by Grivante
“See,” she shot Jonah her biggest, pleading smile. “Please?”
He glowered, not looking at her, but staring at the bound, gagged and leashed Larry. “He’s like a fetish nightmare.”
“Hey, don’t kink-shame,” JJ giggled.
Jonah stared at her, smiling and shaking his head. This woman! “You drive me crazy, you know that?”
Her grin widened. “Does that mean he can come?” She bounced on her toes in anticipation.
“Where is he supposed to ride?”
“Well, we can’t all fit in one car with your equipment anyway, so we’ll just put him in the rear seat of my Charger until it’s safe for him to get out. Oh—,” She spun back to the table, grabbed something and thrust it at Judas. “Here!” She held out the magic 8-ball shifter they’d rescued from the wreckage of their beloved truck Sasha. "I know you're saving this for when Sasha gets back from her makeover, but maybe it'll help!"
The color drained from Judas’s face.
“Aww, nervous, Sugar?”
“Mhm,” Judas said, swallowing hard and looking down.
JJ stepped in close, cocking her head to the side and gazing up at him. “You got this! Your driver’s test will be a piece of cake” She shook the 8-ball and studied the window. It displayed the result, ‘Cannot predict now’.
“Well, harumph!” she leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. “I believe in you! Plus, Larry and I will be there to cheer you on! Won’t we, Larry?”
“Mrggh,” Larry drooled.
Jonah let out a snort and picked up one of the weapon bags off the floor. “C’mon, let’s go.”
In the Prius, Judas glared at the factory installed gearshift. “There’s no way to swap it out.”
“Nope. We’ll just have to hang on to it until Sasha comes back from repairs.”
“I can’t wait to see her!”
“Me too!”
“It’s too bad we couldn’t have mounted DeeDee to the Prius, she might come in handy.”
Jonah chuckled. “Ha! Yes, it would. I don’t know if this poor little car could handle it though.”
“Well,” Judas held the 8-ball. “I’m still gonna keep this nearby. I need all the help I can get when I take my test in the morning.”
He set the ball in one of the cup holders between the seats, not noticing as the window revealed the message, ‘Yes - definitely.’
Judas pushed start on the car and then turned to Jonah. “Wait. Where are we going? Burt didn’t leave an address.”
“No, he didn’t,” Jonah nodded. “He gave us an intersection though. We’ll have to start there and if it’s not obvious where things are happening, we’ll go door to door.”
Judas pointed at the clock which displayed six minutes after nine. “It’ll be a bit late for knocking on people’s doors.”
Jonah shrugged and sipped from his water bottle. “We’ll figure it out when we get there.”
An eight-foot high concrete block wall surrounded the old garage they'd converted into a home, with a chain-link gate on an automated roller at the southwest corner. The prior owner had taken security in this neighborhood seriously. They pulled out of the parking lot and through the gate. Judas looked in the rearview mirror to find JJ close on their rear. He clicked the button that sent the fence rattling shut.
“Damn, she sure looks good in that skimpy cheerleading outfit.”
Jonah nodded. “She certainly does. It’s the one part of Halloween I still enjoy. The costumes women wear! Though she could’ve done without the zombie makeup.”
“Yeah, she damn near gave me a heart attack!”
Jonah’s phone beeped and he glanced at the screen.
‘1 New Message from Red Hot Mama’
Judas looked over, eyebrows raising. “Who’s Red Hot Mama?”
“I don’t know.” Jonah rubbed the palm of his hand on his forehead then swiped the screen to read the message. “It’s JJ. She must’ve changed her name in the contacts when she took my phone in the bathroom.”
“What’s it say?”
“Check your photos! And then it has a devil-horned smiley face.” Jonah’s brow wrinkled as he stared at his phone. “What is she up to?” he muttered.
He clicked to the photos app and waited for it to load as they turned onto the road that led to the highway.
“Holy crap!” Jonah gasped, then smiled and laughed.
“What is it, Jonah?” Judas raised his eyebrows in excitement.
