by Niranjan K
Alistair huffed out a laugh, and caught him round the middle and kissed him. When they broke the kiss, they were in their bedroom. Since when had he started thinking of this as their bedroom? He started undoing the bandages, hissing slightly at the pain.
“He bit you.” Alistair said. Was that anger or worry? It sounded like both.
“Almost tore my arm off,” Ray opened a cabinet.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Nah, it's all under control.”
He took out the bottle of rose and wolfsbane water, and dabbed it over his upper arm. The wound closed, the skin knit together, and only a small scar remained.
“Is this how it's going to be?” Alistair asked. “Is this how it’s with you every time?”
“I'm a hunter,” Ray replied. “You know that. You know what our lives are like. This is,” He made a hand gesture. “This is pretty much the norm. Why do you even ask?”
Alistair shook his head. “It's not the same when it's you.”
“Alistair-”
“I know,” Alistair murmured. “I'm not... I won't stop you, Ray, but you can’t ask me not to worry.”
Ray kissed him, almost desperately, his hands unbuttoning Alistair's shirt. Alistair pulled off Ray’s t-shirt, shedding his own shirt. Ray pushed Alistair slightly away with one hand, while his other hand undid the clasp of the chain around his neck, on which hung the sharp-ended, wooden crucifix which he had donned for the evening. The chain slithered to the floor, and the wood clattered on it. Ray pulled Alistair to him again.
“We don't want any accidents, do we?” he whispered, his voice husky as he kissed him again, and Alistair nearly crushed him against the wall and Ray's capacity to think was lost.
“I didn't expect us to make it to the bed.” he said later.
“I've more self-control than you.” Alistair grinned.
“I should've known you'd claim credit.” Ray chuckled.
“Ray,” Alistair's voice was quiet. “What are we doing?”
“I know what I'm doing,” Ray said equally quietly, his eyes on Alistair's. “But I can't speak for you.”
“What are you doing?”
“Being in love with you,” Ray said, still quietly, “As I've been since I was sixteen.”
Alistair's hand moved over a tiny scar on Ray's neck. “I gave you this when I turned you.”
Ray's breath caught at the expression on Alistair's face and he took the hand and kissed his palm. “I love you.” he said.
There wasn't anything else he could say, though it seemed so inadequate to describe what he felt every time he looked at Alistair.
Alistair smiled playfully. “So, will you make an honest man out of me?”
Ray drew a sharp breath. “Are you proposing to me?”
“I'm old fashioned.”
But Ray could sense his nervousness despite his smile.
Ray kissed him, grinning. “Yes!” He laughed. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
He would need to tell Mom. Oh heavens! She would probably kill him. He should have told her earlier, at least given her an inkling. As it was, it would be completely out of the blue. He would need to tell his siblings too.
“What?” Alistair asked, amusement curling his lips.
“I've no fucking idea how to tell my family.”
“Can't help you there.” He smiled at him. “But I can hold your hand when you do.”
Ray buried his face in Alistair's neck and kissed him. “I'm not going to think of it tonight.”
“Good plan.” Alistair said.
“How's Jon doing?”
“The drug wore off. I think he's asleep now.”
“Happens,” Ray said. “Let's hope Magnus gets me the details of Todd tomorrow. We need to come up with a way to find and capture him.”
Alistair kissed him.
Chapter Forty-One
Alistair stayed awake long after Ray had fallen asleep. It had shaken him, seeing Ray hurt and smelling of blood. It wasn't that he didn't know how dangerous being a vampire hunter was, nor that he doubted Ray's capabilities. It was just that there was a part of him that wouldn't listen to logic and reacted on a very primal level where Ray was concerned. He had to keep that part in check, and hope that the next time he wouldn't panic.
How many times had he accompanied Ned on a hunt, and seen him hurt? And his father before that, and his before that? It was different with Ray. Everything was different with Ray. Ray was the most important thing in his life right now, and he wasn't certain he would be able to deal with losing him.
