by Zavi James
"Are you serious?" Mia asked Dom, causing me to stop in my tracks. Taking two steps back, I stopped by the door to watch them. They were partially obscured by the sofa, having chosen to sit on the floor.
"As a heart attack."
"Oh, Dom! I'd love to!" Mia told him as she threw her arms around him.
The lift in her mood and brightness in her voice meant she must be feeling better. Our lack of interaction had been in part because she was sick. Mia needed rest, not another argument. But seeing she had her strength back gave me the courage to attempt a conversation with her. Clearing my throat, I asked, "Am I interrupting?"
Mia regarded me warily and Amber's words filled my head again. Everything with Mia felt like one step forward, two steps back and I wasn't so sure I could keep talking my way out of it.
"I invited Mia to the wedding," Dom announced.
I tensed at the sentence. What did he think he was doing?
"And I asked her to walk me down the aisle," Dom grinned, oblivious to my anger.
Mia beamed at him and I bit the inside of his cheeks. "Mia, I need to speak to Dom."
"Actually," Mia started, ready to put up a fight.
"NOW!" I boomed. This wasn’t negotiable. It wasn’t a discussion. Mia looked taken aback but gave Dom a kiss on the cheek before she brushed past, not once looking at me, and it made my heart tug painfully.
Dom stood up from the floor and I walked over to him, the coppery taste of blood in my mouth from where I had broken the skin. The underlying anger from Marco's visit hadn't subsided and little things tipped me over the edge.
"Have you lost your mind?" I hissed at him.
"You want to leave her here when we head off to Brazil?" Dom asked me in return.
"She'd be safer here."
"I'm sure she'll love you for that."
I’d had enough of his smart mouth, and in moments Dom was against the wall with my forearm pressed against his throat. He struggled against my grip. Dom may have been a fighter but even he wasn't stupid enough to take me on right now.
"She. Can't. Be. There." I emphasised every word by increasing pressure on his windpipe.
"She's family to me," Dom rasped, his voice constricted as he struggled to breathe.
"So you should want to keep her safe!" I yelled.
I let go of Dom, who dropped to the ground and heaved in deep breaths. "What's your problem, Luc?" he finally asked, eyes watery from the pain.
"I'm struggling to keep her under wraps here and you want to take her out—in Brazil," I said. "With Marco on your guest list."
Dom flinched. I had always been hard on Dom for his connection to Marco, but it wasn't his fault that his fiancé did the books for the club. Rodrigo wasn’t the smartest tool in the box and in my humble opinion, Dom could have done better.
He rubbed the back of his neck as he got to his feet. "You can't keep her hidden. She's going to have to be a part of all this shit eventually."
"Not if I can help it," I said. With Mia, I had developed a part of my life that was separate from the violence and danger I dealt with every day. She was kept safe at home, away from the chaos, and had become my sanctity.
"How's that going to work, boss?" Dom asked me. "Because you kind of pulled her into it when you decided to keep her here."
I lunged for Dom, but he moved quickly to get away from my assault. Dom was right, of course, I had no one to blame but myself. If I wanted to embark on something with Mia, then I couldn’t keep her hidden for the rest of her life, and yet I wasn’t sure that I had the strength to truly introduce her to my world. Images of Isa filled my head and I forced them away with effort. I would never let that happen to Mia.
Dom was now clear of me at the other side of the room.
"Go tell her she isn't coming," I ordered him.
"No way," Dom said defiantly. "I want her there. I want her with me."
Of all the family Dom had lost when he came out, I knew that the loss of contact with his sister was what had hit him hardest. Mia had managed to make an impact on more than just my life. Dom had found in her a sister that accepted him for exactly who he was.
"Fine! I'll tell her," I decided.
Dom laughed, "I can't wait to see that go down like a lead balloon."
I let out a roar of frustration. There was no way of winning. If Mia attended the wedding then plenty of people, not all of whom had a glowing record, would know who she was. If I told her not to attend, then she would look at me with the disdain I had worked so hard to change. When Mia was angry with me, my entire life dimmed.
