes, I think that covers it.” She looked down at my tray. “Aren’t you going to eat? Your oatmeal is getting cold.”
“It isn’t for me,” I said.
“Oh.”
I studied her for a moment. She looked more polished than me in every way. Her hair was shiny and brushed smoothly into place. Her fingernails were neatly trimmed and clean, just as Leo’s were. Her clothing had no signs of wear, and her skin was almost translucent. Nobody outside was so pale.
“Have you ever been outside?” I asked.
She winced. “I’ve seen it through a doorway. But, I’ve never gone out.”
“Why not?”
“It isn’t encouraged, really. And I’m afraid.”
“What’s there to be afraid of?”
A brief expression of hopelessness flashed on her face. “It’s the space. The wide open. I feel as if I’d just fly apart or be lost.”
“But, you aren’t afraid of being crushed if the mountain should collapse?”
She laughed. “The mountain isn’t going anywhere.”
“That’s what scares me, when I walk in the halls. The idea that the roof could just fall in on me, and the layers would just crumble onto each other. Crushing everything. Everyone.”
She looked dubious. “I’ve never once had a thought like that.”
“Well, I’ve never once worried that I was going to explode into the sky.”
She dissolved into laughter, and I laughed, too. I liked the way her laugh sounded. It was merry and bright. She wiped her eyes and looked at me, her laughter trailing off. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I’ve never been friendly like this with another woman before.”
“What kind of place are you from, anyway? How horrible, not to have some friends.”
My stomach flipped over. Was she proposing that she was my friend? Until this moment, it had never seemed necessary. But, I wanted to be her friend. And I wanted her to count me as hers, too.
“My rank prevented anyone from befriending me,” I said. My eyes drifted over to the counter, where the attendant was giving someone else a hard time about their order.
Willow reached across the table and patted my hand once, gently. Our eyes met, and hers were tender. “In here, there is no such thing as someone you can’t be friends with.”
“Really?” I asked, embarrassed but unable to restrain myself. “You would be friends with me?”
“Of course. Let’s start by fixing up these fingernails. What have you been doing with them? Digging in the dirt?” She picked up my hand and studied my fingers.
“Actually, yeah.”
We both laughed.
“Come on. We can go to my apartment.”
“I just need to drop this tray off to my partner first.”
We got up and started walking back to my apartment.
“You’re married, then?”
“No. Elliot and I were paired in a choosing. He chose me, and I accepted.”
She looked sidelong at me, and I felt my cheeks heat up. That isn’t the way they do things in here, I reminded myself. But, I didn’t explain, and she didn’t press me for details.
When we reached my room, I slipped in and put the tray on the table for him. I didn’t turn on the light, and she waited for me in the hall. Elliot was snoring, and I figured the pain medicine would keep him asleep for a while.
We walked to her apartment. I paid careful attention to the path required to get there. We went up a set of steps and out into the hallway. It was clear that this was a residential floor, and it somehow seemed quieter and nicer than the floor below it. The walls weren’t painted; they seemed, instead, to be covered in a thin, creamy linen.
Willow noticed me looking at the wall as we walked. “It helps keep the noise down,” she said. “Soundwaves can’t bounce as easily off fabric.”
I nodded, as if I understood.
“Most people live on this floor. I’m a little surprised, actually, that you live on the commissary floor. Only people who can’t manage the stairs live there.”
“It’s the room I was assigned,” I said.
She nodded. “Here we are,” she said. She took out a key fob and opened the door. “Come on in.”
She entered first and switched on the lights, while she held the door for me. Her room was different from mine. It had a table and chairs, but instead of a bed, there were several other furnishings that looked to be long, cushion-covered chairs. A door stood open, opposite the one we’d just entered.
“Have a seat on the couch or at the table. I’ll just get my nail kit.”
Drawn by the strange furnishings, I sat on what I assumed must have been a couch. It yielded to the pressure of my body. It felt the way I imagined sitting on a cloud must feel. My delight must have shown on my face.
“Wow, you like the couch, I see,” she said. She sat down next to me and produced a box that she set on her lap. “First, we’ll clean under your nails. It doesn’t hurt, but it might feel funny.”
I watched as she scraped, clipped, and sanded my nails into the same, rounded-edge shape as hers. Then, she handed me the box. “Pick a color you like.”
I looked into the box. There were a few small, clear bottles of different colors. I was immediately drawn to a deep, violet color.
“This one,” I said, holding it up.
She grinned. “Ah, you’ll like this one.” She opened the bottle and extracted a tiny brush that had purple liquid on it. She began applying it to my fingernails. “We call this ‘nail polish’. Do you have anything like this outside?”
I shook my head. “I’ve never really paid attention to my fingernails before.”
“Isn’t that the truth?” she said, elbowing me in the side. She put the brush back into the bottle and screwed it shut. “There. All done. Now, just hold your hands out like this while it dries.” She demonstrated how to hold my hands out, fingers splayed and stiff.