You're going to anyway. He's human, remember?
It was true, and perhaps he would get used to it in time, but not right now. Losing Ray was one thing, losing him on a hunt unexpectedly was another. He was prepared to lose Ray eventually, some day after he got to watch him grow old. After sharing endless sunsets and sunrises, someday, he would be ready to let go, but not now.
He opened the bond and sought Aiden, because he needed someone to talk to, and Jon had problems of his own.
What? Aiden asked.
I proposed and he said yes.
You should be happy, not freaking out.
He got hurt in a hunt today, and... I've never been more scared in my life... I can't lose him, Aiden!
You're overreacting. They always get hurt during hunts. They're human, Alistair, and they're hunting something supernatural. They're bound to get hurt. It's like children falling down while learning to walk. I bet he hasn't been out in the field in a while. Just give him time.
Alistair sighed. Aiden was right of course. Thank you. You always know the right thing to say.
Also, congratulations.
Don't tell Daphne or anyone else. Ray wants to do it.
My lips are sealed. How is the hunt going?
Not good. Jon's here. He lost one of his fledgelings.
Oh god! How is he?
As well as can be expected. Turned out the Vampire isn't killing humans. It's killing fledglings with B positive blood. Jon’s fledgeling was one of its victims.
I have a fledgeling with B Positive blood, but she isn't in Surgron. Think she'll be safe?
I think she may be. Just warn her, to be on the safe side.
Why is the council not doing anything?
He killed his sire. Long story. He gave Aiden a glimpse into the memory of their conversation with Magnus.
Your Ray is a good hunter. I don't think you need to worry about him.
Can't help it.
I get that. Still telling you that you've nothing to worry about.
There was movement from Jon's room.
I need to go. Alistair said. Looks like Jon's awake.
Take care of him. I'd come if I could. In the middle of moving, and Jess is not fully acclimated here.
That's all right. I've got this.
He hoped so anyway. Aiden was the only one Jon hadn't managed to completely alienate. Probably why Aiden offered to come. But he had his own things to deal with, and Jon was his brother, his responsibility.
He got out of bed, and Ray asked drowsily, “Where are you going?”
“Jon's awake. I have to check on him.”
But Ray was already asleep, tired out from the day's exertions probably. He tiptoed to the door, and opened it carefully, stepping out and closing it equally cautiously. He went to Jon's room.
“Jon?” He knocked softly. “Are you awake?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
Jon sounded listless.
“May I come in?” he asked.
“Sure.”
Alistair opened the door and went inside, going to the bed and climbing in beside Jon and holding him.
“You and Haspel are fucking.” Jon observed after a moment's silence.
“I love him.” Alistair said.
“What about him?”
“He loves me.” Alistair said. “We're going to be married.”
Jon stared at him, before shrugging. “Marrying a Haspel is
n't the best idea.”
“We love each other.”
“And it's none of my business.” Jon muttered. “Just say it, Alistair. Don't keep it in because of what happened.”
“I'm sorry for your loss, Jon.” Alistair said softly. “But my marrying Ray is none of your fucking business. And it is not going to stop me from being there for you, either. Satisfied?”
Jon chuckled. “You think this is about my insecurities? It isn't. I just… I don't want you to get hurt... You mourned Seiden for two centuries, if not more. Ray... He... He's not Seiden.”
“I know exactly who he is.” Alistair kept his anger in check, but it wasn't easy. Why did Jon have to make everything so difficult?
“I don't mean anything disparaging by that.” Jon said sighing. “Seiden was one of us and yet she died. Ray is human.”
“Now you're playing with my insecurities,” Alistair said with a laugh, though it wasn't quite steady.
“I don't want you to get hurt.” Jon said softly. “It's not like I don't remember how it was when he turned human... This... It's going to be worse when you do eventually lose him. You may think you're ready, but you never are.”
