Jonas was going to fucking kill me, resuscitate me and then kill me all over again just to prove his point.
I knew I hadn’t fucked her and I’d kept my dick in my pants, but really, that was just semantics. I was fairly sure getting her off was considered blurring the lines.
I dressed in silence.
She dressed in silence.
I drove for another five hours without saying a word to her. I was suffering quietly and seething with regret at letting another brother down.
Rebecca never even attempted conversation.
When we made it to the next car rental stop, I bit the guy’s head off while she calmly moved from one car to the other, carrying most of our stuff like she was unaffected by it all. When I checked us into our motel for the night, she followed closely behind, calm as you please. The new room was a twin bed, and seeing that made things a little easier. Well, maybe not for her. I was still acting like my tongue had been cut out of my head. Fuck knew what she thought about my moody temperament. I was too far gone to consider it, but I had to do something to bring the awkwardness round.
“Fancy going out for a bit of dinner?” I asked bravely, fully expecting her to tell me to go fuck myself.
“Whatever you want,” she replied sullenly, which was exactly what I deserved.
“Can we just move past the near drowning and… the afternoon, okay?”
“Whatever you want.” It wasn’t what I wanted. She’d been begging for more earlier and my body was crying out for her, too, yet my conscience was intervening, telling me I’d barely averted a near disaster. An epic complication that I’d struggle to overturn.
I didn’t want to go too far for dinner and there was a Wendy’s across from the motel. That meant I could see the car, the reception and our room door from it. Once again, Rebecca took my lead, letting me make all the decisions. The odd thing was when I was with a woman I liked being in charge, the alpha male, but this was one step beyond. This was like having a lapdog with a broken spirit, someone with no free will or opinion, and it was boring. I seated us in a booth. I chose the drinks and I ordered our food. I might as well have brought a plastic doll out for some fresh air. “Look, I’m sorry about earlier and my reaction.”
Rebecca’s eyes sparked with the tiniest bit of interest then. I was talking and more importantly, talking about before.
The waitress delivered our drinks and I continued. “Things got out of hand. I reacted badly and got stuck in my own head.”
I watched as she started to rub cold condensation from the side of her glass with her thumb, “It’s a dumb saying, but it takes two to tango. I didn’t force myself on you and you could have shut it down sooner. All I wanted was an explanation, not to be treated like some whore who duped you and led you astray.”
“I’ve apologized for that.”
“I’m really grateful you got me away from Mansion, rescued me and all that. I don’t even know your full name. I thought we felt the same attraction as each other, but I was mistaken. If you want me gone, say so. I’ve gone it alone before and I can do it again, so grow up and stop giving me the silent treatment just because you regret how this job is turning out. Tell me what I owe you and we can go our separate ways.”
It definitely would be easier to retreat into my own head again now, but was she fucking shitting me?
She thought I didn’t feel the same attraction? That was the most backward asshole comment she’d made, or so I thought, until she suggested paying me and then skipping off into the distance. The waitress brought our food and she tucked in, acting like it was my decision. Whereas my appetite had upped and left, and I didn’t feel like eating anymore. I was out of my depth here and just trying to be sensitive. I needed to work out the best operating model for the rest of our road trip so we could make it work for the rest of time we were together.
“Firstly, you’re going nowhere on your own. We’ve come this far and we’ll see it through. Secondly, I haven’t asked for money so don’t insult me by suggesting you can pay me and walk away. We got off on the wrong foot, our partnership escalated quickly and I didn’t even realize that I hadn’t given you my full name. It’s Jake Griggs. What else would you like to know?”
I picked up my cutlery and started to pick at my food as she pondered this. “Where are you from?”
“Hawkstown.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-six.”
“What’s your family like?”
“Close.”
“You see?” She dropped her fork in frustration. “Factual and pointed answers, there’s no real conversation, Jake. You just answer my questions. You know everything about me and I get the bare minimum. Why is this so fucking hard?” She continued to sit back and glare at me.
I knew why this was so hard, but admitting it, even to myself, was nuts.
“I have two brothers and a sister. I was adopted at the age of two with my brother. Jonas, my older brother, is the guy on the other end of the phone, instructing me, keeping us safe. I love my parents deeply. I don’t have a girlfriend and I don’t think I ever have. You see, I’ve been a wild boy, a bit of a rollercoaster, and this right here is hard because I’ve never done it before.”
“Done what? Chatted with a girl?”
“Yes, exactly that. I don’t meet girls, save them and get to know them or have any kind of relationship with them.” She looked back at me confused. “I don’t usually give a fuck about feelings or whether they’re safe or how their hair smells. I rate them. I check their suitability for me to pick them up and use them for a night. I do just enough damage control so that if I want to go back and fuck her again, she feels like she’s won the lottery. I’m not a nice guy, Rebecca. I only say what’s necessary to get them on their backs with their legs spread.” Rebecca stopped chewing and reached for her drink. “So yeah, I got lost in my own head because you’re changing my rules. You’re messing with my head and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t know if I was more scared of you nearly drowning or of what I felt afterwards when I got to make you come. Is that enough detail for you?”
