He nodded and hung his hat on the hook. “What are you doing here?”
Sarah noticed Mary’s head jerk. “I helped Mary make jam, as I promised.”
“Oh.” The word fell flat. He fetched a cold drink of water and took a sandwich that Mary had made a while ago out of the icebox.
“Is Jacob with you? I thought I might see him while I was here.”
“He’ll be in shortly. He stopped to see how Tiger’s kittens were doing.”
“Tiger fathered kittens?”
“Nein. Tiger is the mamm. Jacob named her, and I never paid any attention.” His voice trailed to a whisper.
“Oh. I see.”
Caleb set his empty glass down and headed for the door. “Danki for helping Mary.” He closed the door and tromped down the porch steps.
Sarah had hoped to find some time alone with Caleb to explain about Alvin, something she should have done earlier. But it didn’t look like he was in a mood to listen.
* * *
Caleb stomped into the barn. “I appreciate Sarah keeping her promise to Mary, but she doesn’t need to feel obligated to us,” he mumbled.
“Daed, are you talking to me?” Jacob came out of a stall, Tiger following close behind.
“Nein. I’m just talking to myself. Sarah is at the house, helping Mary make jam. She wanted to see you.”
“Danki. Come on, Tiger. Let’s take one of your babies to show her. She might want to keep one.”
“Jacob, do not pester Sarah to take a kitten if she says nein.”
“I won’t.” Jacob ran out the door and banged it shut.
Caleb shook his head. That bu. He grabbed the scythe and sickle, and sharpened their blades until they had a fine edge. Weeds were tall and he needed to get them cut. He took off his hat and wiped his brow with his sleeve. Why had Sarah come to the farm? To help Mary? Maybe she was no longer courting Alvin. Or she could have wanted to talk to him privately, but he didn’t wait long enough to find out.
Nein. If she wanted to talk, she could have said something. Although, she did honor his request to help Mary. He should have at least said goodbye. Caleb hurried out the barn, banging the door closed. He saw Sarah heading to her buggy and ran across the barnyard. “Wait. There’s something I want to ask you.”
Her face brightened as he approached.
“Are you and Alvin courting?” he blurted out.
“What makes you think that?”
“I overheard you and Hannah talking at Naomi and Turner’s wedding.”
“Then you misunderstood. Our bishop likes to matchmake the widows and widowers. He tried to match Alvin and me. Bishop Yoder thinks we should court, but I have no intention of courting Alvin.”
Sarah paused and Caleb noticed she had a strained expression.
“Hannah thinks I should be honest with Alvin and tell him I’m not going to marry him. But I don’t want to be alone with Alvin in a buggy to tell him, and it’s awkward with others around.”
“Has this been going on the whole time we’ve known each other?”
“Well...not the whole time.”
“Didn’t you think you needed to be honest with me?” Caleb’s voice tightened.
She took a step back, closer to the buggy. “I was hoping to resolve the situation with Alvin before it got out of hand.”
“Before it got out of hand? You don’t think it’s out of hand now? Surely I made my interests known—taking you to my church, on a picnic, and asking you to supper.”
“I thought if I ignored Alvin, he’d get discouraged and find someone else. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting his feelings.”
“And you didn’t care about hurting mine?”
“Nein. You’re twisting my words. I didn’t mean that. I was hoping to spare your feelings by not telling you. Apparently that didn’t work.”
“Sarah, honesty is the basis of any relationship. Without it, relationships fail.”
Caleb headed toward the house. He heard Sarah climb into her buggy and click her tongue. “Giddyap, King.”
The wheels crunched over the rocks as the buggy and Sarah drove out of his lane and out of his life. When he turned, his heart was beating wildly, and she’d disappeared behind the grove of trees.
What had he done? He didn’t want her out of his life. If she had told him about Alvin, would he have believed Alvin meant nothing to her?
Caleb watched as the buggy stirred up dust, then dissolved into nothingness, like his chance for liebe.