“Speaking from experience?” He teased because there was nothing he could say. His words hit too close to home.
Jon scoffed. “What would I know about being in love?”
“I don't know. You do seem to understand loss.” Jon was silent and Alistair cursed himself for his own stupidity. “I'm sorry. That was cruel and insensitive.”
“Don't worry about it.” Jon said after a moment, but his voice sounded brittle.
“Aiden said he would have come if he could.”
“I'm sure,” Jon said drily. “How goes his wooing?”
“Not too good; he seems ready to give up.”
“Till he moves on, he wouldn't have given up.”
“I guess.”
“Alistair?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you for being here.”
“I'll always be here.” He promised.
Chapter Forty-Two
When he woke, Alistair was with him, warm and comfortable.
“Good morning,” he mumbled without opening his eyes. “When did you get back?”
“Hm?”
“You said you were going to check in on Jon.” Ray cracked open an eye.
He was still drowsy. The hunt had been more draining than he had realised. Besides, the wounds might have been healed, but there was no reversing the effects of blood loss.
“Just before dawn. I told him about us, and Aiden too.”
Ray grinned. “You're freaking out.”
It should not have made him so gleeful, but it did. That it wasn't just him, that the centuries old immortal vampire was going through the same thing made it seem so normal somehow.
“You seem surprisingly happy about it.” Alistair said, smiling, “And I'm not freaking out. I'm just... I've never done this before.”
That made Ray open both his eyes wide, his sleepiness disappearing in an instant. “Never? Not once in what? 870 years?”
Alistair shook his head, looking as if he was surprised at his own words, as if it was sinking in just now that he was doing something he had never done before, that there were things he had never done.
“No. Not as a human, not as a vampire.”
“Wow!” Ray murmured. “That's... I always assumed I can't be the first,”
“The first what?”
“The first human you've been in love with.” Ray clarified. That had always seemed a given. How could Alistair have lived all these centuries without falling in love at least a few times? “Or the first you've asked to marry you.”
“You're both.” Alistair said. “There was someone once, but she was not human.”
“What happened?” Ray asked softly, his eyes lingering on Alistair's face.
A shadow of pain crossed his face. “She died.” he said. “It was back on earth. In the days before the treaty. We thought we were invincible, that we could do anything, that humans were dirt beneath our feet... The hunters were just beginning their existence and we didn't think they were a threat.” He gave Ray a small smile, swiftly gone. “They were dark times, Ray, and we were different. Seiden was killed, as were a lot of us. Looking back, we probably deserved it for all that we did, but... it didn't seem so at the time.”
“You went for revenge.” Ray guessed.
Alistair nodded, looking up at the ceiling. “It didn't go well for us, to be frank. It was... For the first time, we realised humans weren't as weak as we'd thought them to be, nor we as omnipotent as we'd assumed ourselves to be.”
“I'm sorry about Seiden.” Ray said softly, and Alistair smiled at him.
“It took me a long time to get over her, I won't lie. At the time it didn't seem I could ever love again. But that was centuries ago.”
“But you didn't fall in love again.” Ray was troubled, though he couldn't understand why. Why would it matter Alistair had no real loves between Seiden and him? Wasn't it strange to wish he had fallen in love at least a few times since Seiden and before him?
“No,” Alistair said. “Not till you. Ray, I love you. I didn't ask you to marry me out of an impulse. I don't deny I'm nervous, but I have no doubts or second thoughts.”
A knot of tension in his chest loosened, and till that moment Ray hadn't even known it was there. “Good,” he leaned over to brush his lips lightly over Alistair's. “Because I'm definitely holding you to that proposal.”
Alistair laughed and pulled him in for a proper kiss, morning breath and all. “So, what are your plans today?”
“Call Mom and the rest of the family, and Jerry. Get your books unpacked. Call Magnus and ask if they had reached a decision. But I’ve not decided on the order of doing those things.”
