by Tea DeLuca
The pain in Mark’s chest intensified. She had needed him, and he let her down.
“Then on her last visit she was supposed to go for some tests. When I saw her today, she had skirted around them again. She needs someone to give her a well-deserved kick in the ass.”
“That’s you.”
“I did today. Rescheduled her for tomorrow and gave her hell. I’ve never spoken to a patient like that before, and it bothers me, but she cancelled the appointment an hour later. I’ve had enough. I left her a message; if she doesn’t keep that appointment, I won’t be her doctor any longer.”
“No wonder you’re upset.”
“It’s her damn life. We can treat things early successfully, but she’s a shitty patient.”
“And you care, because you’re a wonderful doctor.”
“You’re a good listener. I didn’t mean to spoil our Italian holiday tonight.”
“You didn’t.” He held her tighter as she drifted on his shoulder. Mags would keep that appointment tomorrow. He’d make sure of it, but he had to be careful not to bring Melissa into it. When the wine finally put her to sleep, he lowered her on the sofa and draped the afghan over her. Quietly, grateful to escape without sex, he slipped out of her apartment. He couldn’t be with Melissa right now when he was consumed with concern for Maggie.
Chapter 32
Mark handed his last client the carefully written will and walked her to reception. Though unusually busy, he had thought of Mags often, but he still hadn’t thought of a way to help her with her appointment today. He checked his phone. Predictably two voice messages from the doctor and one unexpected from Mags. It was brief, just asking him to call. Maybe he’d get an opportunity or a brainstorm.
“Mark, don’t sue me,” she laughed quietly when she answered his call. “I can explain.”
“I’m listening, honey. Make it good.”
“I know I said last night wasn’t good, and tonight was fine to see Rufus, but,” she hesitated and considered lying. He didn’t need to be dragged into the drama of her cancer treatment.
“Truth,” Mark prompted. “What’s going on?”
“I put off taking some tests, and my doctor is pissed at me. She scheduled them for tonight. I have to go, but that’s two times, and I don’t want to end up in court. Maybe you could come by this weekend.” She was teasing, but there was a hint of truth in her voice.
This weekend was his time with Liddy. “Mags, all joking aside I want you to take care of yourself. Take the tests.”
“I was going to cancel and reschedule, but …”
“No, you won’t,” he interrupted. “How would you feel if I came with you? Then I’ll see Rufus afterward.”
“I can’t ask you to do that. It’s a lot of waiting.”
“And a lot of anxiety, I know. Let me do this for you.”
“Are you sure? I can handle it, really.”
“I’ll come by the store after work. Okay?”
“All right and thank you. I really hate this stuff.”
“How did you find your dad?”
“Pretty good. He asked about you; thinks we’re still together. There are some signs that are just starting to appear, though. I can tell you later while we wait.”
“Maybe I’ll go see him.”
“He’d like that, and I’ll see you later.”
He could do this for her. He could support her and make up a little for not being there through the worst of it. He’d get her through the tests, buy them some dinner, and walk Rufus later. He could take care of her like he always thought he would.
He cleared off his desk and drove his car out of the parking garage. She was ringing up her last customer when he entered the store. Sandy was stocking more stuff animals and toys in the children’s section, and Ronnie was clearing away the packing boxes. “We’re closed, buddy,” he said in a way that annoyed Mark. Something protective, possessive, he didn’t like or understand.
“I’m waiting for Mags.”
Sandy left while Mags finished up and while Ronnie appeared to have nothing to do, he wasn’t leaving.
“You can go, Ronnie, and thanks for all your help with the stands. Have a good night.”
“You all right with him?” Ronnie didn’t hide a thing. He was territorial where Mags was concerned and blunt.
“Mark? Of course, thanks. I’ll just get my purse.”
Ronnie reached for the handle of the door and didn’t turn around. “Hurt her, and you’ll answer to me.” He didn’t wait for a response and disappeared on the crowded sidewalk.
Safe in his car with the air conditioner on full blast, he turned toward the hospital. “Who’s that Ronnie character?”
“A good friend. He’s been with me a while now, but sometimes he’s a little overprotective.”
“I noticed. Does he have some special interest in you?”
Mags laughed. “God no. His significant other would be homicidal.”
They took the elevator to the fifth floor, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder, but it wasn’t till they stood outside the testing area that he recognized the panic. He took her hand firmly in his. “You’re going to be fine. Let’s get this over with.”
He found two seats while she talked to the receptionist. It was crowded with patients, mostly women, some with their young children, and most with tired, worn expressions. Mags settled beside him and reached discreetly for his hand. “I’m here,” he said softly. “Whatever you need, honey.”
“Just you. I just need you.” She was frightened, though this was probably one of the least threatening things she had done. He couldn’t imagine her here when they confirmed the cancer, when she needed to do pre-op testing, or when she was here for the first post-op checkup. All alone, because she wouldn’t reach out. As much as this frightened her, she was incredibly strong.
The technician called her in for several tests and then more waiting. “Coffee machine around the corner. Want some?”
