by Teri Wilson
And she didn’t have to, because there was someplace else she could go—someplace far away, someplace she could start over and forget she’d ever met Jack Cole or his secret evil twin, Fired Up in Lovestruck.
Until that moment Madison had forgotten all about the email from Fashionista. She’d only opened it once and had neither responded nor called the editor-in-chief, as requested. The job offer was just sitting there, languishing in her in-box, but now it seemed like a lifeline.
She took a deep breath and thought about what taking a job in Manhattan would mean—more money, more prestige, a return to the glamorous world of high fashion. She could get her own apartment instead of living in her aunt’s guest room and sharing a bed with a hairless dog.
Except staying with Aunt Alice had reminded Madison what it felt like to be part of a family, and she’d grown accustomed to Toby greeting her with a tail-wagging little dance when she came home from work. She’d miss the little guy. She’d even miss his goofy little sweaters. Deep down she had the nonsensical feeling that she might even miss Mr. Grant and the Main Street offices of Bee.
She chalked those feelings of unease up to nerves. The job at Fashionista was everything she’d been hoping for. Jack’s accident had shaken her up; that was all. Finding out that he’d been Fired Up in Lovestruck all along might actually be a good thing—now she could walk away from Vermont and its small-town charm and never, ever look back.
“I’m going to go,” she said, gathering up her handbag and bolting for the door. She stopped short of telling him that she planned on being on the first plane out of Burlington in the morning. The last thing she wanted was a long goodbye. “Give Ella and Emma a hug for me, okay?”
Jack looked as stricken as if she’d slapped him, but he took a deep inhale and nodded. “I’ll do that, but can we talk in the morning? Please?”
She didn’t answer him, because anything she might have said would be a lie and they’d both been doing enough of that. Instead, she forced herself to look at him one last time, because she knew if she couldn’t meet his gaze, she’d never be able to walk away. But she did it, and as she looked into his eyes, bluer than blue, she willed herself not to feel anymore.
No more pain, no more love, no more fear. Instead, she let it all harden into a hard, protective shell of indifference. She was her father’s daughter, after all.
“Goodbye, Jack.”
* * *
This can’t be happening.
Jack flinched as the door shut in his face and a lonely hush fell over his home. It was the sort of soul-deep silence that made him shiver, and for once he wished the twins would wake up so he’d have something to do besides pace around the living room tugging at his hair and trying to figure out how to fix the enormous amount of damage he’d done.
His head told him to stay put. He’d been down this road before, and he knew where it led—nowhere good. It was best to let Madison go now instead of begging her to stay in his life only to have her announce she was moving back to New York a month from now or worse, a year from now.
Except the mess with Madison was strictly one of his own making. She was right. Heck, even Wade was right. He should have been honest with her from the moment he’d suspected she might be Queen Bee. Better yet, he should have never picked up a pen and written those letters in the first place.
Most of all, he should have trusted his feelings for Madison instead of fighting them every step of the way. He’d been so desperate to protect his heart and to protect his girls that he’d denied them the one thing he wished they could have—a family.
Madison made him want things that he never thought he’d want again. He wanted to slow-dance with her to the lullabies the girls liked to hear as they drifted to sleep at night. He wanted to stand beside her in the little white church on Main Street and make the sort of promises to her that would end with a kiss and a walk down the aisle, hand in hand. He wanted to write her letters, so many letters, with enough loving words to drown out the ones he wished he could take back.
He dropped onto the sofa and cradled his head in his hands. It was too late for those things now. He could feel it in his bones, and he had no one to blame but himself. Madison was gone for good.
Any sliver of hope he clung to went up in smoke when he turned up on her aunt Alice’s front porch early the following morning with the twins strapped to his chest in their baby carriers. The sun was only beginning to peek over the top of the big red barn where he’d first set eyes on Madison Jules in her polka dot bathrobe. Daybreak swirled with fireflies, lighting the air like tiny sparks of hope. But just as Jack suspected, he was too late.
“I’m so sorry. She left hours ago for the airport in Burlington.” Alice gave him a sad smile and reached out a hand to let Ella grab hold of one of her fingers. “What sweet little girls you have. No wonder Madison was charmed by them.”
Jack’s throat clogged. He wanted to ask where her flight was headed, but he couldn’t seem to form any words. He also wasn’t sure what exactly Madison had told her aunt about their relationship. Did he think they were just friends, that Madison had been his night nanny and nothing more? Doubtful, seeing as he was currently standing on her front porch, completely gutted over her niece’s departure. Still, he wasn’t sure what to say.
Isn’t that how you got yourself into this mess to begin with?
The time for holding his tongue had passed.
“Please, come in.” She held the door open wide. “Madison left something for you.”
And just like that, his heart beat with his last, desperate shred of hope. His stupid, stupid heart.
“Did she?” Jack stepped inside, and a tiny creature came scurrying into sight.
The animal had a tiny tuft of fluff on top of its head and the tip of its tail, but was otherwise smooth and hairless. A sweater knit from bright purple and pink yarn hugged its slender body, and when it rose up on its hind legs and pranced at Jack’s feet, Ella and Emma both kicked and let out twin delighted squeals.
