by Linda Kage
I stared at him a moment before bursting out with, “You’re out of your fucking mind.” While inside, something jumped, something a little panicked but also a little excited.
“And you’re fucking sweating, kid, because you know I’m right.”
“Whatever. You can’t tell that kind of shit after one round of sex.” Okay, technically two rounds...or about six if you wanted to count how many orgasms I’d given her. Because, holy shit, those totally counted in my book.
Ten snorted. “The fuck you can’t tell. Haven’t you heard those songs about it being in his kiss? That’s how you can tell if you love him, or whatever. Well, that’s the chick’s version. The dude’s version would be more like, it’s in her pussy. That’s how you tell.”
“You’re fucking whack,” I told him with all seriousness. “I can’t believe someone actually let you have a kid.” Okay, I wasn’t so serious about that—he was a decent dad—but everything he was saying about sex...totally whack.
It had to be.
Ten only shrugged with a look that told me to go ahead and believe what I wanted; he was still right. “I’m just telling you, you can tell.” Caroline walked into the room and his gaze immediately found her. “Yeah, you can definitely fucking tell,” he murmured appreciatively. “You’re just too chicken shit to admit it to yourself.”
“So...?” Caroline grinned, rubbing her hands together as she approached us. She had two bags—a camera bag and laptop satchel—looped over her shoulder. “Did you get it all out of your system yet?” she asked her husband.
He shook his head, staring at her. “I’ll never get you out of my system.”
Her face bloomed with pleasure, her cheeks brightening with a healthy glow as she grinned. Then she shook her head and laughed. “I meant did you get your incessant need to cuss out of your system, you crazy man.”
“Oh.” He winked at her. “Yeah, that neither.”
He kissed her again, and I groaned.
“God, you guys really make me puke in my mouth sometimes, you know that?”
Caroline laughed and finally turned her attention to me. “You’ll understand someday, bubba.” Then she leaned up to kiss my cheek only to pause and blink as she studied my face. “You look different today, like you’re extra happy or content, or I don’t know. But it’s like you’re glowing or something.”
When Ten burst out laughing, I glared and flipped him off. “Shut it, fucker.”
Caroline glanced between us, clearly confused. “What did I miss?”
Ten leaned in to kiss the side of her neck. “Just boy talk, baby.”
“That means sex stuff.” She immediately shifted away from me and wrinkled her nose. “Eww, I don’t want to hear anymore, especially if it has to do with my baby brother.”
“It does,” I said, immediately shutting down her curiosity because if she thought I was serious about some girl, she’d spread the rumor through the family in a heartbeat, and it’d reach Brandt within the hour. “On another note, I have a cooking Vine idea,” I added, and bam, she was successfully diverted.
Eyes lighting with excitement, she cheered, “Yay. I love the kitchen skits. What’s your idea?”
“Well…”
We worked on making a six-second video in the kitchen. It took us four tries to get the first scene right; Caroline was a stickler for good lighting. Any glare or shadow bugged the crap out of her. But about ten minutes later, she was finally satisfied with the two-second clip where she handed me a casserole dish and told me, “Keep this warm in the oven at 120 degrees.”
In the second part, I knelt down in front of the opened door of the oven with the casserole and used a protractor trying to angle it a literal 120 degrees. At first we tried to find physical things to prop it up, but in the end, we decided it’d be funnier if we edited it to make it look as if the casserole was floating at that angle.
“Perfect.” Caroline grinned as she played back the final cut on the screen of her laptop. We watched it a few rounds before she asked, “Any luck on the tree and chainsaw?”
“Hmm? No, not yet.” I pointed toward the screen. “I like that one. Post it.”
“Done,” she singsonged after a few clicks of the keypad. “What next?”
“Get off my back.”
“Well, geez.” She widened her eyes and sent me a look that called me prickly. “I just thought you’d have another idea.”
“No, I meant ‘get off my back’ is my next idea.”
She blinked at me a moment before it sunk in. Then she snorted out a laugh. “Oh…I get it. I’ll tell you something, and you’ll say hey, get off my back, and then we’ll pan out to show that I’m literally riding on your back. Awesome. Let’s do it.”
Most of the day continued that way. We paused for lunch and took a few minutes to check in on Ten and the kids.
I held the camera and pressed record just as Caroline asked how everything was going. Beau and Teagan totally ignored us, but Ten scowled at the camera and flipped us off.
That was his signature Vine move. All our followers loved him. The only thing he ever did was flip the camera off, and I swear our fans went wild every time. It was crazy, but we liked to make them happy too, so we threw in a “Ten bird” pretty frequently. One time, he kissed his middle finger and then blew it at the camera, and some crazed chick fan loved it so much she mailed us her underwear to give him.
Caroline had not been amused, even though Ten and I hadn’t been able to stop laughing.
By the time evening wore down to night and both Caroline’s and my brain felt fried and drained of all humorous video ideas, we decided to call it a day.
We checked in on Beau and Teagan to find that both kids were passed out asleep together on top of the blankets and pillows piled on the floor in front of the television. Caroline went to her daughter, stepping over the legs of her husband, who was passed out in the easy chair and scooped Teagan into her arms.
