by Rose Pearson
Lord Havisham lowered his head so as to speak only to her, his thumb running over the back of her hand. “I intend to try and win your affections again so that I might do what I should have done all those years ago.”
Chapter Ten
“You have another gift, my lady.”
Emily closed her eyes tightly as Lord Havisham’s sixth bunch of roses appeared in a vase in front of her.
“And the note with it, my lady.”
She did not know what to say to him, aware that her usually stoic butler now had a small glint of delight in his eyes.
“Take this one to my bedchamber,” she said on a whim. “If I am to receive so many roses, then I may best make use of them! My whole house shall smell beautiful.”
The butler smiled and picked up the vase again. “Of course, my lady. Do you require anything else?”
She shook her head, wanting some quiet with which to think. “Not at the moment.”
“Very good, my lady.”
The door closed tightly and Emily was returned to the peace and quiet she had been enjoying before the appearance of yet another bunch of flowers. She looked down at the note in her hand, feeling butterflies fill her stomach. Lord Havisham had sent her a bunch of flowers and a note every day since he had spoken so openly to her in the middle of Lord Henderson’s soiree. She had been so astonished by his declaration to win her affections again that she had stared at him for a few moments not knowing what to say to such a statement. Part of her had cried aloud with the delight and the promise that was contained in such words, whilst another part of her rebelled against him, not wanting to allow herself to even give credence to such an offer, for fear of what it would do to her. Instead, she had simply looked up at him in silence before turning on her heel and moving to another part of the room, placing a broad smile on her face to cover the shock that ran through her. Lord Havisham had let her go, clearly aware that what he had said had stunned her. He had not sought her out for the rest of the evening and since that time, had not made any attempt to draw near her again, even though they had been in company together. There was a wariness in Emily’s heart when it came to Lord Havisham. She did not know what it was she felt nor what it was she wanted. It was as though her determination to live a life of freedom, unattached and independent, had suddenly been shaken so fiercely that she did not know what to do with herself any longer.
Sighing, she closed her eyes for a moment before looking down at the note in her hand. Lord Havisham had written much the same words to her these last six days, so she knew very well what would be within. All the same, Emily could not bring herself to set it aside. If she was honest with herself, she wanted to read the words that were within, wanted to see what would be said this time. A little irritated with her own weakness, she turned the note over and broke the seal, flattening it out carefully.
Her eyes scanned the page, taking in Lord Havisham’s words. He had an excellent hand but it was the tenderness that was expressed that caught her heart.
“‘I have done you a great wrong, Emily. Allow me to make amends, I pray you. One final chance is all I seek. Tell me that you have not forgotten me in the same way that I have not forgotten you.’”
As much as she disliked it, tears filled her eyes. There were feelings deep within her that had never been resolved, feelings that she did not want to even consider anymore. However, the fact that Lord Havisham insisted on not only sending her gifts but writing to her also on a daily basis, meant that she was forced to consider them more and more. If she were to let him back into her life, if she were to let him court her, then that would mean those feelings might return in all their intensity and she was not certain that this was something she wanted. Had she not already convinced herself that she did not wish to marry? That she did not want to let anyone make her so vulnerable again?
And yet there was something that drew her to him, no matter how hard she fought it.
What am I to do?
Putting the note aside, Emily let the face of Lord Havisham linger in her mind a little longer. There had once been that intimacy between them that she knew could easily be rekindled, but that would mean a true forgetting of their past and a willingness to trust him once again. She could not easily do that, she knew, not when her trust in him had already been shattered. But could it be something that she could, at the very least, allow herself to consider?
Emily bit her lip, passing a hand over her eyes as she blinked her tears away. She would not cry over Lord Havisham again, not when she had done so before and for far too long. She had to look at this matter with sober judgment, had to allow herself to consider everything with clear rationality. The only problem with such a consideration was that her heart did not allow herself to think clearly, for it swarmed with such feelings that she could barely make sense of them. To be free to live as she pleased and to do as she wished was what she had always dreamt of, was it not? And it was a life that she had only just begun to enjoy, for finally, the gossip about her late husband and her part in it had begun to fade.
Lord Havisham will not seek to remove that freedom from you, Emily.
The quiet voice in her head made Emily hesitate, closing her eyes tightly at the swarm of thoughts that ran through her. She knew that Lord Havisham was not the sort of gentleman who would demand anything of her. He would respect her, consider her and care for her, if she would allow him. Had he not spoken of his affection for her? The feelings within his heart that had not faded away but, in her absence, only grown stronger. Emily knew that she could not compare Lord Havisham with either her late husband or her father. He had made a mistake, he had said, in allowing her to marry Lord Smithton instead of securing her for his wife but had realized it much too late. That had caused him no end of regret but she had been the one who had needed to marry Lord Smithton regardless.
But if you had not married Lord Smithton, then you would not have found this strength of character that now fills you with both courage and determination.