Chapter Ten
Caleb banged around in the barn, cleaning the stalls with a pitchfork and tossing soiled straw in a manure spreader.
“Meow.”
He glanced over at Tiger and her kittens eyeing him as they always did when it was almost time for milking.
“Meow...meow.” One complaint after the other.
“Shoo. Get out of the way.”
Bracing the pitchfork prongs against an area that had muck stuck to the floor, he pushed hard to loosen the mess. Then he watched spiders and bugs run across the planks and escape through cracks in the boards. Caleb poked, pulled and shoveled the pitchfork along every inch of flooring.
Thoughts of Sarah crept into his mind and whirled through his head. The thing he disliked most wasn’t that Sarah hadn’t told him about Alvin. It was his reaction. It made him jealous to think another man pushed so hard to get her. All this time, he’d taken it slow so Mary and Jacob could get to know her. Of course Alvin wanted her for his frau. She was beautiful, kind, good with kinner and a great cook. Who could ask for anyone more perfect?
Sarah burrowed into his mind and his dreams, and disrupted his work. She mentally tagged around with him every hour of every day. He walked over to the wall and hung the pitchfork and shovel on their hooks. Then he headed toward the house.
His gut twisted in turmoil. Had he sent her away, into the waiting arms of Alvin? His heart cringed with each step he took. Fool!
A chilly breeze swept over him and raindrops pelted his head and shoulders. He should have made his intentions known to Sarah, but he wasn’t ready to propose. Not yet. He didn’t want to force Mary to like Sarah. He knew he couldn’t, even if he tried. Mary was stubborn. More than likely, she took after him. Even after she helped Mary make jelly and can vegetables, Mary hadn’t warmed up to Sarah.
Agonizing over Sarah, Mary and the whole situation had robbed him of sleep for two nights. If he did doze off, images of Sarah in Alvin’s arms gave him nightmares.
A gust of wind hurled rain at him, knocking his hat off and spraying water across his face and clothing. Caleb snatched his hat from the ground and took off running toward the porch. Taking the steps two at a time, he reached cover just before sheets of rain poured from the coal-gray sky. A cold tremor shook his body. What if he couldn’t take her on another buggy ride or picnic?
The thought nearly stopped his heart. He sat on the porch swing to sort it out, but how could he search his heart when she had taken it with her?
Sarah finished refilling her customers’ cups, then started a fresh pot of coffee. During midafternoon, the traffic coming into the bakery slowed, giving her time to tidy up.
The doorbell jangled, but she wanted to finish arranging the baked goods in the display case before she waited on the customer. Straightening up, she braced her hands on her hips. “May I help you?” She froze when she saw it was Caleb.
“I’m sorry I didn’t take your news very well,” he whispered.
Relief rushed over her. “I should have told you, but we never really had an understanding. I thought it forward to presume we did and try to explain about Alvin.”
Caleb glanced over his shoulder, as if something or someone was waiting for him, then back at Sarah. “I have errands to run. I’ll come back at five and pick you up. We’ll go for a ride, away from stretching
ears.”
He melted her insides with a smile, giving her gooseflesh on her arms. “Jah. I’d like that.” Her heart fluttered. “See you later.”
She watched him stroll out the door. This time she’d be honest with him.
She closed the shop a few minutes early, ran upstairs and changed into a fresh dress. He arrived right at five o’clock and helped her into the buggy. She fluffed her dress around so it lay in neat folds.
“Giddyap, Snowball.” He glanced at her across the seat, his voice deep and rich. “You look lovely, Sarah.”
“Danki.” Her pulse thudded in time with the horse’s clip-clop. He reached over, laid his hand over hers and gave a soft squeeze. A mixture of joy and fear coursed through her veins. What had really changed? Nothing. But it felt like everything had changed.
“Let me speak first.” His voice was warm and laced with excitement.
“Okay.”