"Luc!" Dom yelled. "We'll all be there. Nothing's going to happen to her."
"It better not, Dominic, because if it does, I am going to kill you."
Chapter Eighteen
Mia
Luc and I wandered around stores in awkward silence. I wanted to purchase a gift for Dom and Rodrigo so I couldn't take Dom with me and eventually I’d had plucked up the courage to ask Luc. Things had been more than strained between us since the incident in the entrance hall and I wasn’t sure if he would agree to take me out but one intense stare down between us and Luc eventually gave in.
He hovered nearby as I browsed through items. When I asked for his opinion Luc merely shrugged or grunted.
"Look, you don't have to follow me around," I told him, fed up with his attitude. "Go do whatever and I'll meet you afterwards." It wasn’t as if his input was useful and I could probably do the job quicker if he gave me some space.
"Nice try, princess. I'm not going anywhere."
I’d tried to ask him about the man in the entrance hall, but Luc had shut me down so aggressively that I hadn’t made another attempt. Quite clearly there were still parts of his life I wasn’t allowed access to. That thought soured my mood. He was still shutting me out and hadn’t given a decent reason why. In the quietest moments, I found myself wondering if Amber was also kept in the dark or whether Luc had been an open book for her. The jealousy I felt at those thoughts was enough to keep me up at night.
"If you aren't going anywhere then at least try and be helpful," I told him. Luc grumbled and I turned to look at him, "Honestly Luc, what is your problem?"
He looked down at me and I could almost see the internal fight he was having. "I don't want you at this wedding."
I hadn't expected such a blunt answer. I had heard Luc and Dom arguing but neither of them had brought it up, so I had assumed it was a work matter but to learn it was to do with the wedding made my excitement for the ceremony shrivel. "Oh."
What else could I say? At one point it felt like Luc was willing to let me into his life and now it felt like I was banished to the outskirts again. Several of the people Luc knew and worked with would be in attendance and he didn’t want me there. It was difficult to suppress the feeling of being a dirty little secret. I was good enough for him when we were alone at home but not in public. I turned away and began to walk through the store.
"Mia!" Luc called after me, but I refused to slow my pace.
I was upset but couldn't place why. There wasn’t anything between us. Not really. And yet there was. There were fleeting moments that made my heart skip. The temptation danced between us and made me wonder what would happen if I just kissed him again? I wanted so badly to feel that electricity that set every one of my nerves alight when we crossed the boundaries.
Rules were in place for a reason. Luc and I couldn’t be anything more than friends and apparently, I was not to the standard that Luc expected for the girl he did decide to be with.
It didn't matter what Luc wanted. It was Dom's wedding and he wanted me to be there. Luc did not have the final say on his guest list. Luc wouldn’t even need to speak to me or acknowledge me while we were there.
"Mia," Luc said as he caught my elbow, forcing me to stop. He attempted to stay quiet in a bid not to cause a scene. "I'm not trying to upset you."
"I'm not upset," I told him. I wasn’t sure I’d ever told a less convincing lie in my
entire life.
"Mia, please. Be honest."
I sighed. "I'm going to be there whether you want me to be there or not."
"You didn't even let me explain."
"You don't want me around."
Luc looked shocked at my words but ever since that day in the hall he had been angry and distant. This was the first time we’d spent time alone together and the drive to the mall had been stiflingly silent. It was so difficult to understand where we stood that I almost wish we could go back to the start, so this had never become complicated. That it truly would be business, because then my heart wouldn’t ache trying to figure out what was happening between us.
"That's not true," Luc told me gently. He moved his hand from my elbow, down my arm and into my own. Luc laced our fingers together and I didn't stop him. Something about his hand in mine took the edge off the storm of emotions raging in my chest. He’d become the most unlikely source of comfort.
