by Theresa Papa
“I’m so very happy Tony has wonderful parents like you and your husband … It’s not that I’m jealous, you know. Sometimes it just hurts in here.” I put my palm on my chest over my heart. “When I witness what parents are supposed to act like and compared that to what I experienced, I feel cheated.”
Lucia’s eyes are wet, too. She turns her body toward the lake, breaking eye contact.
“Lizzie, as you would guess, I already know about your father, but what about your mother? What is she like? That’s only if you want to talk to me about her.”
I turn in my seat to face the water like Lucia and begin my story.
“From my earliest memories, my aunt Fiorella always took care of me. I acted as though she was my mother, and my cousins Nico and Jaxson were my brothers until I was five years old. After my mother gave birth to me, I’ve been told that she had postpartum depression. My aunt saw that I was neglected and took over my care without my mother ever missing me. My parents traveled out of the country most of the time, living as if I didn’t exist.”
“What happened when you turned five?”
Tears form in my eyes again, and a sob escapes my throat. I can’t seem to control it. Lucia takes my hand into her warm one to comfort me. I swallow the lump in my throat and continue.
“That is when my aunt Fiorella was diagnosed with cancer, and she passed away shortly after. Uncle Charles wanted me to stay with him and my cousins. And since you said you knew all about my father, you can guess why he made him give me back.”
I could see her nod her head slowly beside me. She interlocks her fingers in her lap. I continue with my history even though the only other person I told these details to was Dr. Baxter.
“After being separated from my cousins, who were like brothers to me, I cried a lot. Even though we lived only blocks away, I was too young to go to their house on my own. I was lonely and starved for the love I was used to from my aunt, uncle, Nico, and Jaxson. All my needs were now taken care of by servants. Until one day, my father brought home a friend of his with his daughter, Amanda Harrington. She and I were the same age and would attend school together in the fall. In the meantime, we became friends and played together—sometimes at her house, sometimes at mine. Her father gave me presents and lots of attention, the attention he knew I was starved for. Once he knew that he gained my trust, the sexual abuse began. He would say to us that it was time for him to drive me home, but he would take me to another part of his house that was private. He told me if I behaved, he would always let me play with Amanda. But if I was bad and didn’t obey him by doing as I was told and keeping his secret, he would take her far away.
“My mother was always indifferent toward me, always to say and do the bare minimum when it came to my care, so I got used to doing things for myself. When it came to school functions, many times my uncle would be there for me. My cousins and I went to the same school. Neither of my parents ever deemed it important enough for their time. They were always too wrapped up in each other, their friends, or whatever new item they purchased.
“When I turned six, the visits to Amanda’s house left me feeling dirty. I was old enough to know something was wrong with what he was doing to me. One day, I told my mother I didn’t want to go there, but she refused to have Amanda come to our house and upset the schedule. I begged, cried, and pleaded with her to no avail while she was getting dressed in her bedroom.”
I wipe a stray tear from my cheek and take a deep breath before continuing.
That day, Irene Pope, the socialite she considered herself, wore a pale pink pants suit with a silk scarf and high-heeled shoes. She had strawberry blond, perfectly fixed hair and chestnut brown eyes, but her heart was black. She never made eye contact with me, even in the mirror while sitting at her makeup table to apply a final coat of lip-gloss. I remember my reflection as I stood behind her with swollen, tear-stained eyes, I wondered what I did to deserve a mother like her. The way she interacted with Amanda’s father when we arrived at their house told me she knew what he did to me and didn’t care. She pulled me out of the back seat and even ordered me to listen to Mr. Harrington.’’ That was the day I was convinced my own mother hated me. My emotions and my well-being were never of any importance to her. I know now that she condoned the abuse and just allowed my father to make his deals with his friends. As long as he kept her in the state of luxury she was used to and dripping in diamonds.”
By the time I get to this point in my story, my voice seems automaton. The hurt and pain is numb inside me again. The only part that always remains is the anger, just below the surface. That is what my quest to get revenge on Richard Harrington will wipe away. If I ever get the chance to make my mother pay, it will be the cherry on the proverbial sundae.” After my pause to let the noise of a loud motorboat pass on the choppy lake, I continue.
“As I got older, I became more difficult for them to control. I found out through hypnosis from Dr. Baxter, my psychologist, that Amanda and I were drugged to comply. I lost chunks of time out of my day when I couldn’t remember what happened. When I was older, they switched to only nights, and I would wake in my bed in the morning. But I never felt rested. I had headaches all day and would fall asleep in class at school. When I got my first menstrual period, the blackouts stopped for a while. They must have been afraid of the ramifications of discovery by an unwanted pregnancy. When I was fourteen, my mother took me to the doctor, and from then on, I was on a daily medication. Later, I realized it was a birth control pill. As you might guess, the blackouts began again, and the headaches were back, but I still didn’t figure it out.
“High school was difficult. When boys would call, my father and mother would forbid me to see any of them. I became depressed and angry, and my grades suffered, but they didn’t care. Finally, when I could drive, I was clever enough to use Nico and Jaxson to get out of the house. That’s how Tony and I met.” I look left at Lucia and smile.