“She took a photo when she was in the bathroom.”
Judas’s eyes widened. “She snapped a selfie in the bathroom? What kind of selfie? Was she naked?” He reached for the phone before Jonah could answer, turning the steering wheel in the process.
“Hey!” Jonah shouted, smacking his brother’s hand away and shoving the steering wheel to point them back on the road. “Eyes ahead, you’re driving!”
Judas’s foot slipped off the gas and he hit the brake in frustration. The car rocked, tossing them both forward.
“Are you trying to get us killed?”
Judas pulled to a stop at an intersection. “No. I’m sorry. I just wanted to see the picture.” He stared at Jonah expectantly. “We’re stopped. Can I see it now?”
Jonah sighed but turned the screen for his brother. In the photo, JJ had lifted her top, exposing her breasts and cupping them with her left arm to raise them. In her right, she held one of the peanut butter cups to her mouth, smiling as she took a bite.
“Hot damn!” Judas shouted and grabbed for the phone again. Jonah smacked his hand away.
“Dammit, Judas. Drive!” Jonah stabbed a finger at the road.
Judas huffed and reached down to adjust himself in his seat before giving the car gas. “Man, that woman gets me hot. My balls are on fire.”
Without a word, Jonah removed the lid from his water bottle and dumped it in his brother's lap.
Judas slammed on the brakes, stopping the car in the middle of the street. Behind them, they heard JJ screech to a halt. Sputtering, Judas glared at his brother. “Why the hell’d you do that?”
“To keep you from over-heating! Now drive!” Jonah jutted his finger forward at the road. His phone let out a series of beeps and he looked at the notifications.
‘SORRY!’
‘Well, only a little :)’
Part V - Stripper Socks
A young hispanic man stood at the corner as Judas rounded Cheshire St. onto Oklahoma. Two equally young girls, in short skirts and knee-high socks, stood next to him. The man, a boy really, they could see as they grew nearer, stared their car down. He displayed a gold-toothed grin and lifted his ‘Thug Life’ tank top from the waist to reveal the butt of a handgun.
“Is he in a costume?” Judas raised an eyebrow at Jonah.
“I hope so.” Jonah studied the trio closer. “But probably not. This isn’t the best part of town.”
Judas shook his head and drew to a stop underneath a streetlight about halfway down the block. JJ pulled in behind them. She set Xanadu on the ground as she stepped out, taking a moment to tie her pom-poms to his collar, before cinching her thigh holster snug. The handle of her revolver that she lovingly called the Pink Lady stuck out just below the hem of her cheer skirt on her right leg. She joined the brothers at the trunk of the Prius.
“Did you guys see those kids?”
“Yeah,” Judas nodded. “Crazy, huh?”
“Those were costumes right?”
“That’s what I asked,” Judas shrugged.
“One girl had strippers on her socks.” She waited as both of them raised their eyebrows in question. “Yeah, a stripper dancing on a pole. I recognized them cause I saw a pair at the mall last week. I’ve got nothing against strippers, believe me, but that girl didn’t even look to be in her teens. Where the hell are we?”
“Welcome to Southside,” Jonah answered. “This place is known for its crime rate. Before the housing crash in ’08, it was prosperous, but after that most of the homes were reposs
essed and abandoned.” He looked at the more rundown looking houses, noticing that no one was around. “I doubt many of the people living in some of them even have a legal right to be here.”
“Wait. Southside?” JJ checked out the nearest house where a garbage bin was over-flowing onto the driveway. “Isn’t this where they have garbage pickup twice a week to keep them from throwing it in their yards? And the neighboring development tried to get its own zip code so that the crime rate didn’t affect their property values?”
“Yes, and yes,” Jonah nodded, slipping his body armor on to his shoulders.
“And this is where your friend lives?”
“He’s not our friend!” The brothers said in unison, then glanced at each other and laughed.
“He’s just a guy we used to work with.” Jonah pulled out a small set of body armor and held it out to JJ. “You should put this on.”