“You’re right, we have never had an understanding, but I think you care for me. Is that true?”
“Jah,” she said slowly.
“More than just as a friend?”
She hesitated. A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth. “Jah.”
“Gut. Until we figure out how to get around being from different Orders, can we just have an understanding that we want to see each other?”
Last evening she’d slept fitfully, consumed with the fear of never seeing Caleb and his family again. Now that fear lunged at her throat. She looked out of the buggy and into the one passing on the opposite side of the street. It belonged to Bishop Yoder, and he was staring straight at her.
“Sarah.” Caleb snapped her attention back to him.
“Jah. That meets my approval, but as far as the bishop goes, I’m not sure he would agree.”
Caleb’s desire to have an understanding wasn’t exactly what she wanted, but she knew it was the best he could do. She cleared her mind, then gazed out at the field of dark green cornstalks and breathed air with an earthy smell. White and yellow flowers dotted the roadside, and on some stretch of banks, farmers had sown prairie grass that had grown tall and waved invitingly in the breeze.
“We’ll stop by and check on the kinner before I take you back to town.”
Sarah stayed in the kitchen with Mary while Caleb and Jacob went out to do chores. She tilted her head back and inhaled a deep whiff. “Mmm. Something smells gut, Mary.”
“It’s beef stew with vegetables and gravy.” Mary pulled some spices out of the oak spice rack and shook them into the boiling concoction.
“That’s a lovely spice rack. Did your daed make it?”
“Jah. On the back, Daed carved, ‘You are the spice of my life.’ On the oak chest in their bedroom, he carved, ‘I’ll liebe you forever and ever.’”
She stirred the stew and set the spoon on a holder. “He made Mamm the sideboard and the table, too. They have a verse carved on their bottoms, but I can’t remember what they say.”
A sudden chill ran through Sarah’s spine. Apparently Caleb had liebed Martha very much. Could he ever liebe her as much as he had his late frau? Could he set Martha’s memory aside or push it into the back of his heart while he let his life go on with another woman?
If she did marry Caleb and moved in here, would she have to share his late frau’s house with her? Have constant reminders of Martha everywhere she looked? Would Sarah have to measure up to Martha in his kinner’s eyes?
* * *
“Sarah,” Bishop Yoder called from across the lawn sprawled with congregants after preaching on Church Sunday.
Sarah cringed.
“I’ll meet you in the buggy,” Hannah said as she retreated far from their paths.
The bishop hurried as best he could with someone either stopping him to talk, greeting him or asking him a question. He wove his way through the throngs of people and breathlessly made it to the tree where Sarah had not budged an inch since he called out her name.
She clenched her fists. I should have feigned a headache and left after the preaching.
“We need to set a date for your wedding to Alvin,” the bishop blurted.
Sarah straightened her back and sucked in a deep breath. “Bishop, I do not want to marry Alvin. I don’t like him.”
The bishop stared at her with cold, steely eyes. “You haven’t tried. Go for a buggy ride with him so you can get to know him.”
She stood with her lips pressed tightly for a long while. Then she found the courage to speak. “Nein. Caleb Brenneman and I have an understanding.”
“What did you say?” His voice rose with an edge to it.
“At the appropriate time, we will make a commitment to one another.” After she said it aloud, it sounded strange even to her. Exactly what did that mean? He never really used the word marry. At the time, his words had sounded like a commitment. But now she wasn’t so sure.
He laughed. “Is that what he said to you?”
She nodded. Moisture started trickling down her forehead and onto her brows.
“He did not tell you he would change to our more orthodox affiliation, did he?”
“Well, we haven’t really discussed it.”
“Nein, I imagine he hasn’t. You need to discuss it, Sarah. Remember, you can’t leave the church. He must rejoin the Old Order. What is he waiting for? I’ll tell you what—for you to get used to his ways and their softer lifestyle. Ask him, Sarah. You’ll see.”