She nodded and reluctantly let go of his hand. She sipped quickly, anticipating the next test, longer and mildly painful. “I know I’m acting like a child, Mark.”
“You’re not. Lean on me, Mags. It’s fine.”
A lot of the patients had already left when Mags finally returned to him. He stopped and bought burgers, fries, and milkshakes on the way to the apartment. He remembered how much she loved chocolate milkshakes, and her smile brightened. The hospital tests were behind them, and now, she could relax.
Rufus’ ears pricked at the smell of the burgers as they settled at the table to eat. They laughed easily over an occasional memory. He learned how the cancer had derailed her college plans, but she was back on track for her MBA. One class at a time, she’d have her degree next spring. He told her about his sister’s wedding but neglected to mention Italy, and he had several opportunities to bring Liddy into the conversation, but he didn’t. He kept the conversation light, easy, and friendly. He had always liked her even when he loved her. She was easy to be with, easy to talk to, and he couldn’t keep his hands off her. He needed her touch even just her hand in his to push away his fears for her and to appease the overpowering attraction. Somethings had definitely not changed between them.
She checked her phone and whipped off a quick text. He guessed Craig, but she didn’t say. He ignored his phone. Probably more texts from Melissa. After clearing the wrappers, they leashed Rufus and headed for the park. “Guess I can hold off suing you.”
She smiled as the dog bounded ahead happily, chasing a squirrel up a tree. “Mark, it meant a lot to me that you came with me today.”
“I should have been there for you.”
She let it drop, instead slipping her hand in his. The connection still so natural, so easy as they walked to a bench. They talked little about nothing till they returned to the apartment.
“There was no reason you should have been involved with my treatment, Mark. We weren’t together.” She tried to ease his mind. He was always so protective o
f her and so hard on himself.
“We should have been,” he said angrily. It was there between them as real as Rufus who drank happily from her bowl. “What the hell happened to us, Mags?”
Her temper flared, and she lashed out. “You know what happened. Don’t pretend it’s some big mystery.”
He was done. It was time to get it out. He needed to know what had changed that day. They should have sorted it out long ago, but it wasn’t too late. He glared at her with an intensity she knew. “Make a damn pot of coffee.”
“Oh, no. No, no, no. We are not doing that, Mark.”
“Make it.” He had passed rational thought and was on his way to rage. One way or another he’d have his answers tonight. “You know where to find me.”
She watched him go into the bedroom and close the door. A long time ago when their relationship was new an argument, complete with hurtful words that couldn’t be forgotten, had nearly destroyed them. After reading several articles on the internet, they came up with their own version of ‘fair fighting’. He called her out with the coffee. As she set it to brew, she took down the cups. Sometimes it took the whole pot to resolve their differences, but she didn’t want to do this. No matter how nicely he said it, the painful fact would be the same. He’d have to admit he didn’t want her. He had walked away.
With the two cups in hand, she entered the bedroom and closed the door. He had unbuttoned his shirt and kicked off his shoes. Somethings were meant as persuasion like the muscles that flexed on his chest as he took his cup from her. Her heart beat a little faster as she returned to their fights years ago. As then, he sat at the head of the bed with the pillows propped behind him, and his long legs stretched toward the foot of the bed. She kicked off her shoes and rested against the pillows he had arranged at the foot of the bed with her legs stretched out beside his. She contained her smile as she realized her bare legs from her sundress were also a form of persuasion. Each in their own corner, she took a sip. “Who starts?”
“Why did you throw me away, Mags?” That five-year-old hurt felt fresh as that September day.
“I didn’t,” she growled. “You left me.”
“You called off the wedding,” he yelled.
She took another sip, thinking time. “That’s true. You get a point for that, but I didn’t leave you.”
He nearly dropped his cup. “What? That doesn’t make any sense.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “You moved out. I didn’t leave you.”
“You called off the damn wedding,” he repeated. Something wasn’t clicking for him.
“How was I supposed to know the wedding was more important to you than us? I would have married you if I’d had known.”
He set his cup on the nightstand and sat up straighter. “We were everything to me. I didn’t give a shit about the wedding.”
“You lose a point for swearing,” she said fiercely. “Then why did you leave?”
He wanted to shake her. “Back up a minute. What happened that morning?”
She set her cup aside and picked at the sheet on the bed. “My mother came in and told me it was time to start. I could hear the music, the wedding march, and I started to cry. I told her I couldn’t go through with it.” She hugged me and left.
“I rest my case,” he glared and leaned in a fraction of an inch.
“When I stopped crying, I felt awful.”
“For calling off the wedding?”
“No, are you even listening to me? You were telling our family and friends it wasn’t happening. You had to face our two hundred guests alone. I should have told them with you, holding your hand and letting them know we were still a couple. We just didn’t want to get married.”
His jaw dropped. Still a couple?
“I went out into the church to find you, but everyone was gone including you. My parents waited and dropped me off here. I was sure I’d find you here, and we’d go on with our life. I’d make dinner, and maybe we’d even laugh about the ridiculous wedding.”
“Together?” He couldn’t hide the shock.