“No way,” she shook her head and waved her hands up and down her body. “That would mess up my costume.”
“Safety first,” Jonah’s eyes narrowed.
“That’s what I have you two for,” JJ said, then bent and patted Xanadu's head. “And you, too. Stay close, boy. Hey, can I get Larry out?”
“No.” Jonah glowered. “Not until we know what’s going on here.”
JJ stood. “Hrumph.” She stuck out her lip in an exaggerated pout. “How do we even know which house to go to?”
“We don’t.” Jonah looked around the neighborhood, eyeing the various homes. Some had their lights on, some with lights off. Behind the nearest row of houses, they could hear music playing and people laughing. “We’ll go door to door. Ignore the ones with the lights out for now and watch for signs of anything wrong.”
“Hey, Jonah,” Judas’s head swung around.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t see much of anyone other than those kids, no zombies, no trick or treaters. Where do you think everyone’s at?”
“Good question, bro. Some are at that party, but from what Burt described in his message, you’d expect to see some deaders milling about. Let’s keep our eyes open.”
Knock! Knock!
The trio huddled on a tiny concrete pad outside an older single-family home with a rundown convertible in the driveway. Each brother was loaded with weapons and ammo. Judas carrying his shotgun in one hand and the catch pole in the other. Jonah kept his weapons out of sight but had his hand on his belt, ready to reach for Brutus if needed.
A moment after knocking a middle-aged man swung the door open with a yawn. “Look, kids, it's kinda late. We just got home and didn’t buy—” The guy tilted his head, looking them over. “Nice costumes. Let me guess, two rednecks and a cheerleader?”
Jonah bit his lip, face turning crimson.
Behind them, Xanadu let out a soft bark.
The homeowner heard it and peered at him. “Oh, and a dog too, huh? Well, like I said—”
JJ reached into the top of her cheer outfit and produced a small white card. On one side was a pair of lip prints, she flipped it over and handed it to him. He read it aloud.
“Zee Brothers: Zombie Exterminators, Jonah & Judas, Owner Operators, plus JJ.” He stopped there at the handwritten addition and looked up. “Oh, I get it. It’s a theme costume. Like I said—”
“No, Sir, these aren’t costumes.” Jonah, fed up and over his embarrassment at the man’s comments, spoke up with a bite to his voice. “We received a call regarding suspicious activity in the neighborhood. Have you seen anything out of the ordinary?”
The man studied Jonah. “No, but do you realize where you are? This whole place is suspicious activity.”
“Do you happen to know a Burt?” Jonah asked.
The man shook his head. “No.”
“He’s an exterminator,” Jonah added. “Works for a company called Pests B’ Gone.”
“Oh, yeah.” The man nodded. “I’ve seen the truck. He lives three or four houses down that-away.” He pointed to his right.
“Thank you, Sir. That’s all we need for now. Please stay inside. Keep your doors and windows locked.”
The man scrunched his forehead and moved to close the door, looking back and forth between their faces, his own a shade paler. “You're serious?”
“Yes,” JJ answered for them. “If you see something out of sorts, call the number on the card, ok?”
“Sure,” he agreed, eyes drifting back to the card.
They stepped down to the sidewalk and headed in the direction the man had pointed.
“That was cute how you added your name to our card, JJ, and I love where you keep them.” Judas grinned at her. “Great business card holder!”
Jonah grit his teeth.
“Thanks, sugar. I thought it would add to my costume, but for the record—”
There was a loud bang from somewhere behind the houses, causing them to stop in their tracks, scanning their surroundings. When laughter originated from the same direction, Judas chuckled, but Jonah continued to stew. They walked on in silence, listening to the thump of music, Xanadu close on their heels.
JJ studied Jonah. “Are you mad at me or something?”
Jonah gave her a sideways glance but didn’t answer.
They neared a row of three houses with their lights on when JJ stepped in front of Jonah and stopped. “Look, I’m not gonna let you be all Mr. McGrumpyPants. What is it? Are you upset because I included my name on the card or is it because I kept it in my boobs? We’re not gonna have another ‘JJ’s boobs are inappropriate’ conversation, are we? I told you before, I didn’t buy ‘em to hide ‘em!”
