by Kat T. Masen
The old Kate is still there, somewhere, and boy do I fucking miss her.
NOAH
Three Months Ago
“I’ll make you a deal,” Tom, one of my best friends, says while bouncing the ball and then shooting it in the hoop. “Stay for cake and the speeches. Then you can go.”
“I’ve got plans that night,” Benny, another friend, complains as he fights Tom for the ball. He narrowly misses as Tom, once again, scores.
“Since when do you have plans?” I ask Benny, blocking Tom and pulling down a rebound.
The two of them hopelessly try to catch me to no avail.
Benny stops, leaning over with his hands resting on his knees to catch his breath. “Just something on.”
“Is it that chick? What’s her name…” I pause while thinking, “… Tina? The one with those big tits that bounce every time she laughs at your lame joke about the nun and the priest?”
Tom stops mid-step, laughing very loudly until he breaks out in a nasty cough.
“That joke has gotten me laid more times than your mom has gone to church. And she goes every Sunday.” Benny foolishly laughs at his own joke.
“Hey, hey.” Tom walks over, raising his hands, then comfortably rests his elbow on my shoulder. “Cue the mom jokes, Benny.”
“Speaking of which…” I add purposely, just to annoy Tom, “… this party you’re dragging us to is for your mom’s sixtieth. I’m all for a good time, Tommy, but cougars ain’t my style.”
Benny instantly curls his fist, covering his mouth while he hides his laugh, purposely goading Tom.
“Nice try, momma’s boy. You’re going. Mom has plenty of divorcée friends. Isn’t that your style, anyway? Preying on the broken-hearted?” Tom carelessly points out.
He has a point. I’m known for my inability to hold down a relationship because I hate being tied down, and all the women I’ve spent time with carried enough baggage to fit into a cargo jet—cheating ex-husband, gay boyfriend, and worst of all, kids. No thanks.
“I’ll compromise,” I humor him. “I’ll stay till the cake is cut. Give your mom one dance if she wears that low-cut purple dress with the rhinestones, and only if your hot cousin from Florida is there.”
“Fuck you,” he mouths in return. “I don’t know what Mom’s wearing, but it ain’t that dress. Pass me the goddamn brain bleach. And my cousin is nineteen. We’ve been down that road, dude. Stay away.”
I move closer to Benny and place my arm around his shoulder. “If I’m going down, then you’re going down with me.”
“Fuck the both of you. I’ll be there only till six. I’m not dancing with your mom. And you better keep your granny on the other side of the room,” Benny warns Tom.
“What’s wrong with Granny?” Tom cries, pretending to forget Granny has wandering hands with a fetish for pinching asses. “You know… fuck you both. You better be there. That’s all. And Noah, make sure you bring your mom.”
The two of them whistle, only riling me up more. See, here’s the thing about my mom. She’s young—forty-four to be exact. Got knocked up at sixteen to her then college boyfriend, who vanished into thin air when he found out. Unlike Benny and Tom’s moms, mine is young, and according to them, has the body of a thirty-year-old. And just because they like to fuck with me, they also add she has the tits of an eighteen-year-old.
To them, the joke never gets old.
They’ve been my best friends since junior high, and yet still, to this very day, they crack jokes about my mom and her body like it doesn’t bother me. It fucking bothers me, all right. No one—and I mean no one—talks smack about my mom.
“Screw you guys.” I throw the ball back at Tom, challenging him to a half-court shot. “Your shot. You get it in, and I’ll attend your mom’s lame party and bring my mom.”
“And your mom will wear her slutty black dress with the open back?”
Son of a bitch. “Just shoot, will you?”
Tom moves to the center, positioning himself in line with the ring. Raising his arm, he practices his shot before releasing the ball. We all watch, eyes wide, waiting in anticipation as the ball flies through the air, then touches the back of the ring before falling through.
Fuck.
“Woo!” Tom cheers, running up and down the court like a lunatic. “See you Saturday night, boys.”
***
The party dragged on forever—divorcées drunk on cheap wine dancing the “Nutbush.” Benny, being the dick he is, abandoned me well before the cake and dancing. One minute he was by my side trying to avoid being groped by Tom’s granny, and the next minute, he disappeared.
I ended up pulling a Benny, slipping out, and leaving a drunken Tom to fend for himself. Plus, I think he was this close to hooking up with one of his mom’s friends. He’s always the first to admit he has a fetish for older women, specifically MILFs, so this comes as no surprise.
Then, I had to take care of me. I was itching to get laid. It felt like forever.
Okay, that’s a lie.
I have a life most men fantasize about. A lifestyle filled with beautiful women begging to be fucked every which way possible, letting go of any inhibitions. Sometimes in the act of revenge, and other times, just to fill the empty hole in their life.
It’s not like I purposely find these women. They seem to have a way of finding me. And I happen to be very intuitive. I’ve spent years studying women’s body language, learning what each move means, when to strike, and when to walk away because their eyes begin to flash love hearts.
I have mastered the game.
And this game, the thrill of the chase, it’s become too comfortable. Almost predictable.
