by Tijan
“Riley,” Kai whispered.
I shrank back against the bed, shaking my head.
He ignored me, sliding his arms under the covers and lifting me, blankets and all, into his lap. He cradled me again, holding me through the night.
• • •
“The first moment I knew I loved you was when I saw you fighting against my guards and Tanner—that first day I told them to kidnap you.”
Kai was curled up behind me the next night as we lay on our sides on the bed. One of his legs rested between mine and his arm snaked around me, holding my hand just under my breasts. His breath warmed the back of my neck, teasing my hair.
He laughed softly. “There you were, in those nurse scrubs. Tanner got into the car, and you exploded out within two seconds. Man, you were fast. I’ve seen people fight, but you had such life, determination. You were going to take them down with you. That was the only way they were taking you.”
My heart ached, right under where our hands were entwined, but I couldn’t stop a small smile. “I didn’t know you were there.”
“I was. I got called away for a crisis, so that’s why we ended up meeting later, but I was there. I was supposed to stay in our vehicle, watch it all go down, but when I saw you fighting…” He tensed. His voice dropped. “There was no one else I wanted touching you. I didn’t want you hurt.”
The shadow. Someone had been coming from the side, and fast.
“That was you? You put me out?”
“Yeah.” Regret tinged his voice. He squeezed my hand. “I didn’t want to hurt you, but I needed you, and I didn’t want anyone else hurting you, or even touching you. That was me.”
“Brooke said she stopped asking for updates on me after I went into the 411. She said you were the one who kept watching me, not for her.”
His arms tightened, hugging me before relaxing again. “Yeah. You, you affected me the day we came to tell Brooke about Cord. I saw something in you as you held her when we drove up. It was the same the day we kidnapped you. There was such fight in you. It amazed me. I had seen so many wither in this lifestyle, crumble from the weight—and I’m not just talking mafia. I’m talking heartache in general. I knew your past. We’d researched you because of your dad’s connection to us. That’s why you were put with Brooke. My dad did that. If Bruce Bello did something out of line, he could threaten his little girl’s life.
“After a while I realized how much your dad didn’t give a shit about you, and that pissed me off. Parents are supposed to love and protect their kids. Your dad didn’t do that. Maybe I felt like you were already a part of us, just knowing that about you. Most other mafia families love their kids like anyone else does. Some don’t, but some do. It’s a shit part of life, but that’s how it is. Some get unlucky with parents like I did, and you did.
“Anyway, I don’t know what I was expecting when we drove up that day. Nothing, I guess. Just thought you’d be like all the other girls Brooke befriended, but you weren’t. There was a sadness in you, but there was more. So much more. Fight. Survival. A fuck-you look that I knew you gave to everyone, even if you didn’t know it. Hell, it might’ve been why your mom shipped you off. She knew you’d give it to your dad one day, and she couldn’t protect you against him.”
I shook my head, amazed. “I hated you after that day.”
He laughed again, a deep baritone coming from his chest. “I know. That made me like you even more. I liked that you weren’t scared of us. When you gave me that ‘fuck you’ look, I was proud. I thought, Good. Finally someone who’s strong enough to help Brooke. I knew you’d be there for her after that, no matter what, even if my sister didn’t deserve it.”
He shifted, sitting up as I rolled to my back. He loomed over me, tucking his elbow on the bed and resting his head on his hand. He met my gaze before trailing down to my lips. He traced a line with his finger over my lips, my chin, my throat, and between my breasts, encircling one of them, cupping it and running over my nipple. His eyes darkened. Dipping his head, I closed my eyes as he pushed up my hospital gown. I felt his mouth cover me there. His tongue circled my nipple, right where his thumb had been, and as he kept kissing me, his hand smoothed down my stomach.
My body warmed, reacting to his touch. He pushed some of the pain aside.
