by Haley Cass
“Wait a second. You had sex last night!”
She threw her arms above her head. “How do you know that?”
Regan grinned victoriously. “Because I don’t like to read books, but I can read Sutton Spencer fluently. Look at you, stumbling out of your bedroom late morning, all sleep deprived. Plus, the dead giveaway – you’re wearing your glasses in the middle of the day! Which you usually only do when you’re sick or when you’ve had a late night. And since you weren’t home until after I fell asleep, which was, like, midnight, I know you had a late night.”
Burying her face in her hands, Sutton groaned. “God, we do know each other too well.”
“Oh my god, tell me everything! I assumed that you maybe met someone at speed dating and had some drinks; I didn’t think you would actually go home with anyone!” Regan rubbed her hands together in glee as she leaned forward, waiting for the details that she always inevitably dragged out of her. “I love when you surprise me like this.”
“You act like I’m giving you a present.”
“Come on! Tell me, what was she like?”
It didn’t hit Sutton until that moment that Regan truly thought she’d slept with a woman she’d met last night. Someone who wasn’t Charlotte. Which, honestly, maybe it would have been better if she had. Because she didn’t think it would be as amazing as she’d felt with Charlotte. But at least in the aftermath, she wouldn’t have had these problems.
She wouldn’t be feeling so conflicted, like she’d done irreparable damage to a friendship that she’d really come to love. She wouldn’t have to face the fact that the first woman she had a major crush on truly didn’t want her the same way.
But Regan was looking at her so intently, and she cleared her throat as she crossed her arms. “Um. She was… older,” she had to clear her throat. “Pretty.”
Then Regan narrowed her eyes, before she stood to step in a little closer, giving Sutton a look of utter suspicion. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Damn, that was it; that was all of the lying Sutton had in her. She closed her eyes as she blurted out, “Okay! Okay, fine. It was Charlotte.”
Her confession was met with silence, until she willed her eyes open and Regan stared at her wide-eyed. Then she shouted, “You had sex with Charlotte Thompson? Stunning Charlotte?!”
That was all it took for her to crumble, and she covered her face with her hands, muffling her voice, “Yeah. Kind of,” because, had she? When she hadn’t even touched Charlotte? Or did that just mean Charlotte had sex with her?
Ugh.
Regan reached up and dragged her hands away from her face. “You are aware that was the opposite of the point of last night, right? You were supposed to get over Charlotte.”
“I got under her instead,” she lamented, her voice weak, before she even realized the words that came out of her mouth.
“Sutton!” Regan crowed, laughing. “Well . . . was she stunning, as the name states, at least?”
Sutton turned to sit on the arm of the couch, blowing out a long breath as her stomach churned.
“Yes. She was – she felt – amazing.” Because Charlotte had been better than Sutton had thought someone could make her feel. Her body still felt it.
She’d been both gentle and a little rough, had known just where and how to touch and kiss and scratch and bite. God, she felt herself flush, her stomach bottoming out at the thought of it. Her breath caught in her throat, eyed widening as she tried to think of anything else.
Like, for instance, about how that hadn’t done anything for Charlotte.
But Regan wasn’t mollified, as she crossed her arms and her voice became serious. Serious and somber in the way that it had whenever Sutton had told her about every time her Joshua had done something particularly awful.
“Shit. I don’t know how I missed it; you’ve been crying! Look at your eyes!” Which made Sutton frown, because she had looked at her eyes, and she’d only seen very faint traces of her sleeplessness. “How did this even happen? Was she – did she ask you to have sex with her? When you told her that you were going speed dating?!”
“No! No, that’s not – no,” she stumbled over her words, shaking her head and pushing herself back up to stand in front of Regan. “She definitely wasn’t jealous, and – and she wasn’t the one to propose we sleep together,” she finished in an embarrassed mumble.
