“Maybe,” she admitted. “When I’ve calmed down.”
He watched as she walked towards the door.
“Archie, don’t go. Please, love.”
She stopped in her tracks. “Don’t call me that.”
“Why not?” he demanded, his voice a little harder now. “You don’t know, Archie. You don’t understand how I feel.”
“No,” she agreed. “I don’t.” She turned then, looking in him the eyes. “But I know what you think. You think this is a lark, or a disguise, but it isn’t. This is me, for always, and you can never be seen in public with me, never acknowledge me, certainly never… never marry me.” She let out a bitter huff of laughter and swept a hand out, gesturing to herself. “How could you?”
Ranleigh stared at her, and in that instant understood something that he’d perhaps not previously comprehended, if he’d thought of it at all. If he wanted Archie, he took her as she was. The way she dressed was not simply a disguise to win herself freedom in a world where women had none. It was her. She was Archie, and she’d change that for no one, because she couldn’t.
It didn’t change anything. Not a single thing.
“I’ll not be anyone’s dirty secret,” she said, her voice resigned. “Good night, Ranleigh.”
And, this time, he let her go.
Chapter 14
“Wherein the duke is a persistent devil, thank God.”
Will let out a long-suffering sigh and looked up to glare at the Duke of Ranleigh, who stared back at him, unimpressed. He didn’t get up.
“She’s not here,” he said, returning his attention to the letter he was writing and enjoying the fact he was being abominably rude to a duke.
“She told you, then.” Ranleigh sounded unsurprised, but when Will looked up again, he was frowning and looking a little… what? Jealous, maybe? No. Envious. “Does she tell you everything?”
Will snorted and gave up on his letter. He folded his arms and gave Ranleigh his attention. “Sadly, yes.”
“You don’t mean that,” Ranleigh observed, narrowing his eyes.
“No,” Will admitted, pushing to his feet. “No, I don’t. She’s a blessed nuisance and lurches from one near disaster to another, but… but she’s my dearest friend, and I’ll dismember anyone who hurts her,” he added in an undertone.
“I see I’m still being cast as the villain of the piece. It gets rather wearing, you know.” Ranleigh said, sounding a little impatient. Will raised one eyebrow and the duke sighed. “Understood,” he said, his tone grave and his expression quite serious.
“Are you going to hurt her?” Will asked, realising now that the fellow looked tired, as if perhaps he’d not slept a wink.
The duke looked up, and his face cleared, as though he’d been miles away. “I’d rather die,” he said, with such obvious honesty that Will was a little taken aback.
“You’ll not change her,” he warned. “She can’t—”
“I know.” Ranleigh took a deep breath. “I’ve been awake all night, figuring out what it would mean. The scandal—”
“Would be breath-taking,” Will supplied for him.
Ranleigh nodded.
Will walked over to an elegant bureau on which sat a rather fine tantalus. He reached for the cognac and poured them both a drink. Archie was playing havoc with his liver. “Don’t go after her,” he said, turning and offering one of the glasses to Ranleigh. “Don’t even think about it, if you’re not prepared to face that.”
The duke nodded again before giving Will a considering look. “Could you do it? Would you do it, for Lady Henshaw?” His eyes studied Will as he took a sip of the cognac.
“In a heartbeat.”
Ranleigh smiled.
“Once upon a time, I would have shunned the world rather than have one single person look at me askance. The thought of people talking about me, gossiping….” Will gave an involuntary shudder and then laughed. “But then I think about what my life would be without Selina, and none of it matters. Let them talk. People always talk. It doesn’t make it true and, even if it is true, when you hold the person you care for most in the world in your arms, it’s their words that matter to you, their opinion that makes you proud or ashamed.”
Will took a sip of his drink and then stared down into the glass, thinking of Selina. “The world can fall on their arses laughing at me if it pleases them. I don’t care or, at least, I refuse to let them change me or my actions, my choice of friends. Selina thinks I’m wonderful, she loves me, and all the time that’s true, I’m king of the world.”
