by Jay T
“No, you’re right. I was locked up. I wasn’t right in my head.” I don’t like the way he said it, like it was a dirty thing, but I don’t want him to feel bad for saying it either. It is what it is.
“Look I didn’t mean-”
“-I know. It’s fine.”
Amy looks guilty as well. I haven’t worked out yet what we’re going to tell them but I don’t want to get into it right now.
“Where is he?” I ask Robert.
“Where’s who?”
“Robert, come on. I need to talk to him.”
He’s clearly not happy but he finally says, “His foster home is off Lilac. The big house on the left that needs some work.”
“Thank you.” I turn to leave.
“Do you know him?” Robert asks, clearly hurt.
“Yes.” I answer but don’t stop. I keep walking to the car.
“Robert,” I overhear Amy say, “don’t.”
I make it to my car and see Robert stomping back into the house, Amy looking after me.
I now know where he is; I can go to him. I feel giddy again as I put the car in reverse and speed away to the foster home.
There’s a big two-story house on the left that looks like the yard hasn’t been mowed this year, and paint is peeling off just about everywhere. There are about a half dozen bikes on the side of the house in different sizes and colors. I make my way up the uneven sidewalk and my hands begin to tremble. I take a deep breath and knock on the door. There’s a lot of movement inside but no answer. Maybe they didn’t hear me. I knock again. It feels like an eternity passes before the door opens and I jump.
“Yeah?” An older lady with graying hair, wearing a nightgown, answers the door. She’s wearing big fluffy slippers that look ridiculous.
“Um, is E, I mean -Anny here?”
“Who are you?”
“Oh, um, I’m just a friend.”
“He’s in the shower, he’ll be out in a minute.” She turns and leaves me standing outside as she goes back into the house. Do I go in? She left the door open…
I step just inside the door and close it behind me to keep the mosquitoes out. The house is dark, all the curtains are closed. There’s a pile of about 20 shoes just inside the door but nobody else around. Down the hall a door opens and steam escapes as Evan emerges, his shirt half on, his jeans low on his waist, and a towel to his dark hair. My breath catches as I take him in. His torso is perfectly sculpted. He must notice me staring because he quickly pulls his shirt down.
“Your um, your foster mom said you’d be out in a minute,” I fumble with something to say. He’s absolutely stunning. I just want him to reach out to me and pull me in like he used to, in the other world.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were coming. How did you know where to find me?” Oh great, he thinks I’m a stalker now.
“Robert gave me the address.” Can he tell I’m so nervous?
“Robert did?”
He’s making a funny face. Maybe Robert said something to him? What could it possibly be? “Why did you take off?”
He just shrugs.
This isn’t going very well. Not at all what I thought it would be like. Maybe he’s just shy? What can we talk about that will make it easier? “Brent says you guys have a gig coming up soon?” Please take the bait.
“What are you doing here, Eva?”
I feel like someone just poured a bucket of cold water down my back.
“I just,” he hates me. “I, I thought. Nevermind.” Oh my god, he hates me.
I have to go.
I turn for the door and hesitate for just a moment. Am I reading this situation right?
Please stop me, Evan. Just tell me you want me!
A moment passes and he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want me.
I close the car door behind me and I feel like such a fool. Chad said he loved me, that he was my other half. That he came to Earth to be with me. I remember everything about him from my dreams. I remember the way it felt to be in his arms, to feel like everything was going to be ok. He felt like my home. That wasn’t the guy in that room just now. I felt the opposite of loved, like he hates me. Maybe he regrets what he had to give up to be with me. Maybe I don’t live up to his expectations. Maybe he thinks I’m ugly.
I put the car into reverse and leave the driveway. In my rearview mirror, I see him emerge from his house in different clothes. He puts earbuds in his ears and takes off running in the opposite direction. I guess I’ll go back to my apartment and see if Naomi’s back. Maybe she’ll be sitting around eating all our food and she’ll spill everything about what’s wrong with him as soon as I walk in the door. I can’t leave things the way they are with Amy and Robert though. I decide my next stop will be to the cabin before I head to Aunt Kami’s house and say goodbye.
***
I pull into the driveway and everyone is gone except Brent, Amy and Robert.
Amy and Robert are both doing the dishes while Brent lies on the couch watching TV.
“How’d it go?” Amy asks.
I shake my head “no” and try my best not to show any emotion but I am so upset and defeated. Tears well up for a second before I regain control but Robert saw it.
He drops the dish towel next to the sink. “You got it from here?” he asks Amy.
She doesn’t speak, she just gives him a look.
“I got an errand to run, be back later,” he says.
“I’ll go with ya, buddy,” Brent says as he hops up, trying to keep pace with Robert.
When the door closes behind them, I turn and look at Amy.
“Look, I didn’t mean to say anything about Anny, but you kind of left me hanging with no direction on what to tell them.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”
“What did he say?”
I sigh and flop down onto the kitchen barstool. “Nothing. He didn’t want to talk.”
“Does he expect you to make up this grand lie and cover his ass without getting your story straight first?”