Which only made Regan stare at her. For so long Sutton couldn’t handle it, because it just reminded her about the fact that she’d had to talk Charlotte into having sex. “I’m going to go. I have to go to campus and pick up some papers.”
But Regan reached out to grab her wrist before she could move, and she turned to look down into dark, concerned eyes, that had a touch of wonder in them. “Did you really ask her to have sex with you?”
Sutton bit her lip and nodded, holding her gaze.
“And . . . did she hurt you?” Regan asked, her forehead scrunching up, before her features shifted. “That’s it. You know what? I’m going to have a talk with so-called Stunning Charlotte, and –”
Sutton tightened her hand around Regan’s. “No! Regan, seriously,” the urgency in her voice didn’t even measure up to what had quickly seized up into her throat. Because Regan would. “She didn’t do anything wrong. She didn’t do anything I didn’t ask for.”
She felt her cheeks burning at that, because, damn, had she asked for it.
“Then why are you so upset?”
Sutton’s face crumpled. “She doesn’t want me back.”
“Wait a second. That’s – that’s not even possible!”
But Regan hadn’t been there, and she so didn’t want to discuss the details aloud, so she quickly added on, pleading, “Please let it go. I have to get to campus.”
Regan gave her an unwavering stare for a few long moments, confusion and incredulity written all over her face. But, despite all of the tendencies she had to overstep boundaries and to force issues, she was a friend first. And Sutton figured her desperation to try to forget about the previous night was fairly obvious when Regan bit her lip, undoubtedly holding back a litany of comments.
“Fine. But I have a lot of questions.” Bingo.
“I’m sure you do.”
Sutton had her own questions. Like, why would she ever do that?
With a sigh, she flicked her eyes to the clock above the TV. “But I really do have to go.” As it was, she was going to have to video chat with her family from the TA office, and she really didn’t want to be late.
Regan sighed, “All right,” her eyes narrowed in thought. “But… am I really not allowed to have some words with her?”
God, Sutton could only imagine how terribly that would go over. Charlotte could tell Regan about how she was just being a good friend, and – no. Sutton couldn’t even handle thinking about it, and she shook her head. “Don’t. Please don’t mention it at all, ever, actually.”
Reaching up, she scrubbed her free hand over her face, knocking her glasses askew momentarily as she rubbed her thumb over her tired eyes. She heard Regan sigh, and then found herself pulled forward into a hug, Regan’s arms wrapping around her waist.
Sutton allowed herself a moment to sink into her best friend’s comfort for a few seconds, before she took a deep breath and pulled back, fixing on a forced smile. Which was more for her own benefit rather than Regan’s, seeing as how she knew that Regan knew she wasn’t okay.
With a quick wave, which was met with Regan’s considering look, she left the apartment before Regan could say anything else.
The subway ride and subsequent walk to campus was brisk in the November air, and really didn’t help Sutton clear her head at all. In fact, it only reminded her that she’d left her favorite jacket at Charlotte’s last night.
She’d been in such a rush to get out so she wouldn’t have to face Charlotte again, that it had completely slipped her mind that she’d left it there.
She tried to shake herself out of those thoughts, even
though she was certain that it was close to impossible, as she let herself into the quiet office. There was rarely anyone else here on weekends, thankfully, and only a handful of people even in the building at all.
Pulling off the light scarf she had on, she draped it over the back of her chair as she pulled out her laptop to turn it on and pull up the video chat window. As it loaded, she sank into her hair with a tired sigh and pulled open the top drawer to find the assignments that needed to be graded sitting right on top of the pile, all in order with a paper clip holding them together.
That at the very least was going right today, she supposed.
Blowing out a breath through her teeth, Sutton reached out to click on the call button for her mother’s account, which was the one that was always logged in at home. Her dad didn’t typically make video calls, and Ethan’s account had been deleted after staying up until three in the morning, playing video games while online with his friends.
