The alpha nodded. “I agree. You did what was necessary for the good of Loki and ultimately the pack—with risk to yourself and no intent to satisfy your own needs. I believed as much when you declared your intentions. If I hadn’t, I would have stopped you. I just wanted to hear you reiterate it with a clear head in the aftermath of Loki’s heat. You are a truly selfless pack member, Bard, and I am honored and grateful to have you.”
Lorcan paused and blew out a breath. “Your forcing him was the best decision. I am grateful that you took on that responsibility—for my mate’s sake. I love Kyle. I did him more than one disservice when we first mated, first by not giving him a choice, then believing he’d betrayed me. I never want to cause him pain again. I had already promised him that I would have no harem, nor sire pups off other pack members. My breeding Loki would not have been a betrayal as such, but it would have cut Kyle deeply for the rest of our lives together.
“In short, it is I who owe you an apology and a debt of gratitude.” The alpha finished by inclining his head at Bard in a display of respect that left Bard reeling with surprise.
“Sir, I…” That was as far as he got before the alpha stepped forward and took him in a thumping embrace.
“I am indebted to you for your service and sacrifice,” he said quietly in Bard’s ear, before releasing him. “I know it must have been brutal for you to force that vulnerable boy, and it pains me to think of what it did to you. If ever I can do anything for you to ease your way, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Thank you, Alpha. You’ve given me a home when I’d believed I might run feral for the rest of my life. Being a member of this pack means more to me than I can express.”
“And yet, you were willing to risk leaving it?”
He shrugged. “Nothing matters to me more than Loki.”
“Then I hope he’ll settle down in his new state and see you for the desirable mate that you are. Now, you have had a rough few days and given the diminished need for perimeter patrols, I want you to take a couple of days off to see to your own health.”
“Thank you, Alpha, but I’m fine.” He contradicted himself in the next instance by yawning.
Lorcan grinned. “Of course, big gamma that you are. Get some rest anyway.” With that, the man moved on.
So did Bard. Alpha’s orders or no, he still had some things to do before he could take it easy. He needed to find Destin and give him an update on Loki and to discuss what they would do to make the omega’s life comfortable now that he was in whelp. It wouldn’t do for the boy to remain living with Craig and Mabel. In fact, the idea of Loki being in close quarters with another male agitated Bard’s wolf.
He found his old friend outside by the hut Carr shared with his family. The guy wasn’t alone, however. Deirdre stood close to him, their heads bowed toward each other as they held a conversation that appeared intense given the tightness of their faces. Destin raised a hand to touch the woman’s face. She allowed it for a brief moment before yanking back. He kept his hand aloft as if hoping she’d return. His expression morphed into one of sorrow before dropping his hand.
Bard would have turned away and sought out his friend later, except that Deirdre stalked off. She kept her head held high and appearing to all the world as if nothing was bothering her. Bard wasn’t buying it. He barely knew her even after nearly a year living in the same small pack. But he’d seen her expression, as well, for that brief moment when she’d allowed Destin’s intimate touch.
She cares for him. Bard was sure of it, and yet they were both obviously upset and not talking to each other. So what was up?
“Destin?” He approached the beta warily, unsure of his welcome.
He needn’t have worried. Destin put away his own concerns and greeted Bard with a wide smile. “Brother!” Welcoming him with open arms, he pulled Bard in for a tight hug. “I’m happy to see you this morning. You’ve done it. You’ve bred Loki, thank the Gods.”
The fierceness of the reception surprised Bard. He returned Destin’s enthusiastic hug before stepping back. “Yes, he’s fine, sleeping soundly after eating a hearty breakfast.”
Destin nodded. “I would expect nothing less. You wouldn’t be out here if your mate wasn’t safe and well-cared for.”
Bard’s stomach dropped to his toes. Oh, no. Unlike the alpha, Destin hadn’t heard the news through the sigma grapevine, and he’d made the logical assumption. “Um, Destin, I must tell you something.”