“I remember when he first talked to me about you. His face lit up like never before. It still does.” Her voice is a soft murmur as if she remembers it fondly.
When Lucia talks of her son’s affection for me, my cheeks warm. I wish I could confess my love for him, but I cannot. The wind picks up and blows my hair; I push the tendrils from my face as I look out at the lake again.
“Even with the help of my cousins, Tony and I hardly spent any time together. Then he went away to school and … well, you know the rest of that story.
“When I was nineteen and finally away from them at college, I took my health into my own hands and decided to see a doctor on my own. My body felt strange, and when I explained my headaches, sleepiness, occasional blackouts, and lethargy, he ordered a plethora of tests ultimately to find out the horrible truth. I didn’t confront anyone at first; I was at a loss because my memory was gone. I never went to live back at home after that. Nico recommended Dr. Baxter, who, finally with a year of hypnosis treatment, pulled me through to where I now can remember most of the sordid details. By the time I had the final breakthrough, I was twenty. It was the same day I confronted my father in his office. He killed himself in front of me.”
Lucia puts her hand over mine and seeks eye contact once again.
“I’m so sorry, Elizabeth. I had heard about the trial and never believed you were guilty.” She puts her arms around me in a motherly hug, and it comforts me. “The day you were acquitted, I was just as relieved as Anthony. You have never been far from his thoughts all these years. He still has strong feelings for you, I’m sure you realize.” She releases me and straightens to see my reaction. I fail to conceal the tears that threaten and the pain on my face. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? You don’t have feelings for him anymore? I can’t believe all the heat I’ve seen in the past twenty-four hours between you two is nothing.”
I get up from the bench; I’m an asshole for having to break this wonderful woman’s heart. What do I say to make her believe me? I cannot bring myself to lie to h
er, so I say nothing for a long while. Then the words come to me.
“Lucia, there has and always will be a special place in my heart for Anthony. But when it comes to a relationship, I’m afraid the timing has never been right. We are always at different places dealing with obstacles in our lives that isolate us from each other.” My head is down as I shake it back and forth and take a deep breath, happy that explanation is over. But Tony’s mom isn’t so easily fooled. She gets up to walk over to the edge of the pier where I now stand under the gray clouds and whispers in my ear.
“Bullshit!”
My chin drops to my chest, and the tears come again. Lucia places her palm on my back to comfort me once more. I abruptly move away, and through my anguished tears, I tell her the truth.
“To be perfectly honest, I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as your son! I’m damaged goods! My life has been a reality horror movie. Anthony should have the perfect girl who comes from a traditional Italian family like yours and give his children a wonderful mother who can rely on her own mother as a great example. He should have a girl who is free of self-doubt, mental baggage, and anger issues.” My arms are up, palms out, as I look up at the sky. “I am not that girl!”
“Again, my answer is bullshit! My son knows what he wants, and I believe it’s you!”
I shake my head at this surprising conversation and take a deep breath.
“He hardly knows me anymore! He’s still in love with the memory of me, the person I was before I discovered how disgusting my childhood was. I also think he has a white knight complex that keeps him convinced he can save me somehow. But I’m here to tell you honestly, even if I could ever be redeemed, no one could ever save me from myself. Not even wonderful, angelic Anthony.”
Lucia sits back down on the bench and motions for me to come back and sit next to her again. This time, we sit facing each other, and her expression is serious as she holds my gaze with her own.
“I can see that I’m going to have to speak to you like a mother here. Please listen to me carefully, my dear. From this day forward, you and I are entering into a bond together. This bond has nothing to do with anyone else or the fact that I believe that one day you will be my daughter-in-law. But even if that shall never come to pass, this bond between us will always remain and always be strong. From now on in our hearts, we are mother and daughter, and I vow to treat you as my own child no matter what happens. You are no longer a motherless child because this mother loves you unconditionally.” She points at herself and places her palm on her heart. “Now that we’ve established that I’m your adopted mother, it’s time I do my job and tell you like it is, so listen up. What happened to you as a child is never ever to be construed as being your fault or a stain on your character. You were an innocent child victimized in the cruelest and vilest way a parent could devise. Maybe you do need to work on the self-doubt and try to let go of the anger for your own mental health, but one day, you will be an awesome mother to amazing children. When you need advice, I’m the mother you can rely on. I’ll be your example. And yes, even if those children have none of my son’s blood in their veins, they will still be special to me because they are yours.”
Tears spill down my face. Would she really love my child even if her son was not the father? I really have never sensed so much love from anyone. I hug her tightly and sob uncontrollably.
Chapter 15
Anthony Dragonetti
The time away from Liz is spent making sure that I am on top of all the details of the game. Charles and I converse several times a day about the players and their whereabouts. Also, I check in with my head of security to make sure the house and the grounds are sufficiently covered with men.
From my dad’s office, I can hear when my mom and Liz get back from their talk. I can see my mom has worked her usual magic, and Liz looks happy again. We finish in the kitchen, and I reach over gently with my fingers to unfasten the Velcro at her nape. She grins up at me almost adoringly, which makes me want to kiss her. Instead, I ask, “You want to go in the pool?”
