by Haley Cass
She was breathless when she came down from her orgasm, the grasp on her phone so tight she thought it might hurt her hand later. And she thought she heard a muffled buzzing sound, but maybe it was still the blood rushing in her ears.
She felt somewhat boneless, melting into her bed, as she brought her phone closer. It took her a moment to see that Charlotte’s eyes were no longer turned toward her, but instead her head was pressed hard into her pillow, and Sutton could see her neck straining.
Her mouth was open, breathless whimpers and groans escaping her as one of her hands grabbed tightly at the headboard above her and the other –
The other was out of her view, but she could see her arm moving quickly and – holy hell, she was the sexiest thing Sutton had ever seen. So stunning her throat felt too dry, even when she tried to swallow.
Charlotte’s back arched a bit, a furrow in her brow. “Sutton,” broke from her lips, and despite having just come hard, she felt herself shudder.
“You’re incredible,” escaped her in a murmur, and she wished viscerally to be able to be there, to feel Charlotte.
Charlotte’s eyes fluttered open at that, brown eyes bleary and barely able to focus on her. And then Charlotte’s back arched so hard, her chest was pushed up in the air, her head snapping back, and Sutton could see the way she shuddered so hard it wracked her entire body as she came.
With Sutton’s name on her lips.
She watched, entirely too enthralled to look away as Charlotte came down from her peak. Her chest was heaving as her back fell into her pillows, and she had to blink a few times at Sutton before her eyes cleared.
The hand that had been out of her range of vision, came up, holding a –
Her eyes widened. “Is that a vibrator?”
Charlotte hummed in confirmation before switching it off, and that buzzing Sutton had been hearing disappeared. She placed it on the table, a sleepy yet satisfied smirk on her face. “If I don’t have you here to touch me, that’s the next best thing.”
Her mouth was dry, assaulted with images of Charlotte using the vibrator on herself like she just had been. With images of using it on Charlotte.
“That’s . . . smart,” she said, her throat dry, still slumped into her own pillows.
Charlotte sighed, languidly, as she stretched. “We should use it one of these times together,” she murmured as she pulled a blanket over herself.
“I – would like that,” she agreed, and . . . she hadn’t thought about it before, but now that she was, she very much wanted to.
Charlotte let out a large yawn. “Despite you telling me about not having many sexual adventures, I’m finding that I love how much you want to try out with me.”
Sutton didn’t know why she was still blushing at that, not after Charlotte had just touched herself while watching Sutton come on video, but it was happening. Still, she gave a small, sheepish smile. “You make me feel more confident. More . . . sexy,” she confessed.
Charlotte’s yawn was contagious though, and she reached out to balance her phone on her own bedside table so that she could cuddle back into her own blankets. Unlike earlier, she wasn’t having any issue for her eyes to feel sleepily heavy.
Big brown eyes, despite clearly being exhausted, opened. “You’re incredible sexy,” there was no teasing tone, no playfulness. Just a serious informative tone and it made Sutton flush, even as a warmth spread in her chest.
“I like that you get me to try new things,” she told Charlotte quietly in the dark, as they both settled into their beds.
“Mm, me too,” Charlotte whispered, her eyes closing. “Coming with you, celebrating winning my debate. I count tonight as a win.”
“I agree.” Sutton watched her for another long moment, eyes taking in the soft vulnerability Charlotte seemed to only have when she was sleeping.
She had no energy to reach out and end the call, and she certainly wasn’t going to if Charlotte wasn’t going to.
So she settled into her blankets, letting her eyes close while her mind drifted, and felt completely relaxed for the first time in days.
She was half-asleep when she thought she heard a soft, “I still wish you were here.”
But she wasn’t sure if she dreamt it or not.
Chapter 18
The drive up to the Spencer family home for their New Year’s Eve party – after turning up onto the long, gated driveway – had been just beautiful enough to distract Charlotte from the unsettled feeling in her stomach that she was loathe to refer to as nerves.
It was how she’d felt the last time she’d seen Sutton. Since she’d been hit with the realization that under her affection and endearment and attraction for the woman was also genuine feelings. Romantic feelings that made Charlotte want to do . . . things.
Like buy earrings because they perfectly matched Sutton’s eyes and call her before she went to bed just to hear her voice. When she had women hitting on her in the club, she didn’t even feel entirely right dancing with them because she’d wanted to be dancing with Sutton.
Feelings that were unplanned and unfamiliar, and she’d done her best to process them the week after Sutton had left by maintaining her distance and focusing as much as she could on her debate.
She silently berated herself that it took her a week to decide that nothing had to be done about these feelings. They didn’t matter, they couldn’t matter, and they wouldn’t matter.
It was only what she did in regard to them that mattered.
If she never changed her actions toward Sutton, there would be no need to take a closer examination at anything she didn’t want to scrutinize any further. As simple as that. She was still herself. Sutton was still Sutton. Their arrangement was the same one they’d always had, and they were still friends. Their conversations had gotten mostly back on track too.
Simple.
Only, she thought as she and Caleb stood outside the large home that seemed like a fairytale situated in a winter wonderland, it didn’t feel simple right now.