She glared at the bishop. She had fallen for Caleb and hoped he felt the same about her. Enough so he would change to the Old Order. Nein, Caleb had never mentioned it. She’d been lying to herself thinking it wouldn’t make a difference to Caleb. That he would eventually offer to change. Only he hadn’t, at least not yet.
“Sarah.” The bishop jarred her out of her thoughts. Glaring at her, he said, “You must choose. But remember, giving up your church means shunning.”
Jah, she had much to think about.
* * *
Sarah puttered around the apartment, watering plants and trying to decide how to approach the subject again with Caleb. A few weeks ago, every day seemed the same, but life was simpler. She had the bakery, and helped with church events and community projects. Now her life felt like it was being tossed around like a ball hanging on a string from a paddle.
The garden was always the place where she did her best thinking. Sarah unhooked her gardening smock and pinned it to cover her dress. After grabbing her tools from the closet, she headed downstairs and out back to till the garden. Sarah lowered her knees to a mat, pressed the blade of the hoe between each row and uprooted every annoying thistle and weed.
She worked until almost dark, clearing the path and loosening the soil between the rows of carrots, cabbage and lettuce. She took a sniff of the fragrant parsley and cilantro. “With a gut clean bed around you, you will flourish.”
She weeded and watered the tomato plants. They would soon have red fruit. She was glad now she’d started them in the winter.
The hard physical movements drained her energy, and she still hadn’t come to a decision. The bishop’s words haunted her. As hard as she tried to forget them, they fought their way back to the forefront. She hated to admit it, but the bishop was right. Caleb knew the problem. He had to join her church, not the other way around. Jah, he took her to Bible study and to meet his Sunday school class so she would get to know them, like them and want to join them.
If the bishop had found out that she’d attended a function with the New Order community, he would have disciplined her. And rightly so. Caleb wanted to sway her to his side...his church.
She hadn’t realized it before. It was as plain as a sign tacked on a tree.
Chapter Eleven
Sarah stayed busy the next three weeks, testing recipes for her cookbook and neglecting her garden. She made room in the display case for the thre
e batches of new cookie recipes she’d developed—spiced apple, spiced oatmeal raisin and vegan carrot—and then added the announcement to the chalkboard. She cut up several cookies of each kind and laid the small pieces on a plate and set the plate at the front of the counter.
Throughout the day, she received compliments on her new recipes. At the end of the day, she cleaned the display case and realized the new cookies had sold out. Ach. They liked them!
Sarah pulled out the empty trays, carried them back to the kitchen and waved them in front of Hannah. “What do you think of this?”
“Congratulations. Now, how about creating a new cake recipe or two?”
“I’ve been toying with a couple of ideas.”
Sarah carted out the ingredients for a new pistachio-crunch cake. She stirred them all together and popped the two layers in the oven. Grabbing a pen, she made updates on the recipe card until the bishop’s words forced their way into her head again. She hated to admit it, but he was right. Either Caleb or she had to give up their church.
If neither of them wanted to change to the other person’s church, they needed to end their relationship. The trouble was, she had grown very fond of Jacob...and Caleb.
Sarah pulled the cake pans out of the oven and set them to cool. She finished cleaning the bakery, and just as she reached out to flip the sign on the front door to Closed, a nose poked against the glass door. She jumped back and laughed. The door pushed open and she wrapped Jacob in a hug.
She straightened her posture and smoothed her skirt. Her attention darted to Caleb. “It’s closing time. I’m out of coffee and rolls.”
“That’s okay, we didn’t come to eat.” Caleb motioned to his sohn to speak.
Jacob looked down and scuffed the toe of his shoe on the floor like he was kicking a rock. “Sarah, I never get to see you. Can I come and work in the bakery?” His voice wavered.
Her heart melted. “I miss you, too, Jacob.” When he faced her, loneliness dampened his eyes, but she had the perfect way to dry them. “Your garden is spotless and mine is in desperate need of care. How would you like to help me weed and prune bushes?”
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