by Grivante
The Zee Brothers: Zombie Exterminators Vol.3
Halloween Holocaust
Grivante
Edited by
Jack Appell
Cover Design by
Dean Samed
Copyright © 2018 Grivante Press
All rights reserved.
ISBN:1-62676-031-4
ISBN-13:978-1-62676-031-8
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission of the publisher.
Visit us online at www.grivantepress.com
Contents
Introduction
Part I - Burt B' Gone
Part II - The Zee Brothers
Part III - Prank Call Boogie
Part IV - Great Balls of Fire
Part V - Stripper Socks
Part VI - Panty Party
Part VII - Squidilicious
Part VIII - Crawlspace Reunion
Part IX - A Man Amongst the Dead
Part X - Zombie Fowl
Part XI - Xian-Do
Part XII - Of Mustaches & Merkhins
Part XIII - Pop Culture Armageddon
Part XIV - The Cat's Meow
Part XV - The Four Teletubbies of the Apocalypse
Part XVI - Cocaine Zombies
Part XVII - Burt No More
Part XVIII - The Quiet Aftermath
Part XIX - Everybody's Got Secrets
Part XX - Driving Miss JJ
Afterword
About the Author
The Zee Brothers Merch!
Check out Frostbite!
Want More Zombies?
There are a few of you fans that have really gone above and beyond to show your love and support. Thank you!
Introduction
Welcome to The Zee Brothers: Zombie Exterminators!
If you’re just joining us, get ready for a wild ride! Here’s what you need to know.
Jonah is a dominating, gruff, classical music loving badass, that calls the shots and keeps them coming.
Judas is a gun slinging, rock music loving goofball, that is a little slow to learn but always has his big brother’s back. Together, they are The Zee Brothers.
In their first adventure, Curse of the Zombie Omelet, they met the woman of their dreams, hot and sassy JJ, along with her magical dog, Xanadu. Her dog has both the mysterious ability to slow time, in a weird disco music filled interlude sort of way and the uncanny ability to poop diamonds.
With their new friends help, the brothers put to rest an ancient curse that threatened to spark the zombie apocalypse. Their truck, Sasha, was totalled in the process, but they did end up with a new pet, Larry, the toothless zombie.
In their second full-adventure, Zombie School Lockdown, the brothers become trapped inside a school with a toxic group of students and staff. Jonah and Judas were weaponless and had to improvise to survive. With the help of another new friend, Nantucket, a shy geeky student, they bring an explosive end to the outbreak.
Investigating the outbreak’s toxic source, the brothers stumble across a tanker of toxic chemicals, uncovered by a farmer. The tanker bears the mark of a company they used to work for, The Nitsau Corporation…
Part I - Burt B' Gone
8:03PM
Knock! Knock!
Tom Peterson lowered the volume on his television and smiled at his daughters. The two of them sat side-by-side on the couch, still wearing near-identical Dora the Explorer costumes and comparing their Halloween goodies.
“I’ll trade you my chocolate bar for your Sweet-Tarts,” Mckenzie said to her younger sibling as their father got up from his seat.
“Nu-uh!” Patricia lifted her bag to the other side of the couch.
Tom picked up his candy dish and opened the door, ready to shut things down after this final batch of trick-or-treaters. On his porch, he didn’t find the kids in cute costumes he expected, but two large men in suits. One with a tie, the other with a sports coat and black t-shirt.
“Hello, Sir,” the man on the left said as he thrust a brochure into Tom’s hand. “We’re here to talk about Jesus.”
Tom scrunched his face and glanced at the pamphlet which showed Jesus holding his hands out, a pile of candy in them. Tom shook his head.
“Sorry, guys, but we’re not interested.” He handed the brochure back.
Neither of the men took it. Instead, the man to the right held up a basket containing bright green candy in a style of package Tom had never seen. “We’re reverse trick-or-treating.”
“Reverse trick-or-treating? Tom asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Yes,” the man answered. “We bring treats to you.”
Tom shook his head again. “Look, guys, my daughters got plenty of candy already, plus,” he held up the dish in his hand, “we still have all this. Let’s just call it a night, shall we?”
The men grinned at each other, shrugged, and stepped to the side, creating an opening. Behind them, a tall thin woman with long, wavy black hair waited. She wore a knee-length white lab coat and, until she stepped into the light, Tom thought she looked quite attractive.
“I guess it’ll be a trick then,” the woman said as she rushed forward, knocking the dish from his hands and tackling him to the floor. “Trick-or-treat, what kind of tasty brains do you have for me to eat?” The woman’s face was a Jeckyll and Hyde combination; one side smooth and beautiful, the other a disfigured mask of exposed muscle with her right eye clouded over amidst the mangled flesh.
The two young girls on the couch screamed as the woman tore their father's ear from his face.
Burt, yes that Burt, heard a cry outside and got up to look out his front window. A group of teenagers ran along the sidewalk giggling and laughing. He shook his head. “Them were the days.” He watched the noisy kids disappear down the street. 1
On his neighbor’s porch stood three adults in costumes. Two guys in suits and... what is that woman wearing? She looks like a slutty Snow White.
