A year from now, she’d be performing the tasks the labor nurse was working on. Three years from now, she’d be the midwife. This would be her last birth as a doula, except for the births of her sister and good friends, and she was glad this birth had had such a happy ending.
“What’s your baby’s name?” Lora asked.
“Her name is Diana Clair Harris,” Kayla said. “Diana was my grandma’s name and Clair was the name of Adam’s sister who died.”
“That’s really pretty,” Lora said. “I always like including family names.”
Julie made certain she had shot all the photos Kayla wanted and congratulated the couple again before excusing herself. Walking down the bright hospital corridors, she felt her happy post-birth mood deflate into melancholy. There was no telling what kind of fight Adam and Kayla had had. Maybe it was something trivial, or maybe it was something big and important. Right now they were together and happy, but would it last? Relationships were so fraught with complications it was a wonder anybody ever wanted to have one.
And speaking of fraught relationships, in a week her brother-in-law would be back. She wasn’t sure how he felt about her living in his office, or if she’d be expected to give it up for him. Possibly, she could bunk in a corner of the basement, but it wasn’t very nice down there. It was dry and clean but not finished. It would be a pretty miserable existence.
Life could turn out very different depending on the split-second decision one made. Who knew what had made Adam decide to stop by his girlfriend’s workplace today to apologize? Who knew what would have happened if Kayla hadn’t been in the most difficult part of her labor when she heard his apology?
Who knew what had made her decide, just when she felt so close to Nick, that they shouldn’t continue if he was so determined to have children? What if she had let it go? Would she now be happily living in the apartment, making love every night, studying in that sunny kitchen … or would they spend several years arguing about whether it was time to have children, and would that inevitable breakup be even harder? Or maybe he’d resign himself to remaining childless.
Maybe, a tiny voice in the back of her head suggested, she would eventually feel ready to have a child. But she pushed that thought away. She’d made her decision.
Chapter 21
The day had come, finally. Julie had helped Jolene get the house extra clean and ready for Ken’s return. She volunteered to get the children bathed and dressed in their Sunday best while Jolene went to pick up Ken. She’d be a while; she was required to attend a short class taught by the counselors before his discharge was finalized.
Julie had plenty of time. Her summer classes were all done and she had a short break before the fall grind started back up. Ken would come home to a spotless home and four ecstatic children in their Sunday best. Jolene had even baked a cake, something she normally only did for birthdays.
The kids had asked far fewer questions than Julie had expected. They’d been told their dad had been sick but he had gone to see some special doctors and that he was feeling much better now. The fact that he’d been living away from home for some time probably played a part in their acceptance; they were, sadly, already used to their father being gone.
Julie was listening for the car, and when she heard it, she instructed the children to line up by the door so they could all welcome their father home. She herself hung back a bit. While she did want to welcome Ken, she didn’t want to get in the way of his reunion with his children.
It was hard to read the expression on his face. Jolene looked joyful, but Ken looked nervous and uncertain. Maybe even embarrassed. When the kids overwhelmed him with hugs and kisses, though, he seemed happier. Maybe he was just unsure of his reception. But it was everything anybody could ever hope for.
He seemed overwhelmed with the cake and ice cream, and again, Julie tried to stay quietly supportive and partially in the background. But he sought her out once the kids had settled down a little bit.
“Thank you for being here,” he said.
Now it was Julie who felt embarrassed.
“Oh, it was nothing,” she said.
“No, Jolene told me you’ve been very good about helping her out. Which she needed, since I wasn’t here. Thank you for helping my wife and children. I want you to know you’re welcome to stay as long as you need to.”
“Thanks. The kids are fun for me, too,” she said. She was dying to escape from the conversation, and was glad when Eddie grabbed Ken’s arm and dragged him into his bedroom to check out some of his art creations.
Julie hated the feeling of being at loose ends. With no classes for a couple of weeks, she wasn’t sure how she’d fill her time.
Ken, as it turned out, would be attending a nightly support group meeting, and Jolene wanted to accompany him to the first one. “Maybe you wouldn’t mind being on your own with the kids for dinner tonight?” Jolene asked. Julie couldn’t say no.
“Can we go to Vinnie’s?” Eddie excitedly asked. Lizzie and Tori chimed in as well.
Julie tried to gently talk them out of it. “You guys, I don’t know if I can handle such an adventure all on my own,” she said.
“We’ll be very, very good,” Eddie promised. “We will, we promise,” Lizzie said. Then Lizzie pointedly hissed into Tori’s ear. “Tell her you’ll be good!”
“I’ll be good,” Tori said. Georgie made no promises, which was just as well.
“Oh, why not?” Julie said. She already knew it would be a disaster, but she didn’t want to disappoint the kids on such an important day. If they made a mess, so be it.
Ken slipped her a wad of money and instructed her to keep the change, so at least she’d be able to make a few dollars on the deal. Ken and Jolene helped her get Georgie and Tori into their carseats. Eddie and Lizzie were finally self-sufficient. With any luck, Julie thought, Tori would able to fasten herself in by the time Baby No. 5 came on board.
