by Stasia Black
Like he was looking for her.
Looking for Drea.
Chapter Seventeen
ERIC
Eric had needed the sleep.
But apparently it was morning, if the way Sophia was bustling around was any indication. It was dark as ever in the cave, but an oil lamp in the corner was fully lit. He smiled even as he blinked his eyes blearily. Ever since she could crawl out of her crib, Sophia was always up and about in the mornings.
A pang went through his chest as he tried to recall the memories that became more and more slippery every day—him and Consuela in bed on a sleepy Saturday morning, three-year old Sophia climbing up onto the mattress in between them, singing little songs she’d made up as she poked and prodded at them trying to get them to wake up.
“It’s the wake-up game, Daddy! Wake up, wake up, wake UP!” —the last part invariably shouted right in his ear.
Jesus, it was a million years ago and it was yesterday.
Eric opened his eyes and he looked at his little girl, now all grown up. She was pulling clothing out of a bag—his clothes by the look of it. She must have packed it from their house in Jacob’s Well before fleeing the town with the rest of the families. She’d shake out a shirt, examine it, then refold it. Then do the same with the next item she pulled out, until she had a neat little pile beside the duffel bag.
Eric laid in his sleeping bag, quiet, just watching her.
It was going to be a full day. There were so many things to do. So many problems that needed solving. Impossible problems. People would look to him for answers. He’d spent the last eight years of his life building a fortress to protect against exactly the sort of catastrophe that had just happened… and in the end it hadn’t mattered.
Here was Sophia, hiding out with a bunch of rebels in an unsustainable situation. He’d seen the so-called ‘kitchen’ Sophia had so eagerly shown him last night. They were burning through a tragically small quantity of supplies at an alarming rate. The soldiers had brought rations with them when they’d come from Fort Worth but they’d expected to be supplemented by food from Jacob’s Well, not be cooped up with no way to renew their supplies.
Eric had also talked briefly with Nix before heading with Sophia to bed last night. There were a little over twenty-two hundred people in the caves. Yes, the larger portion of soldiers were bunked in the other huge cave. Overall, there were two and a half miles of caves and two main cave systems that were not connected and had to be entered via different entrances about twenty feet apart.
But even this more ‘civilian’ side of the caves was uncomfortably packed tight with people. The fact that Sophia had gotten them this little private cubby hole of a cavern spoke to Eric’s rank more than anything.
General Cruz had an additional six thousand soldiers hiding in the hills. Fewer and fewer every day from the reports the General received from his scouts, more of his squadrons were being captured all the time.
But mobilizing and moving such a number was an impossibility as long as there were satellites overhead that could track their movement.
Unless they did something, and fast, their sole advantage—actually having an army of their own to oppose Travis’s army—would be lost.
No, there was no more time for lounging in bed and reminiscing about days past.
Eric sat up, grimacing at the pain in his arm but forgetting it completely when Sophia turned his way, a huge smile blossoming on her lovely face. Christ she was so beautiful that sometimes it hurt. He wasn’t sure if it was a kindness or a cruelty that there was nothing of Connie in her features, except for her eyes.
“Daddy,” Sophia cried, hurrying over and flinging her arms around his neck. He couldn’t help the little grunt of pain and she immediately pulled back. “Oh no, I’m sorry, did I hurt your arm?”
He shook his head, smiling at her. He lifted a hand and cupped her cheek. “I’m fine. Just fine.”
“Are you hungry? Here, I got you some jerky. And some hard tack.” She winced as she handed the hard, square biscuits to him. “Not the tastiest, but they do the trick. Oh, and water.” She held up a canteen. “At least that’s one thing we don’t run out of because of the well.”
Eric nodded gratefully as he took the food, pausing to give her hand an extra squeeze as he did.
She smiled and for several minutes, they ate in silence.
After Eric had finished half the food, he took a long swallow from the canteen. All right. No more putting it off.
“Honey, we need to have that talk.”
Sophia looked at him wide-eyed like she didn’t know what he was talking about. She did that sometimes, when she knew there was something difficult to be discussed. It was like if she didn’t acknowledge whatever it was, it wasn’t real.
But he hadn’t raised her to run from difficult things… or had he? Wasn’t that what Jacob’s Well really was? A place where he could hide her away in an incubator where he controlled all the variables, so he could keep her safe from the violence and evil of the world?
Well, if he had, the bubble had sure burst. There was no pretending Sophia could live her whole life in the picture perfect snow globe he’d tried to capture for her—the perfect town, perfect community, perfect life.
That was all gone now.
And he was far from a perfect father. It was time to admit that once and for all. But Sophia was a reasonable girl. She was as intelligent as she was fanciful. What he had to tell her would mean even more big changes for them, but it was nothing they couldn’t weather together.
He took a deep breath. “Honey, you know Drea and I have… well, we’ve…” Jesus, how was he supposed to explain what he didn’t even fully understand himself? “Well, we became close the past week. And Drea decided that she might like to do something like a marriage raffle after all. Except she’d do the choosing instead of having a raffle.”