“You’ve never had a girlfriend?”
Of all the things in that spewed speech she could have focused on, she picked that? Clearly it wasn’t just me who was nuts here. “Never,” I confirmed.
“Well I’ve never had a boyfriend.”
“I also promised my brother I’d keep my dick in my pants. He knows me too well.”
She burst out laughing at that, easing the tension, and picked up her fork. “Well, you’ve keep that promise… so far. Thank you for sharing that with me.”
Our dinner carried on and she seemed keen to keep our conversation going, now she’d opened me up. We talked about nonsense stuff, but it helped after my crazy outburst. I’d never been that honest before and I’d never had any reason to doubt or question the way I’d lived my life until now.
“I reckon we’ve got another day of travelling before we hit Rockton if we stick to fuel and bathroom stops only. No Lake Placid gator swimming.” Her face paled at the subject of my teasing and this time it was me who burst out laughing. “Guess we found your pet hate.”
“Gators are not pets. They are dinosaurs, aberrations from the past and should be extinct.”
I was still laughing when I realized the error I’d made in my little outburst. “I lied earlier. I do have this with another female—my best friend, Lacey.”
Rebecca looked at me curiously. “You don’t have girlfriends but your bestie is a girl?”
“Yeah, she’s a lot like you. Bad start in life, made better by meeting some good people when fate intervened, and now she’s just this amazing normal person. A regular, functioning member of society.” I laughed at my own description. At the end of our dinner, I settled the check and waited for Rebecca to follow me, although this was a different kind of follow, not the submissive kind.
“All some of us dream about is becoming regular, functioning members of so
ciety.”
“You’ll get there, I promise, Rebecca.”
We walked back to our motel room and things didn’t feel so awkward anymore. I wasn’t so bothered by the twin beds. They didn’t feel like a safety net I needed to keep me in check anymore. We’d reached an understanding. Things had got out of control and needed to be put back on the level so we could see this through. I didn’t feel uncomfortable showering and then walking from the bathroom in just my boxers, and Rebecca didn’t seem bothered when it was her turn either.
“Night, Jake.
“Night, Rebecca.”
I was content with how easy it felt between us. It was dark outside so when I plunged us into complete darkness after switching the lights out, I heard nothing but Rebecca plumping her bed pillows to get settled. The silence was blissful and it gave me some time to think about where the fuck my life was really going.
“Jake?”
“Yeah…”
“I think you’d make a great boyfriend,” she whispered.
“I don’t think I know how. I focus on the wrong elements of a woman”
Rebecca chuckled. “I don’t think your future girlfriends will complain about your past areas of concentration.” I had to laugh with her, hoping she was right. “And if she does complain then she’s not the right girl for you. Everyone has a past,” she whispered regretfully.
“Night, Rebecca.”
Rebecca
Today were we due to finally make it to Rockton. In all honesty I was over the nomadic lifestyle and praying that things would settle down so we could get ourselves together and breathe for a little while. Road tripping was no fun unless it was in a Winnebago and featured regular beaches, fantastic bikinis, cocktails and mind blowing sex.
I still couldn’t believe that someone would go to all this trouble for a dancer. I mean, find another girl and move on, Mansion!
With less than one hundred and fifty miles to go, I started to get mixed feelings. I needed some answers and I was desperate for them, but I was scared that this would be the end for Jake and me. If his job was to deliver me safely then he’d nearly seen it through, and the prospect of never seeing him again didn’t sit well with me. It made my insides ache and my heart stumble with anxiety.
Did I believe that Jake had never had a girlfriend? I actually did.
But I could imagine what he was leaving in his wake—a trail of broken hearted women left reeling from spending a night with him and secretly hoping for more. For every part of him.
When he’d touched me yesterday it felt like a bomb had gone off in my body and I knew that was nothing to do with my lengthy dry spell. It was all Jake. He was gifted. He’d mastered his craft and I wanted more because he’d only shown me a sneak preview. If he’d spent time with a woman and given her his body and soul then they’d be banging on the doors and queuing up for more. If he really decided to let himself go and get involved emotionally, they’d be done for and all that animalistic attraction would be just too much to pass by. Jake didn’t see his own self worth for some reason, and the thought that this was over and I wasn’t going to be the one to show it to him, or help him discover it, made me close to breathless in a panic.
When we finally entered Rockton after a quiet last leg of the journey, we were both surprised at the beauty of the place. It was like a little throwback town nestled in the bottom of a valley, surrounded by beautiful countryside and one huge, intimidating mountain. From up there I knew you’d be able to see for miles. I was getting nervous about seeing Ross again. The last time we’d seen each other I was writhing on his lap in a very small thong, hating everything about my life. I should have been in high school not oiling up my limbs and trying to persuade old, influential men to touch me. Fate had intervened when Ross had accepted that dance and I owed him everything. I could feel myself getting emotional at just the thought. How do you ever repay the person who saved you from something like that?
Jake was following his brother’s directions and the instruction was to head to the local police station and meet Ross there. When we pulled up, all my emotions and uncertainties came rushing forward and seemed to intensify as I watched Jake started to climb out of the car.
