“I mean, you can take it out of spite, it’s your call.” Tom settled into his recliner, kicking it up so he could stretch his legs out. “But we both know you don’t want it.”
“Since when?”
“Since you got the call for the first interview,” Tom said, chuckling. “You and I both know you only applied because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do, not what you want to do.”
“It’s a big step up,” Seth admitted, unbuttoning the top buttons of his starched white shirt. “What if I’m not ready?”
“Oh, you could do it.” Tom’s confidence made Seth grateful to have him as a friend. “You know I know good cooks, and you’re one of the best. You could do that job in your sleep. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? You can design the menu, but it won’t change much after that; you won’t get to be as creative as you can be at LUSH; and you won’t be working with a mentor who can properly train you.”
“For a guy with no confidence, your food ego is outta control.” Seth rolled his eyes.
“I’m just saying,” Tommy said, shrugging. “I’m not sure it’s the right move to do it now, especially when you’re on the fence anyway.”
“It has nothing to do with Natalie.”
“Uh huh, sure it doesn’t.” Tom snorted.
“Fine. Maybe it does, a little,” Seth conceded.
“Thought so. And I guess, if I have to say it aloud, I don’t want you to go, either.” Tom didn’t look at Seth as he talked, instead staring at the TV screen as he set up a game. “I think we’re finally finding our rhythm, and could do some really awesome things for LUSH.”
Against his better judgment, Seth leaned forward, puzzled. “Like what? LUSH is already the best restaurant in the city.”
Tommy shrugged. “So let’s find a bigger map. Best place in the region, the state. I want our food to be known, man. I want reservations for weeks and lines around the block because we serve the best meal within driving distance. Ya know what I mean?”
Seth’s eyebrows still hadn’t gone down. “I had no idea you were this ambitious, Tommy boy.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve learned a few things from my pop. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. It’s time to aim higher.” Tommy kept clicking buttons and staring at the game, as if refusing to look in Seth’s direction. Seth didn’t miss the bitter note in his voice when mentioning his dad.
“You’ll do it,” Seth said, nodding. “I have no doubt you can.”
“You and I could do it easily,” Tommy continued, risking a glance at Seth, “but that means you gotta stick around for a while.”
Seth heaved a ragged sigh, wiping his palms on the knees of his jeans. “I promise I’ll think about it. I don’t want to let you down, you know that.”
“Of course I do. Look, take the gig if it’s what you really want, Seth. But know that you’ve more than earned your place at LUSH and can learn a lot more,” Tommy said, tipping his glass of soda at him. “Don’t ever worry about your job as long as I’m there.”
“Thanks, man.” Seth sat back against the couch cushion. “I don’t know what I’ll do, but I guess I’ll figure it out.”
Seth dragged himself to his room to crash, but wound up spending the next few hours wishing his phone would buzz with a text from Natalie. He’d been so stupid to practically yell at her, especially at her father’s memorial. She was going through enough without him trying to corner her into a conversation.
As soon as he berated himself about that, though, he’d get frustrated all over again. He’d wasted years wandering aimlessly, not knowing what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Truth be told, maybe he’d been scared to choose, to make such an important decision for himself. It wasn’t until he’d been forced to reevaluate everything that he finally found his ambition. Four years of hard work–would he be throwing that all away if he gave Natalie his heart instead?
Finally, Seth picked up the phone to call the manager at the pub to give him an answer about the job offer.
Natalie spent two days sealed up in her room, crying into her pillow anytime she even so much as thought about her dad or Seth. Her whole life was in pieces, and no amount of trying could put it back together again. The situation with Seth had, as she’d known, broken her heart all over again, and she felt foolish for ever walking into LUSH.
Natalie went into the kitchen to help her mother with dinner. She grabbed plates and peeked over her mom’s shoulder. “After all of it is finally gone from our fridge, I’ll never eat casserole again.”
Her mom chuckled. “I’ll remember that at Thanksgiving.”
Natalie’s heart clenched a little when she thought about her father’s favorite holiday. Her mom sensed the tension and cleared her throat.
“Why don’t you open that bottle of wine in there?” she asked, gesturing to the refrigerator.
“We have wine?” Natalie asked, opening the door. Sure enough, a chilled bottle of white wine sat on the shelf. “Since when?”
“That handsome bartender you work with dropped it off while you were in the shower earlier today.”
“Hunter?” Natalie asked in disbelief.
Her mom shrugged. “Said he couldn’t stay, but wanted to pass on his condolences.”
“And he dropped off wine.” Natalie stared at the bottle, touched at Hunter’s consideration. Maybe it was his idea of a peace offering.
“I prefer it to another casserole, don’t you think?”
Natalie quickly grabbed the bottle and uncorked it. Halfway through their meal, her mother raised her eyebrows.
“What?” Natalie asked.
“When are you going back to LUSH?”
“I’m not sure.” Natalie shrugged, looking down at her plate.
“You need to go back to work,” her mom said.
“It’s only been a week,” Natalie argued. “They’re fine without me and can cover my shifts–”
“It’s not about them, Nat, this is about you. You need to get back to work, to your life.”
