by Haley Cass
“I – thanks,” she managed to get out, unsure of what exactly she was thanking her for.
She left before she finished her drink.
Rather than take the subway, she felt the chill from the early November air on her bare legs, and tucked her hands deep into her pockets as she decided to walk home. Her mind felt heavy, and she had too much to process before she could truly go home and share her evening with her friends.
The cold comforted her a little and it made it easy for her head to clear a bit as the wind blew around her. Still, the uncertainty that was weighing on her was heavy. Because . . . she wanted to laugh off what Alia had said, but what if she was right?
Without questioning herself enough to stop what she was doing, she turned around to go in the opposite direction of her apartment.
Because she had never been in a situation like she was in with Charlotte before. She wanted her, even if she could only just have her physically. And it wasn’t like it was easy for Sutton to talk to other women, either.
Charlotte put her at ease even when she felt like her heart was beating out of her chest. She was kind and attentive, a good friend, despite the fact that she adamantly told Sutton that she wasn’t really used to being a friend.
She was the most stunning woman Sutton had ever seen, on top of all of that. A stunning woman that had a wealth of experience – Sutton imagined that Charlotte was probably exceptionally talented in bed. Dangerously good, even.
Just thinking about it made heat steal over her and she felt like she couldn’t breathe for a second, her mind taken over with images of Charlotte’s smirk and the way she dexterously moved her fingers even in everyday life.
Despite everything else – the fact that a relationship wasn’t going to happen, that Charlotte had pulled back from the kiss, that Sutton had no idea where Charlotte stood in terms of how much she wanted her – Sutton wanted her.
She gave a distracted smile to the doorman as her nerves banded together like a lead weight in her stomach, before getting on the elevator and mumbling under her breath. As she walked out and into the hallway she clenched her hands together in the pockets of her coat, because they were trembling.
They were still shaking as she got to Charlotte’s door. She closed her eyes tightly, taking in as deep a breath as she could and trying to quiet the many thoughts that were running rampant through her mind.
She knocked before she could turn around and stop herself.
It was now or never.
This night was supposed to be about putting herself out there, and that’s exactly what Sutton was going to do. If Charlotte answered the door before the rational side of her brain could catch up with what she’d done and make her turn around and run away, that is.
God.
What was she even doing? Was she really showing up at Charlotte’s doorstep in order to tell her that she was attracted to her? That she –
When the door swung open, all of Sutton’s thoughts cleared from her brain, and she was left staring at Charlotte.
Who was wearing one of those light and airy tank tops that she favored changing into when she went home after work. Her eyes roamed, taking in the tiny yoga shorts she was wearing, leaving ridiculously toned legs bare.
Her heart started to pound even faster in her chest, as she looked up to meet Charlotte’s eyes. Which were alight with amusement and a genuine happiness, Sutton thought, as a small, surprised smile tugged at her lips. “Sutton? I thought you were out for the night?”
She wondered why her brain went into hyper focus on things like the way Charlotte’s curls were messily piled onto her head in an unfairly attractive bun, and the way those doe eyes shone up at her.
Then she cleared her throat. “I – um – I was. Clearly,” she uselessly gestured at herself, her dress, and shoes.
She foolishly didn’t even think about the way Charlotte’s eyes would follow her gesture, raking down her body and taking in what she was wearing in a gaze so heavy it felt like it could be a caress. She felt herself shudder and her breath caught in her throat, and despite the fact that she was feeling a little lightheaded from the way everything was weighing on her, that was enough to propel her forward.
She’d never felt that before. And she wanted more of it.
“Clearly,” Charlotte agreed, her voice dropping low and appreciative, before she looked up at Sutton, her eyes dark, as she quirked an eyebrow. “Who in their right mind let you walk out of there?”
The pounding of her heart was all she could hear as she shivered. God, she hoped that Charlotte wasn’t just being supportive or something when she said that. “Well, I wasn’t . . . quite a catch tonight.”
Damn. She’d wanted to say something smooth or something flirty – something that could hint at what she wanted to say but couldn’t find the words for.
Charlotte stepped back and opened her door, the warmth from her apartment enticing Sutton in, as if she needed more enticement. “That’s not true. But their loss is my gain.”
Apparently Charlotte found the flirty remark Sutton had been looking for.
“Yeah, well . . .” she trailed off, hoping that her trembling hands weren’t noticeable as she took off her jacket.
Dark eyes roved over the top of her dress and she knew that her shiver was obvious. She knew Charlotte couldn’t possibly miss it and still, she merely deftly took Sutton’s jacket and hung it up. “I was just finishing up some of the paperwork I brought home, so you came at the perfect time.”
Before Charlotte could take a step too far, Sutton swallowed hard and reached out to place her hand on her shoulder. Her fingertips skimmed lightly over the soft skin there, and it would be so easy to chicken out.
Instead, she steeled herself and didn’t let her hand fall away from Charlotte. “Wait. I – I didn’t do very well tonight, because I . . .” because I like you wanted to roll off of her tongue, but she bit it back. “Because I’m too – too nervous, because I don’t always know what to do or what to say. And some of the women weren’t that great, either.” The thought of the dates made her grimace.