From what he could see in the dim light of Mr. & Mrs. Simmon’s house, she wore heels, nylons and a long white coat that came to a stop just above her knees.
“A bit old for trick-or-treating,” Burt muttered. “Teenagers.”
His eyes drifted to the street where, at the corner, a van sat parked. Its dark boxy shape made it stand out as it wasn’t a vehicle normally parked there. He moved on, lots of parents followed their kids around in cars these days.
Movement from his neighbor's porch grabbed his attention. He no longer saw the woman, and the two men were entering the house.
“Oh,” Burt grimaced as he turned away. Even worse than teenage trick-or-treaters, missionaries.
He heard a faint cry, more a shriek really, followed by voices yelling, and made his way to the slider at the back of the house. It opened into a small backyard, fenced along the back with waist-high chain link. Behind that, stood an open field that all the houses surrounded. It included a shared pagoda for family picnics and a kids playground that remained perpetually under construction. More than one house hustled and bustled with lights, music, and adults partying in their costumes, but no one seemed to be screaming, at least, not any longer. Halloween. You couldn’t trust your eyes or your ears, it was just as bad as April Fool's Day.
He cracked the door open, listening for a minute to the thump of music, faint voices, and laughter from the partiers, nothing out of the ordinary. He stepped back and looked at his reflection in the glass. Dark circles ringed the eyes on his gaunt face. He let out a sigh. How many Halloweens or even holidays did he h
ave left to enjoy, he wondered. He shook his head and walked away from the slider, leaving it open a few inches.
He wandered back to the front and glanced outside, seeing a few groups of bigger kids walking door to door on the opposite side of the street. Most houses were going dark for the night, including his next-door neighbors, he noticed. Wonder where the two men and slutty Snow White had gone. He shrugged. As long as they don’t come knocking here.
By the front door lay a mostly empty bowl of candy. He shut off the porch light and clicked the lock. “That’s enough for this year.”
He wheezed as he walked back to his stained and ripped recliner. Beside the chair sat a small side table with a lamp, its shade lopsided. A large laptop computer and a dozen pill bottles sat near the lamp. With the pills was a bright blue bag of Burt’s favorite, Mighty Menthol Cough Drops. He reached in and grabbed one before plopping into his chair. He unwrapped it and tossed the wrapper over his shoulder to join the dozens already behind the recliner before placing his computer on his lap.
“Now where was I?”
Paused on the screen before him was an animated movie involving tentacles and a naked woman. He clicked play.
“No! Stop!” The woman cried out as the purple tentacles slithered across her flesh, encircling her. The suction cups grasped at her skin, pulling her arms and legs away from her body, yet the creature itself remained unseen.
Knock! Knock!
Knuckles rapped on his front door and Burt jumped in his seat. He smacked the pause button and glared. “Damn kids. The light’s off,” he muttered, waiting a moment before hitting play again. “They’ll go away.”
The woman on the screen fought the beast, tugging her bound wrists, trying to break free. The tentacled monster yanked each of her limbs, pulling them taut until it had her spread-eagled. One lone tentacle roamed her naked flesh, making its way down her chest, over her navel and —
Knock! Knock!
Burt hit pause again and clenched on the cough drop, crushing it to pieces in his mouth. “Dagnammit!” He tossed the laptop onto the side table, knocking the pill bottles over and scattering them like bowling pins. He slammed the footrest down and then pushed himself up with both arms.
At the door, he grumbled about greedy children, but picked up the candy bowl and flipped on the light. He undid the lock before gazing through the peephole to decide how grumpy to be.
Only it wasn’t kids. It was two rather large men in dark suits. Who the hell are they supposed to be? Secret Service? Agents of Shield? Behind them, he could make out the vague shape of the woman he’d seen earlier from the side. Her face was— “Whoa!” he whispered to himself. “That’s some impressive makeup.”
Red dripped from the woman's face looking like a freshly painted mask still glistening wet. Her right eye was clouded in a sunken and mottled cheek. Blackish-red lines ran down her neck and over the heft of her breast.
Burt’s eyes stopped at her cleavage. “What's her costume... A slutty zombie princess?”
Then she spoke, muffled though it was through the door. “We don’t have all night. Don’t bother with the candy this time, just push in when it opens." The woman’s cloudy eye stared straight ahead, her mouth gnashing up and down in a chewing motion.
“What the fuck?” Burt’s hand fell away from the door handle, his heart racing. He set the bowl on the table next to it and peered back out the peephole.
“Try the handle,” the grisly woman spoke.
Burt’s stomach dropped and his hand shot out, grabbing the knob as it turned.
“Oh crap!” He slammed his small body against the door, grasping for the lock as the handle twisted in his grip. He clicked it over, and the knob shook but didn’t turn. He stared ahead, panting.
“It’s locked,” the man said.
“Fine,” the woman said. “Let's get to the next one. It's time the real party got started around here.”