“It’s actually perfect foresight, for them to have arranged cars to and from all of the guests’ hotels,” Caleb commented, tugging at the collar of his jacket so it was closer to his ears. “Then again, I imagine they’d have to, unless they wanted all their drunk guests spending the night.”
Charlotte only hmm’d in agreement, even though she did agree that it was perfect foresight. The Spencer’s apparently made arrangements every year with a chauffeur service to and from the establishments where their party guests would be staying; Sutton had told her about it on the phone the other day to prepare a car for her and Caleb.
During the talk they’d had the day after Christmas, where she’d called Charlotte after breakfast, and they’d ended up talking for over an hour.
Charlotte shook her head slightly to clear it, feeling her hair bounce at her shoulders over her heavy jacket, as she mentally prepared her checklist. Tonight was going to be a night where she would hopefully make connections that would not only help her in this election, but also in her future life plans.
She’d even polished up her knowledge about the politicians and businesspeople who had typically been invited to the Spencer party in the past, just to be sure to be on her toes. There was no reason she should be feeling anything less than her usual partygoing best.
No real reason, and yet here she was with an irritating feeling lodged low in her stomach. Not a feeling of actual irritation, no. But one she would be forced to categorize as anxiety.
“You okay there?” Caleb asked as they drew closer to the wraparound porch.
“I’m great, thanks,” she bit back, quirking her eyebrow at him and daring him to challenge it.
He rose to the challenge, amusement sparkling in his eyes. “You’re not nervous about –”
“Don’t,” she cut him off, eyes narrowed dangerously before she glanced around to ensure that none of the other arriving guests – though it seemed they’d beat any crowds – were in close enough proxim
ity to them.
“Don’t?” Caleb echoed, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets as he muttered, “Fuck, it’s freezing.” He blew out a breath. “You mean, don’t discuss your burgeoning feelings for –”
She grit her teeth so hard it hurt. “I deeply, deeply regret getting drinks with you after my debate.”
And she meant it. Because if it hadn’t been for those drinks, she never would have ended up telling her brother and Dean about these Sutton-feelings.
Glancing around again, she pulled him to a stop far back in the immaculately shoveled and prettily-lit walkway.
Despite being the only ones there, she kept her voice low, “I allowed you to be my plus one tonight because you wanted to see what the ‘elite’ Spencer New Year’s Eve party was like –”
“And to be your wingman,” Caleb cut in, looking indignant.
Charlotte set her jaw in annoyance. “Yes, as in, I don’t want Sutton’s family to think I’m here as anything other than a friend, and bringing my brother makes me seem far less like I’ve debauched their daughter,” she hissed.
Which was true. Because she had no problem going to events alone; in fact, sometimes she even preferred it. But bringing her brother along as a buffer in this specific scenario had seemed like a good idea.
But right now? Standing outside Sutton’s childhood home? The home in which Sutton’s family resided, a family that knew of her . . . circumstances with Sutton. Or, at the very least, her mother and sister knew.
That was what was giving Charlotte this unpleasant feeling in her stomach that had been mounting the entire drive, and her brother’s commentary was certainly not helping. She was so used to knowing what to do, what to say, having every step planned. But she couldn’t necessarily plan for this.
Charlotte didn’t do meeting the family for any woman in the past that she’d had a physical relationship with. Hell, Charlotte didn’t even have many friends, let alone ones she was close enough with to meet their families.
Not to mention the fact that Sutton was a Spencer, and the Spencer family weren’t just – people. They were in her world; what they thought of her could impact her life. Plus, well . . . Sutton loved her family so much, which made Charlotte feel like – like she wanted them to like her for that reason too.
That thought alone was chilling.
“Debauched their daughter?” Caleb repeated, bringing her back to the moment with his laughter. “Are we in the 1800s? You have feelings for the woman! That’s –”
Charlotte rolled her eyes, even as her stomach sunk like a stone, and she quickly held up her hand to stop him from continuing. “If I have to tell you to cut it out with the comments one more time, you aren’t even going to come to the party, you’re going to spend the night outside freezing all of your extremities off.”
He gave her an exasperated look. “I don’t know why I’m more excited about you finally having feelings for someone than you are.”
“Really, Caleb?” She almost drew blood with how hard she bit at the inside of her cheek.
Sometimes, despite how close Caleb was to her, his complete lack of knowledge about where she was coming from was both baffling and frustrating.
He rolled his eyes. “Uh, yeah, really, Charlotte.”
Her frustration mounted, bubbling inside of her like it had been all week but she’d been biting her tongue. Because she could handle a comment here or there; if Charlotte couldn’t take a well-intentioned, albeit teasing, comment from a family member, she was most certainly in the wrong career.
Tonight was different.
“You’re acting like this is a good thing. Like my having romantic feelings is going to lead to anything but a more difficult situation if I let these feelings actually go anywhere beyond what I’m doing now.”
Caleb scoffed. “And you’re acting like your life is over because you’re a fucking human who likes a woman –”
She pursed her lips hard as he spoke, feeling how tense her shoulders were, until she couldn’t stop herself from interrupting him, “Do you really not know anything?”
