by Zavi James
I stood outside Luc’s door, clutching the mug of coffee for what felt like an age before I built up the courage to knock. When he didn’t answer, I pushed the door open to see him standing by the window, back to me, overlooking the drive.
Stepping inside I called his name gently, “Luc.”
He didn’t turn around, so I walked into the room properly. Carefully, I placed a hand on his bare back and felt the muscles tense.
“Luc.”
This time, he slowly turned his head to look at me. There still seemed to be a void in his eyes, and I held the mug out to him.
“Drink,” I ordered him, surprising myself with the force behind the command. Luc didn’t argue. He took the mug and raised it to his lips. I watched as his face scrunched and he swallowed the sip.
“Are you okay?”
Luc looked at me and for a moment I thought he wouldn’t answer, or maybe even kick me out of the room, but instead his free hand came up and cupped the side of my face. His eyes were bloodshot, no doubt from how long he had been awake.
“Come to bed,” I said, taking his hand from my face and guiding him over to the bed. He followed with little resistance and sat on the bed, placing the mug on the nightstand before pulling me into him. I lost balance and Luc maneuvered me so that I sat on his lap, his arms wrapping around me.
“You should have run,” he breathed into my hair.
I should have. I should have seen blood and dirt and the early hour and let the fear guide me far away from all of this. Instead, it had been the look in his eyes that scared me most, and it hadn’t driven me away but made me want to bring him back to me again.
“You probably would have caught me,” I whispered to him.
I feel the slight shake of his body from silent laughter. My fingers pushed through his hair, which was wet from the shower he’d taken. All traces of the job he had carried out were gone. Evidence had been scrubbed away and lost down the drain.
I was surprised at the question that left my lips. “Was there no other way?”
Slowly, Luc unburied his face from my hair and he looked at me. Even in the darkness of the room, those green of his eyes struck me.
“Unfortunately, not.”
“Couldn’t you have spoken to them? Couldn’t you have warned them?”
I didn’t realize I was crying until Luc’s thumb wiped a tear away from my cheek. He left his hand resting against it and I leaned into his touch, finding some comfort in it.
“Princess,” he said tenderly, “in my job respect means everything. If I had spoken to him, if I had warned him, it would have made me weak. It would have said I allow disrespect on my doorstep and would have given others the liberty to try and fleece me. This, the way I dealt with it tonight, is a warning to everyone. One life taken saves many in the long run.”
This was the most honest Luc had been about his work since I’d walked into his life, and I wasn’t sure whether to be pleased or terrified. It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact that he rationalised the murder of one person by the fact he had inadvertently saved more.
Luc’s face came closer to mine until our heads rested against each other, noses touching.
“I won’t ever hurt you,” he reiterated; words that he had told me before. Despite everything that had happened, I trusted those words. I knew deep down that Luc would never hurt me in the way he was capable of doing to other people.
“I won’t hurt you but I’m not a good man, Mia. I’m no hero. No knight in shining armour.” The words felt like an unspoken warning. “I’m a man with more red than ledger. I’m a man who even God has probably turned his back on.”
Whatever warning he tried to deliver did not register as I closed the gap and pressed my lips against his to silence him. I could see, over the time we’d spent together, how so many people saw Luc in a positive glow. He was attentive and funny and in complete contrast to the man he described now.
I pulled away. Luc’s grip around my waist loosened reluctantly as I stood up.
“You need to sleep,” I told him.
“You’ll be here when I wake up?” Luc asked, and I looked at him confused by the question. “You won’t run?”
“I promise.”
And I meant it.
Chapter Fifteen
Mia
"Happy birthday!"
I woke with a start and saw Dom sitting at the end of my bed and grinning at me.
“Are you trying to kill me?” I asked him once my heart had calmed down. Grabbing the duvet, I pulled it over my head before Dom caught the other end and pulled it clean off the bed.
“Of course not,” he told me. “Because who would I annoy then? Hurry up and get downstairs,” Dom ordered. “We’re all waiting for you. Don’t worry about changing.” He stood at the foot of the bed expectantly.
Today marked my 20th birthday and although I would never have imagined spending it with Lucas and company, I couldn’t say I was angry about it anymore. I rubbed my eyes and stretched out in bed as I thought about the way my life had begun to change. Things between myself and Luc had been good as of late. Although I was still slightly terrified of what Luc could do, I had started to process the conversation from a few nights ago.
He no longer avoided my questions about work, however I knew he never told me every detail. I’d also noticed the abundance of lilies that appeared in vases around the house and at times I found it hard to follow my own rules. The kiss we’d shared remained an unspoken moment, but it made every interaction between us more charged and I had to remind myself to retain logic.
Eventually, I pulled myself from bed and went down to the kitchen where the tabletop was covered with fruit, pastries, coffee and juices. Lucas, Lydia and Dante were all sitting around the table as I walked in with Dom at my side.
“Happy birthday, sweetheart,” Lydia said, as she bustled over and hugged me. “Come on. Come join us for breakfast.”
“Thank you, Lyds.”