“Amy, am I losing my mind?” Emotion overcomes me as a tear escapes and runs down my cheek.
Robert slams open the door. “I forgot my ke- mother fu-” He grabs his truck keys from the counter. The door slams shut behind him and a moment later, he peels out of the driveway.
I hold my hands up to Amy as if to say, “What the hell?” My own emotions are quickly forgotten.
“We’re all still adjusting to life,” she says. “He’s not perfect but he feels like he needs to watch over you now. Everyone knew Chad had that role, but since it’s been vacated, he’s well, he’s adjusting,” she shrugs.
I wipe my eyes and clear my throat. “Ok, tell me what happened.”
She fidgets with the last of the dishes for a moment. She puts the soap in the dishwasher, closes it, and pushes start.
“Robert says he really likes Anny. He said he doesn’t know him well enough yet to know if he’s a player or not though. They’re friends, but sometimes even friends fight.” She takes a seat on the stool next to me.
“What are they fighting about?” I turn towards her.
“He didn’t say. He just kept asking me why you wanted to see him. He wanted to know why Anny was so important to you. I didn’t know what else to tell him. I just said you guys knew each other but I didn’t know how or where from.”
“So, if I know him, Robert knows Anny isn’t his name?”
“I told Robert that Anny’s name is Evan.”
“That’s going to lead to some questions.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Crap,” I whisper. I wish I knew how to answer them. I’m obviously not going to tell them my crazy story. I don’t think Evan’s going to want them to know about it either.
“So, what did Evan say to you?” Amy asks.
“He asked me what I was doing there. It was so awkward. He didn’t want to see me at all.”
“Seriously? That’s so weird.” I shrug and she continues. “Did
you see his face when we got here last night?”
“Yeah, I saw it,” I say, remembering his expression.
“What do you think that was all about?”
My stomach twists. “I have no idea.”
“Then down by the lake he just says I’m sorry?”
“Yes. He literally said, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then he said something about becoming worthy of me.”
Amy makes a confused face and I nod.
“You alright?”
Am I? “I just really hope I haven’t made this whole thing up in my head, ya know? Like what if I’m not well yet?”
“If you’re not well, then neither am I,” She says. She pulls her pant leg up to show me the welts from the darkness that tried to drown her in the lake. “There’s proof your story is real.”
I gently touch my side where Nikolas stabbed me. It’s healed, but I still feel it from time to time.
I nod. She’s right. I’m being silly. I’m not losing my mind just because some boy doesn’t like me. “I think I’m going to head back up to my apartment tomorrow. I need to get back to work,” I say. “I already missed a shift yesterday.” Amy’s face drops. I don’t want to lose her yet but I don’t want to hang around Evan and annoy him. “How would your parents feel about you spending the rest of the summer in Anchorage with me?” I ask.
“Are you kidding me?” she says. “They’ve been smothering the life out of me since the last accident. Coming here is as much freedom as I can get and they still blow my phone up checking on me.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, Aunt Kami calls me every night on the landline to make sure I’m actually home by 9:30.”
“Doesn’t she know you can forward the calls to your cell?”
Uhhh,
“You didn’t know you could do that?” she asks, off my silence.
“No idea.”
Amy giggles. “You need me. I’ll just have to convince my parents.”
I squeal. It’s a very girly squeal and it feels good to be happy again; to smile freely and be myself. “Ok, but if Naomi’s there we’re going to have to work out sleeping arrangements. Can you give me a few days to figure out where she is and if she’s coming back before you come?”
“It’s going to take more than a few days just to talk my parents into it. You got time,” Amy says.
***
When I get to Aunt Kami’s house later on, I hesitate for a second before I smile. “Love you guys,” I whisper to my family before turning the handle and going inside. It’s so nice to know they’re here. They’ve always been here.
Aunt Kami comes around the corner as I close the door behind me. “It’s good to see you, Eva.”
I turn and hug her. “It’s good to see you too.”
“I just made brownies.”
“You know just what to say, Aunt Kami.” We laugh and head to the kitchen together.
15 evan
I pushed my body harder than I maybe should have. My muscles are tight and over worked as I turn the last corner on my way back to the house. I ran for two and a half hours, punishing myself for how I treated Eva, for everything I’ve done to mess up her life so badly. There’s a truck in the driveway, Robert’s truck. And there are two shadows inside. I slow my pace to a walk as I put off having this conversation as long as possible. As I walk up the driveway, Robert hops out of the truck and stalks towards me. I stop walking but he keeps coming. He punches me in the jaw and I flash back to my past life as I was being beaten to death as Eva convulsed beside me from the drugs I got for her. I don’t try to stop him. I look up and Robert punches me again. I deserve it. He uses his other hand and punches me once more. I look at him. Hit me again. His blows aren’t enough to make me stumble or fall. I wish they were.
“Come on! Fight me!” he yells.
I don’t. I just stand tall and keep my face a mask. I let him hit me again.
By the fourth punch, Brent is standing behind him. “Alright man, that’s enough,” he says.
“Stay out of this, Brent. This is between us,” Robert says.
