“Oh, why do I have to love him so?” Nicolette moaned. “Why does he touch me like no other? And yet he is so different from me.”
“If Alejandro had no center, no beliefs, if he could forego everything he believes to be with you, what kind of a man would he be? A spineless sort of person who has no values of his own.” Lady Elaina shook her head. “And you have fallen in love with someone who has a great many values and convictions, a man who is on a mission in this life. If you want a puppet, there are plenty to be had.”
“Alejandro is no puppet. And I am on a mission as well.”
Lady Elaina chuckled. “A mission to have your way at all times and in all places.”
“Grandmamma, I can’t believe you said that. I thought you of all people would understand.”
“I do and I find no fault with it whatsoever.” Lady Elaina sobered. “When you perform, my love, you bring joy to others as well as to yourself. It is devastating to my heart that you should not be allowed to realize your talent and live the life of your dreams if you enter into this marriage.”
“The idea that I have to choose between love and my essence of being is unthinkable.”
“And yet, that is precisely your choice. No matter what you choose, you will give up something precious, enriching, and irreplaceable.”
“Yes. Yes, I see. And yet, I am certain Alejandro would give me whatever I wish if it were in his power to do so. He has this strange idea that I could continue my career.” Nicolette shook her head. “It would never be accepted.”
Lady Elaina sighed heavily. “Alejandro is a real man with an enormous job—an impossible job. His life's work is not just his vocation, it is who he is. He has a higher calling, he has a passion. As do you. You can choose to help him with that vocation, and in so doing, share his life with him, or you can look for someone else to love.”
Someone else to love? Only Alejandro. Nicolette shook her head. “That would never do, Grandmamma."
“That is most unfortunate for you both.”
“Oh, Grandmamma!” A sob caught in her throat. “Why did I have to fall in love with someone whose life requires me to forfeit my own?”
“It is the curse of our times. Someday it will be different for women.”
“But I must make a decision now not in the future. I cannot imagine we would be happy together.”
“Possibly it is for the best. If you need someone to be part of your audience, my darling, that is not Alejandro.” Lady Elaina kissed her granddaughter's cheek. “He wants to enter into life with you.”
57
A Souvenir
And No Hard Feelings
“Whence happily I came
At your call of love
I will return to my lonely nest
Goodbye
and no hard feelings
Gather up the few things I left about
Shut in my drawer
Is that little gold ring
And my prayer book
Bundle everything up in an apron
And I’ll send the concierge.
Look under the pillow
you'll find the pink bonnet
keep it as a souvenir of our love
If you want to
Goodbye, goodbye
And no hard feelings”
- La bohème by Giacomo Puccini
It is the first time I have been a coward in my life. Nicolette’s hand trembled in the lock.
What is wrong with the key? For all she knew the door had not been opened for dozens of years.
But she doubted it.
Click. She didn't know whether to sigh with relief or to turn and run. With a sense of trepidation, quietly she inched open the door of the royal suite leading to the king's chambers adjoining her room.
I cannot bear to tell him in person. In his presence, my resolve would go out the window.
Was she doing the right thing? Nicolette had no idea. All she knew was she had the desire to run.
Her hand started to perspire as she clenched the note telling Alejandro she must leave, that they were only torturing themselves. She had arranged for Désirée to sing her solo at the coronation while she fled for Paris.
Never to see Alejandro again. Nicolette gasped as the thought crossed her mind.
Some ten years from now she would see portraits of Alejandro, his royal bride, and their expanding family, all of the dark-haired children with Alejandro’s countenance and the misplaced aristocratic noses of his bought and paid for cousin-bride.
Even as Nicolette took the first step into the adjoining room, it felt as if she were ripping her heart out of her chest by her own hand.
There is no other way. Nicolette shook her head with resolution.
She glanced around the bedroom, momentarily distracted from her distress. Heavy stone pillars supported the ceiling, a rich blend of inlaid wood and stone. The bed was solid walnut. Stained glass windows allowed light in through gold and blue prisms. The room was masculine in appearance and pleasing.
Heaven help me! She heard Alejandro's voice and almost dropped her note. She had been assured the king was out riding. In spite of her trepidation, Alejandro's voice filled her with a tenderness which tested her resolve. Two other voices followed.
Nicolette forced herself to stay calm. Her plan was unchanged; she did not expect them to enter Alejandro's wardrobe closet. She looked around the huge compartment filled with luxurious clothing.
Given the size of the closet, he might find her note in a day or two, give or take a decade.
Nicolette had no way of knowing what Alejandro was likely to wear next. Perhaps inside the toe of a shoe? No, there were at least fifteen pairs of shoes. Which would he wear?
She had to admit she had not been looking at his feet.
Suddenly a thought occurred to her. Under his pillow? No, there were voices in his room, and she had to do this now. The coronation was this afternoon, and she had to escape Spain while she still had the resolve.
She gasped when she saw the perfect place.
The crown.
Placed in the center of the wardrobe as if to symbolize the momentous job before him, was a crown of gold encrusted with precious stones.