Dante rose from his seat as I walked over, and scooped me into a hug. “Happy birthday, Mia.”
“Thank you, D.”
I squeezed him tightly before noticing the way Luc watched us. I held my breath without even realizing and waited for the fire but instead, he stood up and opened his arms before giving me a smile. Releasing the breath, I walked into his arms, a space that had become familiar and welcomed. In the moments I hugged him I held on a little tighter as if to remind him that I was still here. That I hadn’t run.
“Happy birthday, princess,” Luc whispered into my ear before kissing my cheek, his beard scratching against my face as he did so.
The simple gesture made me flush red, and I dropped into the seat opposite Dante who wiggled his eyebrows at me. I grabbed the mug of coffee and took a drink, wishing that my limbs were longer so I could kick him under the table.
Lydia piled pastries onto everyone’s plates and Dante looked satisfied at the small tower that was balanced precariously before him.
“So, what are the plans for the day?” Lydia asked me.
“Yeah, Mia,” Dom chimed in. “Where do you want me to take you?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but Luc cut me off, “Actually Dominic, I’ll be taking Mia out today.”
A small crease appeared in my brow as I turned to look at him. This was the first I had heard about it. What was Luc up to now? He hadn’t mentioned any plans.
“Don’t you need to work?” I asked him.
“Dante can handle it.”
Dante nodded while half a croissant hung out of his mouth. “I’m all over it, boss.” The nickname had been transferred from Luc to me in the last few days. The first time D had referred to me as boss I thought Luc’s eyes might pop out from his skull, but he kept his mouth shut. He was learning.
“See?” Luc smiled. “So, finish your breakfast, get changed into something warm, and meet me out the front.”
The group finished breakfast before we all dispersed. Luc had instructed me to wear so
mething warm, so I pulled on an oversized sweatshirt and wound my hair up into a bun. As I fixed it into place, I looked into the mirror and couldn’t help but think this was the first birthday spent without my Dad. It had been about three months since I’d left home, and when I was alone, I wondered how Dad was doing and if he missed me as much as I missed him.
The sudden feeling of sadness seized me and made each breath feel like an effort. Trying my best to ignore it, I joined Luc on the drive where he waited for me.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied. “Where’s the car?” The sleek sports car that was usually Luc’s choice wasn’t on the drive.
“We aren’t taking the car today,” he informed me. He held up a helmet and I took it from him without registering what it meant. Then Luc walked over to a motorcycle and I shook my head vigorously.
“Oh no, no, no,” I said, laughing.
“Oh, come on, Mia,” Luc coaxed. “How else are you going to get your gift?”
I was cautious about gifts that came from Luc, considering the last one could have equated to a tidy deposit on a house. I never wanted flashy, expensive presents but I wasn’t sure Luc knew of any other type.
“Don’t you trust me?” Luc asked, head cocked to one side.
Three months ago, I would have said no without hesitation but now things had changed. Luc had been earning more of my trust with each day. “If you kill me, I’m going to come back and haunt you.”
Luc laughed a deep and hearty laugh that shook my insides, then extended his hand towards me. “I promise to keep you in one piece.”
With promise in place, I took his hand and let him lead me to the bike before helping me to get seated. I put on the helmet and Luc ensured the strap was done under my chin before he put on his own and sat in front of me.
"Just hold tight, okay?" Luc's muffled instruction came to me over his shoulder. I wrapped my arms around Luc's middle, and he shifted and said, "Uh, Mia, a little less tight. You're surprisingly strong for someone so small."
After I loosened my grip a fraction, Luc kicked the bike into life. The sound and vibrations instantly made me tighten my grip and nothing Luc said would change that now. With my head resting against his back, Luc pulled off and we sped down the streets. The thrill of riding a motorcycle was second to being so close to Luc again. I could feel the muscles in his back move as he steered us towards our destination, and his woody scent had become something I was accustomed to. The more time I spent with Luc the more I wanted to spend.
It had become a daily fight with me. Every ounce of excitement I felt when we were left alone together, the overwhelming sense of relief when he walked through the door in the same state that he left in, was balanced with me reminding myself that I would walk out of Luc’s life, and the moment that happened there would be nothing left between us. No reason for us to hold our friendship any longer. We were parts of two different worlds that would no longer intersect.
Luc eventually pulled up near the beach and I reluctantly let go of him.
"What are we doing here?" I asked.
"Your gift is here," Luc told me as he helped me off the bike. Every touch between us lingered for a fraction longer than necessary. It wouldn’t be enough for a stranger to assume anything, but it was a silent blurring of boundaries.
I took the helmet off and placed it on the handle. "Do I get to know what it is?"
Luc rolled his eyes. "That would spoil the surprise."
I pouted and he laughed, "No, princess. It might be your birthday, but you aren't going to get your way with this one."
"Fine," I said but continued to pout.
"It's down by the pier, so we can take a stroll down there."
We ambled along the promenade together a little closer than most friends would walk.
"I haven't been down here in a few years," I commented as I looked out onto the sands.