Charlotte looked at her inquisitively as she reached up to take Sutton’s hand with her own. She was so warm, Sutton thought, dimly, as she spoke softly, “Darling, take a deep breath and tell me whatever it is that you’re trying to say.”
Taking her advice, she took a deep breath. She released it slowly, thinking about Alia’s words, and closed her eyes to gather her strength. “I think . . . maybe, I’ll be less nervous about dating women if I have sex with a woman that I trust, first,” was what came out of her mouth.
There. Okay. That should work, right?
As she blinked her eyes open, she expected at least some sort of reaction from Charlotte. Hopefully one of desire or interest.
There was a bit of interest, she thought, as Charlotte’s gaze dipped to her mouth briefly before coming back up to skim over her features. But other than that, she didn’t appear moved. “Oh? Will you be sleeping with Regan?”
“No.” Sutton fluttered her eyelashes, but refused to close her eyes this time and instead stared into Charlotte’s. It took her a moment to gather every bit of courage she possibly could as nerves ate away any potential other feeling she might have experienced. “I was thinking, if you were open to it . . . I could sleep with you.”
Chapter 10
Charlotte had never done any sort of hallucinogenic before. She’d even mostly avoided weed during her college years. She’d had her plans for her future in politics for so long, there was no way she was willing to even have that one indiscretion dredged up against her.
The closest she’d ever come to any such experience was when she’d been twelve, and she and Caleb were racing through their mom’s rose garden outside of her childhood home in Virginia. She’d tripped – though she maintained that Caleb had tripped her, even to this very day – and hit her head on one of the marble benches.
She’d come to quickly, and had been disoriented, like the wor
ld was spinning off-axis a little.
This felt a bit like that.
I could sleep with you, echoed between them, and even though Sutton’s voice had been low, the words rang in Charlotte’s ears.
Closing her eyes, she shook her head slightly, dimly registering the hair that had fallen out of her bun brushing against the back of her neck. It was – she must have misheard. Even though that was something that had never happened to her before, and frankly, if someone else ever suggested that she was hearing things, her reaction would not be pleasant.
Charlotte had no clue what Sutton could have possibly said that she misheard or was misunderstanding, but she was quite sure that their wires had gotten crossed somewhere.
Because this was Sutton, who was standing in her apartment in one of the shortest, most well-fitted black dresses Charlotte had ever seen. As in, the second she’d looked at Sutton when she’d opened the door it had taken a fair amount of her considerable self-control to keep her gaze as respectful as she could. And her heels only further highlighted those deliciously long legs.
This was Sutton, whose red hair only seemed even more vibrant than usual against the pale expanse of her revealed shoulders and then the deep black of that dress. Whose cheeks were flushing like crazy, as though she’d actually really just suggested they should have sex.
But. This was Sutton, who – since their very first interaction – had insisted that she so didn’t want any sort of casual sex.
Tilting her head, she looked up at Sutton, who was staring at her with imploring deep blue eyes. Eyes that searched her face even as she felt Sutton’s hand – the one that held onto hers, still – trembled slightly in her grasp
Feeling Sutton’s tremble somehow made these rushing thoughts calm down, and her lips quirked into a smile as she shook her head a bit as if to clear it.
“I’m sorry, darling. I think I’ve spent far too long working today; I mistakenly heard you propose having sex with me.”
Sutton’s blush only intensified and her eyelashes fluttered before she took in a deep breath as her hand flexed in a way that Charlotte recognized as her gathering her strength. “I did. I’m not – I’m not asking you to be my girlfriend, or anything.”
Charlotte was at a loss for words, and for the first time in her memory just found herself blinking speechlessly up at Sutton.
She’d already been surprised by the times where Sutton could render her without something to say – because of all of the people in her life, who would have ever have known that it was the woman who wasn’t calculating or manipulative who could stun her?
Just when she thought she had her pegged, Sutton would do something like walk into her apartment, looking like a fucking wet dream, and say that she wanted to have sex with her.
Even though her throat was running a bit dry, Charlotte managed to take in a deep breath through her nose before releasing it slowly through her mouth. She pushed through all of the muddled thoughts and feelings she had and instead focused on the kernel of concern she’d had as soon as Sutton had shown up as fidgety as she was.
She stroked her thumb over the soft skin of Sutton’s hand. “Are you drunk?”
Sutton shook her head, looking offended. “No! I had one drink the whole night. And I didn’t even finish it. I’m sober and serious: do you want to – to have sex? With me.”
As if Charlotte could mistake her intent. As if she wouldn’t want to have sex with her! If any lesbian wasn’t ready to show Sutton Spencer the wonders of sex with women, Charlotte wouldn’t believe they were sane.
Charlotte wanted Sutton. She’d wanted her since she’d first messaged her, and even more since they’d spent actual time together. She was more than ready to pull Sutton into her apartment and show her exactly what she could do.
But it was because of that very strong urge to not question Sutton any further – to just pull her down the hall and into her bedroom, peel off her dress, and do what she’d wanted to do with and to Sutton since she’d seen her picture – that made Charlotte disentangle their hands. She did not need to feel Sutton’s long and elegant fingers anywhere on her body right now.