She had considered having them change out of their Sunday best, but that would have delayed things and led to even more chaos, so she decided to press on. If nothing else, the kids would at least have fun. And she’d leave an extra nice tip for whoever would have the misfortune of cleaning up after all of them.
Just getting them all into the restaurant was an ordeal. She held Georgie and had instructed Eddie to hold Tori’s hand. But Tori didn’t want to hold Eddie’s hand. She wanted to hold Julie’s hand, so she struggled to hang onto a toddler while guiding a preschooler. If anybody wondered why she didn’t want kids of her own, she thought, they need only see her walk into Vinnie’s today.
Eddie and Lizzie had already run ahead of her as soon as she opened the door, leaving her to struggle to enter with one toddler trying to squirm out of her arms, one preschooler trying to slip her hand out of her grasp, and a heavy diaper bag that had slipped off her shoulder and was painfully cutting into her wrist. What had she been thinking to agree to this? And the older two were completely out of her sight. She was struggling to regain control of the situation, when strong arms suddenly lifted Tori and brought her up to Julie’s eye level.
It was Nick, of course. Eddie was grinning from ear to ear and Lizzie was hanging onto Nick’s leg. Julie’s eyes met Nick’s. She had no idea what to say. Apparently, neither did he. They both just stood there looking at each other for quite a while. Then he broke the silence.
“Are you insane?” He shifted Tori in his arms to get a better grip. “You can’t take four kids to Vinnie’s by yourself, woman. You’re going to have to accept a little bit of help.”
“All right. They’ve been asking for you constantly, anyway.”
Nick led them to the back, where he looked to have just finished a meal and was halfway through a piece of apple pie. He dragged another table next to his, and helped Julie get all the kids situated. They were all trying to tell him about Daddy coming home, but their stories were so overlapping that nobody could possibly know what they were talking about.
Julie smoothed the s
traggling bits of hair off her face and straightened her clothing, which had gotten all twisted up as she struggled with the kids.
Nick made an executive decision. “How about we just get scrambled eggs and sausage all around tonight?” The kids probably would have agreed to anything Nick suggested at that point, and Julie was grateful for the relative simplicity that resulted. And everybody got a glass of water in a plastic cup, because Nick was way ahead of everybody.
He looked good, and he looked like he was in his element. If anybody was born to be a dad, it was Nick. There was no getting around that.
He concentrated on talking mostly to the kids, who were delighted with all the attention. He pretended to be unaware of how to use a fork, and Lizzie kept patiently correcting him.
“So, like this?” He was holding the fork by the tines, and trying to stab bits of pie with the handle.
“No, silly!” Giggling, she turned the fork around, but Nick pretended to be inept.
“Your boyfriend doesn’t know how to eat!” Lizzie said, and Julie’s heart stopped. So did Nick’s, by the look of it. Their eyes locked, and then Julie looked down and became very interested in her eggs.
But he kept his interactions with Julie light and friendly, and her guard came down. Pretty soon, she was laughing as hard as the kids. He’d finally figured out how to use a fork, but now he was stymied by the straw in his cup. Lizzie demonstrated again and again how to use a straw, but he kept blowing bubbles instead. The kids all thought he was hilarious.
“Maybe after dinner, you and I could talk?” he quietly said as the kids settled down a bit. “Could you come over after dropping them off?”
She paused.
“Please? Ten minutes.”
“OK,” she said. She couldn’t deny it — she was curious about what he thought he could say that could change her mind.
The children thoroughly enjoyed their dinner, and even Georgie ate nearly half of his. No major messes or spills took place, and Julie felt relieved.
The kids were unhappy to learn that Nick wasn’t coming back to the house with them, and tried to force promises that he’d be over soon.
“Tell him to come over!” Eddie said, pulling on Julie’s sleeve.
“We’ll see, guys,” was all that Nick would say. Julie felt like a jerk.
Nick helped her get the kids out of the restaurant and into the van, only realizing when she fastened Georgie’s straps that Nick had picked up the entire tab.
“So you’ll come over after you drop off the kids?” He stood next to the driver-side door, so close that Julie couldn’t help but think how it would be to kiss him.
“Yes, assuming all is well at home. I’ll text you if not,” she said.
All was extremely well at home, judging from the noises coming from the master bedroom. Julie closed the door as soon as she opened it. “New plan!” she said. “Let’s all go to the park!”
She chose the closest neighborhood park. They weren’t dressed for play, but better to have to pretreat a few grass stains on their good clothes than to explain to them what weird noises were coming from Mommy and Daddy’s room.
She texted Nick: “At park w kids, will text time later”
He texted back a smiley face.
Georgie liked to be pushed on the swing for short periods only. Mostly, he enjoyed trying to run out of the park. The rest of the kids could be trusted pretty much to stay in the area. She ran after Georgie for as long as she could take it, and then decided that she was ready to pass off kid duty whether Jolene and Ken were ready for that or not.
She got them all home with less trouble than she would have thought. They were full and tired now, so Jolene and Ken should have a somewhat easier time getting them ready for bed than usual. She did not intend to help.