"We'll never find anything if we just stand here," I said eventually, tired of the war inside my head. As much as I wanted to stand strong against him, I couldn’t find it in myself to keep up the fury. Not when I could feel his thumb brushing my skin in small circles. Luc started to walk, and I followed beside him, footsteps in sync. He still hadn't let go of my hand as we started to browse through the china and tableware.
"I don't want you there because I'm worried it won't be safe," Luc explained, breaking the silence.
I looked up from a vase that had taken my interest and the concern that filled Luc's eyes hit me in the gut. My safety was not the reason I had assumed for his reluctance. I’d only thought the worst, and the fury I felt was washed away by a tsunami of guilt. I opened my mouth to speak but Luc kept going.
"Marco, the guy you saw at the house, he'll be there. I don't want him near you."
"How is he even on the guest list?" I asked.
"Rodrigo did, or does, some work for him," Luc said, waving his free hand.
"Wait, what? How?" I asked, eyes wide. "I mean he isn't the biggest fan of Dom working for you."
Luc rolled his eyes. "I don't think he knew who he was working for and Marco’s a little difficult to just walk away from."
I nodded and returned my attention to gift hunting while Luc led the way around the store. I refused to let go of his hand, worried that if I did, we’d drift further apart than we already had. This was the closest we’d been in the day and it brought me a sense of peace. Luc's thumb kept rubbing mine and it soothed the small burst of panic I felt when I remembered his words.
"He doesn't know me," I said to him quietly, referring to Marco. Our interaction had been non-existent at the house.
"He knows me," Luc retorted. "He's seen you and I don't want him anywhere near you."
"Why?"
"Mia, he doesn't treat women well. I don't want him even looking at you."
Our voices were hushed as we walked around the store, passing other shoppers. I’m surprised that Luc had chosen to share in such an open space, but I wasn’t going to stop him.
"I can't not go, Luc," I told him. "I want to be there for Dom."
"I know," he replied with a sigh. "I'm not saying you can't go. I just..." Luc's grip on my hand got a little tighter and I gave a small squeeze in return.
"What can I do that would make you feel better about it?" I asked him. Ever since meeting Luc I’d learned that negotiating a compromise was important. It seemed to be at the heart of most of our conversations.
Luc thought for a moment before he answered, "You stay with me the entire time we are there."
"I'm not sure that's logistically possible," I told him.
"I know on the day you'll need to be with Dom, but I'll be in attendance. Mia, as long as you're in my sight I won't worry as much. I can keep you safe."
"Okay," I agreed eventually. "I'll stay with you while we're out there."
It hadn’t been a difficult decision to make. To spend more time with Luc, away from the house, from the city… I needed to stop. Entertaining thoughts like this would end in severe heartbreak and it would be me left to pick up the pieces while Luc got on with his life.
"Thank you."
An assistant came over and asked if we needed help with anything and I was brought back to the task at hand. "Just looking for a wedding gift."
"Oh! Congratulations!" she beamed at us.
It took me a moment to realise the woman thought that Luc and I were married or about to be wed and I wanted the world to swallow me whole because we were standing at the edge of the lingerie department. My face flamed red as I tried to untangle my hand from Luc's but he held on and grinned at the assistant.
"We're not," I started.
"I told her to pick out whatever she liked but I guess she values my opinion," Luc cut across smoothly.
I looked at him and wondered what the hell he was doing. The assistant cooed about how sweet it was and walked, beckoning us to follow, as she talked through different options.
"I'm going to murder you in your sleep," I hissed at him.
Luc chuckled darkly. "I'd like to see you try."
Eventually, we arrived home, sans gifts for Dom and obviously sans wedding night lingerie for me. Luc hadn't stopped laughing and I was yet to lose the shade of red that had been painted onto my cheeks. He continued to laugh as we walked into the house. Our hands naturally found each other’s and were clasped together as we crossed the threshold.
"What's so funny?" Lydia asked, placing a fresh vase of white lilies on the table in the hallway. Every week, without fail, the flowers were replaced with new ones and never deviated from my favorite blooms.