Having been forced to marry Lord Smithton was not something Emily would ever be grateful for but she could not pretend that finding her confidence and strength had not been of some blessing. If she could see goodness in her past circumstances, then could she not set aside all the frustration and the pain that sometimes still stung at her when she thought of Lord Havisham, so that she might consider her future?
A long sigh left her lips, her head feeling heavy and weighted with all that she felt. “And I shall not think of him now,” she told herself, folding up the note and placing it with the others. “For there is much now to prepare.”
Deciding to host a dinner party had either been a very wise or a very foolish idea. Emily could not yet decide which it was for, as she looked around the table, she saw some eyes looking back at her with interest, whilst others seemed more delighted in the company that was present. It was, Emily considered, as she finished her dessert, rather unfortunate that even still, there were those amongst the beau monde who wished for nothing more than to feed on gossip and rumor. To have been invited to attend Lady Smithton’s dinner would be a notable event indeed and she was quite certain that one or two of her guests would waste no time in telling all of their acquaintances about it. Thankfully, those whispers had died down a good deal over the last few days, since there were more than enough scandals for the beau monde to feed on. She was, it seemed, now a good deal less interesting than she had been before.
Smiling to herself, Emily allowed her gaze to run across the table. Miss Bavidge and Miss Crosby were present, with both sitting quietly in their seats, their spoons down on the table having already finished their dessert. A flicker of a frown crossed Emily’s expression, seeing them sitting without any attempt at conversation. She had made sure to invite a good few gentlemen that she knew to be of good reputation, although some were inclined to be something of a rogue at times, but she had thought that to be of benefit to her two friends. They would have to learn how to manage a gentleman’s less
than proper behavior, particularly if one attempted to flirt outrageously. However, such a thing was not about to occur given that neither of them seemed to be making any attempt to engage with those about them.
Frustrated that she had not kept a closer eye on them both during the previous courses, Emily set her spoon down and tried to think of what she could say that would force either Miss Bavidge or Miss Crosby to speak. At least they both looked well enough, although she would have to make the suggestion that Miss Crosby do something with the ringlets that always seemed to be hanging down on either side of her face. They gave her a heaviness that did not suit her.
“Might we leave the gentlemen to their port?” she murmured, seeing that her guests were finished. “Ladies, there will be tea set out for us in the drawing room.” She rose gracefully and gave the gentlemen a lingering smile. “Do take as long as you wish.”
Grateful for the opportunity to grasp Miss Bavidge’s arm and catch Miss Crosby’s eye, Emily waited until the three of them were ensconced together in a quiet part of the drawing room. Tea had already been served and the ladies were talking quietly amongst themselves, with some eagerly awaiting the reappearance of the gentlemen.
“You have been very quiet this evening, Miss Bavidge,” Emily began, looking towards Miss Crosby. “As have you, Miss Crosby. What is it that keeps you so silent?”
Miss Bavidge blushed furiously, her eyes lowering to her lap. “I fear that I have become rather afraid of speaking aloud, for fear that someone will make some comment about my father,” she replied, honestly.
“And I am not particularly interesting,” Miss Crosby replied, with such calm certainty that Emily found herself rather taken aback. “I might fade into the shadows and no-one would recall that I have ever been present.”
Emily did not know what to say to this, hearing no hint of sadness in Miss Crosby’s tone but rather a sense of acceptance, as though she truly believed this to be the case.
“I do not think that can be true,” she managed to say, her mind whirling. “I know that at least one gentleman cast his eyes over you this evening.”
This seemed to dumbfound Miss Crosby, for her eyes widened and she stared blankly back at Emily as though she could not quite believe it.
“And Viscount Morton asked you one or two questions, did he not?” Emily asked, turning her attention back to Miss Bavidge, who now looked up with a small look of hope in her eyes. “Did you not respond to him?”
“I did,” Miss Bavidge replied, quickly, “but it was about nothing in particular. Although,” she continued, her cheeks still a little red, “I should be grateful that he did not ask about my father.”
Emily smiled and nodded. “Indeed,” she replied, wondering if she was being encouraging in any way at all, or if she was failing miserably. “You must be a little more assertive. That is the only way you will be noticed.”
The two young ladies exchanged glances but both nodded their assent. Emily smiled and made to say more, only for the door to open and the gentlemen to walk through.
Gentlemen who included Lord Havisham, Emily noted with astonishment. She had not invited him for dinner, so what could he be doing here at this moment?
Lord Havisham must have seen her astonishment, for he came over to her at once and inclined his head.
“I am sorry to have intruded so,” he said, quickly, bowing in front of her. “It is only that I have heard some news that I thought important to share with you, Lady Smithton.” His eyes roved towards Miss Bavidge and Miss Crosby, who both attempted to look as though they were not at all interested in what he had to say.
Emily tipped her head up to look into Lord Havisham’s eyes, aware of how quickly her heart had trembled with delight upon seeing him. “What news is this, Lord Havisham?” she asked, rising quickly and finding herself a little anxious given the serious look in his eyes. “Has something occurred?”
