by Erica Lee
“Do you think we could at least be friends eventually?” Faith asked shyly.
I felt a small smile come onto my lips. “I’d like that.” Then as my walls crashed down, I continued. “I’m willing to talk more so we can try to get to that point, but I need to wait until after next weekend. I can’t let anything get in the way of my performance at nationals. This is my last chance and I really think I can do it this time.”
Faith’s eyes lit up with hope. “Of course. I completely understand. I know you can do it. I’ll be sure not to bother you until it is over.”
Without thinking, I reached out and held onto Faith’s arms. “You could never bother me.”
We both looked into each other’s eyes and became frozen. Everything around me melted away and all I could think about was leaning in to kiss Faith’s lips. Faith nervously chewed on her bottom lip, clearly thinking the same. My brain was telling me I shouldn’t do it, but every other part of my body was urging me forward.
“Oh there you both are! Perfect! It makes my search easier since you are together.” Mrs. Hopkins’ interruption brought me back to a much needed reality. I found myself thanking God that she had interrupted before I went and did something stupid.
She pushed Susan toward us and pulled out her camera. “Ok you three. Get close together,” she urged.
I tried to smile as I found myself in the middle of a Hopkins’ twin sandwich. The feel of Faith’s arm around me burned right through me. Once she was done taking the picture, Faith gave my side a gentle squeeze before sliding away from me. At the same time, a bunch of girls that I recognized as being from Faith’s psychology program called her over. She smiled at me apologetically as she walked away.
I was about to leave, when I felt a hand on my arm. “Could I talk to you sweetheart?” Mrs. Hopkins asked sweetly.
“Oh.. umm yeah.. sure,” I mumbled, worried about what she might want to say to me.
She put her arm around my shoulder. “Walk with me. There is a little something in the car for you. We will talk on the way.”
I followed her directions, not saying a word as we walked.
“I’m really proud of you,” Mrs. Hopkins finally spoke. I blinked in response, surprised by her words. “I know things were always tough on you. It would have been easy to just give up, but you never did. Not only did you graduate, but you did it with honors. I don’t think you realize how impressive that is Joey.”
I muttered a quick thank you as we reached the families’ minivan.
To my surprise, Mrs. Hopkins pulled me into a tight hug. “I just wanted to let you know that I meant what I said before. We truly do consider you part of our family and no matter what happens between you and Faith, I’ll always be here for you. You can come to me for anything.”
I hugged her tighter as her words brought tears to my eyes. Once I recovered, she went into the car and pulled out two wrapped gifts. The first was a large frame for my diploma and the other was a sign that had a quote about overcoming adversity. I thanked her for both gifts and said goodbye before I would start crying again.
The next day, I went to the late church service to avoid seeing Faith. I found myself praying that God would guide me where to go next. I had a few interviews set up, but now I wasn’t even sure if I should stay in the area. Although, I knew Belman felt more like home to me than anywhere else. As the service ended and I stood to leave, I found myself fighting back tears. This had become a pretty normal occurrence for me over the past week. Who knew I could be so emotional?
When I was almost outside, I heard someone calling my name. I turned to see coach R hustling toward me. I cringed as she got closer. I had somehow successfully avoided talking to her all week at practice, which was impressive since there were only a few of us left.
“It’s good to see you here,” she said tentatively. When I didn’t respond, she added, “Let me take you to lunch.”
I reluctantly agreed. She happened to find my weakness. I was starving and Julie and I currently didn’t have anything to eat in our apartment.
We both stayed silent as coach drove. Once we were seated across from each other at a small diner in town, Coach finally spoke.
“I’m really sorry about meddling in your life. I should have never told Faith about your parents or your sexuality and I certainly shouldn’t have gotten her involved with you under such circumstances. It was wrong of me to put both of you in that situation.”
I shrugged my shoulders in response. “I honestly should be thanking you. I was completely lost before I met Faith. She saved me. And yeah, right now I’m really really sad, but I wouldn’t change anything that happened. I needed that. I have a question for you though. Why did you do it? You could have easily let me do any sort of stupid volunteer thing. Why was it so important to you to get me involved with someone like Faith?”
Coach reached over and placed her hand on top of mine. “I saw something in you Joey. I could see past that angsty college student and knew there was someone deep inside of you that wanted to be better. You tried to keep people from seeing the good in you, but you honestly weren’t so great at hiding it. You were always such a hard worker on and off the track. I mean, you made Dean’s list every single semester and didn’t have any family to push you. You never once missed a practice and you gave 110% every single time you stepped onto the track. You always had so much sadness in you though; so much that you were holding back. I wanted you to allow people to see the part of you that you always kept hidden away.”
“Please don’t make me cry again,” I begged as I felt the tears coming. “I’ve been crying way too much lately.”
Chapter 25
A few days later, we headed to Southern California for nationals. We flew in on Tuesday. Wednesday was a relaxation day and the next three days were when the meet would take place. I was happy when coach decided to put Julie and I as roommates. Susan and I hadn’t talked much since everything had gone down with her sister and I had a feeling she wasn’t too happy with me. Julie and I were hanging out in our hotel room on Wednesday afternoon when there was a knock at the door. I slowly opened the door to find Paul standing there.