"No?" Luc asked, surprised. "You strike me as the type that would come down here to read."
"I used to do it a lot but then I started working and I just couldn't find the time or energy to do it."
"Maybe you should start coming back down here," Luc told me. We gently bumped against each other as we walked. "What did you do?"
"Sorry?"
"What was your job before you started living with me?" Luc asked me.
"Oh. I worked in a residential home," I answered with a shrug.
Luc was quiet for a few moments, "You looked after sick people?"
"Not qualified to do that. I was an admin assistant, but I did spend time with some of the residents. Sick or elderly or both. It was tough seeing people in that way, but I liked the fact I could help them by spending time with them," I explained. It had been a difficult but rewarding job.
I looked up at Luc but couldn't quite tell what he was thinking. Eventually, he said, "It's an honorable job, Mia. More so than mine."
It had been easy to live with the assumption that Luc was a cold-hearted bastard that took joy in making people miserable, but the truth was a little different. Luc was cold because he had to be. His job required him to keep a front or he would crumble under the pressure and guilt. His world required him to be ruthless so that he would maintain his respect. I wanted to say something, to reach out to him, but I was too worried that I’d mess things up between us and we’d be back to square one.
We reached the pier and Luc stopped us before we stepped onto it. "I'll be right here. Take all the time you need."
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused by what he had just said.
Luc pointed out to the end of the long, wooden walkway and I saw someone standing at the end. The figure turned to face us.
"Mia?"
"Dad?" I said, not believing my eyes. "Dad!"
I took off at a sprint towards Dad and almost knocked him over as I reached him and threw myself into a hug. Laughter turned into tears as I couldn't quite believe he was with me.
"My baby," Dad squeezed me tight and kissed the top of my head. "Happy birthday, Mia."
I kept hugging him not wanting to let go, but eventually, we broke apart. Dad wiped the tears from my face, and I looked at him, taking him in after three months apart. He looked just the same. No, he looked better. His eyes weren’t bloodshot, and I couldn’t smell alcohol on him. He looked tired but good and it lifted my heart.
"How are you, Dad?" I asked him.
"How am I? How am I?" Dad repeated. "How are you? Is he treating you well? Let me look at you." Dad held me at arm's length and checked me over.
"I'm fine, Dad. He's fine... he treats me really well," I told him.
Pulling Dad over to the edge of the pier, we both sat with our legs dangling over the edge. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I leaned into him. My Dad, my person, was with me and I felt whole.
"How are you?" I asked him again.
"I'm okay, Mia. I'm trying, baby. I promise you I'm trying to pay him back."
I hugged him again, unable to believe that he was sitting with me. "I know you are."
I had no doubt in my mind that Dad was doing everything he could.
We spent the rest of the morning sitting there as we caught up and the sadness that had filled me earlier dissipated. Every so often I glanced over my shoulder to see Luc leant up against a metal barrier or on his phone or watching us but he stayed respectfully out of earshot to give us privacy.
Eventually, Dad and I finished and made our way back to Luc just as it began to rain.
"I look forward to seeing you next week, Hector," Luc told him.
Dad narrowed his eyes but said nothing to Luc. Instead, he pulled me into another hug and kissed both of my cheeks. "Stay safe, Mia."
Dad then walked away in the opposite direction and I felt my heart grow heavy, but I was grateful to have had some time with him.
I spun on my heels to face Luc and there was a flash of panic in his eyes before I launched myself at him, arms wrapped around his neck as I hugged him t
ightly. Slowly, Luc wrapped his arms around my waist and returned the gesture, causing my feet to leave the floor. It took all of my willpower to restrain myself from kissing him.
"Thank you, Luc. Thank you so much."
"It's okay, princess," Luc said to me. "I just wanted you to have something you wanted for your birthday."
Letting go of him, we started to make our way back to his bike. I’m sure that Dad hadn’t needed much convincing to agree to see me, but the fact that we still had not missed a birthday together was the best gift I could receive. Not even the sudden downpour could dampen my mood. I found it difficult to wipe the smile from my face. My day had been made by the thoughtful gesture and it was all due to Luc.
Chapter Sixteen
Lucas
As the day slunk away into the evening, I changed clothes in an attempt to make more of an effort for dinner tonight. I buttoned up the suit jacket before looking in the mirror, deemed myself presentable, and waited for Mia down in the entrance hall.
I had been certain that time with Hector would be a gift she’d appreciate, and I was not wrong. Seeing the smile on her face all day buoyed my heart and made me reconsider that expensive gifts may be the only gifts that could elicit some sense of joy. It hadn’t cost me a dime to see Mia light up brighter than the city at night.
When she came down the stairs I couldn't help but stare. I hadn’t been able to take my eyes off her all day, but now Mia was in a little black dress that skimmed along her curves and made my mouth go dry. She’d made a poor attempt at modesty with the black duster jacket, but it hid nothing. This must have been a number Dom had chosen for her. She dropped her gaze to the ground and bit her lip.
"Do I look okay?"
"Beautiful," I told her, without hesitation. I had lost the power of speech beyond that single word.