“I'll make coffee and breakfast, and we can finish the books. Then we call your family, Jerry and finally Magnus. The council doesn't work very fast.”
“Fair enough,” he said.
Jon was absent during breakfast. Alistair said he asked to be left alone for a while. “It sort of comes in phases,” he said, as he tipped eggs on to Ray's plate. “Sometimes we just want to be alone, and at other times, we can't have enough people around us. It's perfectly natural.”
Tackling Alistair's box of books was more fun than Ray thought it'd be. He had a lot of books Ray hadn't read, and a lot that Ray loved. He hadn't had anyone to discuss books with since he left home and he loved that Alistair and he agreed on books as fiercely as they disagreed.
“Wetwork.” he said, coming to the last of the pile. “You've the whole series?”
“Why do you sound surprised?” Alistair asked, taking the books from him one by one and putting them in the shelf.
“All first editions too.” Ray said, taking one from the shelf again, his hand moving lovingly over the spine.
“It had a rather unique take on vampires.” Alistair said.
Ray agreed. “You know what I loved most about it?” he asked. “That it was so plausible. I mean, we are still only beginning to explore beyond our galaxy. What if there's a planet out there with vampires who are like that?”
Alistair had an arrested expression on his face as he said. “I never thought of it that way. It is scary in a way.”
“Let's hope we never run into them.” Ray handed the book to Alistair who put it with the rest.
Nothing else to it now. He needed to call Mom and face the music. He hoped she wouldn't mind since it was Alistair, but she would still be upset he had kept it from her.
“Time to call Mom,” he said. “I think I want do this alone.”
Alistair rose, squeezed his shoulder and said, “I'll go see if Jon's ready for company.”
Ray was grateful to be left alone. He picked up the phone, took a few deep breaths and dialled the familiar number.
Chapter Forty-Three
Jon was lying on his back, looking at the ceiling. Alistair lay
down next to him, not saying anything. If his brother wanted to talk, he would. If he wanted him to leave, he would say that.
“Is your boyfriend close to finding the bastard who killed Hamilton?” Jon asked, eyes still on the ceiling.
Alistair hesitated. What could he say? He didn't want to upset Jon, but he didn't want to lie or comfort him with platitudes. “I think so,” he said finally. If Magnus came through, they would find Todd.
“Good,” Jon said, in the same colourless tone. “Do you know why Hamilton chose to be a vampire?”
“Tell me.” Alistair said.
“He was sick. A rare congenital disease. They didn't diagnose till it was too late. He didn't tell Adam. They were talking of starting a family. Of adopting a child. And then he was diagnosed. He prayed. Except, there is no god and I happened to be around.”
“I'm sorry.” Alistair said.
It wasn't enough. Losing a fledgling took something from a vampire. He hadn't exaggerated when he equated it to ripping out the still beating heart from his chest. He could only imagine the pain Jon was in.
“I wasn't kind to him.” Jon said abruptly. “I mocked him for still believing in god, for thinking I was some miracle, for wanting to have a normal life, for loving his husband, for everything he was, and yet, he was so grateful. So damn fucking grateful!” Jon's voice rose and he let out a scream, a sound an animal would make when it was in pain, and not just any pain, the pain from a mortal wound. “I didn't even like him,” Jon whispered. “Then why does it hurt so much? I didn't even like him!”
Alistair took Jon's hand in his. “I'm sorry.” he said.
In time, the pain would pass, but they would never regain what they had lost. It was as if they put something of themselves into every fledgling, and they lost that with the fledgling. If they were to lose too many, would they ultimately lose themselves? Or was this pain something they felt only when the bond was strong?
“I felt it.” Jon whispered. “The pain. What he felt. His death.” It was unimaginable. Even in the photos, it had looked as if it would be agonising. To experience that... “I rushed to his side as soon as I was able, but...” He heaved a breath. “It was debilitating... What he felt... I couldn't even turn it off...”