“You guys can hang out as long as you need to,” she whispered to me as she passed.
I nodded and tugged my phone from my pocket.
I asked Noel and pressed send.
If everyone was asleep at home or even awake but in good spirits, he would tell me it was okay to proceed home. If there were any problems, he’d give me a time I should delay before venturing back.
But tonight, the only reply I received was:
I stared at the word, not sure what to make of it. I started to ask what was wrong, but I was kind of afraid of the answer.
My fingers were still twitching to type and my eyes were glued to that one word when Caroline reentered the room empty-armed.
“What’s wrong?” she immediately asked, taking in my face.
I showed her the screen of my phone. She sucked in a breath and gripped my arm. “Get over there. Now. Beau can stay here tonight.”
I nodded and slapped a kiss to her cheek before dashing toward the door.
My hands were still shaking when I pulled into my driveway fifteen minutes later. All the lights in the house were blaring brightly from every window, so everyone must still be awake.
Not sure if Aspen or Lucy O was the problem tonight, I parked and killed the engine before jogging to the back door and pulling it open.
The first thing I heard was yelling—Aspen’s yelling—then from the other direction of the house came Lucy Olivia’s wailing.
“I can’t take this anymore. I just can’t take it!” Aspen screamed.
“Well, what the fuck do you want me to do?” Noel boomed back, just as loud, which startled the shit out of me.
Since Aspen’s postnatal depression had begun and she’d started having screaming episodes, Noel had become the soul of patience. Before, he’d been the first to lose his temper and raise his voice. But when his wife had gotten sick, nothing. He’d remained even-tempered and calm, only worried about soothing her.
Until tonight.
“What?” he was shouting with a rasp in his voice as if he mi
ght’ve been shouting for a while. “I’ve been working my ass off to do right by you, and it all seems to be fucking wrong. So what am I supposed to do, huh? You tell me.”
After rushing to their room, I skidded through the doorway before Aspen could yell some answer that would probably do no one any good. “No,” I said, lifting both hands and spreading them between the couple where they stood on opposite sides of the room from each other, facing off. “No more. You.” I pointed at Noel. “Take a walk. Right now.”
He glared and even took a step toward me. He looked so hopped up on anger I was sure he would’ve hit me just to release some of the testosterone rushing through him. But very sternly and very succinctly, I ordered, “Go cool off.”
Stopping in his tracks, he took another moment to inhale, and then he nodded and strode from the bedroom.
Aspen immediately burst into tears and collapsed onto the bed, burying her face in her hands. Lucy O continued to scream from down the hall in her nursery, but I walked to my sister-in-law and sat by her, placing my palm on the back of her head.
“I love you,” I said. “We all love you.” I hoped I stressed that enough so she’d understand I meant Noel loved her too. “No matter what.”
A shudder wracked her frame when she sobbed.
I wanted to say more. We were all freaked out about how bad some of her episodes would go. Could she actually become suicidal? The very thought made my stomach lurch with fear. But the baby kept crying. Making her quiet would have to help alleviate some of the tension around here. So I kissed Aspen’s hair and said, “I’m going to go check on Lucy O.”
She nodded, letting me know she’d heard, and I touched her hair again, hoping to God she’d be okay. Then I hurried from the room and down the hall.
“Hey, little girl,” I said in a soft soothing voice as I neared the crib. She quieted just hearing me but still continued to sniff and whimper when I held her against my chest and patted her back. “It’s okay now. Mom and Dad stopped yelling. No reason to get so upset. It’s over, baby girl.”
I paced the room with her until she calmed down completely. Then I checked her diaper, which was full, and I changed that. Afterward, we got a bottle, and I rocked her in the glider, feeding her until she fell asleep in my arms.
Probably about half an hour had passed since I’d come in to check on her before I was laying her limp sleeping body back into her bed. Then I stood there a moment, watching over her before I heaved out a breath, shook my head, and left the room.
I checked on Aspen next. She was passed out in basically the same pose I’d left her, but her face was turned my way with her eyes closed. Her shoulders lifted every few seconds with every breath she took, telling me she was alive, but I still stole silently to her side and gently placed my hand on her cheek a second before I left again.
Not sure what condition I’d find my brother in, I stepped outside into the darkness of the backyard and stopped in my tracks when I heard sniffling from the picnic table.
Fuck. He was crying.
I think I would’ve rather tried to handle a pissed-off Noel.
With no idea what I was going to say to him, I shoved my hands into my pockets and shuffled down the ramp, then to the table and sat on the bench across from him. My eyes began to adjust to the dark just enough to make out him resting his elbows on the tabletop with his head in his hands.
“Both ladies are finally asleep,” I said quietly.
“Good.” He sat upright and wiped his face with both hands. “Thank you. Where’s Beau?”
“He fell asleep watching movies with Teagan so Caroline said he could stay the night.”
“Probably for the best.” His voice sounded hoarse, which killed me.
“Man, what happened tonight?”
