and encouraging way”
- La bohème by Giacomo Puccini
Princess Bianca glanced in her direction and Nicolette knew there was at least one. She felt sorry for Alejandro’s youngest sister. She would not wish to be a captive princess in a castle, unable to live or to choose one’s companions.
“I thank you, Senor Ortega, that is most kind of you,” Nicolette said. “But I must rest tomorrow in preparation for my first concert. I could not bear to think I failed your country at this momentous occasion.”
Nicolette observed the Queen Mother's disappointment, but the slight tension in Alejandro's expression seemed to drain instantly.
Caruso sang during dessert: a fresh fruit salad of strawberries, melon, and cherries and a cake soaking in rum and drizzled in chocolate. Both received rave reviews. Caruso was magnificent as usual, winking at her when he mounted the podium.
Dessert was followed by dancing in the royal ballroom. As promised, Alejandro claimed the first dance from Nicolette. They walked to the center of the grand ballroom, the only couple on the floor in a grandiose room at least sixty feet high. The orchestra began to play, and Alejandro took her into his arms as everyone watched.
She who was accustomed to having eyes on her felt herself to be overwhelmed. It wasn’t the palace, the crowd, the titles and the power they represented, the glamour, or the glitter and gold which shook her foundation.
It is Alejandro. His proximity and attentions, the strength of his arms holding her, the fervor of his gaze. His black hair fell across his forehead as he bent down to look at her.
Nicolette attempted to control her beating heart by pretending this was merely one more staged production. Certainly everyone present was as attentive as in the grandest theatre. But even the lights and the glorious costumes did not create the illusion in her mind.
This is real. She was dancing with the king of Spain, all eyes on her. And the most important eyes—the only ones which truly mattered to her—were his.
As she whirled in his arms, the force of his gaze thrilled her. Up until now, his attentions had been inconsistent at best.
Swirling in his arms, the connection between them felt authentic and fated, as if they had been brought together by outside forces, the paintings of all his ancestors looking on.
“Did my mother disturb you, Nicolette?” As if to read her thoughts, Alejandro murmured into her ear, his breath warm on her cheek. It felt glorious to hear her name on his lips.
Warmth whirled up through her body as she was whizzed through the air, as if she were on a cloud. She wouldn't allow anything to interfere with this heavenly moment. “It is forgotten, I assure you.”
"May I ask you a personal question, Alejandro?”
“I wish you would.”
“Why did you place my room next to yours if your intentions are so honorable?” she asked under her breath, smiling while she looked straight ahead.
“I like the idea that you are near to me, Nicolette, nothing more devious than that.” His chocolate brown eyes were soft. “And if I should catch a glimpse of you on the balcony in the moonlight, or overhear you singing with a nightingale, all the better.”
Nicolette closed her eyes momentarily. This man would drive her to insanity. He didn't want her—and he reached for her in a way that would have made a weaker woman faint.
He makes love to me with his words. She had never before been the recipient of such mixed messages, and between the longing she felt in Alejandro's presence, the impossibility of their situation, and the utterly inconsistent way he treated her, it was sure to cause her to burst.
Still, I am grateful to share this important week with him. As frustrating as Alejandro’s proximity was, she would treasure this memory always.
She whispered, almost inaudibly, “Surely you must know placing me next to your room will mark me as your paramour.”
Alarm and mortification crossed Alejandro’s expression. “I will have you moved at once. And I will discharge my event planner.”
“He must have thought you knew what you were doing.”
“I only thought since your grandmother is next door, a sort of chaperone, as it were…”
“Of course. I don’t wish to be moved,” she whispered with finality. But she knew precisely how it would look.
Nicolette never had a moment's uncertainty around other men: she was the one who led them about as if they had rings in their noses. How can my heart be fluttering and he feel nothing in my presence? As if he were conversing with a painting instead a woman who could make men weak at the knees.
Other men. Not Alejandro. He was indifferent to her charms. He had always been indifferent to her charms, even when she had increased them tenfold over that which she utilized with other men. This was the primary source of her aggravation with him—her only source, she reflected, as she gazed into his eyes. He had never wanted her as she had wanted him. And yet…
“Nicolette,” he pulled her closer to him as he twirled her through the waltz as if to answer her thoughts. “I have missed you so much. I never felt so alive as when I was in Paris with you.”
“And do you like Paris so very much?” she closed her eyes briefly.
“I detest Paris.”
“But you only just said…”
“I feel as if you are my entire world at the same time you are entirely removed from it, Nicolette.”
His words brought her abruptly out of the magical moment. This was only a brief interlude, a moment in time. “That is very true, Alejandro. I do not belong here.” She swallowed hard. “I mean, your majesty.”
“Call me by name, Nicolette.” His lips brushed her cheek. “Give me that, at least.”
He knows it too. He knew they were both acting, pretending this could be. He desperately wanted to hold on to the pretense as she did.
“Of course, Alejandro,” she murmured in subdued tones. “But do you think it wise in public? Someone might overhear.”