“Surprise!” He shouted, while pulling me into his arms.
Upon hearing his voice, Julie ran to the door. “What are you doing here?” she asked, unable to hide her excitement.
“I wanted to watch my two favorite girls compete in their final college track meet ever. My parents got me a travel voucher as part of my graduation present, so I immediately booked a flight.”
I stepped away as Julie and Paul greeted each other. Within a few minutes, they were cuddled up next to each other on Julie’s bed as the three of us watched a movie. I thought about the last nationals trip and how Faith and I had done the same thing. I didn’t even realize that I had started to cry until Julie paused the movie.
“Ok talk to us. This is a comedy so I know you’re not crying at the movie. What’s up?”
I reached up and touched the moisture gathering on my cheeks. “Oh. It must be allergies,” I lied.
Julie and Paul gave each other a look before leaving Julie’s bed to crawl into mine on either side of me.
Paul put his hand on my knee and squeezed. “We are your two best friends, plus we aren’t idiots. We know you’re lying.”
“This is about Faith, isn’t it?” Julie added.
I broke down and told them exactly what had happened between us and how much my heart was now breaking.
“You really should talk to her,” Julie suggested.
I nodded my head. “I know. I’m going to once this meet is over. I just don’t want any extra distractions right now. No matter what happens, it’s going to be hard though. The best case scenario is that we figure out how to be friends, but that’s not what I want.”
“I’m confused. Is that what she wants?” Paul asked.
“No,” I answered. “She never wanted to break up. That was my choice. And as much as I can’t stand the though
t of not being with her, I just can’t do it. She was lying to me our whole relationship. I can’t trust her and I can’t be with someone like that. I’ve had too many people in my life who treated me badly and I’m not going to add her to the list.”
“Technically she didn’t lie to you,” Paul pointed out. “She just never told you the full story.”
“What difference does it make?” I snapped.
“Let me ask you something,” Julie joined in. She and Paul were keeping their cool even though I was completely worked up. “If this hadn’t happened, would you guys still be together?”
I scoffed at the question. “Of course we would. Faith is...Faith is indescribable. She made me feel things I never thought I could feel. What we had was so special. We could have these incredibly deep conversations one second and then the next second act like complete children. Being around her made me feel like my heart was going to burst open.” I had to stop myself from saying anything else because I felt like the water works were about to start again.
“And how does what happened change any of that?” Julie asked.
“It changes everything,” I shot back. “My whole life, I was surrounded by people who didn’t really love me. The people I should have been able to trust more than anyone turned their backs on me. Faith was supposed to be the one person I could trust. She said I could trust her and then she kept that from me. She didn’t think I was important enough to know the truth and I can’t get over that. It brings up too many feelings from my past.”
Julie sighed at my reply. “Listen Joey, I’m about to get real with you because I care about you. I think you’re making a big mistake. Frankly, I think you’re being an idiot. Let’s look at this from Faith’s side, shall we? Coach R comes to her and tells her all about this girl who hasn’t had the easiest life and could really use a Christian friend. Faith, being the awesome person that she is, readily agrees. She meets you and if I had to guess her first thought was probably something like ‘what have I gotten myself into?’ But just like the rest of us, she gets to know you and realizes that there is a lot more to you than meets the eye. Then, to her surprise, something else happens. She starts to get butterflies every time she looks at you. Suddenly, the two of you are spending every night giggling between kisses. And don’t you dare try to deny that. The walls in our apartment are paper thin. This whole time as she’s falling harder and harder for you, she always has this thought in the back of her mind that she should tell you about coach coming to her. But you know what? She’s scared to death. She cares about you and doesn’t want to hurt you and she certainly doesn’t want to lose you. And let’s be honest. She probably would have. You’re kind of a hot head Joey. You may be a new woman since finding God, but some things will never change. The dude may move mountains, but there’s only so much he can do about that attitude. Do you see what I’m getting at here? Faith never wanted to hurt you. Your parents have you so messed up. Your parents are douchebags and they let you down in the worst way possible. But you know what? Everyone in your life will let you down at some point. We’re all human. It’s going to happen. But Faith isn’t your parents. Yeah, I’m sure overhearing that conversation was painful, but Faith cares about you and comparing her to your parents isn’t fair at all.”
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. She was exactly right and reaching that realization made me feel sick. “Oh my gosh. You’re right. I am an idiot. After all of these years and after all of the crap that they continuously put me through, they still have a hold over my life. They are still finding a way to control me in their own messed up way. It’s not fair. They shouldn’t have any control anymore.”
Paul smiled at my epiphany. “Then don’t let them.”
“What do I do now?” I asked timidly.
Julie slapped me playfully on the back. “You get your girl back.”
I smiled for the first time in days. “I’m going to get my girl back… as soon as I become an All-American in the hurdles.”