Jolene and Ken were dressed and seated in the living room, looking as if nothing had happened, and Julie didn’t mention there was a reason why she’d taken the children out for an impromptu trip to the park. She freshened up her hair and added a trace of makeup before returning to the living room and casually remarking to Jolene that she was going to go out for a little while.
If Jolene suspected where she was going, she gave no sign. The kids had been full of stories about having seen Nick at Vinnie’s. “He doesn’t know how to hold a fork!” Lizzie had exclaimed. “Nobody ever taught him how to use a straw, either. I had to show him everything.”
Julie made her getaway and drove to Nick’s apartment. He ran his fingers through his hair and invited her upstairs. Then he motioned for her to sit on the sofa and he picked up a folder of paperwork from the coffee table.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” he said. “And here are the facts.” He looked like an attorney getting ready to deliver a speech to a jury. A very nervous attorney.
“Before I met you, I was just drifting. I could have just kept living in my sister’s basement forever, playing with my nephews every night, working every day, and never really living my life beyond that.” It was time for another hair move. Julie decided to count them.
“So then I met you, and you were interested in art and birth and baking and kids and all kinds of stuff. You have real passions, and you know what you want out of life. And you are fascinating, and kind, and beautiful, and sexy, and I have been in love with you since that night at my sister’s place, when you were dancing and singing with Jameson.”
Julie tried to speak and he shook his head. “Please let me just finish in one shot, or I’ll never be able to.”
Julie clasped her hands between her knees and leaned forward.
“So,” he began again. “How could I not want to have kids with this amazing woman I’d met, who helped me realize one of my passions was playing with and taking care of little kids? When it’s so obvious to anyone who knows her that she’d be the best mom in the world? I couldn’t, right?”
He paused just long enough to take a sip of water. He really did now look like he was laying out a case for a jury.
“The problem is, this amazing woman, who would make an amazing mom, has reason to be afraid of what might happen. We have your sister, abandoned while pregnant with her fifth child, unable to realistically support her family by herself. We have your ex, Derek, a guy you had trusted to be a supportive husband and father, who instead ran off after getting some random side chick pregnant.
“So I have a theory. I’ve had a lot of hours to spend alone to think about it, and this is what I came up with. Maybe, just maybe, this amazing woman actually would like to have babies someday, but doesn’t want to have them in a way that makes her vulnerable. And maybe, just maybe, this amazing woman would start spending time with me again if I drew up a plan. So here it is.” He reached into the folder, withdrew several sheets of paper and handed them to her.
Julie looked at the paper. “This is all very engineer-like,” she said.
“Well, that’s how I think.”
The paper was entitled, “A life plan for Nick and Julie.” She raised her eyebrows but kept reading.
“1. Nick and Julie will resume dating, with zero pressure put on Julie by Nick about moving in.
2. Living together will happen only when/if Julie decides she’s ready.
3. Nick and Julie will make a joint decision about what kinds of reliable birth control they will use, to be as sure as possible that no unintended pregnancy will occur.
4. Nick will completely support Julie as she pursues her education. Nick agrees there will be no efforts made to have a baby until/unless Julie has reached the point in her career that she feels she can comfortably take a maternity leave.
5. Should Nick and Julie have a child, Nick will provide at least 50 percent of the childcare, not including childbirth and breastfeeding. (Haha.)
6. Any time that Julie spends not working, due to pregnancy, maternity leave, etc. will be compensated. Nick promises to deposit money into Julie’s personal retirement account at a rate to be agreed upon before conception, but enough money that he
r long-term financial security will not be harmed by her time outside the workplace.
7. Should Julie agree to marry Nick at some point, they will sign a legally binding prenup that will spell out the support and care of any children they may have.”
Julie finished reading it and read it again. Then she was silent.
“I know it’s kind of silly,” Nick said. “And I know that some of it should be written up by an attorney.” He seemed to feel a need to fill up all the empty silence. “And maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think you’d really and truly be happy never having babies. You’re so good with them. I think you just didn’t see a way to be sure you wouldn’t end up in a bad situation.” He paused. “Tell me this isn’t stupid.”
Julie looked at him. He did the hair thing for about the fourth time. At some point she’d forgotten to keep track.
“You fell in love with me that first night when we were dancing? Really?”
“Really,” he said. “How could I not have?”
Julie placed the paper back on the coffee table. Nick was just standing there, looking at her with longing in his eyes, and Julie realized he was waiting to find out if she planned to break his heart.
She stood up and walked over to him. She had no words. So she just put her arms around him and gave him a hug, which he immediately returned.
“You know, if we do have a baby someday, it’s probably gonna have red hair,” she murmured into his chest. “Just so you know.”
“I don’t care if our babies have green hair. I just want to have them with you,” he said.
Julie laughed. “It means a lot to me that you really put some thought into this, and really tried to see why I might want to forego motherhood. You’re right, I do enjoy babies and little kids. But you’re also right that I never want to have a man take advantage of that vulnerability a woman has when she becomes a mother. That’s not a position I’m willing to ever be in. Ever.”
“With me, you never will be.” And then he kissed her, and everything else dropped away. He led her to the bedroom.
Perfect Fit (Small-Town Secrets-Fairview Series Book 4) Page 19