He immediately hung his head. “I don’t know. I just…I lost it. I swore to myself when this started that I would never lose my shit. I wouldn’t lose my temper, I wouldn’t yell, I wouldn’t…fuck, but I totally lost it.” He wiped his face again and sniffed. “I can’t believe I yelled at her. I know she can’t help it. I know it only makes things worse. Why couldn’t I just keep it to-fucking-gether?”
I shrugged. “Because you’re human.”
A bitter laugh spilled from him. “A little too human tonight. I can usually read her better. I can tell when she wants space or when she needs me around. I guess she wanted space tonight, except I tried to be there. Big mistake.”
“But a fixable one,” I reasoned. “From what I heard, neither of you said anything that couldn’t be taken back. You’re still… tonight was a hiccup. That’s all.”
“Yeah, but how much longer is this shit going to last? The therapy sessions haven’t worked. The medicine hasn’t worked. Nothing I do works. I just want my wife back. My children want their mother. I want…Jesus fucking Christ, I hate this. I hate being so fucking worthless and helpless to her. I hate not being able to fix anything. Why does nothing I do help her?”
When he couldn’t speak anymore, emotion clogged my veins before I cleared my throat and shook my head. “I don’t think what you’re doing is worthless. I think maybe it is working. You are helping her. But maybe all the stuff that’s been fixed on the inside just hasn’t started showing results on the outside yet.”
Noel didn’t immediately answer. He waited a quiet, contemplative moment before saying, “Maybe. I hope so.” Then he lifted his gaze to me. “Thank you, Colton. For everything. I don’t know what we would’ve done without you tonight. You saved the day.”
JULIANNA’S CHAPTER | 20
I only received those three text messages from Colton on Saturday morning. I don’t know how, but they kept me full of hope and promise and excitement throughout the entire day, and yet they didn’t…because I wanted more from him.
It was like reading a really good book. I wanted to rush through it because I wanted it all now, and yet I wanted to draw it out and make it last for as long as possible because I didn’t want it to end.
The damn boy was conflicting my heart.
I ignored the little warning bells clanging in the back of my mind, telling me how bad it was to count on and look forward to my next encounter with him because it wasn’t serious between us, we weren’t starting anything long-term. But I didn’t want to think about that. So I didn’t.
I was still rocking my afterglow all through Saturday. I even smiled during karaoke night at the bar. And I smiled as I fell asleep that night when I got home from work.
The next morning, I woke with a grin because my phone was chiming with a new message. Not sure how I knew it was him, but I did. I was even sure I knew what it’d say.
And I was right.
I replied:
And then ran my fingers over the screen where his name was displayed at the top.
He quipped back:
And that was our communication for the day.
I didn’t realize I had the phone pressed to my heart until I was leaving the bedroom with it. Blushing hard, I hurried it back to my nightstand to set it down, cleared my throat, and made my way to the kitchen.
Theo was the only one stirring. He grumbled a halfhearted greeting from where he stood leaning against the counter and hovered over the coffeepot that was still brewing as he bit into a piece of toast.
“Morning,” I chirped, unable to stop smiling until I opened the cabinet to pull down my special loaf of wheat bread so I could make myself some toast too. The bag was still there, but it was empty save for a few crumbs.
Mouth falling open, I turned to gape at Theo as he swallowed the last piece of my bread. He’d never eaten my bread before. I don’t think he even liked wheat bread. “What…?” I started, completely confounded.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said with his mouth still full as he lifted his hand to his bulging cheeks. “Was that your bread?”
I blinked, still confused. “You know it was my bread,” I said slowly. He’d seen me eat that bread every morning he’d ever stayed overnight w
ith Tyla.
“My bad.” He shrugged and dropped his hand, smirking. “I could’ve sworn you only took it white these days.”
I gasped and slapped his arm. “You fucking son of a bitch. How dare you?”
He laughed and dodged away from me, only to grow serious a few seconds later. “For real, Juli? What the fuck? If you were that hard up, you should’ve just said something. I know plenty of black guys who would’ve agreed to hook up with you.”
“Oh, well thank you so much,” I sneered sarcastically. “I didn’t realize I was so freaking lame that you were willing to set me up with just any benevolent guy handing out pity fucks.”
“Hey, anything would’ve been better than you picking up some white jackass. I mean, seriously. It’s fucking embarrassing. What am I supposed to tell my crew when they ask about how one of my girl’s roommates is fucking a—”
“Yo, man, leave her be,” Chad chastised as he came shuffling into the kitchen, bare-chested with his track pants hanging low on his waist. “The guy can’t help what color he is.” He went straight to the coffeepot where it had just finished brewing and poured himself a cup. “My momma’s half white and dad’s a quarter Filipino. I have relatives all over the color spectrum, and honestly, we’re basically all the same. We smile when we’re happy, cry when we’re sad, eat when we’re hungry, and sleep when we’re tired. Juli did nothing wrong, so stop hating.”
When he took a sip and arched his eyebrows warningly at Theo, Theo sniffed. “But everyone’s going to assume she thinks she’s too good for us now. You know they are.” Then he glanced at me with a look that told me that’s exactly what he thought of me.
“Then that’s their problem,” Chad answered, throwing a supportive arm around my shoulders and tugging me close. “Not ours.”