Jonah’s face steamed.
Judas grinned. “I think it's hot.” Both Jonah and JJ glared at him. He stepped back and out of the line of fire, bending to pet Xanadu and pretend he was somewhere else.
Jonah bit down, locking his jaw shut, not wanting to say anything, knowing he’d only upset her further.
“Well?” she raised up on her tip toes.
“It’s just, I…” he shook his head. “Boobs are not pockets! Not for business cards, cell phones, money, nothing!”
JJ's eye’s flashed red, nostril’s flaring. “I agree with you, Jonah. Generally, I don’t care for it one bit, either, and even left my phone in the car. But, in this case, it added to my costume and—” she threw her arms over her head and bumped her hip out to the side, displaying her skimpy cheerleading outfit in all its tiny glory, “exactly where else would you suggest I put it?”
His eyes ran up and down her form, stopping at the gun strapped to her thigh, her pink long-barreled .38 Special revolver. She really was the woman of his dreams. “Sorry, it’s a pet peeve of mine and I’m anxious being out on Halloween. It’s got me on edge is all. I—”
JJ interrupted him with a wide grin as she crouched and undid her pom-poms from Xanadu’s collar to do a cheer.
“Yay, Jonah!” she jumped into a low V stance, holding the pom-poms out to her sides, then brought them to her chest before shooting them into a high V above her. “He’s not complaining about my boobs this time!”
Jonah laughed despite himself and both he and Judas enjoyed the show as JJ did a high kick, then waved both pom-poms in the air, giving her chest a wiggle as she did so. “Now let’s go kick some zombie ass!”
Jonah and Judas smiled, laughing.
“You,” Jonah said, “are crazy and perfect.”
“I know, sugar.” She leaned in and placed a kiss on his cheek, leaving behind a faint red lip mark.
They walked up the sidewalk to the first house with its lights on and froze at the window. The family room looked like a bright red Rorschach blot test. Splatters of blood covered the furniture and walls.
On a coffee table near the couch, two pumpkin buckets lay on their sides, their Halloween hauls dumped out and bits of fleshy gore scattered amongst the candy. The form of an adult male with his guts torn open, intestines hanging out and half his face chewed off stumbled into view from behind the curtains. A moment later, the
forms of two small girls paraded by, displaying bloody bite marks with large chunks of flesh missing.
JJ’s hand flew up to cover her mouth as she let out a whimper. “What happened?”
Jonah sighed. “I don’t know, but this isn’t good.”
Judas held out the catch pole. “You want to deal with them now?”
“No.” Jonah shook his head. “They aren’t going anywhere for the time being. Let’s keep trying to find Burt and be on the lookout for any that are roaming loose. Something very bad is happening.”
Part VI - Panty Party
At the next house, they knew they’d found the right place. In a carport that appeared as if it could collapse at any moment, an old battered truck bearing the Pests B’ Gone logo sat in darkness.
Jonah peered in the front window. A solitary lamp sat on a table behind a recliner, illuminating the room. Beside the lamp, prescription bottles and a baggie of Burt’s favorite, Mighty Menthol cough drops, littered the table. Next to the recliner, a laptop sat open on a TV tray. Aside from that, there was an old ratty sofa, a modest dining table with two chairs, and a curio cabinet burdened with action figures and piles of paperwork. At the rear, broken glass covered the floor and a dingy curtain fluttered in the breeze through the remains of the sliding door.
“I can't see anyone,” Jonah reached over and tried the knob but found it locked. “There’s broken glass everywhere and some blood on the floor. The back door is open.”
“Should we knock like we did at Larry’s?”
“No!” Jonah barked at his brother with a glare. “We know something’s going on, let's find a way inside and investigate.” He stepped off the small porch onto the gravel by the window and pressed his palms against it. After a moment of jiggling, it slid up.