“What about you, someone needs to take care of you–”
“Sweetheart, I’m not going to fall apart because you’re gone in the evenings,” her mom said. “I have work, too, you know. School starts back in two weeks.”
“You’ll be able to go back, just like that?”
“I know it won’t be easy, but I have to try.” Her mother took a deep breath. “We’ve known for two years that your dad was going to die. He and I talked a lot about this, more than I’ll ever be able to explain to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Now that he’s gone, I have to live my life again,” her mother said. “It’s what your father wanted, for both of us to move forward. We’ve been at a standstill for so long, we’ve both forgotten what it’s like to have momentum, wouldn’t you say?”
Natalie looked down at her lap, hating how right she was, but knowing it all the same. “It’s only been two years, but it feels like two decades. I’m so off-course from the original plans, I don’t even know if I know how to do it all again.”
“Screw the plans,” Natalie’s mother said.
Natalie froze, her wine glass nearly slipping from her fingers. She’d never heard her mother utter such a phrase. “What?”
“Screw the plans,” she repeated faintly. “Your father and I had plans. Get married, buy a house, raise you, work until we could retire and travel … we had so many plans that we’ll never get to do now. You never know, Nat. Life is precious and you shouldn’t waste another second of it. Your father and I wasted too much time planning instead of actually living.”
“Mom,” Natalie said, throat closing up with emotion.
Her mother waved her off. “No sweetheart, it’s true. It doesn’t matter how many plans we make. Just look at your plans and how long it took you to get back on track. Think of how much easier the last few years would’ve been with someone by your side.”
Natalie gaped at her. “Like who?”
&nb
sp; “The line cook-turned-sous-chef who always made you laugh,” her mom said, raising her eyebrow along with her knowing tone. “I know you still have feelings for Seth. And judging by the way he looked at you the other day, it’s mutual.”
Natalie hung her head, miserable. “I don’t think so, Mom. Seth has plans of his own now. Ironic, really.”
“Whether you realize it, whether he admits it, you’ve been a part of his plans since the day you left,” she retorted. “I knew it the moment that boy came to our front door, asking where you’d moved and how he could contact you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me he did that?” Natalie asked, her voice nearly a whisper.
“Would it have changed your mind?”
“I-I don’t know.” Natalie bit her lip, shaking her head even as tears filled her eyes. “Maybe, maybe not. There’s no way of knowing now.”
“You made your decision.” Her mother reached out and patted her hand. “It wouldn’t have been fair to make you rethink everything, not after you agonized making the choice to leave. But maybe you’re back for a bigger reason than just your father.”
“What do you mean?”
“Perhaps you’re also back to fix that broken heart.”
“I think it’s too late for that,” Natalie said sadly. “I said some horrible things to him. Besides, he’s going to take that job and move away.”
Her mother sighed, holding up a finger for Natalie to wait right there. She disappeared into her bedroom, returning moments later with a cream-colored envelope. She handed it to Natalie, who stared at the familiar scrawl across the front.
Her father’s handwriting: Natalie. She opened the unsealed envelope, and at the sight of the three handwritten pages, nearly fell apart at the seams. She glanced at the date in the corner, then to her mother through the tears.
“He wrote this the day before he died?”
Her mom nodded, biting her lip as her own eyes watered. “I don’t know if he knew the end was near, but he spent the entire evening writing it.”
The paper shook in Natalie’s hands as she read, dinner forgotten.
My dearest Natty,
There are a million things I want to tell you, and it’s harder than I thought writing you this letter. Before this gets too sappy, you should know how proud I am of you. There aren’t enough words in the world to express my sorrow at how you must be feeling.
I am so sorry I won’t be there to walk you down the aisle or hold my grandchildren. When I think of the worst part of this situation, I am most sorry about missing the rest of your life, and all the moments in it.
But my absence does not mean I am not with you. And it does not mean you should avoid life, watching it pass you by, simply because I am gone. I do not want that for you or your mother. You both put your entire lives on hold since the day of my diagnosis; Natty, it’s time to let me go and put yourself first.
You are so bright and funny and sweet; you have been since the day you were born and I cannot begin to describe how deeply I love you. You and your mother are the best things in my life. Never forget that.
You’ve always been a Type A planner. You get it from your mother, I suppose, and it’s not a bad way to be when it comes to things like your finances or education. But when it comes to fun, to love, I’m afraid I have failed you. I should’ve spent less time stressing the importance of budgets and more time encouraging you to live, to chase life. To enjoy the little things and stop wondering about the “what if’s” because that is simply no way to live.
I want you to smile and laugh, and always be true to your heart. The afternoon we spent together, with your sous chef, was one of the best days I could’ve asked for, Natty. And you might think of me as some old man, but I know love. I remember it every time I look at your mother. I watched you two together, how you smiled at him, how his eyes softened every time he looked at you. I don’t know if you two are meant to be together, but I do know that what you two have is special. Don’t be afraid of it; you deserve to love and be loved.
As I prepare for my final days, and think of anything I can do to ease your grief, I’ve come to this conclusion: it’s never too late. Don’t be so focused on what’s down the line that you overlook what’s right in front of you. You can do all the things you want to do, and still have love in your life, right beside you.