“Do you suggest a private meeting then, Nicolette? I fear that being alone with you would challenge my resolve. I have tried to forget my feelings for you in vain.”
She hadn't thought she was suggesting such a thing, but with each touch, each breath on her skin, an electric current swept through her body, and the thought occurred to her it was precisely what she wanted.
What is happening to me? No man had ever affected her in this way. Why did it have to be someone who was positively unattainable?
This is the reality. Nicolette was not one to pity a situation or to pretend it was something other than what it was. She smiled a slow, sultry smile. But she was one to make the most of it.
“I shouldn't have brought you here, Nicolette. I must marry…” Alejandro cursed under his breath.
“Shhh…not now, Alejandro,” she whispered, putting her head on his chest.
He held her more tightly, as if he wished to hold on to her forever.
Nicolette closed her eyes momentarily. Certainly she could control her physical reactions to this man.
But I don’t believe I wish to any longer. This might be the last time she ever saw him, and she didn't wish to regret what ‘might have been’ for the rest of her life.
Alejandro would marry well. The thought filled her with a tinge of remorse.
It is impossible. He had just told her so. Could it be? Is Alejandro the love of my life?
He likely did not reciprocate her feelings. But it was immaterial: he could not act on them if he did.
How, of all the men in the world, is this the man I most love? As she stared at him, it seemed an unlikely attraction. He was boorish, old-fashioned, and arrogant. She was forward-thinking and innovative. He was strong, disciplined, and determined to fulfill his duty. She was determined to live in joy. He was Catholic and she was…well, she didn't know what she was. Buddhist? Christian? The Church of Nicolette? She prayed for others, and she prayed that she might grow in love. But mostly she just lived.
I believe in lo
ve, in music, in passion, in living one’s life and allowing others to live theirs.
And I make no apologies. She was willing to stand before her Maker when and if the time came and to support her decision to follow her heart and to live with all her heart.
“Alejandro, I have one wish while I am here in Spain.”
“Anything, and it is yours, Nicolette.”
“I wish you to meet me in my bedchamber tonight.”
He coughed for only an instant. He held her very close and his breath was hot in her ear. “Might I have a private word with you on the verandah, Nicolette?”
“Of course, Alejandro.” She smiled to herself.
Finally a reaction. She appreciated staid words of affection, but what she really wanted was evidence of their truth.
They walked out onto the verandah. Everywhere they went, people saluted and bowed and curtseyed. It was positively…unnerving.
“Do not let anyone pass,” Alejandro commanded to the guards. There was the threat of death in his tone. She supposed there were some advantages to being the supreme ruler of a country. He led her out into the garden.
His brown eyes seemed to swallow her whole, caressing her. She saw the desire there which had been evident at their first meeting.
The realization thrilled her. She had begun to think she had no effect on this man.
“Nicolette, we have already discussed this.” He shook his head and let her hands drop, running his hands through his hair in exposed frustration. “It is no use. I long for you body and soul, and I cannot.”
She stared at him in disbelief. He stood before her like stone, all six feet of dark brown hair and chocolate eyes and sinewy muscle.
“I could not defile you, Nicolette.” He threw his head into his hands. “You are too precious to me. With you, making love would be a sacred covenant.”
“I don't want to be part of your stupid sacred…oh!” She was furious now. “I don't want to be holy in your eyes. And I don't want your head filled with your duty or your analysis or your regard for me. Don't you see, Alejandro?” She touched her finger to his lips and she saw the immediate shock and desire in his countenance.
“See what?” he gulped.
“I want you to think of me and of nothing else. I want to be far more important than your arrangements.”
“Arrangements? No, it has nothing to do with…”
“Most of all, I want you to be so filled with need for me that no words can come to mind.” She let her breath out slowly and added in a whisper. “As I am for you, Alejandro.”
Without the slightest pause, he took her by the waist, pulling her so hard she might have fallen. He took her in his arms and kissed her, fervently, with a need she had never known. His tongue entered her mouth, demanding more. He pulled her to him until there was no space between them.
As his mouth possessed hers, an electric shock rushed through her. She was instantly giddy to the pit of her stomach. She rubbed her hands along his arms and felt strong muscles beneath her palms.
He held her rigidly against him, running his hands along her hips as he held her in the crook of his arm at an angle, desperately plunging his tongue into her mouth, spreading kisses along her neck, returning to her mouth with even more fervor, more than she could have imagined.
“Alejandro,” she whispered, feeling his every movement and responding to it.
It was like a falling dream in slow motion. She was half-awake and half-asleep, terrified and tranquil at the same time.
She was completely present with him as he was with her. She had never felt so close to Alejandro, he who was so difficult to reach.
And then he became closer. His free hand moved to her full breasts, caressing her through the fabric, even as he groaned and deepened his kiss. In one movement he picked her up and moved her to the bench where he sat and pulled her into his lap, planting kisses along her breasts, only partially covered with fabric.
His kisses moved lower and lower. With his free hand he gently pushed up on her breast, massaging her, his lips moving slowly, caressingly—much too slowly—towards her nipple.