He was surprised when he looked up to see the duke holding out his hand to him.
“I never liked you much, Henshaw,” Ranleigh admitted, a somewhat rueful smile at his lips. “I thought you rather a prig, a cold fish, but I can see I was wrong. I’m glad to know you.”
Will let out a breath of amused laughter and shook his hand. “To be fair, you were likely spot on until I met Selina, but I have changed, for the better, I hope. And, so long as you don’t cause Archie any distress, well, I suppose I’m happy to know you too.”
“Glad to hear it,” Ranleigh replied, before downing the rest of his drink. “Now, bloody well put me out of my misery and tell me where the wretched woman has hidden herself this time. I need to try to sort this out, once and for all.”
“She’ll kill me,” Will said, feeling a little disloyal, until he remembered that Archie had come to tell him where Selina was hiding after his wife had walked out on him. If not for that, they might not have reconciled. He owed her a debt, a debt which meant doing what he felt was best for her, rather than what she’d asked. “She’s gone back to Hampstead Heath.”
“Ponsonby’s place? Well Walk, isn’t it?” Ranleigh asked.
“That’s it,” Will agreed. “Watch yourself, though. If she’s been crying on Erasmus’ shoulder you might want to tread carefully. He’ll flatten you if he thinks you’re in any way out of order.”
The duke looked less rattled by this than he might have expected. “It’s good to know she’s got friends. Good friends. People to look out for her.”
“She has,” Will agreed. “And we always will.”
***
“Archie, stop snivelling, for heaven’s sake.” Erasmus scolded, for which Archie couldn’t entirely blame him. She’d started yesterday, and he and Rupert had stayed up most of last night with her until she was calm and clear-headed about it all, and then she’d woken this morning and realised she wasn’t the least bit calm or clear-headed and started all over again. “The least you could have done was hear the fellow out, but now you must give him the chance. How do you know what his intentions are? He’s male, you’re female, there’s no law that says you can’t be together, however you decide that happens.”
There was a ringing note of reproach in Erasmus’ voice and she forced herself to stop, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.
“You will see him when he comes?” Erasmus pressed, sympathy in his eyes. “You know he will come. He’ll find you.”
Archie nodded, she knew that, but she also knew that no matter what Ranleigh promised, no matter what he was willing to face, they could never be together. He may be willing to face a monumental scandal, she couldn’t. Not because she was afraid, or because he wasn’t worth it. She’d not give a damn, if it wasn’t for the fact she dared not become that notorious. For all she knew there were people looking for her. Not for the first time, she cursed herself for not changing her name at least. Why hadn’t she? It was such a foolish thing not to have done, but she had been foolish then, so young and so bloody stupid.
That Ranleigh would even offer to face down the ton seemed a remote prospect in any case. He’d be a laughing stock. She could almost hear the jokes now, most of them centring around which of them wore the trousers. Archie forced back a bitter laugh. It was stupid to believe he’d even want her when she would bring so much trouble.
Perhaps he’d take her as a lover, and perhaps that was something she could accept. She’
d told him she’d never be anyone’s dirty secret, but maybe half a loaf was better than none. Maybe? Sooner or later he would have to address the question of an heir, though, and she’d have to watch him marry another, and put up with it, or walk away.
Archie swallowed down the pain of it, knowing she couldn’t live with being the other woman, not even for him.
She jolted as a sharp rap sounded at the front door and her stomach seemed to fall away, dropping somewhere close to her toes. Rupert ran to the front window and peered out.
“It’s him!” he hissed, wide-eyed as Archie found she couldn’t breathe.
Oh God, what was she to say? What should she do?
As if she’d voiced the questions aloud, Erasmus took her hands and pulled her to her feet.
“I’ll go let him in and we’ll get out of your way. We’re having dinner with Selina and Will and… we’re staying over,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at her in a suggestive manner. Archie blushed and he laughed, kissing her forehead. “Be kind, Archie. From what you’ve said, I think the fellow cares for you a great deal. He might even love you. That isn’t something you should throw away out of fear. Give him a chance. Sometimes you must take a chance for love. Risk everything, eh? And if we’re wrong, I’ll cut off his bollocks and use them as a doorstop. All right, hen?”