"Nothing! Lyds, can I have dinner in my room, please?" I asked her. "This one can eat on his own." I gave Luc a playful shove before I made my way up the stairs.
"Oh, come on princess!" Luc called after me, amusement still in his voice but he wouldn’t get his way tonight.
Chapter Nineteen
Lucas
Mia disappeared upstairs without another word. My mouth had gotten me into trouble but not the usual kind. There was a sense of satisfaction that came with being at ease with her again. The worry that had filled my chest since Marco had seen her had forced me to distance myself. I refused to have him even speak her name when I knew what he was capable of. I had to hope that Marco would forget that Mia even existed, but the sense of dread remained a heavy weight on my shoulders.
When I turned, Lydia was studying me. "You two seem awfully close," she commented.
I rubbed the back of my neck and moved past my housekeeper to walk into the living room. Lydia followed behind, hot on my heels.
"Yeah, I guess," I said noncommittally.
Fabricating the truth was part and parcel of my chosen career path, but that was the worst lie I had ever told. Lydia, more so than anyone in my life, would be able to see what was going on. She knew me better than my parents had.
As if to prove my point, she said, "Lucas." The tone of voice transported me straight back to my childhood where Dante and I were constantly in trouble.
"I've missed her," I admitted. It felt good to have the truth out in the open. I had missed Mia, even though she resided under the same roof, when we didn’t speak, I felt empty. "I'm still not comfortable with her coming to Brazil but she's going to go no matter what I say."
"Are you courting her yet?" Lydia asked, cutting through the small talk.
I laughed at the old fashioned term. Lydia was partially responsible for the moral backbone that I had, but I was my parent's son and that explained why my moral compass did not always point north.
"No, we aren't exactly courting," I told her. "I'm not sure I know how to court someone."
"Well, what you did with Amber is not traditionally classified as courting," Lydia tried to give me a hint. I rolled my eyes and Lydia fixed me with a look that made me shrink. "Lucas, don't mess Mia around. If you're after something with her then make it clear."
How much clearer could I
make it? Surely Mia knew. I knew I hadn't been around much. I knew I hadn't exactly told her, but I was still figuring out the best way to balance Mia with the rest of my world. Figuring out how not to lose her the way we had lost Isa.
"I will," I told Lydia. "I just need to figure some things out first."
∞∞∞
It was early October when we boarded the jet to head to Brazil, a week behind Dom and Rodrigo, who had gone ahead to finalize the last details.
Dante’s arm had healed and was free from the cast and, to my aggravation, was slung around Mia’s shoulders as we walked to our seats.
"It's a shame Lydia couldn't make it," Mia said.
"She wouldn't miss Oliver's birthday for anything," I told her. As much as Lydia was considered family to us, her blood took precedence, and no one begrudged her that.
Mia smiled before she took a seat next to the window. Her gaze darted around the plane and I was reminded that what was a slice of normality for me was the height of luxury for Mia. I settled down beside her and Dante sat opposite, the natural setting for the three of us these days. The plane began to taxi down the runway and I gripped the armrest.
"Are you okay?" Mia asked, concerned at how tight I held on.
"Fine," came my short reply.
"No, he's not," Dante said, throwing me under the bus with a laugh. "He hates flying."
I shot Dante a glare. It seemed as if nothing would remain sacred anymore. My best friend, my brother, had taken a shine to Mia in a way I had only seen once before and that had been when he met me.
"Really?" Mia asked, surprised.
"I just... don't like it when I'm not in control," I explained through gritted teeth.
"I don’t find that difficult to believe."
I looked at her but Mia just smiled at me. She’d been mistaken for innocent, angelic even, if you didn’t know she knew how to run her mouth.
Her hand gently settled over mine and I let go of the grip on the armrest so that I could hold it instead. The flight took off up into the air and I shut my eyes, ears popping as we gained altitude. Business, when I could manage it, was always conducted in my neck of the woods if a flight was involved.