“Is that—” Jack peered closer at the comical little guy “—a dog?”
It looked more like a character from a Dr. Seuss book.
“Yes, that’s Toby. He’s a Chinese crested. Don’t mind him. He’s ordinarily more shy around strangers, but he’s a little out of sorts now that Madison is gone. Toby really enjoyed having her around.”
The smile Jack felt tugging at his lips was bittersweet. “Madison mentioned that.”
There’s a three-year-old named Toby who positively adores me.
She’d looked so proud when she’d said those words to him weeks ago at the Lovestruck Bean. That glimmer of joy in her warm brown eyes should have been a hint that she didn’t think she deserved such adulation, but he’d missed its meaning. Then came the talk at the fire station and that raw, unguarded moment by the bubble bath where he’d realized that the beautiful, beguiling woman who’d swept into town and stolen his heart feared that she was unlovable. And somewhere in the midst of it, he’d fallen head over heels for her aching vulnerability.
“Can I get you anything? Coffee? Breakfast?” Alice frowned at him. “How are you feeling? Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”
“I’m fine.” Physically, anyway. “Thank you, though. I just really hoped to talk to Madison before she left.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I tried to stop her. If that magazine wanted her to go to work for them so badly, it seems like they could’ve waited a few days, but she was so anxious to go.” Alice sighed. “I guess Vermont just can’t compete with Manhattan.”
“I suppose not.” Jack’s head began to hurt all over again. He gave Alice a grim smile. “I didn’t realize she had a job waiting for her there already.”
“Neither did I. Apparently, an editor from one of the big fashion magazines reached out to her after her interview on Good Morning Sunshine. She didn’t breathe a word of
it to me until late last night.”
Last night.
Jack’s jaw clenched. Madison’s sudden disappearing act was 100 percent his fault. She’d clearly gotten her new job offer before she’d come to his house the night before, maybe even before he’d been hurt. She hadn’t said a word about it, though.
Could that possibly mean she’d had no intention of taking the job until she’d found out he was Fired Up in Lovestruck?
He hadn’t thought he could feel any worse about her sudden departure until right then.
“Let me go get that gift she left for you.” Alice held up a finger. “I’ll be right back.”
She bustled toward the hallway leading to the back of the farmhouse, and Jack waited, absently running his fingertips over the tops of the twins’ soft heads.
“Dada,” Emma said, and his heart nearly cracked in two.
Toby’s fanciful head cocked to one side, and he narrowed his gaze at Jack. It was almost as if he knew Jack was the reason his beloved Madison had flitted off to New York and left everyone behind. Either that or Jack was losing it. Possibly both.
“It’s my fault, I know,” Jack said, and the little dog’s plumed ears pricked forward. “I’m sorry.”
Toby blinked at him a few times and then walked toward a big Vermont-flannel plaid dog bed tucked by the hearth, turned three careful circles on it and then plopped down with a sigh. Apology not accepted, apparently.
Jack couldn’t blame him. It would be a long, lonely while before he forgave himself. If ever.
He shifted from one foot to the other while he waited for Alice, wondering if there was any chance her flight hadn’t taken off yet. How fast could he get to the airport? Granted, he wasn’t supposed to be driving at all, much less all the way to Burlington. Maybe he could get one of the guys to drive him up there in the rig. At least they’d arrive in a hurry.
“Here we go.” Alice returned carrying a small paper bag with a whimsical illustration of a ball of yarn on it. The yarn unspooled to spell out the words Main Street Yarn.
“A gentle warning—they’re not pretty. But Madison worked really hard on them.” She offered Jack the bag, and he took it. “I loved having her in class. For a while there, I was kind of hoping she might stay here in Lovestruck and take over the shop someday. She loves fashion so much, and she’s just a beginner now, but she could create some really beautiful things if she stuck with knitting. I guess it’s just not mean to be.”
“I suppose not,” Jack said, clutching the bag.
He was almost afraid to look inside. He was barely hanging on as it was, and he really didn’t want to start weeping right there in front of Madison’s aunt and a clearly unhappy Toby. But Alice made no move to usher him toward the door, so he didn’t have much of a choice.
He peered over the top of the twins’ heads, reached into the bag and pulled out a lump of pink yarn. At first, he wasn’t sure what he was looking at, but once he untangled the pieces, he realized he was holding four tiny, hand-knitted baby booties in his hands. Two pairs—one for Ella and one for Emma.
“Remember, it’s the thought that counts,” Alice said, arching a brow.
Jack guessed the knowing look she tossed his direction was a reference to the uneven rows of stitches and the way all four booties seemed to vary in size. He couldn’t have cared less about any of those details. In fact, he preferred them this way. He could see what a struggle the project had been for her, and the fact that she hadn’t given up made his heart feel like it was being squeezed in a vise.
Perfectly imperfect.
Just like her. Just like Madison.
When he looked up and met Alice’s gaze, her eyes were filled with unshed tears. She gave him a watery smile. Maybe she knew what had happened between him and Madison, after all. Or maybe she simply missed her niece. Either way, Jack felt the invisible vise around his heart tighten another notch or so.