“Wait! I don’t even know what happens when we go in there, but if I don’t see you again. I can’t… I… Fuck. Thank you.” I could feel my eyes getting teary.
“Come on, Rebecca. Let’s get this over with. I’m going nowhere.” Jake sounded so sure that it was enough for my anxiety to recede a little, and I rejoiced at hearing those words until he continued talking. “Until I’m absolutely positive you’re safe.” The instant deflation in my heart, at the very real possibility that Jake and I would part ways, made tears prick at the back of my eyes again. I had to take some calming deep breaths before I climbed out and joined him.
When we entered the station, a disinterested woman was sitting behind a desk under an ‘Enquiries’ sign. She was reading a tabloid magazine and blowing cool air through blood red lips across a mug of coffee. “Hi, we’re here to see Ross Wilkes,” Jake told her politely.
“Boss man is out, sugar plum,” she replied in a husky voice.
“Can you call him?”
“Boss man will be back when he’s back. That’s how the system works here. You can either park that fine ass down and keep me company or wait across the road in the diner.” I watched as she winked at Jake and completely ignored me.
This was potentially the last time Jake and I would be together so there was no way I was sharing him. We couldn’t talk with this woman drooling over him and she had ‘nosy’ written all over her. “We’ll be at the diner,” I decided, ignoring Jake’s puzzled look and walking out.
“I’m sure I’ll see you later, hunk-o-matic,” she purred. In a bizarre moment of bitchiness, I felt jealous that the fat, old desk clerk got to openly flirt with him while I had to pretend we’d had our moment and it had passed. My emotions were too tightly strung to pull that one off and I was worried about what I might do if I had to watch her eyeball him.
“What was that all about?”
“Look, the diner.” I ignored his question and tried to move around him.
“You’re jealous.” He giggled, stopping my progress and calling me out on my shit.
“I am not!”
“Whatever.” He laughed silently, making the right decision not to put my bitchiness to the test.
The diner was cute and predictable with the diner class system in full swing. A homely woman served apple pie to lonely looking guys and there were bucket loads of moms with lots of kids who seemed to be running riot. Having no idea how long we’d have to wait, I chose a booth for us and got prepared for Ross’s arrival.
After an hour of numerous coffee refills and inane chatter, with a little bit of people watching thrown in to release the boredom, I heard Jake whisper, “What the fucking fuck?” I was busy eavesdropping on the two mothers at the table next to me and when I looked back at him, his face was white.
“Why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?”
“Because I have.”
I followed his line of sight to see he was staring madly at a beautiful woman bouncing a toddler on her hip. She was laughing with an old guy who came in from the back kitchen. The woman had a small boy at her side, kicking the counter in frustration until the homely old woman snuck him a popsicle.
“Where’s the baby?” the old guy asked.
“At home with Sam,” she told him in reply. I still hadn’t seen her from the front yet, but before long, Jake was moving through the tables in her direction. I watched as he put his hand on her shoulder and she jumped at his touch.
When she turned around, it was my turn to go all funny.
“I thought you were dead,” Jake said directly to her and then her face color matched mine.
I recognized her face immediately. Her beautiful, wavy chocolate brown curls and olive skin were perfect. Her figure was a little different; she was more athletic than the girl
in the ‘missing daughter’ posters I’d seen.
But the eyes, the eyes were the giveaway. Looking back at me were the eyes of Guiseppi Acerbi, the man who’d controlled me and forced me to work off a debt I wasn’t responsible for in the most terrible way.
I clutched at my stomach and started to gulp for air. I thought I was going to puke all over the floor—scary, gut emptying, panic induced vomiting. Why was she here?
Both Jake and the Acerbi princess had noticed my change in demeanor, and they both reached forward to help stabilize me. That was the last thing I wanted from either of them. I felt betrayed.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” I shouted, causing the customer activity in the diner to stall and all eyes to look at the commotion I was causing.
“Please don’t cause a scene,” she asked politely. “Not in front of my kids. I remember you.” She turned to Jake. “You’re Jonas’s brother. What are you doing here?”
“That’s a fine fucking question from a dead person,” he countered.
I looked at Jake, suddenly seeing the truth. He knew who she was. He was part of it. I’d run from the Acerbis once and the one guy I trusted to have my back had delivered me straight to them. I felt my heart crumbling in pain. This couldn’t be happening.
“Oh my God.” I started to cry and shake, backing away from them both. My hands were blurring as I held them up to ward them off and I wasn’t sure whether they were just shaking that violently or distorted by my tears.
“Rebecca, what’s wrong? Where are you going?” he asked confused, following me.
“I trusted you,” I whispered as I kept retreating towards the door. My only goal now was to escape, start again and never trust another living soul. “I trusted you,” I repeated through my tears, trying to make him understand just how much I was hurting. “And you delivered me to them.” I finally pivoted on the balls of my feet, knowing I was in reach of the door, and ran smack into the chest of a man who was as big and solid as a brick wall.
Alive Page 8