I love you, Natty, more than you could ever know. I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to go through. But now that I’m gone, it’s time for you to let go. Let go of what you think you should do, and instead do what you know is in your heart. It’s my final request, and I hear it’s bad luck to ignore such a thing.
Love you always and forever,
Daddy
Tears streamed down Natalie’s cheeks, and she hardly paid attention to anything else as she accepted the tissues from her mother’s outstretched hand.
“It’s never too late for love, my sweet girl. Not as long as you both walk this earth.” Her mother patted her arm. “You shouldn’t have regrets. Don’t let Seth be one any longer.”
Natalie stared at her father’s letter, rereading it again as her heart clenched. Did she really want to be with Seth? Would it be worth their history and heartache to try and be together now? Would it be worth her future to change everything she’d ever wanted and planned for herself?
Seth had been restless all day, all week, really. He went to the gym and worked his shifts, but it mostly felt like he was simply going through the motions. It was like a cloud had overtaken his sight, colors gray and dull before him.
That Monday, he disappeared into the LUSH kitchen, unable to focus on anything at home. The pouring down rain didn’t help his sour mood. He didn’t want to play video games or clean the house or do anything, but maybe inventing a new dish would inspire him. It worked for Tommy most days when he was down, so Seth figured it couldn’t hurt to try.
He turned the music on low, pulling out cookware and utensils as he considered what to make. Not a croque madame. He’d be lucky if he ever made one of those sandwiches again without feeling nauseous at the memories associated with it.
A banging at the back door jarred him. He rolled his eyes, grumbling under his breath. It was probably Daniel, locked out of the restaurant again.
“I’m coming, I’m coming, hang on.” Seth dragged himself to the back door. “Geez.”
When he opened the heavy red door, however, he was stunned to see a soaking wet Natalie standing there. Rain dripped off her, her curls plastered to her head. He stared at her in shock.
“C-can we please talk?” she asked.
He stepped aside wordlessly, ushering for her to come inside. He shut and locked the door after her. She walked into the service station, grabbing a spare towel to dry her face with, and wring her hair out a bit. Seth didn’t say a word the entire time, his heart thumping madly instead as a million thoughts went through his head.
“How did you even know I was here?” he asked stupidly.
“I went to your house,” she explained, catching her breath. “Tommy told me.”
He wasn’t sure yet whether to hug or hit his best friend. He folded his arms across his chest. “What are you doing here, Natalie?”
She hesitated, her eyes welling up with tears. Seth stood there, refusing to move a muscle as he waited for an explanation. It was bad enough she stayed on his mind every waking minute, but now she had to invade his time here, too.
“I’m sorry,” Natalie blurted out. “I’m so sorry for the things I said. I was terrible.”
Seth froze. Had he heard her correctly?
“I shouldn’t have pushed you away.” She looked down at her wet shoes. “I just … I knew for months and months he would die, and when I wasn’t there with him when it finally happened, I felt so guilty. That wasn’t your fault, though, and I was wrong to take it out on you.”
The words spilled from Seth’s mouth; he couldn’t say them fast enough. “You were going through one of the worst moments of your life. I’m s
orry, for pushing you to talk about us when it was the last thing you needed at the time.”
Her arms fell to her sides, her mouth forming a small “o” of surprise. He instinctively took a step towards her.
“So you came here in the pouring down rain just to apologize?” he asked, daring to allow himself a tiny sliver of hope.
Natalie’s shoulders relaxed. “My dad left me a letter. I’d like you to read it, one day. But he told me not to let life pass me by, or give up on something real right in front of me. And I think he’s right.”
“How so?”
She hesitated. “Because … because I don’t know if I can let you go again. I did it once already, and I’ve regretted it every single day since. I know you have other plans, that you might not stay at LUSH, but–”
“I didn’t take the job,” Seth said quietly. “I couldn’t, not when … not when everything I ever wanted was right in front of me.”
Natalie hesitated. “A-are you sure? Because I could never ask you to stay.”
Seth smiled at her. “Even if I wanted to leave, I’d just ask you to come with me.”
Wet curls fell into her face as she looked down, lips pressed into a pleased little smile. The movement made Seth’s heart skip a beat, and he reached for her hands, unable to hold back any longer.
“I love you.” He didn’t look away as he spoke. “I never stopped, if I’m being honest. I’m still in love with you, Natalie.”
“Oh, Seth.” She bit her lip before speaking, blinking a few times. “I feel the same way. I love you, too.”
Seth’s heart swelled as she looked up at him, her big brown eyes shiny with unshed, happy tears. His eyes seared into hers and she reached for him. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she pulled him in. Natalie kissed him, and he returned it with everything he had, never wanting to let go.
When they finally pulled away, they were breathless.
“And you’re sure you’re okay with staying here at LUSH’s sous chef?” Natalie asked him.
Seth laughed, planting a kiss on her forehead. “Yeah, I’m sure. Tommy needs me. Besides, I still have a lot to learn and work just got infinitely better with you around.”
Hot in the Kitchen Page 11