“Alejandro! Please…” she moaned, heat and longing spreading through her body. With her hand she felt the contours of his muscled chest, longing for something she could not name. She could tell he was becoming more and more aroused as well, his breathing jagged.
Even as his lips had almost reached their goal and hers, just as abruptly, he jumped up and set her down on the bench, pacing frantically in front of her.
“Ave Maria!” He stared at her aghast. “Nicolette, I cannot allow my illicit lust to deface something so exquisite, someone who doesn't know what she offers. I would have nothing left to give to you if I destroyed my character, my honor, in the process. What would I present you with? Not a man but a worthless, selfish brute…”
“I don't see that you are giving me anything now,” she said. “You have always held back, not giving yourself to me. For one moment in your life can you think about something besides your responsibility, Alejandro?”
She brushed her lips against his, and his eyes flew wide open.
“No…Nicolette…please don’t…”
“If you are not present, how can it be your life? For once, I wish you to think of something besides your duty.”
“I am thinking of something else. And my thoughts are not honorable.”
“I am glad to hear it.” She smiled, running the palms of her hands along his chest. She watched him close his eyes momentarily, as if he were attempting to focus. “If you do not know what you are feeling, how will I ever know? Show me what desire looks like Alejandro.”
He stepped back. “You will know desire, Nicolette. Just not from me.” Remorse was in his eyes.
She shook her head in frustration. “I want to be in this moment with you, Alejandro, not playing out the script in your head. Do you remember the last time we were together?”
“Of course. It changed my life.”
“I threw myself at you and you did not respond. Do you have no reaction to me?”
“I assure you, Nicolette, I have a very great reaction to you.”
“Come to my room tonight. I will leave the connecting door unlocked precisely at midnight. This is all that we have, Alejandro. We cannot marry. But there is no one else I want, no one else I will ever want. Give me one night of rapture.”
“You have already impacted me more than any woman who has given her body to me, Nicolette. You have touched me with your music. Do not sacrifice yourself as well.”
“Sacrifice myself?” she laughed. “I am doing this for myself. I want to feel you truly with me, Alejandro. All of you. I want to know your intensity and your soul.” She sighed. “I gave you what you wished, now give me that which I wish.”
“You are a passionate woman, Nicolette. You believe you want me above all others,” he whispered hoarsely.
“I have just thrown myself at your feet. Don't you feel anything?”
“I feel everything. A moment of ecstasy has the illusion of love—but it is not real. Believe me. One night of lust is not love. Love is thinking of the other person more than oneself.”
“Lectures and sermons are your specialty, Alejandro,” she murmured. “You chose the wrong profession.”
“I did not choose anything,” he said bitterly, adding in a low voice which made her quiver, “And you might be surprised at my specialty.”
Alejandro took her by the shoulders, and she almost quaked under the strength of his voice. “Answer me, Nicolette. Someday you will wish to marry. How could you marry after this? I could marry, but you could not.”
“I do not wish to marry, and I never will.” She shook her head in frustration even as a tear escaped down her cheek. “And I wish to make love to no man but you.”
“I am not so full of myself that I believe that you will never desire another man. Secretly, I wish it, but only an idiot would believe it. There is a man for you, Nicolette.” His lips tigh
tened as he stated the words. “You don't see it now, but you will meet him someday. He would not forgive this transgression. You would be unable to ever marry. I cannot destroy your life for my own pleasure.”
“Or mine?” she asked.
“It is merely the passion of the moment. You do not understand it, but I do. It will pass.” Something in his expression was unconvincing.
“I tire of your treating me like an imbecile, Alejandro!” She pulled away from him. “You think I do not know my own mind and that you do. I am not like most women: I do not have to marry to have a life. I have a life now, and I will have a life when I leave here, so there is absolutely no reason I should not experience everything to the fullest in every moment. And…I love you.”
The words escaped from her lips. Oh, why do I have to feel this way?
Worse, why did she have to say it?
Embarrassed, Nicolette escaped up the pathway to the balcony with Alejandro not far behind her.
I have shown him too much. I know he does not love me in the same way I love him, but I did not wish to humiliate myself.
“Nicolette!” she heard him yelling after her even as she ran.
She ran as fast as she could past the guards when she spotted Rafael Ortega on the balcony. She halted right in front of him. “Senor Ortega, is your invitation still open for tomorrow?” she asked sweetly as Alejandro approached.
“Of course, Senorita Nicolette,” His expression was eager.
“Please call on me tomorrow. I should very much like to go to your little bull ranch.”
“Excellent. We shall depart at eleven in the morning.”
She curtseyed, and managed to disappear into the crowd as Alejandro became surrounded by subjects and admirers.
Why did I flirt with Rafael? Nicolette didn’t know. She wanted to get away from Alejandro at the same time she wished she could stay with him forever.
Alejandro would think she was punishing him, and maybe she was. He was punishing her minute by minute.
Alejandro had called her to Spain only to push her away in every moment. He wanted to be alone with his mental obsessions, and she was inclined to oblige him.
The Serenade: The Prince and the Siren Page 37