The symbol before her was so powerful that it filled her with a sense of awe: the sovereign's crown featured half arches in gold and pearls resting on eight plates bearing the emblems of the Kingdom in red and green emeralds. Atop the crown was a gold cross against a blue background of sapphires. Alejandro would be wearing the headdress hours from now at the coronation.
She would place her sealed note inside the crown.
Even in her desperation she was aware there was something cruel and heartless in the act. To place a note of rejection inside the symbol of what should be a momentous and meaningful moment. To torture someone who loved her with literally his crowning achievement.
There is no other way. I must be certain he sees the note. It was less cruel than having Alejandro realize her answer in the middle of the coronation when Désirée began to sing.
Turning, she caught her reflection in a large, full-size mirror. She was disgusted by what she saw.
I look so sweet. Deceptively so. And yet so modern. A modern girl in charge of her own destiny. Her fashionable suit consisted of a full, wide skirt in pleated blue linen and a long ivory lace coat, cinched at the waist. Her ivory cotton blouse was held in place by a blue cameo.
An angel in disguise. Her hand shaking, Nicolette situated the note, attempting not to touch anything but the rim of the crown.
Have I gone mad? Nicolette covered her face with her hands as she realized the direction of her thoughts. Had her fear of her love for Alejandro, and her fear of a shared life with this man, driven her to this ridiculous brink?
In heaven's name, I need to direct my own life. It was that simple.
And why shouldn't she? He was certainly directing his life, as all men were allowed to do.
Why does it suddenly feel so wrong? She had alwa
ys lived by this code.
Because my heart is not in it. She benefited no one—especially not herself—if she made a choice against her own heart. Above all, she would follow her heart.
But her heart was intertwined with music—and now Alejandro. And she could only have one of the two. She had to choose music: she could not defy her own nature. She had to…
Nicolette turned and looked at the crown again as if mesmerized by a…hat.
As she forced herself to take another step, she heard raised voices. Fearful of being discovered, she moved to return to her rooms when a note of anguish in one of the men's voices stopped her sharply in her tracks. Instead of moving forward, she inched closer to the bedroom suite.
Nicolette was closest to the bed while the sitting area, where the men were, was clearly around the corner. All she could see was a stone fireplace, a wing-backed couch in a red-rust shade, and a bowler hat resting on a table. From where she was, she had a clear view of the bed, but not the sitting room. She caught an occasional reflection in the mirror over the fireplace.
Good, a voice she recognized: Raimundo Fernández Villaverde, the Finance Minister. But who was the excited voice? She had an exceptional memory for voices, that being her profession.
Who is it? She must think. Ah, yes, the Minister of War, Sánchez de Montojo. She knew him to be soliciting Alejandro for increased funds for the army. It must be an important conversation to be occurring on the coronation day. She calmed her thoughts and strove to hear them.
“But, your majesty,” Sánchez de Montojo exclaimed, “We have uncovered a plot on your life!”
Nicolette’s heart pounded even faster in her chest. She swallowed hard as the implications of his words hit her.
“That does not surprise me,” Alejandro replied calmly. “Only one?”
“You must take this seriously, your majesty.”
“I’m sure I do. I need my life to serve España.”
Overwrought by the news, Nicolette inched around and caught a glimpse of Alejandro in the mirror before pulling back out of sight.
I must be careful! The king had been staring straight at the speaker, his expression calm but fiercely intent. His eyes had their typical piercing expression and his eyebrows were drawn.
She had seen that expression before, and she knew they were wasting their breath: Alejandro had made up his mind and there would be no wavering from his course.
But what is his course? She had to find out. Someone was attemtping to kill him!
She felt fury rise up in her very being.
“Then do something to save your own life, your majesty!” Sánchez de Montojo protested.
“I will make every attempt, Sánchez,” Alejandro replied languorously. “But that does not mean I will increase the Army by 28,000 men.”
“Your majesty, you must believe me. I am concerned for your safety.” Sanchez was small and lean, and his voice was rising. She could hear him pacing the floor anxiously.
“I know you are, my dear Sánchez: that is why I chose you as Minister of War. And you will continue to advise me. But I will make my decisions out of reason not out of fear,” Alejandro replied with finality.
“If you are not concerned for your personal safety, your majesty,” Sánchez de Montojo replied with a sense of urgency, “then think of Espána.”
“I rarely think of anything else, I assure you, Sánchez.” Nicolette could hear the amusement in Alejandro's voice though almost imperceptible. “Neither will I make decisions for my countrymen out of self-preservation.”
She saw Alejandro turn on Sánchez de Montojo in her mind's eye. “And, let me remind you, my dear Sánchez, that it was the government's unrelenting insistence on military action which led to the Great Disaster and which has left us with fifty thousand fewer Spaniards and fully one-half of Spain's budgetary revenue being swallowed up by interest payments on the national debt.”