He punches me again. It’s still not enough to knock me down.
“Robert, stop man!” Brent says.
“Why won’t you fight me?” he yells.
I spit out a little blood from where my teeth dug into my cheek. In my mind’s eye, I watch as the life leaves Eva and her eyes close forever. “Because I deserve it,” I say quietly.
My words seem to have the opposite effect of what I intended. He drops his hands to his sides.
“No, come on, hit me,” I say quietly.
Robert sighs. “I don’t want to hit you, man,” he looks at his knuckles and shakes his head.
“Good,” Brent says, “this is good. Ok, no more punching the brick wall. You need another cast there Robert?”
“Shut up, Brent.”
“How’s your face, Anny?”
“It’s Evan.” Robert’s tone is harsh as he looks at me with disgust. “Isn’t that right?”
“Wait, what?” Brent looks at me in shock.
I nod.
“When did we know this?” Brent asks looking between Robert and I.
I just stare at Robert. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what Eva’s told them but it’s obviously enough to make him mad at me.
“You just been playin’ us this whole time?” Robert asks.
I don’t answer.
“Shiiiiiiit,” Brent mutters.
“Who the hell are you?” Robert asks.
That is an excellent question. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be here.
“Look, man, he obviously has some secrets, but we know this dude, he’s alright.” Brent keeps defending me.
What can I tell them that’s the truth? What can I say that will make Eva’s life easier?
“I got my memories back the first time I saw her,” I say.
“Last night?” Robert asks.
I slowly shake my head no and Robert narrows his eyes at me. Brent shakes his head in disappointment.
“I’ll be in the truck,” Brent says to Robert.
When I hear the door slam, I let out the breath I’ve been holding.
“How long?” Robert asks.
I look at him.
“How long have you been lying to us?”
With my hands at my sides, I work my jaw back and forth. I don’t want to answer him. My jaw isn’t too bad, a little sore.
“You just gonna ignore me?” he asks.
“I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Anytime would’ve been fine. You could’ve just come out and said, ‘Hey, my name’s Evan and I remember a lotta shit.’”
I don’t answer him.
“Why Eva?”
“What?”
“Why did you get your memories back when you saw Eva?” he asks.
“I remembered her.”
“Remembered her from where? Why did you lose your memories? What happened to you?” He tosses questions at me like rapid fire. I don’t want to answer any of them.
Flashes of Eva play back in my mind. “Just kill me! Please! Let me die! I give! I give.” Her fists on the door are bloody as she begs for mercy.
“Get your ass in the truck before I punch you again.”
Huh?
“Dude, we got some shit to work out but none of us is ready to lose another friend. Let’s get a beer,” he says.
I don’t want to let my hopes get up that somehow there will be room in this life for me.
Maybe Eva will be there. I need to apologize.
I hop in the back of the cab.
“You want to ice that, Anny?” Brent asks from the front seat.
“It’s Evan.” I say. It feels great to say out loud. A smile plays on my lips.
“Anny, you gonna be able to eat a steak on that jaw tonight?” Robert asks, making a point. I’ll always be Anny to them.
“You hit like a girl,” I say deadpan.
Robert throws an open water bottle at me a
nd soaks the front of my shirt. I chuckle.
16 eva
It’s been about two weeks since I got back to Anchorage. I really hoped Naomi would be standing at the espresso machine when I opened the door to the apartment. She wasn’t. I looked in her room. She wasn’t there either.
I thought maybe she’d be at work. When I showed up for my shift, they told me they haven’t seen or heard from her either. They assumed she’d quit. I almost lost my job as well but I told them I’d had a medical emergency. I had to show them my ER paperwork. They let me off the hook. Amy’s supposed to get in tonight and spend the last few weeks of summer with me. Aunt Kami keeps asking me if I’m going to come back home to finish my senior year of high school. I just can’t see myself in the same old hallways with the same people and the same teachers.
“Did you hear about that band from Kenai?” my co-worker Natalie asks picking up dirty plates from her table.
“No, what?” I reply as I finish wiping down my last table of the night.
“The Rousties, ya know, the ones that played here a month or so back, they’re like, broken up or something.” She loads the dishes into the bucket and starts to wipe her table. She has about three more to do before she can leave for the night.
I just talked to Amy a few hours ago when she stopped in to grab a set of apartment keys. She didn’t say anything about the guys having trouble. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, Sanders called and tried to book them again but I guess their manager called him back and said they weren’t accepting gigs at this time.” Sanders is our manager here at Sullivan’s.
“Why won’t they accept any gigs?” Is Evan just saying no because I work here? Does he really hate me enough to turn down a chance to play?
“Only thing I can think of is they broke up. Such a shame too because they were soooo good! That Anny guy,” she fans herself. “And the guy on the drums is so funny.”
“Did you get to hang out with them very much the last time they were here?” I ask her, trying to keep my voice even.
“The guy on the drums, Liam I think his name is, I talked with him a little. Anny didn’t stay after they were done. He took off right away. Too bad. I could’ve been all over that fine bod.”
He was busy saving Amy from drowning.