Sophia’s brows drew together in confusion.
Okaaaaaaaaay. Looked like he was going to have to spell this out.
“Those two men you saw us come in with? That was Billy and Garrett. They’re two of her, er, men, I guess you could call us.”
Sophia’s eyes shot open wide as saucers at the word us.
He nodded. “I’m another.”
Her mouth opened like she was going to say something and then it shut again. Then it opened again but still nothing came out.
“Sophia,” Eric reached for her hand but she yanked it back. Eric sat up straighter, startled by her reaction. “Soph, it’s going to be—”
“But you—” Sophia shook her head, chest moving up and down violently, like if she just breathed hard enough, she wouldn’t start crying… or shouting—Eric couldn’t tell which.
Sophia scrambled to her feet and started pacing back and forth in the tiny cavern. Three steps one way. Two steps back. Three steps—
Finally she spun back to him again, eyes accusing. “You said you never wanted to get married again! You always said—” She broke off, running her hands through her hair like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Then she stopped and stared at him in disbelief. “You said Mom was the love of your life! Were you lying all that time?”
“No. Jesus. No.”
Eric stood up but she backed away. He wanted to reach for her, to pull her against his chest. Because he didn’t know how to explain to a nineteen-year-old that life and love don’t always turn out the way you imagine they will when you first look into the eyes of the person you think will be your forever.
“Soph,” he said, letting out a long breath. “That’s not fair. There are seasons to life. But I swear I loved your mother with everything I was while she was alive.”
“Seas—” Sophia started, then shook her head, a sheen of tears in her eyes. “If you loved her so much, then how could you leave her alone as often as you did? Leave us? You think I was too young to remember, but I wasn’t.”
She pounded her chest with her fist. “I remember Mom crying when you weren’
t there for our birthdays and for Christmas. She used to show me your picture when I was little so I’d know what my own father looked like.”
“Soph—” Jesus, she was breaking his heart. “Your mom knew going in to our marriage that I’d be deployed for long—”
“She had to show me your picture so I’d know who you were!” Sophia cried, cutting accusation in every word. “You weren’t any more real to me than the princes in the story books she read me. Except that they didn’t make her cry.”
Eric tried to swallow around the lump in his throat but he couldn’t. He never knew— Connie never said—
But Sophia wasn’t done. “I spent most of my childhood adoring you and hating you at the same time.” The tears finally crested and spilled down her cheeks.
The sight ripped Eric’s insides out. He had no clue she’d ever felt that way. When he did come home between deployments, Connie and his little Sophia were always so happy to see him.
And after you left? Did you even give them a second thought?
He had. He swore he had. He just thought the difference he was making in the world was important, too.
The world had been FUBAR long before Xterminate. The terrorist attacks had been coming almost monthly, it felt like. Bombs. Chemical weapons attacks. Jesus, every school kid carried a gas mask in their backpack.
And at the time, Eric had thought, if it weren’t for men like him willing to sacrifice everything, even family, to keep the world safe, who would?
But he always just thought it was him who was making the sacrifice. Because he was a blind, selfish fucking bastard.
“I never knew…” he whispered, at a loss.
“Of course you never knew,” Sophia burst out through what had previously been silent tears. “Mom never wanted you to have the burden of knowing. She said what you were doing was too important.”
Sophia looked up at him then. “But what could have been more important than your own family? More than me? More than your wife?”
“Nothing,” Eric said vehemently, again trying to cross the small space to hug her. “nothing is more important than you.”
But again, when he got close to her she just shoved him back, a warning glare in her eye.
“Stop lying. For once, just stop it! I forgave you everything back then. After she died and you were finally there, you were all I had. So I told myself it was okay. That you had come for us in the end and it wasn’t your fault you’d gotten there too late. That it was okay because you really had loved her.”
She shook her head vehemently. “But if you didn’t... All that time, if she was just a season to you—” She broke off, staring at him like he was a stranger.
“Shit, honey. That came out wrong,” he pleaded. “That’s not what I meant. I loved your mom.”
But… had he loved her enough?
Maybe Sophia heard the question in his voice because she just kept shaking her head in disillusionment. Then she turned and yanked the curtain to the cavern aside and fled.
“Sophia!” he called, everything in him wanting to run after her.
But experience had taught him better. When Sophia was really upset, it was always best to give her space to process things on her own before approaching her.
Of course, it had never been him that she’d been upset at before.
That you knew of.
He couldn’t believe all this time he hadn’t known how his deployments had affected her. She always put on such a cheerful face.
But she’d been a kid. He was the parent. He was supposed to be able to see past her facades. To see into the heart of her to know what was going on with his own child. Jesus, how fucking blind was he?
He’d ripped his own family apart. And for what?
Ironically, it was Connie getting pregnant with Sophia that had cinched his decision to go into the army in the first place.