Archie made a sound somewhere between a snort and an outraged guffaw. Erasmus gave her an unrepentant wink and went to answer the door. She stood and fidgeted, tugging at her cravat until Rupert arranged it for her, and then hugged her and hurried out in Erasmus’ wake.
And then, there he was.
Ranleigh stood in the doorway, immaculate and handsome, dukish… and unmistakably nervous.
“Mr Ponsonby didn’t hit me,” he said, sounding a little surprised. “Was he saving the pleasure for you?” He looked genuinely anxious and Archie suppressed a grin. “I mean, if you’re intending to, can we do that first? Get it out the way.”
“I’m not going to hit you,” she said, wishing it wasn’t so easy to be charmed by him. Just being in the same room as him made her want to smile. God she was so doomed. “And I’m sorry that… that I flew off the handle yesterday. I suppose you thought you had a right to get your own back by not telling me,” she admitted, having realised this much within seconds of stalking away from him last night. “I’ve been fooling you since we met, so—”
“Wait.” Ranleigh held up a hand to silence her. “You think I didn’t tell you for revenge?” he demanded, looking rather affronted.
Archie frowned and rubbed the back of her neck. “You didn’t?”
“No, damn it,” he snapped. “I just wanted you to trust me with the truth, Archie. I wanted you to believe in me, to believe I’d not betray you. I promised you I wouldn’t, no matter what. I just wanted you to believe that, to put your trust in me, that’s all.”
“Oh,” she said, and sighed as her fluttery heart turned to mush. So doomed.
“Oh,” he repeated, amused now as he dared to close the distance between them. He reached out, far more tentative than he had been yesterday, daring to touch the line of her jaw with a fingertip. Archie shivered. “I think you’re the most extraordinary person I’ve ever met, Archie, and I can’t bear to think what my life will be without you in it. Be in it, my love. Please.”
Archie blinked. Damn, he was good at this.
“Don’t,” she said, the word all soft and breathy, and most unlike her. “I… I can’t think when you… you say things like that. I have no defence for it. Please, Ranleigh, don’t say pretty things like you would for the other ladies you dally with. I’m liable to believe them.”
“There are no other ladies,” he said, almost gruff as he shook his head, looking a little impatient. “And I mean every bloody word. I’ve always been honest with you, and I always will be… not admitting I knew your secret doesn’t count,” he added with a stern look. Ranleigh smiled then, his thumb stroking her cheek. “I’m not a fool, love. Being with you it… it’s not going to be easy. The scandal will rock the ton and make us….” He took a deep breath. “I have no idea what it will make us, but it will doubtless be unpleasant at times, and I’ll face it willingly. I’ll face anything so long as there is a chance you could love me.”
Archie stared up at him, as stunned and overjoyed as she was heartbroken. This extraordinary man was willing to accept her just as she was. He was willing to make a spectacle of himself and be the butt of jokes and a figure of ridicule for years to come, for her… and she couldn’t accept it.
He was staring at her, his heart shining in his eyes, and she knew then that he loved her. He loved Archie, with all the complications that would entail. He wasn’t demanding she change or asking why she couldn’t just put on a dress, for heaven’s sake, it wasn’t difficult… he was accepting her.
There was no way on earth she was going to ruin this moment. No possible way of explaining to him that she couldn’t marry him. That would have to wait. For now, she wanted to show him that she felt the same, and that no matter what the future held, she trusted him. She trusted him with her heart and soul, and everything she had.
Chapter 15
“Wherein declarations and half-truths and an afternoon of delight.”
Ranleigh waited, hardly daring to breath, and then she smiled at him. The breath left him all in a rush, the desire to laugh and perhaps even cry a little, making him dizzy.