The picture that her mom used as her icon gave her a little bit of comfort right away. It was one that Sutton had snapped herself, at Christmas last year, where her parents were exchanging soft smiles.
Her phone buzzed from where it sat on the desk next to her, and her gaze was drawn to it as her laptop started to ring with the call waiting to be picked up.
Charlotte – 12:57PM
If you don’t respond to me soon, I’m going to
have to assume you are in a ditch somewhere.
Sutton stared at the text, her thumbs over the screen as another stab of guilt hit her right in the chest. It wasn’t like Charlotte deserved to be ignored. She hadn’t been lying to Regan earlier – Charlotte had only done what Sutton had asked her to. Repeatedly.
It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t feel the same desire Sutton had felt for her.
But, god, why couldn’t she have just said it outright instead of taking Sutton into her bedroom? To her bed?
And – fuck – Sutton was only just remembering how she’d told Charlotte that she’d liked the picture of her family right after Charlotte had taken her into the room to strip her bare. Like that was what she needed to think about, on top of everything else!
Her phone dropped from her hand back to the desk when her call was picked up, and she heard her dad asking, “Sutton? Hello?”
Taking in a deep breath through her nose to try to take her mind out of her fixation, Sutton shook her head before she quirked an eyebrow at the call screen on her laptop. Which should have had the video of her father and whoever else was at the computer already, but instead it was just black.
Confused, she narrowed her eyes. “Dad?”
The relief in his voice was evident, “Oh, good. You’re here. But I can’t see you. The screen is black.”
“I think you need to go into your settings, because I can’t see you either.” Her father’s perpetual inability to deal with technology gave her some much needed levity.
“Settings? How do I . . .” he trailed off, muttering to himself, and Sutton breathed out a small laugh.
She was prepared to instruct him on how to turn camera settings on, before she heard Oliver’s laughter in the background, “Did you try to get a jumpstart on the video chat, Dad? I’m impressed!”
Sutton shook her head, despite the fact that they couldn’t see her yet. “Don’t be too impressed; the camera isn’t even on.”
“Sutton?” His voice came even clearer, and within seconds, the camera was flicked on to reveal Oliver and her dad, leaning in toward the computer side-by-side. Her older brother’s expression was jovial, cheerful in a way that was infectious, as he gave her a warm smile, “Hey, you!”
“Hey back. How did Jane’s fitting go, for her dress?”
As always, her brother’s face lit up at the mention of his fiancée and talk of his wedding, “It went well. She’s looking forward to you coming back for the holidays to get you fitted for your bridesmaid dress.”
Both of their attention was grabbed by Ethan, who shouldered his way in, rolling his eyes up at Oliver in a way that made her laugh. “God, Oliver, enough about your wedding. It’s not happening for months.” He sent her a bright grin, “Sutton! Did you hear the new song I can play on the drums?”
She nodded, thinking of the video he’d sent her last week. It wasn’t very good, really, but then, not many of his songs were. She loved that he sent her the videos, anyway.
Before she could say anything, Ethan’s attention diverted. “Wait! Lucas is calling!”
Within moments, Sutton’s screen was filled with the main call of Ethan, Oliver, and her dad in the center video, and an additional smaller video call box in the top corner with a blurry Lucas.
She already felt more settled, finding herself smiling at them, before her mom walked into the room. Her smile melted into an even more genuine one, especially at the way her dad and brothers stepped aside slightly, letting her mom gracefully slip into the chair.
As always when they were all in one space, even if it was virtual, several conversations all started at once. Sutton easily tuned them out, just taking comfort in their voices for a few seconds, before she caught her mom’s gaze, “Hi, Mom.”
Her mom’s smile was like home itself. “Hi, honey.” She opened her mouth to say something else, before blue eyes – so like her own – narrowed in speculation and she leaned in closer to the camera. “What’s wrong?”
Oh no. Sutton felt herself flush, because of course her mom noticed. Even if it was through a webcam. And suddenly, Sutton wasn’t only subjected to her mom’s thoughtful look, but her question also gained the attention of all of her brothers and her father.