Charlotte hadn’t been a friend to someone who wasn’t a family member or Dean in several years but she was well-versed in her social skills. And her etiquette, despite the damning voice yelling at her to ignore etiquette, was telling her that she shouldn’t take advantage of Sutton like that.
Maybe, if Sutton was a woman at a club or one she’d just met online, then there would be no issue in letting her forget whatever was troubling her by fucking it out of her head.
But, she wasn’t.
Taking a step back, Charlotte closed her eyes for a moment before she crossed her arms slightly in front of herself. And she asked the question she hadn’t exactly wanted to know the answer to, “What happened tonight?”
Because she was sure that whatever had gotten into Sutton that had caused this, stemmed from something the vultures that had gone to that speed dating night had done or said.
As soon as Sutton had mentioned earlier that she was going to a lesbian speed dating night, Charlotte had gotten the most unfamiliar and unwelcome feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something that made her steps falter and felt foreboding in and of itself.
It had given her pause for longer than she would have liked, before she decided that it was sheer concern for Sutton. The whole reason Charlotte had even started talking to Sutton was to take her under her wing – so to speak – and protect her from the kind of women that would go to those dating nights, looking for a tall drink of water exactly like Sutton.
Someone with dreamy ideals and an even dreamier body, with a face to match.
Focusing on that, the idea that something – someone – had gotten into Sutton’s had so much tonight helped dim the immediate fire that had shot through her with the images of having sex with Sutton.
“Nothing, really.” Her shoulders slumped dejectedly. “I met a few women, and I was a disaster with them. I was too nervous to even think around some of them, and the others were, well, awful.”
She waited for a beat to see if more was forthcoming, but nodded in satisfaction. Because she could work with that; she could take that and steer this back into a direction that Sutton likely wouldn’t regret in the morning.
“Sutton, I know that’s… unfortunate. But one bad night of speed dating,” she couldn’t even keep her incredulous chuckle in, even though she did find it such an oddly charming Sutton-thing to have done. “Doesn’t mean that you’re a disaster.”
The way Sutton had been lightly twisting her fingers around one another stopped as she blew out a breath and squared her shoulders. It was actually a very admirable show of the strength that Charlotte was positive it was taking Sutton to say all of this.
“I know you think I’m naïve, and – and maybe I can be, sometimes. But that doesn’t mean that I’m some sort of child or that I don’t know anything. That I don’t have wants and desires, too,” she asserted, voice strong.
And damn if it didn’t turn her on. Sutton had wants and desires, and apparently, they included having sex with Charlotte. Which wasn’t surprising. But she’d never fathomed that Sutton would ever have the nerve to suggest this.
She had to stifle a little groan that wanted to escape – a groan at herself for not just doing this, a groan at Sutton for instigating it, and mostly a groan because she wanted so badly – before she assured her, “I don’t think of you as a child.”
It didn’t appear that Sutton heard her, or perhaps she was just ignoring her. “I was thinking that it could be like a deal.”
Sutton’s hands were starting to shake again, she noticed, but her mind was trying to make sense of it all. Because . . . where did Sutton’s mind even go? What in the world had she concocted? And why couldn’t she let this go, before Charlotte broke? She only had so much self-control when a beautiful woman was willfully asking to sleep with her.
“A deal?” Damn it, she couldn�
�t help but be curious.
It seemed that somehow that was the wrong thing to say, as the strong façade Sutton had been wearing disappeared.
She didn’t even get another word out before Sutton side stepped and sunk down onto the edge of one of Charlotte’s chairs, long legs folding as she dropped low in the seat. She looked so defeated that it was heartbreaking. “God, I am so dumb. That was so stupid.”
Charlotte was quick to shake her head now. “Sutton, no –”
She dropped her head into her hands. “Tonight was awful, okay? It was awful, and I was awful, but I really think – I think that everything I said is true. I thought that experiencing it with you first would be easier. Because, no we’re not in a relationship or anything, but you care about me.”
“I do,” she interjected.
Not only was she at a loss for words, but she was also at a loss for actions. She felt like she was in largely unexplored territory, and she wasn’t sure of where to go from here. In fact, she was only sure of one thing, and it was the thing she was pretty sure was a bad idea.
Because she’d been doing her best to help steer Sutton away from women who would only want to sleep with her and not want anything else. And, romantically speaking, that was exactly who Charlotte was.
But . . . Sutton seemed to want that?
The whole night seemed absolutely surreal, and she wasn’t certain which direction it was going to head in.
She hated that it kind of thrilled her.
Sutton tossed her head back, and Charlotte very much wanted to run her hands through the thick strands. “I just… I’m really attracted to you.”
Blue eyes glittered up at her from where Sutton was sitting, Charlotte’s breath quickened, and a little piece of her resolve broke off.
Sutton shrugged, before rubbing her hands up and down her thighs. Thighs that were only slightly covered by that dress, and Charlotte’s fingers were itching to slide it up even more.
“Because you’re, like, gorgeous. I mean, I’m not sure it should be legal for you to look like you do!”