Destin’s eyes widened in fear. “Tell me! Loki is all right, isn’t he?”
“Yes.” Bard was quick to reassure his friend. “I-I was careful with him, Destin.”
Destin visibly relaxed. “Of course you were. I’ve trusted that you’d be a good mate for my brother.”
Bard grimaced. “I’m sorry but that’s the problem. I didn’t mate with him.”
The last words were barely out of his mouth before the beta had him by the throat and swung him toward the side of the hut. Bard had a slight edge on the beta regarding height and weight, but Destin had always been an unusual beta. He’d veered very close to alpha status, plus he had fury on his side. And, Bard didn’t fight him. He let Destin slam him against the building hard enough to shake it and make his teeth rattle.
Destin brought his face within an inch of Bard’s and bared his fangs. “You mounted and bred my brother without mating him? You put your seed inside him without giving him the protection of your status? What. The. Fuck!”
Bard’s wolf snapped and snarled, urging him to shift and fight. The aggression was unusual and testament to how exhausted he was. Challenging a superior, especially one who had every right to be angry, was not the solution. Bard forced his wolf and himself to calm. He kept his hands down and his gaze steadily downward on a point by Destin’s mouth in a simple show of submission.
“I’m sorry, I thought you understood that I only intended to mount Loki to save his life. I didn’t want to decide how he would lead the rest of it. I hope that he’ll settle down now and someday accept a worthy male as his mate.”
“And who would that be?” Destin spat. “No alpha will take an omega who has whelped a gamma’s pup.” His tone implied that Bard had tainted the boy, and really that was the way many would see it. “Being an alpha’s mate should have been his destiny, was his destiny, until my sire ruined it for him. Now not even a beta is likely to want him.”
Okay, that last dig brought up Bard’s hackles. He couldn’t help raising his eyes and glaring at the beta. “So, he’ll have to settle for a lowly gamma, but at least it will be someone of his choosing.”
“He doesn’t get a choice. Not anymore. He’s an omega, the most vulnerable pack member there is, save for the pups. He needs a strong mate to protect him and care for him. You were supposed to be that man. It’s what I’ve counted on since the terrible night I had to take him from his home.”
That confession took Bard aback for a second. He’d understood, naturally, that Destin had given him dominion over Loki once they’d settled into the Rogue Pack. But that had been due to a lack of choices. Carr had never had any patience with the boy even before Ben came into his life, and there had been really no one else to do the job. Hearing that Destin had planned for Bard to mate with Loki from the start was surprising. His desire for the boy must have shown through even before he’d admitted it to himself.
He didn’t get a chance to respond, however. Carr came flying around the corner of his hut, fury written across his face. “What the fuck is going on?” The normally respectful gamma wasn’t giving Destin any quarter at the moment. “You woke Jasper when you hit our hut, and we’d just gotten him to sleep. Now Ben has to suckle him some more. You’re lucky Daniel has Reed and Haley in the longhouse right now or he’d be tearing you both a new one.”
Releasing his hold on Bard, Destin stepped back. “My apologies. I wasn’t thinking.”
Carr gestured away from the hut. “Clearly. Shall we find somewhere to discuss whatever is going on here?” No
t waiting for a reply, he stalked off a few feet away before turning and waiting for them to catch up.
Bard let Destin go first, naturally. He resisted the urge to rub his neck where the beta had dug his fingers in. He considered himself lucky his throat hadn’t been ripped out. Approaching the other two warily, he kept his gaze down and his mouth shut.
“So, what exactly were you two fighting about?”
“Other than our bringing the fight to your doorstep, for which I again apologize, it doesn’t actually concern you, Carr,” Destin said testily.
The gamma crossed his arms. “I disagree. Not only did you have your fight against my home, but we three have been friends from early pup hood. We’ve gone through a lot together since leaving our old pack and to me, at least, you are both my brothers. Obviously seeing one of you literally baring his fangs at the other has me worried. Please let me help.”