Burt watched, heart pounding in his chest, as the trio stepped away from his porch, walked down the sidewalk and went to the neighbor’s house next door. He crept over to his side window, peering out.
These neighbors were an older retired couple who loved the holiday and it showed. Giant spiders clung to the outside of their home, inflatable ghouls and ghosts lined the yard, bobbing back and forth. When the men knocked on the door, it opened a moment later.
Burt continued watching through the window, which looked directly into his neighbor’s house. The couple stood together in their own costumes, Minnie and Mickey Mouse, holding a large bowl of full-size candy bars. “Trick-or-treat!” they yelled with big welcoming grins.
The men stepped aside and Burt could hear the woman on the porch speaking, “It’s a trick for you, but a treat for me.” She rushed into the room, knocking the old lady to the floor sending the bowl of candy flying into the air; pieces shot everywhere like a grenade exploding.
There were shouts and cries from his neighbor, Bob, but the men stepped into the house and grabbed him, holding him in place while his wife screamed.
Burt’s mouth hung open. He couldn’t see everything, but he had seen enough. He backed away from the window, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet. With shaking fingers, he fumbled through the cards lodged there until he found the one he needed.
1 Learn more about Burt in the free short story, “Pests B’ Gone” get it for free at myBook.to/pestsbgone
Part II - The Zee Brothers
Bzzzz!
The Zee Brothers’ phone lay in the kitchen quietly vibrating. Jonah and Judas sat side by side on the couch mashing buttons on their game controllers. Half drunk beers lay on the table before them next to a smoldering joint in an ashtray.
“Get him, Judas!” Jonah shouted.
“I’m trying, bro! There’s too damn many and I can’t find where the ammo drop is. I’m out!”
Jonah’s head bobbed and weaved, responding to the action on the screen. "C'mon!" He slammed buttons on his controller, grimaced, and set it down, exchanging it for his beer. “I’m out unless you can come revive me.”
Judas jammed the stick on his controller, his body twisting, beads of sweat running from underneath the brim of his backward hat. “C’mon,” he grit his teeth, exhaling a loud sigh. “Damn!”
On the screen, a horde of undead monsters tackled his character before fading to black. Blood-red letters appeared, dripping the words, ‘You Died!’.
Judas picked up his own beer. “That was a good one. I don’t think we’ve made it that far before. We only had a hundred and seven miles to go to Lakota! I thought for sure we’d make it back to the Peterbilt.”
“We would’ve made it further if that damn boss hadn't spawned right behind me. I wasn’t ready for him.”
“No, me either. I—"
Knock! Knock!
They glanced at each other.
“Did you order another pizza?” Jonah asked, raising an eyebrow.
“No. Though I could totally eat another one,” Judas laughed.
Jonah chuckled. “Me too. Go answer it and I’ll grab the phone and order one up. Pepperoni, jalapeños, and extra sauce?”
“Can we get double jalapeños?”
Jonah downed the rest of his beer and headed for the kitchen. “Abso-lutely!”
“I hope it’s not more trick-or-treaters. We shoulda closed the gate when we got home.”
“Then how would the pizza guy get in?”
“Hmm, good point.” Judas stood up and dusted crumbs off his shirt before walking to the main door of their converted garage.
Jonah glanced at the screen on his phone.
‘5 New Voicemails’
He shook his head and muttered under his breath. “Frickin Halloween pranksters.”
At the door, Judas paused a moment, the thought of a spicy pizza making his mouth water, which always kicked in his cravings for nicotine. He grabbed a mint out of his pocket and swung the door open.
What he saw there made him cry out and
stumble back, tripping over Pots, their grey and white cat.
“Ahh!”
He slammed into the floor as the feline took off, disappearing behind the couch.
Jonah tossed his phone down mid-dial and came running. “What is it, bro?” He stopped short when he found Judas, pale-faced and scurrying away from the open door like a backward crab. Jonah’s eyes swept up the entry.
Wearing red sneakers, white bobby socks, a short black and red cheerleading skirt, and a matching skin-tight half-top with the letters ZX monogrammed across the front, stood a gore-covered, zombie-eyed JJ.
“Wh-what?” Judas panted from the floor.
Jonah’s hand reached for the usually present form of Brutus but swished through empty space just as JJ started laughing and apologizing.
She stepped inside and squatted in front of Judas, reaching out a hand. “I’m sorry, sugar. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s only make-up!” She looked him in the eyes and gave her best, ‘you can’t be mad at someone this cute’ smile. With the professionally done zombie make-up she wore, it didn’t work.
Pots reappeared from behind the couch and ran over to twirl himself around JJ’s leg. Pans lay on the back of the couch watching the scene with typical feline indifference.
“JJ,” Judas shook his head, “you scared me half to death.”
Her face softened and she took his hand. “Sorry, sugar. A friend of mine is a make-up artist and did it for me. And uh, I came by to see if you two would like to go to a Halloween party with me? I even have a costume for Larry.” She grinned and raised her eyes at him. “We’re gonna be Craig and Arianna, the cheerleading duo from Saturday Night Live!”