“Yeah, that sounds great! I’ll change and meet you out there.”
Liz heads upstairs to put on her bathing suit that we bought at the store in town. And I go out to the pool house to change into mine. By the time I emerge, the pool lights already glow, and darkness has enveloped the yard. My attention is on a selection of music on my phone when I feel her presence behind me.
“I ran into a couple of guards on my way down here. I wanted to thank you for keeping me safe. I can almost totally relax knowing you have my back.”
I look back at her over my shoulder.
“I’ll always have your back, no matter what happens.”
“Thanks,” she replies, placing a hand on my shoulder. The warmth feels like home.
“You’ve kept in perfect physical shape all these years, Tony. I bet there’s no shortage of women falling all over you since you broke up with Susan. Why did you end your relationship with her, anyway?”
I can’t help but smirk at her interest in other women. She should only know how many times I’ve messed up a relationship due to my unrelenting deep love for her. But I fake a serious expression before I turn toward her. She looks as sexy as ever in a short terry robe over her bikini, her toenails painted blood red on her bare little feet. She has pulled her hair up onto the top of her head in some messy concoction that makes her look sexy as hell, accentuating the length of her neck. The sight of her makes me deaf and dumb momentarily.
“Um, what?” I mutter.
She crosses her arms over her chest.
“Where were you, off in outer space somewhere? I asked why you and Susan broke up,” she repeats the question, unfortunately.
I busy myself as I put towels on the chairs and answer her question without having to look her in the eye.
“Susan and I decided we weren’t compatible enough to continue a relationship.” I didn’t want to tell Liz the truth that I only started a relationship with Susan to try to forget about her.
“Oh, that’s too bad,” Liz says while she pouts and shrugs her shoulders. “I guess it wasn’t meant to be,” she sings as she disappears into the pool house. When she returns, it’s with another awkward question. Her robe is now open, the belt hangs down, and her arms are free now to swing at her sides. She walks up close to me.
“I’ve never seen her. Did Susan have a nice body?” She then looks up at me and smiles.
She’s trying to rattle me, I can tell by the mischievous look in her eyes. And she almost succeeds especially when I had my mental vacation a moment ago, but now I’m on to her little game here.
“Susan had an awesome body. She’s tight in all the right places and soft in all the others,” I answer with a fake, lustful look. It worked cause her face drops a little, and she tries to turn away from me to hide it. I don’t let her move an inch before I grab both her wrists behind her back and wind the belt from her robe around them. Her breasts are pressed against my torso so hard that they bubble out of the bikini top. She plays so tough, looking me in the eye, never backing down. All I want to do is kiss her senseless, but instead, I tell her I know what she’s doing.
“You want us to argue so it keeps us from getting close again, don’t you? But I can tell when I call your bluff and talk positively about Susan, you get jealous!”
She lifts her chin even higher in defiance and shakes her head to deny my accusation. But her chest heaves, her face flushes, she licks her lips, and she’s not fighting to get free. I can’t remember anything sexier than Liz like this in my arms right now. We look into each other’s eyes for what seems like days, neither of us willing to be the first to turn away.
“Wow, Tony, it seems your ego is as big as your biceps!” Liz finally breaks the spell.
She shocks me right out of my aroused carnal thoughts, instigating a spontaneous reaction where I pick her up off the ground, throw her fireman style over my shoulder, and jump into the
deep end of the pool. When I come up for air, Liz is nowhere to be found above the water ...
“Oh my God! She’s still tied up!” I scream to an empty backyard. When I dive back under the water, she’s within arm’s reach, and I pull her up immediately. My hands grip her upper arms, and she spits water in my face.
“You idiot!” Liz sputters.
“I’m so sorry, Liz. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
I quickly untie her hands, and she grabs the side of the pool. I have to make sure she knows I would never do anything to purposely put her in danger. I am an idiot!
“Liz, are you all right? You had me so crazy with the jealousy game first, and then I can’t think straight when you’re in my arms. You looked so sexy tied up and pressed against me, I was momentarily insane,” I exclaim.
Her face is turned the other way, but her head bobs up and down. She hasn’t said anything until she turns to face me, laughing hysterically at my concern for her.
“I could tell what was coming and prepared myself with a huge deep breath before you jumped in, silly. I was just about to propel myself with my feet off the bottom, but you grabbed me before I got there.”
She pushes my shoulder with her palm.
“You perv, you’re such a guy! All hot and bothered over a girl in a bikini tied up!”
Then she lowers her voice to a seductive pitch. “Do you get off on the kinky stuff, Tony? When I worked at Club Beta, I saw plenty. Maybe you would enjoy learning some new things?”
That picture in my mind takes the wind out of my sails immediately. I never want to think about what Liz had to do with other men at the club. Whether she had sex with them is irrelevant; the thought of any other man’s hands on her makes me sick to my stomach. I run my fingers through my hair and slick it back as I decide to participate in her game. She’s still testing me to see how far I will go.