He offered her his best attempt at a smile, but could feel his face refusing to cooperate. What now? Where did he go from here? “They’re perfect.”
Chapter Sixteen
Dear Editor,
First Fired Up in Lovestruck disappeared, and now Queen Bee?
Bring her back!
Sincerely,
Disappointed in Lovestruck
Dear Editor,
Lovestruck adores Queen Bee. I can’t believe Fired Up drove her away.
Sincerely,
Angry in Lovestruck
Dear Editor,
I always thought Fired Up in Lovestruck and Queen Bee were perfect for each other, like two sides of the same coin.
I guess I was wrong.
Sincerely,
Heartbroken in Lovestruck
The entire town blamed Jack for the sudden disappearance of Queen Bee’s column. Technically, they blamed Fired Up in Lovestruck, but Jack and his alter ego were one and the same, even if he still hadn’t come forward and identified himself.
What possible purpose would that serve now? Madison was gone. Nearly a week had passed since he’d shown up at her aunt’s house, hoping to fix things between them. He was certain Alice would have mentioned it to her. Even if she hadn’t, there’d been enough unanswered calls and text messages for Jack to get the message loud and clear.
It’s over. He’d written those same words in his final letter to the Bee—he just hadn’t realized they’d eventually turn out to be so prophetic.
“Welcome back.” Cap looked up from the newspaper in his hands as Jack walked into the firehouse kitchen on his first day back on the job after his concussion. “How’s the head?”
Jack did his best not to grimace at the sight of the Lovestruck Bee’s banner running across the top of the front page. If he never saw another copy of the local paper again, it would still be too soon.
“Better, thanks.” He glanced around. He’d expected to find Wade and Brody filling the other seats at the table, going over the paperwork from the prior shift, but they were nowhere to be seen. “Where is everyone?”
“Wade and Brody just took the ladder truck out to the elementary school for a fire drill.” Cap folded the newspaper into a neat square.
Jack couldn’t help catching a glimpse of his alter ego’s name above the fold. Readers were still writing letters filled with questions about him and Queen Bee. He wished everyone would just let it go. Maybe then he’d have a prayer of doing so himself.
“While it’s just the two of us, there’s something I need to say.” Cap leveled his gaze at Jack. “So long as your doctor says you’re good to go, you’re welcome to come back to work, but I want you to think about it—really think—is this where you want to be right now? Or is there something else you need to take care of first?”
Jack lowered himself into the chair opposite Cap. Clearly, he needed to be sitting down for this discussion. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
A lie. Of course he knew. He just wasn’t sure how Cap had managed to find out about him and Madison, unless Wade had said something. That didn’t sound like Wade, though. He was nosy as hell, but he was also a trustworthy friend.
“Don’t you?” Cap’s eyebrows rose, and he gave the Letters to the Editor section of the Bee a purposeful tap with his pointer finger.
Jack closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing in and out for a moment before opening them and facing the look of disapproval on his boss’s face. “How long have you known?”
“Since the very first letter from Fired Up in Lovestruck. It was rather obvious, don’t you think?”
The next time Jack took on a secret identity, he really needed to choose a more subtle name—except there wouldn’t be a next time. Ever.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked.
Cap shrugged. “It was pretty clear you were working through something, and the letters seemed harmless e
nough at the time.”
Jack felt sick. He’d thought the same thing, and he’d been wrong. So very wrong.
“But that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore,” Cap said, sounding more like a concerned dad than his supervisor. Engine Company 24 was a family, after all.
“It’s not. I’ve hurt Queen Bee—Madison—quite deeply.” Jack swallowed around the sudden thickness in his throat. He kept thinking that moving on would get easier, but so far it hadn’t.
The longer he spent without seeing Madison, the more difficult it became.
“I’m sure that’s not an easy thing to admit, but I wasn’t talking about Madison. I was talking about you.” Cap gave Jack a sad smile. “I care about you, son. You’ve been part of this company and my life long enough for me to know when you’re hurting. If you care about Madison the way I suspect that you do, don’t you owe it to yourself and your girls to try and make things right?”
“I have—several times. Every day, if you want to know the truth.” Jack closed his eyes and pressed hard on his eyelids with his fingertips to try and erase the memory of Madison’s expression when she’d discovered the truth. The look on her face right then had nearly killed him, and he couldn’t seem to be able to shut his eyes without revisiting that moment again and again. “She doesn’t want to talk to me. Frankly, I don’t blame her.”
He felt like he’d wasted the last few minutes he’d spent with her. He hadn’t shut up about the stupid letters. He’d thought if he explained how lost and miserable he’d been back when he’d started writing them, he could somehow make her understand, but now he knew that had been a grave mistake. If only he could live those moments over again, he wouldn’t spend them talking about the Lovestruck Bee or Fired Up in Lovestruck or Queen Bee. Instead, he’d tell Madison exactly how he felt about her, because somehow he’d never gotten around to saying what mattered most of all—he was in love with her with his whole heart.
“She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Cap repeated. Then he snorted and said, “So?”