“I want to marry you, Archie,” he said, the words soft and aching with everything he felt for her, everything he hoped for. He had sought something he’d believed impossible, out of his reach, and yet here she was, his impossible girl, so close he need only take a hold of her. If she would let him. “I want to be with you always.”
She turned away from him and his heart felt as though it teetered on a knife’s edge, but then she looked up, such an expression of adoration in her eyes that he knew she was his. She reached up and put her hand to his cheek and he turned into it, closing his eyes, kissing her palm. When he opened his eyes again hers were dark with longing and he knew his own must match, for he was consumed with it. Aching with desire. She slid her hand about his neck and tugged, and he didn’t need asking twice.
He lowered his head, slow enough to memorise every second, savouring the moment before their lips touched, knowing he would always remember this: the exquisite pain of longing, and the instant when it fell away, replaced by something new, tender, and powerful.
The kiss was sweet and tentative, a little unsure as Archie pulled back, breathless and wide-eyed. Ranleigh gave her a moment, though the desire to kiss her harder still thrummed through him. He sensed this was new to her.
“It’s all right,” he said, wondering if this was going too fast for her. His desire to tumble her into the nearest bed was not something he could deny, but he would wait if she needed him to. He stroked his thumb over her cheek, still marvelling at the fact he could, that she allowed it. “We don’t have do anything more than this if you don’t want to. We can wait until we are married. Though I must tell you that I might be unable to stop kissing you now I’ve begun.”
She smiled at that and shook her head. “Erasmus and Rupert are out tonight and… we have the house to ourselves,” she said, uncharacteristically shy.
A protective urge welled inside him. He wanted it to be perfect, everything to be perfect. Just how she wanted it, whatever that meant. Unable to resist the urge to keep touching her, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her temple.
“We don’t have to snatch at every opportunity. If you want to wait—”
“No!” she said, sounding a little frustrated as she tugged at his lapels. “I don’t want to wait. I want… I want you.”
Ranleigh could not halt the grin that spread over his face at that comment. Archie snorted and rolled her eyes at him.
“Coxcomb,” she said, shaking her head, though the comment was made with such obvious affection it only made him grin all the more. Then she sighed and leaned her h
ead against his chest.
“Ranleigh,” she said, her voice a little muffled and sounding rather unsure of herself now. “I have to tell you something.”
He tightened his hold on her, one hand moving to her hair, surprised and charmed by the softness of the short, cropped locks. Like stroking velvet. “You can tell me anything,” he said, meaning it. He knew she had secrets still, things she was holding back, and he knew he didn’t care what they were. “Trust me.”
She avoided his gaze for a moment and then looked up at him. She took a deep breath, obviously wary of his reaction. “I… I’m not. I mean… this isn’t—”
“Not your first time?” he guessed.
Archie nodded and he lifted his hands to her face. “But you want me, to be with me? No one else?”
“You know I do.”
“Then nothing else matters,” he said simply. “The past is the past, but I want our futures to be together. Let’s make that happen.”
She didn’t say anything, but tugged at his neck, a sense of desperation in her as she pulled him tighter, clinging to him as if she couldn’t get close enough. Ranleigh was only too happy to respond. He felt desperate himself. It had been a long time since he’d been with a woman at all. When he was younger, he’d taken his pleasures where he wanted, but as time had passed, he’d realised he needed more. He needed friendship at the very least, someone he could laugh with and share his thoughts with as much as someone to take to his bed, and it was this that had eluded him for so long.
Archie pulled back once more, breathing hard, and then she took his hand, tugging at it so that he followed her out the room and up the stairs. He didn’t need asking twice.
Her room was sparse, unsurprisingly a good deal smaller than his and furnished mostly with books. They were scattered over every surface, some of them left open as if awaiting her return. A waistcoat, a discarded cravat, and one woollen stocking that looked in need of darning hung over the end of her bed, and he smiled as she kicked a second rumpled cravat under the bed and out of sight.
Duke and Duplicity (Rogues and Gentlemen Book 15) Page 16