“God, Riley.” He raised his head again, meeting my eyes. “I love you. I think a part of me actually fell in love with you on the steps of your school. Another part fell when I saw you fighting my brother and our guards. And I kept falling for you every time you resisted me, until I was gone. I was completely in love with you when you fought me in the elevator.” He grinned. “Stop fucking fighting. You remember that?”
I did, and I might’ve laughed at the memory, but I ached.
I wanted his touch. I didn’t know how I was even feeling anything because of the drugs, but his touch was healing. I just wanted more of him, as if he could still make it all right again.
That was wishful thinking, or wishful feeling.
Tears blinded me, and I gasped. “Kai.”
He cursed under his breath, moving to hold me. Curling around me, spooning me, he pressed a kiss to my nape.
I reached for his hand on my waist, feeling…feeling… I felt the beginning of something right. I didn’t want that to go away.
I’d begun to fall back asleep when I heard him say again, “I love you.”
I couldn’t answer him, not yet. Even though he was making me feel better, there was still too much hurt. So instead, I entwined our fingers, sliding mine against his.
He squeezed my hand. I settled back against him, and I fell asleep.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
There were whispers from the nurses as I was bundled up in a wheelchair, getting ready to leave. They’d been whispering for the last few days. Kai never left my side, and his guards never left him, so it was a nice circus because of that. I knew the doctor was slightly scared of Kai, but who wouldn’t be?
I hadn’t thought anyone knew who he was—I mean, he wasn’t a celebrity—until I heard one nurse telling another outside in the hallway, “That’s him. I’m telling you.”
“What?” Her friend had laughed, scoffing. “No way. Get real.”
“I’m telling you. It’s him. It was his sister who was missing a while back. You remember, the mafia princess. They showed his picture on the news. He’s in the mafia.”
“Come on,” her friend had murmured, sounding slightly less incredulous. “What are the chances?”
“Chances are good, Silvia. I’m telling you, it’s him.” A pause. “Look! There it is.”
“Oh my God.” Her friend had sucked in some air. “Holy shit. Holy shit!”
A hiss back. “I know!”
“Holy—”
Kai had been curled up behind me that night, but he’d moved swiftly and silently. Easing out of bed, he walked to the door. “I’m aware that rumors and gossip are unavoidable, but move it along so you’re not disturbing my woman’s sleep.”
They had both gasped.
And I guess they hadn’t moved quickly enough, because he’d snapped out, quietly, “Now.”
I’d heard them hurrying along as he crawled back under the covers, his arms wrapping around me. “Sleep, Riles. We leave soon.”
Riles.
The first time he called me that, I hadn’t processed it. I did now, and I liked it. A lot.
After that, the looks of intrigue, fear, lust, and desperation had been more prominent among the nursing staff. The only person who didn’t seem to care was a nurse aid. She always had a cheerful wave as she refilled the medical supplies and brought back new nightgowns for me, though I didn’t use them. It didn’t matter to her. She took out the ones left behind, replaced them with the new ones, and repeated the process the next day.
For some reason, I knew I’d miss her the most, though she barely spoke a word to us.
Kai was conferring with the doctor outside in the hallway, and a large number of nurses w
ere in the room, all watching as he came back in after shaking the doctor’s hand.
I noticed the look of relief on the doctor’s face as he poked his head in and smiled at me. “You’re in good hands, Riley. I’ve conferred with Dr. Bennett, and he’ll be keeping me updated with your progress.” That was news to me. “You’re going to be fine. Have a safe trip back to Vancouver.”
He darted down the hallway after that.
I looked at Kai. “Vancouver?”
“You cut all your ties here.” He frowned a little. “I thought you’d want to go back?”
We hadn’t talked about the after—my life since he’d destroyed me. We hadn’t even fully talked about what had happened between us. I’d listened to his proclamations, but I hadn’t had time to digest any of it. The loss of her—that’s what the doctor told us when I asked—hadn’t fully set in either.