I mean, I don’t even have to try anymore. Where’s the challenge? The back and forth flirtatious gestures leading to witty banter, the two-drink minimum, a promise to call, the exchange of phone numbers—goodbye. I’m not sure why, but of late, my followers on Instagram have grown, and women are sliding into my DMs. Unfortunately, some men as well.
I left the party and headed to our usual hangout—a local bar on the pier. I’m sitting beside a gorgeous woman I’ve just fucked.
Twice, if you want to count the insanely good blowjob.
She walked into this very bar an hour ago. Scanning the room with those puppy dog eyes, searching for something. A man, of course. It’s the same look they all have—sad and depressed, tired, worn-out eyes, yet still dressed hoping for some miracle.
She looked broken-hearted.
I had it in the bag.
She’s sexy. Short with lovely hips and long brown hair that flows down her back. The red
fitted dress does extraordinary things for her curves, and the strappy black pumps look amazing on her. They looked even better wrapped around my neck a few minutes ago.
She loved it. She begged me to finish her off, insisting it was exactly what she needed.
That’s what they all say.
“Noah, I just need one night. Fuck me hard,” they all plead.
“Noah, make me forget him. You’re so hot with a big dick. Bigger than his dick,” they all compliment.
Same old story.
But, hey, who’s complaining? Definitely not my ‘big dick.’
Women want to be placed on a pedestal, shown how the single life won’t be so bad. Sex with another man gives them the satisfaction that, emotionally and physically, they have detached themselves from the one who broke their heart.
The woman beside me—Rose, I think—continues to sit in silence. Fuck, you can’t remember her name even after you screamed it.
Lost in a daze, she traces the bottom of her glass, letting out a soft sigh every couple of minutes.
Usually, I don’t entertain them afterward. We always agree that it’s a one-time thing—they’re rebounding, and I’m letting off steam from my stressful job. Okay, another lie I spin to make myself seem important. My job is breezy. But she asked me for a favor, a quick drink at the bar. And rarely do I do favors for pe
ople unless it’s my mom or my best friends.
“I know you probably want to get rid of me now,” she suggests, half-jokingly. “Can I ask you something?”
I try my damn hardest not to look at my watch because, in reality, I don’t have anywhere I need to be. With a forced smile, I nod encouragingly, hoping to end this encounter within the next few minutes. Unless, of course, she’s up for round three.
Dammit. I’m getting hard again just thinking about it.
She takes a sip from her glass, and one sip soon becomes an entire mouthful until the glass sits empty on the coaster. She motions the bartender to replace her drink, turning to ask me the burning question, “Do you believe in karma, Noah?”
An odd question, especially coming from a woman you’ve just been inside of. I’m no saint. If there’s such a thing as karma, it would’ve hunted me down by now, chopped me into fine liver, and fed me to the wolves.
“I haven’t given it much thought. I guess so. Maybe. Why do you ask?”
She swivels the stool to face me, her eyes drunk and sleepy. The mascara that accentuates her long lashes has smudged under her eyes.
Jesus, was she fucking crying, and I had no idea?
“I’ll be honest…” she admits, keeping her voice low, “… I really needed what happened
between us tonight.”
They always do.
She picks up the toothpick that sits inside the glass, removing the olive between her fingers, and swirls the martini quickly. “It’s just… I can’t help but feel guilty.”
Of course, she does.
I have the speech memorized. It’s not the first time I’ve heard this. See, first comes lust, then comes fucking, then straight after say hello to your good old friend, guilt.
“Rose, I’m not going to push you to open up to me,” I tell her.
Please don’t open up to me, I beg silently.
I need to ease her guilt and give her enough confidence to walk away with her head held high with no regrets.
“We all have our reasons for our actions, whatever they may be. You’re young, beautiful, and whoever hurt you, he has what’s coming to him.” Reassuring her with a smile, I place my hand on top of hers.
Her lips curve upward, smiling innocently while taking some nuts from the bowl sitting on the countertop.
Oh no, not the urine nuts.
The number of hands that have touched that bowl—don’t go there.
Just remember your mouth will no longer touch hers.
“I had a fight with the guy I’m seeing,” she tells me. “I thought he’d spent the night trying to hook up with other women. We got into a fight, and then he tells me he loves me. I told him to back off, and the only reason he said that was because I told him it’s over.”
“Is it over?”
“I don’t know. I think I love him. And now I’ve ruined everything. I came here looking for him, and I’m walking away sleeping with you.” She painfully holds back her tears, shaking her head with guilt. “I practically bolted out of the room when he said he loved me. I was angry, hurt, and I couldn’t get over my jealousy. Women are always texting him.”
“That’s understandable. Love can do that to you,” I tell her.
Can you seriously hear yourself?
What the fuck do I know? I’ve never been in love, nor is it on my list of things to do. From my observations, emotions run high when you throw the word ‘love’ around. Nothing good can ever come out of laying your heart on the line only for it to get broken into a million pieces.
Maybe it could be compared to the time my mom washed my limited-edition Lakers jersey in the wash with her red shirt. I almost cried, and I didn’t speak to her for days. Every night, I’d go to bed hugging the damn thing, remembering all the good times we had.
The memory’s still painful.
