by P. Dangelico
An aftershock hits and we grab each other at the same time. It’s a deep one, which means less violent and short-lived. I drop his hands almost immediately.
“What are we doing?” Aidan asks, suddenly standing next to us in his underwear and flip-flops, a deeply curious look on his face as his attention ping-pongs between me and Shane.
“We’re checking the barn for damage. C’mon, Aidan.”
The Hughes brothers walk inside without waiting for me. As soon as I set one foot in the barn, I hear, “Get your ass out of this barn right now, Blue!”
“I have every right to be in there, too!” I shout. But it falls on deaf ears, the same two sets that are busy staring at the vaulted ceiling. I don’t dare set foot inside. The Colonel has spoken, and for the first time, he sounds like he means it.
Instead, I head to the paddock to check on the smaller animals and Legend, who although is gaining strength and putting on weight by the day, is still nowhere near full-strength.
The animals have settled back down from their earlier freak out. Piglet, one of the mini ponies, still seems a little rattled. He trots over to me immediately while Spice and Raven stand around the middle of the paddock, tail to nose. I pet his neck and scratch his withers to calm him and he pushes up against my hand for more.
“They okay?” the man with the raspy voice asks.
Glancing over my shoulder, I notice he’s standing with his cellphone flashlight pointed at the ground. “They’re okay for now.”
“You want the bad news now or tomorrow?”
My shoulders fall, my soul crying out in defeat. We can’t afford any more big expenses. “Give it to me now. How bad is it?”
“The retaining wall on the south side has a crack in it. It has to be repaired immediately.”
Hazel, out of nowhere, comes trotting up to Shane, braying her little heart out. It’s so dramatic it startles poor little Piglet.
She nuzzles his thigh and trots around him, desperate for his attention.
“I think she likes you, Hughes,” I say, trying my best not to laugh. He grunts and I almost lose that battle. “It wouldn’t kill you to reciprocate. No one will think you’re soft if you pet her.”
His searching eyes slide over to me. “She’s not the first female I’ve disappointed and she won’t be the last.”
I feel sorry for you, I want to say. I keep quiet instead, too tired to try to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. ‘You can’t blame someone for their nature,’ my father’s voice echoes in my head. I should tattoo it on my heart.
His actions betray his words, though. I watch his big hand reach out and rub Hazel’s ear. His face softens into what could be construed as pleasure.
Score tally… Hazel:1 Hughes: 0.
Chapter 13
“First the pickup truck and now the barn. I want to cry,” I tell Mona. It’s getting harder and harder to stay positive.
We stare at the sagging wall on the south side of the barn with heavy hearts.
Mona takes a sip of her coffee from her In My Defense I Was Left Unsupervised mug. “All this can be fixed. Don’t go Blue on me now.” She flashes one of her dimpled grins and it forces a reluctant smile out of me, too.
The roar of trucks approaching has us both turning to see who it is. Two large ones from the local hardware store come ripping down the driveway.
“Did you order anything?” I ask my boss.
“Negative, Smokey.”
“I did,” Shane announces like he won Game of Thrones and he’s now Lord of all the realms. Or something like that. He walks toward the trucks and points them in the direction where they should unload the materials he ordered without telling me. Aidan suddenly appears to offer his assistance.
“Well, well, well. If this isn’t a sight…” The mischief lurking in her periwinkle eyes scares me. “Tell ya what. Darby and I will take care of the animals today. You help the boys fix that barn.”
“But––”
“That peace treaty is fragile between those boys. You want to be the one to ruin it?”
“Seriously? Are you sure you’re not CIA trained? Because it sounds like you’re running a psychological operation on me.”
“Would you look at that. Oh, no…” Glancing over my shoulder, she makes a sad face and shakes her head. “They’re already arguin’.”
I whip around to see what the problem is, and by the time I realize I’ve been had, she’s already half-way back to the house. The woman is diabolical.
While the men unload the timber, the cement, and the rest of the supplies, I place a call to the hardware store manager. Apparently, Shane called them this morning, and voila, supplies got delivered. No debate about times and schedules and being short-staffed. Must be nice to wield that kind of power.
“We need to shore up the retaining wall,” Shane says to Aidan, the two of them inspecting the corner of the barn that’s sagging with complete focus. “Set up some temporary scaffolding while we work.”
“What should I do?”
Both Hughes brothers look at me like I just grew a third tit in the middle of my forehead, semi-interested but mostly horrified.
“Why don’t you go get the tools,” Shane finally says.
Basically, what just happened is that I got a pat on the head and a nudge in the back. I could throw a hissy-fit. I could do that. I’m entitled to it since most of the manual labor here has gotten done for years by yours truly. But why would I?
Lose the battle, win the war.
As long as it benefits the animals, they can sideline me all they want. This repair job would’ve cost double if not triple had I hired a contractor. And I’m already sweating the bill for the materials. I haven’t seen it yet and I’m not looking forward to it.
A few minutes later, I drop the tool box at their feet and step back. I gotta hand it to them, they do not mess around when it comes to construction.
“Blue,” Shane jerks his head in the direction of the table saw, “grab the extension cords and get the table saw set up.”