Kai waited once we had left the hospital and were safe in the back of the SUV before he brought it up again.
“Did you not want to go to Vancouver?”
Did I?
I frowned. “I don’t know, actually.”
He rested his head back, watching me. “We can go wherever you want. Just… I’m going with you. That’s the only stipulation.” His eyes darkened. They were fierce. “I tried walking from you once. It nearly killed me. I won’t be doing it again, so that’s out of the question.”
His words warmed me.
He took my hand, and I gazed down at our joined fingers on my lap. I felt a tear falling.
“I was going to Montana.” I told him everything. “It wasn’t too far over the border. Blade and Carol were going to meet me there, and after the fireworks settled, they were going to reach back out to the Network. They were going to try to work with them again, just from where we were. That was a few years down the road. We all thought it’d take that long. There was a cabin on a lake. I had enough cash with me to buy it, and we had the papers all ready. I was never going to let you know about her.”
His hand spasmed against mine, but unlike the last few days, I held him tight. He tried to withdraw, but I clamped down and made sure he was meeting my gaze. I wanted him to see inside of me.
“I love you too.”
His eyes turned sad.
I knew why.
“I started that first night when you slept with me in the same bed, even though you knew I wanted to kill you. Then I did try, and you caught my knife, but you did nothing. I fell a little more. Then you called me ‘slicer.’ Then I found out you won’t let your family fly because you love them that much, and how you know it’s ridiculous, but you don’t care…”
I went down the list. It was long, but I told him every moment he’d taken a piece of my wall away.
“You gave me the bigger room at the hotel. You let me run from you at the warehouse, but I knew I was safe, even if you caught me. Part of me wanted you to catch me. When you let Blade go. How I knew, no matter what, that you would protect me.”
My voice dropped to a whisper. “You made me feel special, and loved, and beautiful, and you did all of it without saying a word. There were no proclamations. I just knew. I felt it. It was everything I never felt growing up. You knew me before I realized it. Coming into my life, shattering my walls, taking me, and making me a different woman—you challenged me. You still challenge me. Your life, what you do, you’re as captive to it as your siblings are. You’re a prisoner to your own last name.”
My heart started to beat harder. It hurt. There was something I needed to know. It hurt to say it, but I had to know.
I held his hand tight and never looked away, the importance of this question pressing heavily against my chest. “If you’d found out about her, would you have let me stay away? Or would you have come to get us?”
He didn’t answer, just held my gaze.
A wall slid away from him. I hadn’t even known it was there. He had been letting me see him this whole time, but that wall, it was his last one. I saw the love shining back. It was overwhelming, and I was stunned by it.
I had known, but I hadn’t known how much.
Then a shadow crossed his face, and I ached.
He ran his thumb over over my knuckles. “I know the romantic answer here is that I would’ve come for you no matter what, but that’s not the truth. You were leaving to give our child a life away from this world, so no, I would’ve let you live your life there.”
I turned away, a bittersweetness filling me.
He shifted, his hand catching my chin and turning me to him again.
“But I would’ve watched you,” he said fiercely. “You’re right. I am a prisoner to this life so I would’ve watched you from the other side. And I would’ve loved you from afar. I would’ve done anything in my power to make sure you and our daughter had the life you wanted. It hurt so much when I found out about the baby, but I understand why. I do.”
He stopped, still so stricken. His thumb rubbed over my bottom lip, and he gripped my hand with other. “But I can’t let you go. The first time I tried, it nearly killed me. Please don’t ask me to do it. I love you too much. I need you too much.”
My hand rose to cover his as he cupped my face. “No.” I reached for him, cradling his cheek. “I love you too much to walk away.”
He nodded, his forehead resting against mine. There were tears in his eyes. “I wish I had known about her from the beginning. I would’ve loved her so much. I do love her so much.”
“I know. Me too.”
Tears slid down my face, but I reached for him, and he was there.
Meeting me halfway.
