by Rose Pearson
“If you please, if you please!” Lord Langton was speaking loudly now, trying to garner the attention of his guests, and this seemed to spur Miss Bavidge into action. She pulled her hand from his and set it quickly on his arm, throwing a darting glance behind her to where Lord Langton was still speaking. Nathaniel did not hesitate but hurried her towards the French doors, only just making it out of doors before Lord Langton asked his guests to seat themselves so that they might listen to his wife’s performance.
“That is something of a relief,” Nathaniel chuckled as Miss Bavidge looked up into his face. “You do not know how many times I have had to endure such a thing as this!” Recalling the last time, he let out a small groan, running one hand down over his face. “It was quite torturous the last time, and yet I was still expected to make out that I enjoyed every moment.”
“Then I suppose I should be glad that you have rescued me,” Miss Bavidge replied with a look of relief and a twinkle of delight back in her eyes, her anxiety gone. “And it seems you are not the only one to have made such an escape.”
Nathaniel looked out towards the rest of the gardens, seeing at least fifteen others who had done the very same. The evening was light still, with the sun seeming to refuse to set, and he could make the guests out without any great difficulty. “Indeed, Miss Bavidge,” he replied with a broad smile. “You are quite right. Although I am sorry if I pushed you into attending with me. If you do not feel comfortable walking in the gardens, then I must apologize.”
“There is nothing to apologize for, Lord Morton,” Miss Bavidge replied quickly. “Please, do not concern yourself.” She cleared her throat gently but looked away. “I confess it is only because of something that occurred recently that gives me a twist of concern which, I know for certain, I need not have with you.” Quickly, she told him what she had seen of Lord Rochester in the bookshop and how she had come to the aid of a young lady, and Nathaniel felt his anger begin to burn deep within him. “I suppose I have become overly wary, although my heart knows that I need have no concern over your presence here with me.”
“No, indeed not, Miss Bavidge,” Nathaniel replied fervently, wanting to reassure her. “I would never press my advantage in such a way, and I pray that you know that the words I speak are from my heart, and certainly are not a mask by which I hide my true intentions.”
Something seemed to spark in the air between them as Miss Bavidge looked up into his eyes, their steps slowing. “I do know that, truly,” Miss Bavidge answered quietly, her hand tightening on his arm. “I should not have allowed myself to be so concerned, Lord Morton. I know the kind of gentleman you are, and for that, I am truly grateful. You have helped me to remove myself from the pit of darkness and despair that I had fallen into from the very first day I returned to society.”
“I am glad that I was of some assistance,” he replied, but Miss Bavidge was not yet finished. She held up one hand, and Nathaniel turned to face her a little more, aware that they had strayed a little off the garden path.
“Your consideration of me when I did not even know your name has struck me time and again,” Miss Bavidge continued softly, her free hand now pressed lightly against his chest. “You knew of my distress, and you wished to aid me in some way. That kindness is something that is lacking a good many gentlemen, Lord Morton, and I feel blessed by God in heaven for your kindness and your good company these last few days.” Her voice was still soft, her expression still gentle, but her eyes were burning orbs, fixed upon his until he could feel the heat of the fire that burned within her. “Your character evidences itself in all that you do and all that you are,” she told him, pausing only to swallow hard, as though overcome with her own emotions. “I have found myself recently looking forward to seeing you again, Lord Morton, as if I cannot be satisfied with one day’s activities or visits.” A slight blush tinged her cheeks, but she did not stop speaking. “I will be honest with you, Lord Morton, as you have been with me. I struggle to know all that I feel and all that I hope for since these emotions are greater than any I have ever considered before.”
This was something of a revelation, and Nathaniel felt his mouth go dry, looking down into her face and seeing the hope flickering there. She had spoken to him with a bold honesty that revealed her very heart and, in doing so, had rendered him practically speechless. To have gone from an unwillingness even to walk with him in the gardens to now be speaking to him in such an intimate manner was quite astonishing. Had she simply realized that what she feared would never come to pass and so, in realizing that, had felt the urge to speak to him about what filled her heart? It was both astonishing and overwhelming, flooding him with an appreciation for her that burned its way into his heart.