The next two days flew by. I finished 10th in the preliminaries of the 100 hurdles and 8th in the preliminaries of the 400 hurdles, meaning I had made it into the finals in one of the two. Of course, this would be the year that we were running on a track that had nine lanes. Every other year the tracks had eight lanes, meaning everyone who made it into the finals would be an All-American. Pretty much you could walk and trip over every hurdle and as long as you made it across the finish line without a lane violation, you would go home with a trophy. This year was different though. Nine lanes meant that nine people made it into the finals, which meant one person would be leaving that race very disappointed. I needed to make sure that one person wasn’t me.
I tried my best to keep my mind off of Faith until after the finals, but that was proving to be nearly impossible. We had run into each other quite a bit the past few days and had even made small talk here and there. I couldn’t wait for the race to be over so I could win her back.
As I walked out onto the track for the finals, I looked up into the stands and my eyes were immediately drawn to a large sign. The sign read, “Go Joey! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.” Faith was holding the sign high, but I could tell by the look on her face that she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. She looked relieved when I grinned widely at her. At that moment, our eyes locked and shockwaves went through my whole body. The feeling was different than anything I had ever experienced, even with Faith, and I knew exactly what that feeling was - love. I was in love with her and that made me feel even more nervous and excited than the gun going off to signal the beginning of my race.
The race was a complete blur. My goal was no longer to just get a trophy. It was to run as fast as I could so I could get to that beautiful girl in the bleachers as quickly as possible and tell her exactly how I felt about her. I crossed the finish line unaware of who was around me, but turned to find two athletes cross after me. I had done it. I had become an All-American. At that point, my time didn’t even matter. I had achieved the goal that I had been working toward on the track and now it was time to win back my girl.
I quickly made my way off the track, toward the bleachers. I looked up, trying to find the sign to guide me. To my surprise, those words weren’t visible anymore. Instead, the sign had been flipped around and now read “I love you Joey McGolden.” I shook my head and leapt up the bleachers toward the sign.
When I finally made it to Faith, I tore the sign away from her. “I’m so mad at you right now,” I huffed.
Faith’s face dropped. “I know. This was stupid. I’m sorry. I should have just waited for our talk. I shouldn’t have assumed...”
I leaned in and claimed her lips with my own to get her to stop rambling. She froze for a moment, clearly surprised by my reaction. Luckily it didn’t take too long for her to begin kissing me back. We kissed for only a few seconds before she pulled away. She put a finger to her lips and I saw her body tremble.
Then she looked at me, with questioning burning in her eyes. “I’m confused. That’s not quite the reaction I expected from someone who just said they were mad at me.”
A slight giggle escaped from my mouth. “I’m mad at you because you’re always five steps ahead of me. I really thought I was going to be the first to say I love you and you even had to beat me to that.”
“Wait. You love me?” Faith asked quietly.
“Of course I love you Faith. I’m head over heels in love with you. I never even knew what love was before I met you, but now that I do, I don’t ever want to go a minute without it.”
Faith stared into my eyes like she was still searching for answers. “So, does this mean you want to get back together?”
I smiled as I pushed a piece of stray hair behind her ear. “Of course I want to get back together. I never should have broken up with you. It was a mistake. I don’t care if us coming together was a set up. It doesn’t matter how it happened. It was still fate and it changed my life. And I know you didn’t mean to hurt
me. You were just looking out for me and I realize that now. I just needed time to sort it all out. I can be quite the idiot sometimes.”
“This is true,” Faith joked. “But you’re my idiot and I love you.”
My smile grew with her words. I would never get tired of hearing her say that. “I love you too Faith.”
Without hesitation, I leaned in and kissed her again. This time, she immediately kissed me back.
“It’s about time.”
I groaned as Susan’s voice interrupted the perfect moment.
She rolled her eyes at me. “Oh stop. You guys have the rest of your lives to do that. I’m just happy I don’t have to deal with the two of you moping around anymore.”
I was about to respond, when another voice began to speak. “What Susan is trying to say is that we are all very happy for the two of you.” Mrs. Hopkins smiled widely as she spoke.
“Also, we are all very proud of that amazing race you just ran,” Mr. Hopkins added when walking up next to his wife.
The race. I had completely forgotten about that. “Oh yeah. I got All-American, didn’t I? Who knew that wasn’t going to be the best thing to happen to me today?”
“Technically we all kind of knew, but we are still happy for you,” Susan joked while elbowing me in the side.
Before I could say something sarcastic in return, a voice came over the loudspeaker to announce that they would be giving out the trophies for the 400 hurdles. As I stood on the podium and accepted my 7th place trophy, I looked over at Faith who blew me a kiss. I mouthed the words I love you, then held up my trophy so her mom could take a picture.
It felt good to have earned the trophy that I had worked so hard for the past four years. But an even better prize was the one thing I would never fully earn - love - the love of God and the love of the beautiful girl that had become my biggest fan.
Epilogue: 10 Years Later
“Chloe Anderson! I could do without your attitude today,” I lectured. I held my head as the athlete rolled her eyes and stomped away from me.