Her hands balled into fists, so she could control herself from running them through her hair or shoving at her brother’s chest like she would when they fought as children .
“You think that’s what all this is about? Are you kidding me?” It was rare that her temper flared like this – and that she allowed it to – but she couldn’t stop it. “I’m not in denial of my sexuality. I’m not hiding who I am to myself or my family. But it makes my entire life so complicated. It puts everything I’ve ever wanted at risk.”
The truth of the words hung heavily in the air between them; it was the first time she had said it aloud. It wasn’t like she didn’t know that it was the truth – it wasn’t like this hadn’t been something she’d thought long and hard about in the past.
But the fact that it could be a reality now, with Sutton, scared her. She didn’t deal well with fear; she never had.
“The risk . . .” Caleb rolled his eyes and it only infuriated her more.
“I’ve spent my entire life in politics. Planning to climb the ladder all the way to the top, planning every single step I’ve ever taken.” God, she felt like her throat was on fire with the heat of the anger and the honest truth inside her as her eyes narrowed into a glare. “Like you don’t know that I’ve spent every break from school since I was fifteen doing internships, sacrificing friendships and relationships and time I could have spent doing anything else.”
She had to clear her throat to keep going as her throat tightened, and her spine straightened and tensed so tight she could feel the ache in her shoulders. “Like you don’t know that I worked in congressional internships through college, that I’ve worked late nights and weekends for years, because I refuse to not do everything I possibly can to get where I want to be.”
“Charlotte –” Caleb cut in, his voice quieter than it was before but it didn’t slow her down.
“I’m the youngest woman to ever have my job, and my job before it.” The fire was still there, crawling through her, even as her words were hushed.
“I know,” his voice softened even more, eyes bearing into hers. So often, she felt connected to Caleb but right now she felt such a disconnect.
Because if he really knew, then he wouldn’t be so obtuse.
She tilted her chin up to meet his eyes, determined, as she took in a deep, stabilizing breath. “If I win this election, I will be the youngest woman elected to Congress, ever, and one of the youngest people – period.”
God, she so very much wished she could say when I win. When, because she couldn’t let anything endanger this. She wouldn’t.
“I know.” He sighed, even as she could see his jaw working, clenching his teeth.
“And if I intend to be President, let alone to most likely only be the second woman, do you honestly think I’ll be able to do that while being openly gay?” She challenged, arching her eyebrow and absolutely refusing to let any of the feelings she had about the matter show. Because her feelings about it couldn’t matter. “Or do you know, just like I do, that my entire future would be in jeopardy?”
“I know!” Caleb’s voice was strong and sure and very nearly snapping in anger. “You think I, of all people in your life, don’t understand what it’s like?”
“Then act like it,” she threw back but refused to shout. Refused to lose her composure, especially here and now, even when she could feel her body nearly vibrating from it. “Because this isn’t just about me and my feelings. This is about my entire future, my life.”
Everything she’d ever wanted, everything she’d ever dreamed about. The goals she’d done everything in her power to make possible. And the thing was, she could attain it.
So, perhaps her life goals did mean she had to make some sacrifices along the way. But she’d refused to ever let anything come in the way of her dreams. It was her choice to make – and she’d long since made it.
Caleb was quiet, before he
slowly nodded, clenching his jaw with clear force to hold back whatever else he wanted to say. “Yeah. You’re right. It’s your life, your choices.”
“Thank you,” she murmured. And because it was Caleb, she allowed her shoulders to slump a bit as they burrowed into her jacket and some of the tension slipped out of her. Only for a moment, though, before she quirked an eyebrow at him. “And this means no more choice commentary.”
He rolled his eyes, but playfully, and bowed his head in compliance. “As you command.”
It was only then, after some of that adrenaline wore off, that she could feel herself shivering again, and she could see her brother doing the same. As if easily jumping back onto the same page as her, at least about this topic, he tilted his head. “Ready to face the wolf’s den?”
The small smile on his lips got her to smile back, if only a little bit. “I’ll lead the way.”
Truthfully, she still felt less ready than she did at grander events like charity galas and state dinners. Focus on the politics, she reminded herself, squaring her shoulders, and started mentally running through names and facts and policies as they approached the front door.
Do not focus on the fact that Katherine Spencer knows about your sexuality. And that you’ve slept with her daughter.
It was a task easier said than done.
She rolled her shoulders and only let herself hesitate for a moment before she rang the doorbell.
Then she caught her brother’s eye as he was giving her an entirely too amused look, that instantly put her on guard. “What?”
“Just – a little nervous, are we?” He bumped her shoulder with his.
She kept her face impassive. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m going to keep tonight as professional as possible. You and I both know I don’t have nerves when it comes to that.”
“Oh, right,” he scoffed back. But even as she narrowed her eyes in annoyance – did she have to bring up their previous conversation already? – he ran his thumb and index finger over his lips. “I’m not saying anything, though.”
“Think you already did,” she murmured back, taking a deep breath and straightening her shoulders.