“You have said nothing for some moments, Lord Morton,” Miss Bavidge said, stammering just a little as she dropped her gaze to the ground. “I do hope I have not upset you or spoken out of turn.”
“No, no indeed,” he replied at once, with such a fervency that Miss Bavidge looked back up at him immediately. “It is just that I am a little surprised; that is all.”
“Oh.” Miss Bavidge did not look pleased by such a remark, for no smile stretched her lips, and no joy leaped into her eyes. Instead, she merely stood and waited a little longer, her hand dropping from where it had rested against him.
Nathaniel caught it at once, his fingers warm against hers as he continued to search her face. He did not know what it was that he felt and certainly could not imagine trying to put it into any sort of coherent sentence, but at the same time, he did not want Miss Bavidge to feel as though he thought her expression of respect and apparent affection to have been less than worthwhile.
“I…” Closing his eyes for a moment, Nathaniel took in a long breath and forced himself to be honest, in much the same way as she had done. “I will not pretend that I have no feelings for you, Miss Bavidge. I look forward to your company. In fact, I relish it.” This, he saw, brought a smile to her face, and that, in turn, filled his heart with a relief that he could not turn away from. “I have sought to court you, and I have been glad to do so this last fortnight. There is no intention in my heart to bring our courtship to an end, Miss Bavidge, for I find there is something between us that goes beyond a mere acquaintance.”
“Indeed,” Miss Bavidge answered, her expression now one of relief. “I feel that also.”
“But,” Nathaniel continued, the words sticking to his throat as he thought again of what he had done to bring Miss Bavidge’s father to his untimely departure from society. “But there is something I must speak to you of, Miss Bavidge. Something I must tell you before I can even consider my intentions for this courtship.”
Miss Bavidge frowned hard, her smile gone in a trice, and Nathaniel felt his heart twist in his chest. He wanted to be honest with her and this, it seemed, was the very time to do it. However, try as he might, the words would not come to him. He did not even know what to say to begin such a conversation, for, with the look in Miss Bavidge’s eyes and the awareness of just how closely she stood to him, Nathaniel could think of nothing else.
“Miss Bavidge, I—”
Before he could say anything more, Miss Bavidge surprised him utterly by reaching up and pressing her mouth to his. Astonished, Nathaniel pulled back at once, seeing the heat flare in her cheeks as he took a step away from her.
“I—I must apologize, Lord Morton,” Miss Bavidge stammered, turning away from him at once and pressing a hand to her mouth. “I had no intention of doing such a thing nor of being so forward, particularly when I had such a fear of the very same coming from you.” Wincing, she pressed her hand to her forehead, clearly regretting what she had done. “Forgive me.”
She wasn’t looking at him, clearly too ashamed to bring her eyes to his. Nathaniel remained utterly stunned, his mouth burning from where she had kissed him and his heart so thunderous that he could barely hear what she had said. His mind was swimming, his thoughts tumbling over one another like a waterfall. And yet, a
ll through it came the fierce desire to do just the very same again.
“Please, Miss Bavidge.” His hand reached out to her as Nathaniel slowly became aware of the dim light that surrounded them now as the sun began to fade away and the lantern light started to glow. “You need not apologize, truly. It is only that you took me quite by surprise.”
Miss Bavidge said nothing but dropped her head low as she turned back to him. Her cheeks were a vicious scarlet but, as he watched her, Nathaniel felt a sudden urge to laugh bubbling up in him. She had behaved in the very way she had feared he might, clearly overcome with the emotions and desires that had been running through her heart, and he could not hold her to account for that.
“Please, Miss Bavidge, do not look away from me,” he coaxed, seeing how her gaze slowly began to rise. “You have nothing to fear. I will not berate you, nor will I hold you in disdain. I quite understand what you did and why you did such a thing.”
“You do?” Miss Bavidge looked up at him sharply, her eyes wide in surprise.
“Of course.” Unable to prevent himself, Nathaniel reached out and gently grasped her chin, feeling the softness of her skin under his fingers and feeling the sparks shoot up his arm. “It is a desire that has been growing within my own heart for some time, although I have not ever thought to pursue it, such has been my concern for you.” He chuckled as Miss Bavidge looked away again. “But now that I know that you feel much the same way, I shall not hold myself back the next time such a desire comes upon me.”