I copied her motion. “How long do I have to do this?”
“Only a minute or so.” She produced a hairbrush from the box. “May I?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. She rounded the back of the couch and began brushing my hair. It reminded me of before my time in the fields, when my caretaker would prepare me for a visit to my mother.
The sound of the brush was gentle and soothing, and I closed my eyes. She started to hum as she separated my hair into sections and twisted them about. I wondered if she was styling it or if this was simply part of her care routine, but I was too relaxed to ask.
She came back around to the couch and sat down again. “There’s a mirror in my room, if you’d like to see. I hope you like it.”
I stood awkwardly as I tried not to touch anything with my fingers.
“Oh, you can stop doing that with your hands. It’s dry by now.”
Feeling ridiculous, I relaxed my hands and went through to the other room. It had a bed and a cabinet in it, much like mine, though it felt nicer. There was an additional small table next to the bed, and a light and her tablet were set on it. The mirror hung next to the cabinet. I went to stand in front of it and raised my eyes to look.
She’d s
wept most of my hair up in a clasp of some kind at the back of my head. It wasn’t as shiny as hers but definitely better-looking than when I brushed it. The rest of my hair cascaded to my shoulders in soft waves.
I touched a lock of hair, tracing the wave as it undulated just below my shoulders.
Willow came into view behind me. “Do you like it?” Her face was eager and open.
“It’s lovely. How did you do this?”
She shrugged. “It’s all in the brush.” She handed me the brush over my shoulder. “You can have this one, if you want.”
I took the brush and turned it over in my hands, inspecting it. There didn’t seem to be anything special about it. It was much finer than any brush I’d had outside, but still contained bristles in a paddle with a handle. “Thank you,” I said. My chest felt as if it were swelling, as if I’d burst. I let out a little laugh. “I appreciate it very much.”
“Of course,” she said. “Why don’t we go over to the dentist’s office, and you can make an appointment to have your teeth cleaned? I bet that would brighten them up some, make them less visibly different.”
“What’s a dentist?”
She laughed and grabbed my hand. “Come on; I’ll explain on the way.”
A short time later, I had an appointment the following morning to get my teeth cleaned and polished.
“I’m having a lot of fun with you, Willow. But, I really should go tend to Elliot.” Not wanting to reveal his beating, I explained that he wasn’t in the best of health.
“I understand. I should probably be getting to my work for the day, anyway. But, tomorrow morning, I’ll come get you and take you to the dentist, okay? You might want some moral support for that.”
“Is it going to hurt?”
She winced. “It won’t be painless. But, the benefits will far outweigh the discomfort. I promise.”
“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then.”
She smiled and walked away, turning once to wave over her shoulder. A feeling of warm gratitude settled in my stomach. I’d never be able to repay Willow for the kindness she’d shown me. But, I could try.
Chapter 11
I slowly opened the apartment door and was surprised to find the lights on.
“Where have you been?” demanded Elliot as soon as I’d cleared the door. He slammed it shut behind me. “I’ve been worried sick. Are you all right?”
I tried to keep my temper in check. “I’m fine,” I said, my voice surprisingly steady.
“What did you do to your hair? What is that on your fingers?”
I smiled. “The most amazing thing happened, Elliot. I’ve made a friend. Her name is Willow, and she did my nails for me, and my hair—”
“You’ve been away getting dressed up? What’s the matter with you?”
“I’m just trying to fit in better, to be liked. Isn’t that what you wanted me to do?”
Elliot’s chest deflated, and his shoulders slumped. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I was just so afraid when I woke up in a strange place and you weren’t here. I didn’t know where to look or how to get help or . . .” He trailed off. “I don’t mean to be irrational. I’m glad you’re all right and that you made a friend.”
“I’ve never had a friend before,” I admitted.
“Good,” he said. “Your hair does look nice. It’s shiny.”
I glanced at the table. The tray with the oatmeal and spyro was still there. “So, you aren’t interested in congealed oatmeal?” I pointed at it.
“I’d rather drink the spyro, but I didn’t even notice it until now.”
“Why don’t you wash and put on something clean, and we’ll go get something hot to eat? I’ll show you where the bathroom is.” He nodded and followed me to the bathroom. “That’s the shower, there. You turn the knob to adjust the water temperature. The water sprays out from there.” I pointed at the showerhead. “It’s really nice to take a hot shower. You should try that.”
“Automatic hot water for bathing. Wow. I could stay here just for that.”
“I’ll go see if I can find you something to wear. Come back to our room when you’re done.”
I shut the door behind me and jumped when I noticed Leo, standing at the end of the hallway.
“Is he settling in all right?” he asked. He didn’t move towards me.
“Yes, thank you. Though his room didn’t have any clothing for him, and I’m sure nothing in my room will fit. Can I get him something from the laundry?”
“Certainly. They will have something that will be sufficient,” he said.