Destin huffed. “There is nothing for you to do. Bard didn’t mate with Loki.”
“Of course, he didn’t.” Carr’s nonchalant response surprised both Bard and Destin. He looked from one to the other. “What? Did you think he would when he insisted on breeding him?”
“Yes,” Destin bit out.
“I’m sorry, that was a ridiculous assumption. Bard did what was horrible, yet necessary. There was no way he would be so dishonorable as to force the boy into a lifetime of mating on top of it.”
Destin sputtered for a second in outrage. “You think mating Loki would have been dishonorable?”
“Under the circumstances, yes.” Carr looked at Bard with kind eyes. “You had to force him, didn’t you?”
Bard nodded. “The first time, yes. After that, he was…resigned to his fate.” He almost said defeated, but that wouldn’t have been accurate. Loki had too much spirit for that to be true.
Carr put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you, especially given your love of him.”
Destin grunted. “I thought he loved Loki, too, and yet when handed the chance to have him for life, he didn’t take it.”
Bard didn’t bother to deny either statement. He did love Loki and he had given up the one opportunity to keep him for sure. “I don’t want him to hate me. More than he probably already does, that is.” His quiet confession made his face burn with shame and embarrassment, although he needn’t have felt either of those things in the company of these two shifters. They had been through so much together, he should be able to make them privy to his feelings.
“He doesn’t hate you,” Carr asserted.
“Of course, he doesn’t,” Destin agreed. “I know Loki, and he’s been eyeing you for months now. Probably longer, although as his older brother, it makes me uncomfortable to be even talking about this. He may resent your dominance over him, but he’ll come around. It’s his pride getting in the way. That, and letting go of his pup hood expectations of becoming an alpha mate.”
“You think he’ll settle for being a gamma’s?” His own pride still stung over the beta’s previous remarks.
“I didn’t mean it the way it came out,” Destin said with a grimace, obviously in tune with Bard’s train of thought. “I’m sorry. I was angry because I don’t want Loki to have any more freedom or thoughts of what might have been. He needs to settle down here and forget about our old life.”
Bard eyed him. “He will never do that unless he knows the reason we left.”
Destin shook his head vehemently. “No, that can’t happen. He couldn’t handle that truth.”
With a sigh, Bard looked away. “Well, I won’t force him into a mating. I will care for him as much as he will allow and do the same for the pup unless and until he chooses a mate. I hope it will be me, but I’m not optimistic.”
“I am,” Destin proclaimed. “I have to be, otherwise I’ll hate myself for the decision I made that night back in our beloved arctic. It wasn’t only Loki whose life was forever altered.”
Bard narrowed his gaze at his old friend. “You’re not worried about us, are you?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Oh, Destin.” Bard smiled for the first time since their encounter. “My old friend, I’ve told you already that I would follow you anywhere for the rest of my life.”
“As would I,” Carr affirmed.
“You did nothing to us. We came of our own free will and no regrets.” He dared to put his hand on the beta’s arm and give it a squeeze. “It’s time for you to release your worry and guilt. You have a life to lead, too, you know.” He paused. “I, um, saw you with Deirdre.”
Destin winced. “Oh, great.” He huffed out a breath. “I dared to float out the idea of maybe she and I…” He shook his head. “There doesn’t seem to be common ground for two betas to mate. I had hoped to build huts for you, Loki, me and my mate right next to Carr’s. You know, form a small family compound within the larger one.”
“Like we would back home,” Carr said. “I would welcome that, and I’m sure Ben would, too, especially if we add in space for Daniel and Reed. We could connect the huts to create a small longhouse, if the alpha permits.”
Destin smiled, the look chasing away the last of Bard’s worry over their confrontation. “I’ve already cleared it with him. He doesn’t see it as overstepping his standing. I was hoping you’d see it that way, as well.”
“Certainly.” Carr looked to Bard. “What do you think?”
“I think it’s just what Loki needs. That’s actually what I was coming to speak with you about, Destin. I want to get started on a hut for Loki as soon as possible so that he’ll have a place of his own. Making it big enough for the two of you was part of the plan.”