Vehemently, she shook her head, mildly panicked.
The breath that she’d taken in caught in her throat and she had to cough a few times before she could manage to get out, “Nothing! Nothing’s wrong, I’m just, uh, thinking about Alex’s tournament.”
It was convincing enough to pull her brothers back into the whole reason of why they were even video chatting, and they started talking again. All she had to do was avoid her mother’s knowing gaze, which was easy enough to do, as Alex’s first match out of three was set to begin in only a few minutes.
They all pulled up the website that streamed her mixed martial arts matches, and Sutton reached behind her to grab at her scarf, twisting it between her hands as her stomach jumped the moment she recognized her sister.
They all cheered for Alex at the very end, when she knocked her final opponent clear out. Even as Sutton cringed – because she was pretty sure her sister just knocked out that other girl’s teeth in addition to her mouthguard in her final blow – she was smiling victoriously.
Winning this tournament in London was leading her sister one step closer from her amateur status to professional, and despite the fact that Sutton couldn’t relate to this exact passion, she admired it. She used to tease her sister for her interest in mixed martial arts, especially because she was so small. But she had so much fight inside of her, Sutton really wasn’t that surprised at all that she was making it.
Despite Sutton’s distaste for the actual blood in the sport, she was proud of Alex.
It was the same feeling she saw on all of her brothers’ faces, too, as they all spoke excitedly over one another. Lucas’s typically serious face had one of the biggest smiles of all, even as his connection crackled and he informed them, “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
They echoed various goodbyes as his blurry video showed a little, awkward Lucas wave, before he exited the screen. And again, Sutton was left with only one screen.
Ethan and Oliver stood behind her parents on the camera, her little brother now taking swings at her older brother’s hands as he held them out for makeshift target practice, as Oliver narrated, “And a right hook! Then a jab!”
Ethan landed a final punch, before Oliver dodged and captured him in a headlock, despite the fact that Ethan was in the midst of a major growth spurt, and Sutton laughed. She yearned for that feeli
ng right now. For Oliver and Ethan’s playfulness, for the feeling and smell of home.
“We’re going to play catch!” Ethan informed them, before maneuvering his way out of Oliver’s hold and over to the camera, his face large in front of Sutton as he gave her a large grin. “Want to read my paper for me this week? Please?”
His voice was earnest, and despite the fact that he had three intelligent and beyond capable adults in the same room as him, Sutton loved that he asked her for homework help. It was just like he did when he was so little and just starting school.
“Of course,” she promised.
He gave her an even brighter smile as he backed up. “Thanks, Sutton!” Before he turned his attention back to their older brother, “Come on.”
Oliver shook his head with affection, “I’ll call you later in the week, okay?”
She nodded, as though Oliver didn’t call her once every week or two just to check in. “I’ll answer.”
Sutton smiled as they walked out of the room, her heart lurching just a bit at the thought of being home. She’d gotten homesick a lot when she’d first moved to the city for college, especially because she hadn’t even had Regan with her at the time. No, Regan had remained in Massachusetts, and Sutton had lived in a dorm. And despite how excited she’d been, there were many nights where she longed for home.
Those nights were far fewer now. Now that she’d made a true life for herself here, now that she considered this her home. Massachusetts, her family, would always be home, but in a different way.
But with the way she was feeling today? With her mind perpetually flashing back to the night before and making her hands shake with anxiety, as her head was trying to sort through everything all at once?
Yeah, she would like to be wrapped up in a blanket there, in her mom’s office.
A small sigh escaped her, as she was brought back to the present just as her dad excused himself. And she was left with her mom, who was giving her the same look she’d given her the night that she’d snuck out past curfew when she’d been sixteen. Even though she hadn’t actively gotten caught, her mom had known, and had just waited for Sutton to confess.