“A percentage which is growing,” Villaverde interjected quietly. She could picture Senor Villaverde speaking the words in perfect calm as he sat back and observed. He was a portly man with a full head of hair and an unusually long moustache which was unmistakably curled. She could see him in her mind’s eye as if she were sitting in the room with him.
“If Espána is not stabilized, I fear the fascists will overtake the country,” Sánchez de Montojo persisted emphatically. “I ask only for an increase from 144 million pesetas to 174 million for the Army.”
“You are not going to stabilize Espána by further inciting a civil war and killing her own people.” Alejandro's voice grew harsh. “That was my father's method and it is not mine. It will not happen as long as I draw breath.”
Which may not be that much longer. Nicolette could hear the response as if it had been spoken. She closed her eyes momentarily as her whole body shivered to think she had been offered the privilege of living in this man's presence and of receiving his love.
He had somehow chosen her.
“No, in the face of fear, one must hold to one's principles,” Alejandro concluded. “It is the only way. To give in ensures defeat.” She could not help herself: she stole another glance and observed Alejandro seating himself on the couch, his demeanor unruffled despite the news of the threat to his life.
“You are idealizing a very real threat, your majesty.”
“Believe me, Sánchez, I understand clearly that Spain’s stabilization depends upon the uniting of the different regions. It is both of the utmost importance and frustrating beyond measure. We have so many problems which need to be addressed—education, agriculture, technology, infra-structure, and defense—and yet we must take away from these critical improvements, utilizing our resources on simply coming together as one people. Something which should be a given.”
“This is always the greatest hurdle,” Sánchez agreed reluctantly.
“Clearly I must help our people to understand,” Alejandro said. “Once we are one people and we share a vision anything is possible for us.”
“First and foremost, we must save Espána from bankruptcy,” emphasized Villaverde. “We must initiate a tax on personal incomes and on industrial profits.”
“Are you loco?” shouted an inflamed Sánchez de Montojo. “That's all we need to start a national riot.”
“It must be done,” replied Villaverde calmly. “If we have no finances, we can do nothing. And we must pay off our national debt so it does not absorb our entire treasury.”
Nicolette put her hand to her throat and closed her eyes. Why were they talking about the national debt? There was a threat to Alejandro's life and they were speaking of finance. What was being done to protect him? What advances had been made in discovering the culprits?
Why is nothing said about this?
“Espána is far behind in industrialization, literacy is low, the country is poor, the navy destroyed—we are at the mercy of any invader—the national mood is at an all-time low, and you propose taxation. Brilliant.” Sánchez de Montojo remarked.
“Villaverde is right,” Alejandro pronounced, unmoved. “We must balance the budget.”
“But…your majesty…”
“I will see if I cannot renegotiate the terms of our loans. I have been known to be persuasive. And we must rebuild our navy.”
“Our navy? But the army…!” Sánchez objected.
“After our defeat by the United States Espána lost not only her colonies but also her navy,” Alejandro remarked in low tones.
“I did not think you to be a strong supporter of the military, your highness,” Sánchez de Montojo remarked rhetorically with disdain in his voice.
“I have served and I have proven my loyalties. I merely do not wish to initiate wars we cannot win. Nor to kill my own people. Even so, it is important to have a strong defense in order to avoid war. I expected you would know this, Sánchez.”
“Of course I do! However—”
“And increasing the navy will stimulate Spain's young coal, steel, and shipbuilding
industries.” His voice grew resolute. “Gentlemen, I have a plan to put the proposal out to bids. The winner--most likely a German or British company--must be based on the Peninsula. And the winning company must provide Spanish manufacturers with the most current designs and patents for ships and weaponry. In this manner we can promote Spanish industry, allow for technology transfer, and encourage scientific research, all the while rebuilding our navy. But building up the military will do nothing if we do not educate our people. Otherwise, we will continue to fall further and further behind, all the while becoming poorer.”
“And what of agriculture?” Villaverde asked. “Shall we abandon agriculture in favor of industry?”
“Let us attend to everything,” grumbled Sánchez de Montojo. “Less for the army, and we shall all die in the end anyway. But we shall have plenty to eat.”
“Growing one's own food is the most important defense tactic available to a country,” stated Alejandro. “One should never allow one's food to be grown on foreign shores; a country must always be able to feed herself. Agricultural subsidies are pesetos compared to what the army requires to sustain itself and are equally important to national security.”
“And the people will surely revolt if they are hungry,” agreed Villaverde.
“Agriculture as important as the army?” Sánchez stuttered. “Surely, your majesty…”
“For a military man,” Alejandro sighed “you sometimes appear to know very little about military strategies, Sánchez.”
58
Only For You
“With you
I would share
My days of happiness”
- La traviata by Giuseppe Verdi
Nicolette waited until she heard Villaverde and Sánchez leave. She then walked into the king’s room. He was seated at his chair. His royal highness looked up, simultaneously jumping to his feet and reaching for his sword in the same moment.
She opened her eyes wide as she stepped back, immediately realizing her error in judgement.
The Serenade: The Prince and the Siren Page 41