Lord Havisham hesitated, then turned around so that his back was to Miss Bavidge and Miss Crosby.
“It is only that I have heard your father has returned to town, Lady Smithton,” he said, making Emily’s breath hitch with shock. “Your mother is with him also.”
Emily swayed suddenly, not quite certain what to make of this. “My father,” she repeated, trying to force herself to believe it. “I have not seen him since the day I wed.” Not that he had not attempted to force himself back into her life after the death of her husband, telling her that she needed to return to his household and, of course, do his bidding as she had done before.
“I do not know why he is in town,” Lord Havisham said, looking at her as though he feared she might faint with the shock of it. “But I thought it best you know at once.”
Swallowing hard, Emily took in a long breath and tried to smile. “The rumors about my husband’s death came from my father, I am quite certain of it.”
Lord Havisham frowned. “But why should he do such a thing?”
She let out a wry laugh, her face contorted with pain. “You know how much he liked to find fault with me, do you not? When I would not go back to his house, when I would not do as he asked, then the rumors began. I fear he has come to London to try and persuade me to return to his household. No doubt so that he can force me to wed another gentleman in order to make some profit for himself.” She shook her head and closed her eyes momentarily, feeling herself swaying slightly. “I shall not do as he asks.”
“No, you shall not,” Lord Havisham replied, fervently. “I have seen your strength and determination, Lady Smithton. You need not fear him and, should you require it, I shall be by your side ready to stand against your father’s demands.”
She smiled at him, the shock draining from her. “That is very much appreciated, Lord Havisham,” she replied, quietly, touched by not only his offer of support but his concern for her. He had come to speak to her directly upon discovering that her father had returned to London, so that she would not be caught unawares. That spoke of a genuine consideration for her, which warmed her heart and brought a smile to her lips.
“You know that I would not allow you to be without friends, Lady Smithton,” he murmured, taking a step away from her and inclining his head. “Thank you for allowing me to speak to you. I shall depart now.”
“Wait.”
The word was out of her mouth before she could prevent. Lord Havisham turned slowly, his expression hopeful.
“You are more than welcome to stay for a short time, Lord Havisham,” Emily stammered, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. “If you wish to, that is.”
It was as though she had offered him something wonderful, for his eyes lit up and a broad smile tugged his lips wide. “I should be delighted to stay, Lady Smithton,” he replied, with a quick bow. “I thank you.”
“You are very welcome,” she replied, with as much dignity as she could manage. “And thank you for your consideration, Lord Havisham. I am grateful for the urgency with which you have informed me of my father’s return to London.”
His smile softened, his eyes growing tender. “You are always in my thoughts, Lady Smithton,” he replied, in such a low voice that she had to strain to hear him. “I am glad to have been able to aid you in this.”
Emily could find nothing to say, her throat constricting as she held his gaze. It was only when he turned away that she realized she had been holding her breath, one hand pressed against her stomach as she felt her heart tug towards him with a renewed determination.
It seemed she was going to be able to forgive him after all.
Chapter Eleven
“You have a visitor, Lady Smithton.”
Emily drew in a long breath as she took the card from the butler. It bore her father’s name and, as such, gave her such a feeling of tension that she had to grasp the back of the chair with a tight hand.
“Is my mother with him?” she asked, as the butler waited patiently in front of her. “Or does he come alone?”
The butler responded at once. “Alone, my lady. D
o you wish to see him or should I ask him to call another time?”
Emily hesitated. Her immediate response was to ask the butler to send her father from the house, for she certainly did not want to see him. However, that would mean she was giving into her fear and her fright, reducing herself to the quiet little mouse she had once been. No, if she was to deal with her father, then she would have to show him that she was both independent and unafraid. He would not have the same hold on her as he had done before.
“No, I shall see him,” she said, suddenly, before she had time to change her mind. “Do send for tea and refreshments also.”
The butler nodded and withdrew, giving Emily some time to think about what she would say once she had seen her father. Most likely, he would demand that she do as he ask, now that she was widowed, but Emily had no intention of returning to his household. Her father had sold her once and she was not about to give him the opportunity to do so again.
The door opened and Emily turned to face it, drawing herself up to her full height and clasping her hands loosely in front of her. Her father stormed in, his face dark and his eyes malevolent.
“Emily,” he grated, without waiting for her to speak. “How dare you behave in such a fashion?”
Emily held her breath, looking at her father and being reminded of just how often he had attempted to shame her with his angry exclamations. Letting it out slowly, she looked at him with as much calmness in her expression as she could muster. “Good afternoon, father,” she began, gesturing for him to sit down. “What an unexpected visit this is. Might I inquire as to your health?”
Lord Chesterton glared at her, his eyes narrowing. “You are being impertinent, Emily. I ask you again, how dare you behave in such a fashion as this? Going about London as though you have no consideration for the gossip and rumor that is being pushed through the streets about you!”