“Would you like to come in?” I gestured towards my door. I wasn’t sure of his intent. His expression wasn’t clear, and he still hadn’t moved.
“No, thank you. I just wanted to check on Elliot. Did the doctor come?”
“Yes, he gave Elliot some medicine for the pain. But, he doesn’t have any broken bones or anything like that.”
“That’s a relief.” But, he didn’t look relieved.
I didn’t say anything for a moment. I heard the shower turn on in the bathroom, and it made me feel alone and vulnerable in Leo’s presence. “I made a friend today. In the commissary.”
“Ahh. I’m glad to hear it. I don’t like to think of you being lonely.”
I nodded. “I’m going to the laundry now. Would you like to go with me?” I didn’t want him to, but I thought it was rude not to ask.
He shook his head. “No, I really shouldn’t. Not right now. But, you’ll let me know if there is anything I can do for you.” His face changed briefly, looking pained. “Or Elliot,” he added. His face resumed a neutral expression.
“Thank you.”
He nodded once, awkwardly, from his hips instead of his neck. Then, he turned and left me in the hall, alone.
In the bathroom, I heard Elliot humming a song that I’d heard many times in the village. It gave me a sad feeling despite its happy tone. I sighed and went off to the laundry for his clothing.
Later, we were finally sitting down to eat a meal in the commissary that was more than oatmeal and spyro. Elliot ate as if he’d never seen food before.
“Hey, remember that time in the cabin, when you and Ray made fun of me for eating like I was starving?” I asked. I hid a smile behind my hand.
“Very funny,” he said, his mouth full of something referred to as ‘meatloaf.’
“Just try to slow down a bit. People are staring.”
“All right. I just haven’t had real food in so long.”
“I know the feeling all too well,” I said. I smiled. “I hope my prospects have improved by coming here. I feel a little uneasy about it.”
“Why? Beyond them confining me to a cell and beating me, I mean.”
“There is the cell. For both of us. And the beatings. But also . . .” I trailed off, not sure if it was the right time to tell him about Leo’s proposal.
“What? I can tell there’s more.” He put down his fork and studied me. “Is it because the people ignore you? I told you, we could work past that. And you’ve already started doing that by making a friend.”
I shook my head. I was going to have to tell him. I looked around to make sure nobody could hear. “Leo wants to join with our group. You know that, right? They want one big, happy people-family.”
“Yeah, they told me that.”
“Maybe they didn’t tell you that Leo hopes to accomplish this union by marrying me and producing a child, symbolically joining the two groups.”
He nodded. “You seem uneasy with that proposal.”
“Leo took me to a lab to show me something. He wanted to ease my worries that I haven’t had a baby by showing me that here, in the mountain, you can just have a baby grown for you. In a tank.”
He screwed up his face. “Huh? What do you mean, grow a baby?”
“He introduced me to some woman, who showed me an infant growing in a tank of liquid. They somehow grow babies without using a mother.”
“Why on Eart
h would they do that?”
“I know; it seems like a personal affront to nature, doesn’t it? What a cold existence, to live in a glass tub, without a mother keeping you safe.”
“Huh. But why? For what purpose?”
I shook his question off. “I don’t know. He made some excuse about population control back before people went outside. And he says not every child is produced in the lab. But, most are.”
He resumed eating and chewed his food carefully. “If we put the baby-tank thing aside, how do you feel about partnering with Leo?”
“You want me to partner with him?” I looked down at the table, unable to meet his eyes.
“Well, it could go pretty far in increasing good relations between our groups. I definitely agree with that part of the plan.”
A wave of nausea passed over me. In the village, people only married for love after the breeding years were done. I definitely was not in love with Leo, and I hadn’t earned the privilege by adding to our population.
“What’s the matter?”
“I just can’t imagine marrying him. I barely know him.”
Elliot shrugged. “That’s the kind of sacrifice a queen makes for her people.”
I turned my attention to my plate. Maybe Elliot was right. But, I didn’t have to like it.
When we finished eating, Elliot cleared our plates. While he was gone, Willow bounced over. “Hey, Fiona. How’s it going?” she asked.
I hid my worries as best I could. “Willow! I’m glad you’re here. When Elliot comes back, I can introduce you to him.”
She sat down in his seat. “Oh, the mysterious Elliot. Hey, when you’re done here, I’ll take you to the library. Would you like to see it?”
“What is it?”
She blinked twice, and then laughed. “Maybe you call it something else. It’s where we used to store books, but we don’t have those anymore. Instead, all the data-storage servers are there now. Really, there isn’t much to see. But, we could get you a tablet there. Unless Leo already got you one.”
“No, I don’t have one. I’d like that.”
Elliot approached the table from behind Willow. He pointed at her and mouthed: Friend?
I nodded once.
He smiled and gave me a thumbs-up. He reached out his hand to Willow before she was even aware that he was there. “Hi, you must be Fiona’s friend. I’m Elliot.” He clasped her arm and pumped it up and down, but she mostly just gaped at him.