EPILOGUE
Looking down the bank of the Mississippi River, I met the eyes of a boat captain I’d met five years earlier. This time, instead of ferrying the ex-guard Kai had decided to hide and not execute, he had a woman and two children—another thwarted mafia hit. When Kai had received the news of their planned hit, he’d opted to save them instead, hiding them and sending them up through the Mississippi, taking them the entire way to where I was waiting.
I waited, cloaked in darkness along with Blade and Carol, for the survivors. I stepped forward to see it was a shallow-bottom boat. They must’ve changed to this one when the river started narrowing. It was just sturdy enough to glide over the top of the water. It had no engine, and I eyed the captain’s arms. He set aside the paddles, giving me a nod in greeting as I caught the end of the boat and pulled them to the bank. I got it as close as I could, but we still weren’t quite there. Large boulders blocked the way, but this was the closest point we could find to get them to a waiting vehicle.
The bottom of the boat scraped over the rocks, but it was cold. Even a small amount of water on someone’s shoes could end in disaster on a winter day in Itasca State Park. The temperature had dropped dramatically. By tomorrow this end of the river would be frozen over.
“Any problems I should know about?” I asked.
I wore thigh-high waders and a sturdy coat, and we had a caravan of SUVs just down the trail that would blast the heat on high as soon as we got in.
He shook his head. “No. We were searched by a game warden, but that was farther south around St. Cloud.” He jumped out of the boat, but without the waders. Ignoring my look, he picked up one of the kids, carrying her to the bank. He did that with each of them, helping the woman last as I continued emptying the boat of their bags.
These days my help with the 411 Network was completely off the books.
No one knew about it—and by no one, I meant literally this boat captain, the few guards Kai trusted to me, and Kai himself. Blade and Carol weren’t even here officially on behalf of 411, though they did still work for them. When they got back to work, those two would purposely mislabel files and shuffle their paperwork into the system. So after this, they would have new names and an entire Network behind them to help. The Network just didn’t know about it.
Kai insisted it had to be this way. He had enough people inside the 411 Network to not trust them
, but this was my way of helping—Kai’s too. The boat captain was the only one Kai trusted, and Blade and Carol were the only ones I trusted, so meeting in areas like Itasca State Park after it was closed had become a part of the business.
Once everyone was wrapped up in the waiting blankets, I eyed the captain’s wet pants and boots. “You can’t boat back like that.” I grabbed one of the blankets and held it out to him. “Here. Take that. Press the button, and it’ll heat you.”
He took it, then waved me on. “You get going.” He was already splashing back to the boat. Gripping the edge, he pulled himself in. He bent down, and I heard a few thuds as he seemed to be changing boots and socks, putting on dry ones instead. I could hear crinkling sounds before he straightened, reaching for the paddle again. “I got warmers in there now. It’ll tide me over. I got a buddy’s fishing cabin not far from here. Just a few miles back.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure. Once I get enough depth, I’ll put on the small motor and make it go faster. I’m good. Trust me.” He was already starting to row away. He held up a hand. “Tell the boss I’ll be ready for the next shipment. You be safe too, missus.”
Safe.
I loved one of the fiercest mafia bosses there was. I helped hide victims he knew his rivals had targeted. Safe had gone out the window the day I chose to remain beside Kai Bennett. Then again, I had no choice. I loved him, no matter what. Enemies would come and go—the woman who aligned herself with Blade once upon a time, the man who had taken Kai’s plane hostage for a brief moment. Those were only two enemies that had been a blip in our life together so far. I’d been hiding from my father before that. Kai had murdered his.
Safe was a word that didn’t exist for me anymore. Smart. Cunning. Cautious. Those were words I now lived by. Or I had—my hand touched on my stomach—until this little one came into the world. This was my last errand, the term I’d used when I worked for the 411 Network. Hiding—maybe that was a better term. But helping people like this live, that was my job.