“Not two.” Destin stepped up and pulled Bard in for a quick hug. “For four. Loki and I will have mates someday. Maybe it won’t be Deirdre for me, although I intend to keep trying. But you will be Loki’s mate. I’m sure of it.” He thumped Bard once on the back before releasing him.
“Okay, we build for an enlarging family. No harm in that. I’m not going to pressure Loki on the mating issue, however. And, I’m going to insist that you don’t, either.”
Destin nodded once. “Naturally. Where Loki is concerned, you are the decision-maker.”
“Destin…”
He grinned. “You can’t have it both ways, Bard. Either Loki is yours or he isn’t.”
Bard’s wolf sat up and howled. “Yes, yes, I know,” he said to both of them. “How about this, we can act like I’m his mate as among us, but no one says it to him. If he chooses me eventually, fine. If not…”
He couldn’t finish the sentence. The very thought caused him pain deep inside. His wolf whined and curled up. He forced himself to brighten. Nothing useful would come from the worry. “Let’s go outline the addition, then take inventory of what we’ll need. I want Loki settled as quickly as possible.”
And with that, they got to work.
****
Loki lay on his stomach, petting Annie’s sleeping form. She had fallen asleep after almost an hour of running around the weaving hut, until her energy had flagged sufficiently to send her into a deep, wolfie sleep. Everyone had breathed a sigh of relief. As adorable and unique as she was, it turned out that a toddler who could shift was a far bigger handful than those who remained human. She was in constant need of supervision, incapable of remaining penned up in the corner with the others. Someone had to watch her while the others worked, and given his listless state, Loki had volunteered. Although he’d been in constant motion to keep up with her, at least it required little concentration. He wasn’t feeling up to anything difficult such as sewing. If he remained in his current position for much longer, he could easily fall asleep again despite the rest he’d gotten in Andrea’s room.
“Thanks again for keeping tabs on her.” Will plopped down beside his sleeping daughter, with his other pup, Aimee, quietly suckling at his breast. “I keep telling myself that it will only take another year or so before she’ll be old enough to underst
and and obey when I tell her to sit and stay.”
Loki ran his fingers lightly through Annie’s fur. “You think she’ll actually listen to you when she’s in wolf form?”
Will rolled his eyes. “I’m hoping, but yeah, that’s a good question. It’s going to be up to her sire to instill some hard rules about when shifting is okay. There’s no way my beta daughter is going to listen to her omega father.” He pressed a kiss against Aimee’s head. “This one will be different, of course. Such a sweet omega.”
“At least Annie will grow up to be in charge of her life and have choices.” Loki found it impossible to think of a pup’s destiny in terms other than his own experience. With the breeding done, he was back to resenting how Bard had forced him. And, appreciating it at the same time. His emotions and thoughts were a jumble of contradictions that his pregnancy hormones were exacerbating.
Will shot Loki a sympathetic look. “Not so long ago, I would have felt the same. Now, I’m mated to such a wonderful man who I know will take care of Aimee’s future for her, and I’m nothing but happy to have fathered an omega.”
Loki rested his chin on his hand. “You trust Finn that much?”
“With my life. More, with my girls’ lives.” His attention was occupied with disengaging Aimee from his nipple and settling her against his shoulder. “Don’t you trust Bard?”
Loki shrugged. “I suppose. I know he’d kill to protect me, but then he’d do that for any pack member.” He shrugged again. “He’s not my mate, anyway. I’ve only got myself to rely on with raising my pup.”
“I heard that, about the not-mating thing. But, surely, Bard will help you regardless. It’s his pup, too. His responsibility.”
“I don’t know that he sees it that way.”
“Of course he does.” This observation came not from Will, but from Reed. The newly whelped father walked up with his sleeping pup in his arms. He started to sit on the floor next to Loki.
Omega Lost (The Rogue Pack Book 7) Page 9