“Then you shall spare my blushes,” Miss Bavidge replied, trying to laugh but still clearly mortified. “Only say that you will give me your forgiveness, Lord Morton, for without it, I shall remain utterly ashamed of myself.”
Leaning forward, Nathaniel pressed his lips to Miss Bavidge’s forehead for just a moment, praying that no other guest would be able to make them out in the dim light. “You have nothing to seek forgiveness for, Miss Bavidge,” he told her, softly. “Do not fret any longer.” The urge to lean down and kiss her again, but for much longer this time, burned hot within him and it took a good deal of effort for Nathaniel to step away, offering her his arm as he had done before.
“Thank you, Lord Morton,” Miss Bavidge murmured, accepting his arm at once and falling into step alongside him. “Although I fear that my embarrassment shall remain for some time, even with your assurances!”
He chuckled, reached across, and patted her hand. “Be that as it may, Miss Bavidge, I still fully intend to pursue our courtship without hesitation. You have done nothing other than satisfy the questions in my mind regarding our courtship.” Glancing down at her, he saw Miss Bavidge smile and felt his lips curve in response. “I look forward to our next walk together, Miss Bavidge.”
She laughed at this and Nathaniel chuckled with her, pushing out of his mind the knowledge that he had, yet again, turned from speaking the truth to her. The kiss, whilst surprising, had not been a reason to remain silent about matters with her father, but he had chosen to push it aside again. Telling himself that he would do so tomorrow, when they walked in the park, Nathaniel turned Miss Bavidge back towards the path, and they began to wander along it together, safe and secure in each other’s company.
Chapter Twelve
“What did you do, Emma?”
Emma blushed furiously but did not look at her friend, Miss Crosby. “Nothing improper,” she lied, knowing full well that this was precisely what she had done. “I am becoming aware that Lord Morton is becoming very dear to me, I will admit,” she said, honestly, aware of Miss Crosby’s astonished look. “I am aware that it has been a fortnight since we started courting and I myself am astonished that I feel such strength of emotion, but I have been with the gentleman almost every day, and my heart has certainly changed significantly in that time.”
Miss Crosby sighed softly, her eyes gentle. “That sounds quite lovely, Emma. I am truly glad for you.”
“But it has been so swift!” Emma protested, feeling a little uncertain that what she felt could be so real after such a short length of time. “I never expected to have such strong emotions for a gentleman, I confess it. Whilst I hoped that Lady Smithton might be able to guide me to a suitable gentleman, I never gave any thought to having affection between oneself and one’s husband.” She shook her head, still not quite certain that this was happening to her. “Can it be true?”
“Indeed, it can.”
Emma jumped in surprise and then looked towards the door, seeing Lady Smithton standing there, laughter in her eyes.
“I do apologize for interrupting your private conversation,” Lady Smithton said, coming further into the room. “But I could not help but overhear.” She smiled and sat down on a chair between Emma and Miss Crosby. “You have an affection for Lord Morton then, do you?”
Nodding, Emma laced her fingers together and dropped her gaze, still very embarrassed to even admit to such a thing. “I confess that it has been tormenting my mind for some days, Lady Smithton,” she answered truthfully. “I find Lord Morton to be kind, generous, and considerate in almost every way. We have excellent conversation for he is both sharp-witted and intelligent. However, he does not treat me as though I have no intelligence of my own either.” Pausing, she recalled how he had complimented her only two days ago at the rather lackluster event held by Lord Langton, remarking on the shade of her eyes and how they reminded her of the sea. She had been more affected by that remark than he knew. “He speaks well of me and, I believe, has some fondness for me also, which I cannot pretend does not lighten my spirits.” Swallowing, she looked away again, still struggling to speak of such intimate feelings openly. “Therefore, I must confess that I have an affection for him within my heart. Quite what I am to do with it, I have very little idea for it is overwhelming even to become aware of it!”