“Yes, sir,” I mutter and get an unintended glare from him.
The rest of the morning goes something like this:
“Blue, grab a tub to mix the cement.”
“Blue, get us some water.”
“Blue, where’s the nail gun?”
“Blue, Blue, Blue…” I never want to hear my name said out loud again. The Colonel is a bossy pain in the ass. He thrives on ordering people around.
We’re finishing up for the day when Billy rubs up against me. I pet his floppy ear and rub his cute face. He’s been busy with Hazel lately, but unlike human males, the little guy is loyal, has good manners, and always remembers to say hello.
“What are you doing wandering around, little man? You should be in a paddock with your friends and away from the construction.”
While Shane and Aidan cover the equipment and materials we need to continue tomorrow, I decide to walk him back to the small pasture where the rest of his playmates are hanging out.
I’m gone two minutes, two freaking minutes, and I hear, “Fuck you, Shane!”
Have mercy.
I hustle back to discover the brothers facing off; chests puffed out and mouths snapping. As much alike as they are, Aidan is no match for Shane physically. His looks are refined, his body fit from hours at the gym. Probably doing Pilates. Shane’s body is fit and strong from decades of hard labor.
“Like I said before, you already did that. But I’m sure you’ll find another way to fuck me over. I’m not planning on getting married again, so you won’t be fucking any wife of mine anymore. Find some other marriage to wreck.”
I nearly sputter. Fucking my wife… the words go around and around in my head. This explains so much.
Shane’s body is stiff, his face an implacable mask. He wipes his forehead with a red bandana he had hanging out of the back pocket of his cargo shorts.
“Have you ever thought about anyone else’s pain but your own?” A
idan fires back.
“Are you kidding me? All I’ve ever done is think of your pain, your issues, how you were coping––”
“Bullshit! When? When it was too late to matter? What about when the old man was using me as punching bag? Did you give a shit then? No! You were too busy redeploying, trying to get as far away from us as possible!”
I don’t know how this argument started and I don’t like the direction it’s going.
“You think you’re the only one that got shit from him? And what did you want me to do? I couldn’t take you with me. You were a child, Aidan, and I was barely eighteen. I didn’t even know how to defend myself back then. You think wearing your pain on your sleeve makes you interesting? Well, it doesn’t. It makes you look like an immature asshole.”
“And leaving your wife alone to travel the world makes you a self-absorbed prick without a wife.”
Shane is about to punch Aidan when Aidan suddenly yells, “Not the face!” Shane pulls the punch. But just as he does, Aidan nails him in the eye. Shane’s head snaps back and I scream.
“Aidan!” comes flying out of me.
Shane touches his split brow and sees blood. His face goes from burning rage to cold indifference in a blink. Then he charges Aidan who backpedals quickly.
“Hit me anywhere. Just not my face.” Aidan squints awkwardly and I almost end up laughing. Seeing his brother’s expression, Shane stops charging. He exhales tiredly and walks away, headed for the guesthouse.
I look over at Aidan and shake my head. “Really? A cheap shot?”
He shrugs. “He would’ve killed me if I hadn’t.”
No shame whatsoever.
“You two are driving me nuts.”
I find Shane in the back of the guesthouse sitting in one of the two lounge chairs he must’ve bought because they weren’t here when I moved in. He’s holding a glass filled with ice and a brown liquid up against his busted eyebrow.
I remove his hand from the injured brow and tip his chin up so I can get a better look at it. “The good news is you don’t need stitches. The bad news is your pretty face will be bruised for a while.”
Without thinking what I’m doing, I comb my fingers through his hair and push it back off his forehead. His eyes close briefly, fluttering shut. He exhales tiredly and his big hand slides over my waist and squeezes gently. As if he’s testing to see if I’m real.
“What happened?”
“With what?” he near grunts.
“You know what… between you and Aidan,” I remind him and sit on the lounge chair next to his, elbows on my knees facing him.
He sighs. “A tale as old as time.”
“You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to.”
“I was married,” he says abruptly. “Recently divorced.”
I assume we’re talking about the woman I saw him with in town. The woman who cheated with Aidan. The thrill I feel at hearing he’s divorced is really shameful. There are a thousand scenarios where this ends badly for me, but I jump way ahead nonetheless and pretend there’s a happy ending at the bottom of this tattered, make-believe rainbow.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him and I am. I’m sorry to see any marriage fail because someone always walks away hurt. The cheating would make Shane the one hurting. Reading how he feels about it is another story altogether, however. It’s impossible. Shane is so adept at looking detached. I’m afraid to find out whether it’s an act or he trained himself to be this way.
“No need to be sorry. Nobody died.”
“No. But divorce is hard…”
He cuts a look my way, searching my face. “You really want to hear this?”
I nod.
“My brother slept with my wife.” He takes a sip of his drink and stares into the distance. It’s magic hour again, but there’s very little magic happening now.
What I want to know is how this could’ve happened between two brothers who love each other? Because they do. I know them well enough now to say that with absolute certainty.