He and Consuela met in college. He was studying engineering at Texas A&M and had been in the Corp of Cadets so she knew from the beginning that going into the military was something he was considering.
Their romance was a whirlwind though, he’d admit that. Connie had been a freshman while he was a junior. She was sweet and funny. Jesus, was she funny. He had a habit of taking life too seriously and she was a breath of fresh air.
He’d proposed after only knowing her two months and she was pregnant before they got married a year later.
The pregnancy had come a little earlier than they might have preferred, but Eric had been thrilled as soon as Connie told him. He remembered dropping to his knees and pressing his cheek against her belly, his mind absolutely fucking blown at the thought of a tiny life growing there. Part him and part Connie, growing, inside her. How had he never thought about what an absolutely insane miracle that was before?
When he’d looked up at Connie, she’d had tears in her big, beautiful brown eyes. “You’re not mad?”
“Mad?” Was she nuts? “You’ve just made me the happiest man on earth!” He jumped back up to his feet and grabbed her in his arms, swinging her around in a circle until her tears turned to peals of laughter.
Fuck, the memory hurt now, knowing all that would follow. Knowing everything those two bright-eyed naïve innocent kids didn’t back then.
He’d thought about abandoning his plans to go into the military. He really did. He and his best friend from high school, Arnie, had talked about it for years and Eric had always assumed it was where he’d end up. Did his dad’s memory have a lot to do with it? Sure. Sure it did.
But it was thinking about his baby girl coming into the fucking terrifying world that made the decision seem so clear.
If he went and fought the bad guys then maybe, just maybe, she could grow up in a safer world than he had.
Ha.
First of all, the idea that one man could have had any impact on the mess that was the world before The Fall… he shook his head and gave a dark laugh, burying his face in his hand.
He’d been an idealistic fucking idiot.
Maybe at one time, the US Army had been an honorable institution. He liked to believe it had been. But by the time he’d enlisted, the internal corruption and bloat of the organization had made it a mockery of what it once was.
He was a First Lieutenant by that point, stationed at a small outpost in Northern Pakistan. He was in charge of a unit tasked with repairing roads and bridges all over the area. Every few years they all got blown to bits and had to be repaired all over again.
Really doing work that would make the world better for his little girl back home whose childhood he was missing, huh?
Sophia had just turned ten and he’d missed her birthday. Again.
He was done with it. After multiple tours, he was coming up on the ten-year mark of service. It was time. Way past time.
Especially with this latest gig. He and his engineering team moved between units stationed all around the Hindu Kush. He wasn’t stationed at his latest posting more than a few days before realizing the commanding officer, Major Waterford, was a real scumbag. He was always hassling the local women when they went past on their way to get water from the central town well.
But fine. There were assholes everywhere. Eric decided to just keep his head down, do his job, then apply for extended leave while he arranged for his exit from the Army as soon as he got back to HQ the following month.
Until one day Major Waterford took it beyond catcalling and lewd comments.
Eric walked into the command tent to give an update on his team’s progress. Only to find Major Waterford with his pants at his ankles, huffing and heaving over the body of a crying, struggling woman, hand over her mouth.
Eric ran in and shoved him off of her. The woman immediately yanked her burka down and fled from the room. There was blood on the bed. She’d been a virgin, but just how young was she?
And Eric had the thought: what if that had been his daughter? His little Sophia?
He fucking lost it.
He beat the M
ajor within an inch of his life. If the second in command hadn’t come in and pulled Eric off the man, Eric might have killed him.
He was immediately transported back to Headquarters and deposited in the brig. All the while, throughout the process of his trial, more and more information began trickling in about the Xterminate virus spreading.
Not just in Africa and East Asia, either.
In Canada.
Mexico.
And finally and inevitably, America.
All Eric wanted was to get back to Connie and Sophia. He saw all the years he’d wasted, and for what? For a country so corrupt that his guilty verdict had been decided by bribery before he ever stepped foot in court.
The day the gavel dropped and Eric was convicted of both assaulting a superior officer and rape, he heard about how widespread cases of Xterminate were in Texas.
Meanwhile, he was heading to Leavenworth.
It was where he would have ended up, too, if not for Arnie.
Eric was strapped in and cuffed to a pole in the back of a military police van when an explosion rocked it. Everything went topsy turvy as the van crashed, tipping sideways and skidding across the road for Eric didn’t know how long.
All he knew was that when the van finally stopped moving and he blinked bleary, confused eyes, he saw the back of the van opening to the blinding light of the daytime sun.
And then there was Arnie.
Eric couldn’t have been more shocked if the blue fairy herself had shown up and blown fairy dust up his ass. He was sure he’d hit his head harder than he thought and was just hallucinating.
But then there was Arnie, talking just like he was, well, Arnie.
“Shit, man. Sorry about the bumpy ride. That didn’t go off quite like I thought.” He jumped in the back of the van with a pair of bolt cutters and snapped Eric’s cuffs free of the pole.
Eric just sat there, suspended by the straps of his seat belt, still dazed.