Lady Smithton beamed at her, her eyes dancing with happiness. “You need do nothing to it, my dear, other than nurture it,” she replied with a soft smile. “If it is returned, as you believe it to be, then why do you fear it? There is nothing that need confuse you, for it is quite natural to have such feelings.”
“But they have come so swiftly!” Emma protested, her fear gnawing at her. Fear that she was feeling too much and much too quickly also. “I am overcome by the love I feel at times, Lady Smithton.”
Lady Smithton smiled and shook her head. “I am here to guide and reassure you, am I not?” she asked, gently. “Then be assured that your emotions are quite natural. They may overwhelm you, they may swirl about you in a most tempestuous fashion, but that is just what they do. In time, they will settle and begin to flood you with the most wonderful of sensations. They will be content to grow steadily and bring brightness to your life that you have not known before.”
Emma accepted this but frowned just a little upon seeing the way Lady Smithton spoke, for it was with a gentle wistfulness that seemed to speak of a deep understanding of love and how it affected a person. Emma did not think that Lady Smithton had ever loved her late husband, for, by all accounts, he had been a good deal older than she and had possessed a character of great darkness also. Who then could have sparked such feelings within Lady Smithton’s heart? Her mind turned back to Lord Havisham, aware of just how much he seemed to admire Lady Smithton but also how she kept him a little apart from her. Could it be that Lady Smithton had, at one time, loved Lord Havisham? Or that she felt such things for him now but, for whatever reason, set them aside from herself?
“Do you believe that Lord Morton has the best of intentions for you?” Lady Smithton asked, dragging Emma’s attention from her own questions. “Do you believe that he will soon ask for your hand?”
Another swirl of emotion clogged up Emma’s heart, making it difficult for her to catch her breath. Lord Morton had not been specific as yet, but her certainty that he would do as Lady Smithton had suggested began to grow within her heart.
“Yes, I do,” she said, seeing Lady Smithton nod again. “I think that to be most likely.”
“Then mayhap I should speak to him,” Lady Smithton murmured, tilting her head and regarding Emma carefully. “To ensure that his intentions are as you believe them to be.”
Emma shook her head, appreciative of Lady Smithton’s willingness to help but feeling a sense of protectiveness over what was her blossoming acquaintance with Lord Morton. “I appreciate your offer of help, truly,” she stammered, hoping she was not offending the lady. “But I confess that I consider this to be something I can manage on my own. Although,” she added, with a small laugh, “I have needed your guidance to surmise that my feelings are entirely as they ought to be!”
Miss Crosby laughed also, leaning forward in her chair and catching Emma’s eye. “Then mayhap, very soon, you shall be the first of ‘The Spinsters Guild’ to find themselves engaged!” she exclaimed, sending a sudden thrill down Emma’s spine. “And just how delighted we shall all be for you. You shall give us hope!”
Emma smiled back at her friend, aware of how Miss Crosby spoke with a slight twinge of envy in her voice. “I am certain that with Lady Smithton’s guidance, you shall all find happiness,” she replied, trying to put as much certainty into her voice as she could. “I am grateful indeed for your help, Lady Smithton, and for the guidance of Lord Havisham also.”
“Although it seems you have not needed a great deal of my input, given that a gentleman was already pursuing you,” Lady Smithton replied with a smile in her voice. “Lord Morton just needed to become aware of his feelings regarding you, I think.” Her expression suddenly became a little more serious. “You do feel as though you can trust him, however?”
Emma considered this, recalling all the strange conversations she had needed to have with Lord Morton. “I think that I understand why he wished to keep me away from Lord Rochester,” she answered slowly, thinking through everything. “I also consider him to have a kind heart, given his awareness of my difficult situation in re-entering society.” She hesitated, suddenly realizing that she did not quite understand everything, which sent a flurry of discontent through her. “I know that he had a falling out with Lord Rochester, which explains why Lord Rochester himself seemed so willing to throw falseness about Lord Morton towards me, but I still do not understand why he could not speak openly to me about his concerns over Lord Rochester at the first." This made her frown all the more, recalling how he had seemed so reluctant, only to speak a good deal more openly sometime later. “That does seem somewhat strange.”