He sighs. “I met my ex-wife on the set of one of Aidan’s movies. I was just out of the service and…” He glances over at me again. “I thought it was time, I guess. So we got married. Once my series sold, the publisher sent me out on tour almost immediately.”
His series was everywhere on social media. I remember it well. It was on every bookstagrammer’s radar. Every magazine entertainment section speculated when it would be turned into a TV series.
“Kaya was working all the time so my travels weren’t an issue then.” He stares at the bottom of the almost-empty drinking glass, his brow wrinkling in deep thought.
The pause makes my heart pump twice as hard. There’s pain in these memories for him; I can feel it radiating off of him. It just occurred to me that he could still be in love with her.
“I saw you with her,” I admit. I don’t know why, other than it feels wrong to keep anything from him. He’s my friend and friendship should be based on truth and trust.
“You did?”
I nod. “At the restaurant in town. You were having dinner.”
His brows climb up his forehead. He nods. “The day we signed the divorce papers.”
Which explains why she was crying. Except now I know she’s a cheater. That she’s the one who hurt him. “She looked upset.”
“She didn’t want a divorce.”
The admission makes my stomach churn. The tone in which he says it makes me want to cry. I knew this wasn’t going to end well for me, and still, I persisted. Maybe I am just like my father, destined to choose the wrong man over and over. I can’t trust myself anymore. “So what happened?” I press. Because clearly I have a sadistic streak a mile wide.
“I was away a lot. She and Aidan ended up spending time together. One thing led to another… We weren’t doing well and neither of us tried to fix it.”
Do you love her still? Has she broken your heart for good? Questions I am dying to ask and can’t. End me now because I don’t think I can bear it if the answers are yes and yes.
Instead, I ask, “And Aidan?”
“That hurt.”
“I think he regrets it, Shane. Actually––I know he regrets it. That night I found him drunk in the water tub he said as much.”
He nods, having come to the same conclusion on his own. “One of the reasons he’s here doing time now,” he explains, “is guilt.”
“Hey,” we both hear. We glance over and watch Aidan approach. His demeanor one of a person who knows they messed up and fixing it isn’t going to be easy. I try to stand but Shane slams a hand on my thigh and grips the muscle firmly. Our eyes connect and he shakes his head.
I guess I’m staying.
“I, uh, I want to apologize,” Aidan says, his eyes aimed at the few feet of grass between us. He stuffs his hands into the front pockets of his cargo shorts. “I should’ve done this a year ago, but I never know how to talk to you… You’re always looking at me like I’m on the verge of fucking up…”
“I do not––” I squeeze Shane’s knee and he stops.
“Yes, you do, Shane. You’ve been doing it for so long you can’t even see it… What I did with Kaya is unforgivable. I know it. I know it is,” he repeats, voice fading. “I just… this is gonna sound weird but… it wasn’t Kaya I was thinking about.”
“Stop, Aidan. I know why you did it. The same reason you got into the car accident. Like every other time you got yourself into trouble… So when does it end? When do you stop trying to get my attention? Because I’m here… in case you haven’t noticed.”
Aidan’s eyes well up with tears and so do mine. Biting my lip, I wipe them away.
“You’re my brother. I’ll always be here for you, Aid.” Shane’s deep rasp reverberates over my skin, the heartfelt sentiment reaches into my bones and warms me from the inside out. “You know I love you,” Shane says with zero hesitation. He stands and walks to his baby brother, arms wide open. Aidan walks into them and hides his face against Shane�
�s shoulder. They hug, wrapping thick, muscled arms around each other. A few loud back slaps follow. Before they break apart, I slip away.
No matter how much they fight, they will always have each other. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Someone to fight with that I know won’t walk away. Someone to love that loves me back unconditionally. Maybe it took Shane and Aidan to show me what I really want and what I really need are two different things. Maybe it’s time I do things differently if I want a different outcome.
To that end, I take all my feelings for Shane, a litany of them in varying degrees, and tuck them away on a shelf marked forbidden things. It’s hard, but I manage.
For the next two days, all three of us work diligently to fix the barn. And I’m grateful to them. Immensely grateful; I really am. This was not part of the deal. This was not their responsibility. And yet they’re putting everything they’ve got into doing a great job. Two men who have the means to hire an army for their own purposes are working hard to help the rescues.
I sent Jules a few short videos and pictures of Aidan and she loved them. Not as much as the ones with the ponies because she said those had a ‘cuteness factor of ten,’ but she didn’t call me a fuck up. Which loosely translated means I’m off her naughty list.
The even better news is that Aidan’s PR campaign is working and he’s getting more and more good press lately. Directors and producers are calling to offer him parts again and that makes me happy for him.
Staring in the mirror, I think I like what I see. I haven’t gone out, in a social sense, in years, so this is a little scary, but I gotta get back on the horse. Pun intended. I’ve gotta put myself out there.
“Girl, I am so proud of you,” comes out of the speakerphone. “If you didn’t live in such a gritty hellscape, I would come up there and join you but…ya know…”
“Yeah, I know.”
“What are you wearing?” Typical Jess.
“The usual. A blue minidress with a flare skirt and my red cowboy boots. My hair down.”
“Cute. I dig the country vibe.”