“But here’s the thing, we’ve seen each other on the down-low, and I didn’t expect us to get this far, but we did. It’s been… fast… you know?”
“So, aside from that, what’s the problem? If you love him, then tell him,” I respond casually, brushing off her overdramatic problem. “So, we slept together, he doesn’t have to know.”
She’s clutching at the napkin, twisting it with a nervous jitter. I can see she’s tormented by her decision to have sex with me tonight. She foolishly assumed she could emotionally detach herself from her ex-lover.
“I’ve ruined it between us. He’s such a kind-hearted guy, and I ran looking for a rebound. You’re Mr. Rebound. Karma won’t let that one slide,” she openly wails. “I’ve hurt him. When I ran, I think he took it personally. He’s um… unique,” she quickly adds. “But that doesn’t change how I feel about him. I love his qualities, you know. He has such a big heart.”
“Big heart, huh?”
That’s usually code for a small dick. I laugh to myself.
“Unique like three-nipples unique?” I joke, thinking about Chandler in Friends and his ‘nubbin.’
Rose manages to half-smile. “He has a prosthetic leg. I don’t care, trust me, I love him for who he is inside and out.”
My stomach flips, slowly churning as the gut-wrenching pain followed by the urge to vomit teeters on edge. I clutch at the beer in front of me, drinking it in one go to calm the nervous energy building up inside. The sweat on my forehead builds, increasing my anxiety.
Please, please, let this be a coincidence.
“That’s… unusual.” I gulp.
“He lost it in a boating accident when he was five.” Bowing her head, she whispers in pain, “It’s so sad, but he never lets it get to him. He told me it’s because his best friends won’t allow it. They’re like brothers to him, and without them, he’d have probably killed himself.”
No, this can’t be happening.
Please, God, this can’t be happening.
A gust of wind rushes past as the door to the bar swings open.
And there, behind me, I feel his presence.
The man she’s running from.
The knot in my stomach tightens, on the verge of combusting. With the deepest of breaths, my body moves painfully slow until I’m met with his face.
Just like Rose believed, karma has a way of finding everyone.
It’s found me.
And standing beside it is my best friend, Benny.
NOAH
Present
My fingers trace the rim of the glass, slowly gliding against the smooth edge and eyeing the amber liquid with a desperate thirst. Around me, there’s nothing but silence and darkness, which has fallen over my apartment.
Outside the large windows, the views of the Charles River are unsurpassed with the city lights surrounding it. Boston had been my home for most of my adult life, and after graduating from college, we boys made a pact never to leave.
The three of us grew up in a smaller town just outside the city—a place where we made memories and were equally glad to leave them behind. We earned a reputation, which, at the time, we somewhat reveled in. But our immaturity and careless behavior could only last so long before it landed us in serious trouble.
We were thrilled to get accepted at Boston University despite our parents worrying about the mischief, or shall I say, frat parties we’d find ourselves at. They had every right to worry—our college years were the best years of our lives.
But like everything in life, we evolve, and life moves forward. I became career-focused, saving every dollar I could to buy my first condo just out of college. From there, I grew my investment portfolio, making a comfortable nest egg for myself. If truth be told, I was the most driven of the three. Tom was happy with his studio bachelor pad because it had a view of some yoga studio, which according to him, free porn every morning at seven o’clock.
Benny lives just outside the city, working alongside his dad, managing a chain of sports stores across Massachusetts. He travels around, is the biggest sports fanatic, and never misses a game at Fenway Park.
Yet life hasn’t
been the same since that night with Rose. Benny knew straight away I’d fucked her. Running toward me at the bar, his fist connected with my jaw in a matter of seconds. I wanted so desperately to punch the fucker back, but I knew all too well it was my fault. I messed with the wrong girl. The girl my best friend is in love with.
How the fuck was I supposed to know that?
Only after it unraveled did it all make sense how he’d been distant from Tom and me, always making up excuses as to why he couldn’t hang out with us. I just didn’t understand why he went to those lengths to hide his relationship from us. Had he been honest from the start, then maybe, just maybe, this wouldn’t have happened.
But deep down inside, I knew how much shit we both would’ve given him had he told us he was in love.
We don’t do love. Not us boys.
In college, we made a pact—play hard, fuck hard. All around us, friends were dropping like flies, marrying their high school sweethearts and having babies. We were the last three standing and having the time of our lives backpacking through Europe and Asia after college, frequenting Cancun any weekend we had free. Next year, we were supposed to do Australia.
But now, neither one of them will talk to me.
Benny told me that fateful night he no longer considered me a brother, storming out of the bar without Rose by his side. He ignored my calls, and even Tom was quick to take his side. No matter what I tried, or the copious amounts of apologies I’d offer, neither one of them wanted anything to do with me. They had blocked me on all social media and even convinced the basketball team we played on during the weekends to drop me.
The unintentional drama which followed only made the entire situation worse.
Amongst our circle of friends, and in the community of our home town, news had spread like wildfire, much like the game ‘telephone.’ By the time it reached my mom, I had apparently fucked Benny’s girlfriend, knocked her up, and was threatening to leave if she didn’t get rid of it.
I had a lot to answer for. I don’t deny that fact.