“Of course together, you moron. Sorry, your point, but you left me. Most of your clothes were gone, your bag, everything.” The tears were close, and she moved to get up.
“No,” he slid a little closer. “Please. We’re not done.”
“What else is there?”
“I thought you called the wedding off, because you didn’t want to marry me.”
“I didn’t.” Her confusion apparent. “But you knew I loved you. I thought you loved me.”
“Oh, God, Mags, I did love you.” He moved closer down the bed and took her hand. “Mags, when a woman calls off a wedding it means she doesn’t want to marry the man, because she doesn’t want him, doesn’t want a life with him, and sure as hell doesn’t love him. Sorry, your point.”
He saw the horror, the genuine shock as she scooted closer. “No, no, no. That wasn’t it at all. Right after we got engaged, it started for me. I don’t know if it was the same for you, but everyone kept making these remarks.”
“What remarks?” He had both her hands tightly in his.
“Stupid comments about my being a ball and chain for you.”
“Honey, they were kidding.”
“I know, but they said things like we’d be an old married couple. The sparks would die, and we’d be content. How horrible that sounded. I loved our life. I loved the spontaneity. I loved making love in all the places in this apartment at all hours of the day or night. I loved coming home to you with the expectation that it was always new and exciting. I couldn’t lose it; I just wanted to save us. The bachelorette party was the worst. All my sister’s married friends, telling me how we’d change. Everything would be routine, even joked about scheduling sex. It was awful.”
Damn, he didn’t know, though, he knew she was unhappy that last week. He thought it was just the tension with all the planning. He had gotten his share of kidding, but the guys were more interested in getting drunk. “Baby, I didn’t know.”
“That morning was the last straw. I saw Perry before it was supposed to start. He wandered into the waiting room, thinking it was the bathroom. I redirected him, but not before he got the last word.”
“What the fuck did he say? And fuck the points.”
“I don’t like Perry, but I honestly don’t think he meant any harm. He said thanks for taming my best friend. He won’t be much fun anymore. I stared at myself in the mirror. My dress was pretty, lots of beads and lace, but it wasn’t me, Mark, and the wedding wasn’t us.”
“No, more like your mother and mine.” They had taken over the planning right after the announcement. “I remember you wanted a casual beach wedding. I don’t know how we got off track.”
“I don’t either,” she said sadly. “I got scared and thought if I called off the wedding, we’d go back to the way we were. I loved us, but then you were gone.”
“Because I thought we were over,” he insisted. Side by side now, he pressed his palm to her cheek. “I never would have left you. Why didn’t you call me?’
She shoved him back. “I did. I left you dozens of messages on your phone, I left messages on your parents’ answering machine, and I left messages with Perry, Krista, even Gayle. You didn’t return one call.”
“I never got them.” His arms circled her, pulling her to him. “Perry had my phone, because I was drunk for the next month or so. He erased your messages as did everyone else.”
“Oh.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I never stopped loving you, Mark. I took the dog, kept the clothes you left, and stayed in the apartment, because I thought, I prayed you’d come back to me.” She rested her head on his shoulder.
“Damn, one stupid thing sent both of our lives in different directions. I’m so sorry. I never stopped loving you, Mags.”
He rubbed her shoulders gently and watched as she tried to comprehend his words. “Why didn’t you talk to me?”
“I was so angry when I left the ch
urch and hurt. I couldn’t hear the words that I expected—you had changed your mind about us. We were over.” He kissed against her temple. “I ended up at Ernie’s and don’t remember much after that. Then one night I met my ex and the rest is history.”
“You married her to stop the pain?” she questioned.
He kissed against her neck. He had missed her so much, and she was too close in their bed in their apartment. “That’s a story for another time with another pot of coffee.”
“Mark, can we erase the last five years?”
He answered as honestly as he could. “I don’t know. Not all of it.” He couldn’t erase Liddy, and he didn’t want to, but he didn’t want to talk anymore either. The angle so perfect he covered her lips. She was familiar and new and that rush of heat burned deep within him. “Maggie, Rufus is sleeping on the floor. I’m reclaiming my side.”
She pushed his shirt off his shoulders so her hands could feel his skin and the contours and hardness. “Have you been working out? You’re beautiful.”
He laughed softly as she kissed his shoulder, glided down to his pecs, and lingered over the dark hairs that narrowed down into his waistband. “Nice to be appreciated.” He forgot everything as her hands explored his body. He slipped down the straps on her sundress and the top of the dress slipped away. He kissed along her neck till he met his hand, cupping her breast, stroking the nipple. More beautiful, he was more aware of the light tan on her soft skin, the darker pink circles, and the stiffening peaks. He drew her in between his lips, and as it had been, her body responded, her chest arching against his mouth. He sucked harder, and she moaned softly, her fingers in his hair, cradling his head.
Under the dress his hand caressed her thighs. This was his Mags, warm, and giving, and taking what she wanted. “I’m buying bagels in the morning for breakfast. Do you still like bagels?”
“With strawberry cream cheese?” She inhaled a breath as his hand stroked her inner thigh.
“Of course, I haven’t forgotten. Haven’t forgotten anything about you, baby.”
