by Kait Nolan
“Of course I knew that. On some level, anyway. But knowing and seeing are two different things.” All that effort she’d spent not to see, not to look, undone.
“Is it that it’s different than you remember? Home but not really?”
That trod far too close to the psychobabble she’d been avoiding since she went into the foster system. Her hands automatically fisted. “I don’t know.”
Maggie ignored the snappish tone. “Maybe you should go out there again to see it without hangover goggles. Nobody’s their best when the entire percussion section of an orchestra is pounding away in their skull.”
“Maybe.” Maybe she really did need to face the past in a way she’d never had the chance to do. But facing the past meant facing Logan after she’d spilled her guts about all that emotional…crap. Was she ready for that?
“What was that about, anyway? You haven’t been that drunk since right after Mom died.”
She hadn’t been that drunk even then.
The temptation to tell Maggie everything about Jayson and losing Olympus and the damned video—well on its way to a million views by now—was almost overwhelming. Her sister was a champion problem solver. Hell, it was what she did for a living out there in California. She’d have some kind of action plan put together inside a week.
But Athena simply wasn’t ready.
“I’m going through some stuff.”
“You know I’m here for you. For anything. Always.”
“I know.” And she did know, deep down in her soul. They’d been through hell together as kids. She could count on Maggie for anything. “I’ll get around to telling you. I’m just not there yet.”
Her sister drew in a slow, audible breath and let it back out. “Okay. But no more trying to solve problems with vast quantities of alcohol.”
“Promise. The temporary payoff was not worth the consequences.”
“Whatever this is, take care of yourself, Sis.”
“I will. I love you.”
“Love you back. Talk soon.”
Before she could lose her nerve, Athena grabbed her purse and headed downstairs. Flynn was in the office, updating information on the latest bookings. He looked up when she stuck her head in.
“Are you feeling better, then?”
She didn’t think she’d ever quite get used to hearing her brother-in-law’s smooth Irish brogue in East Tennessee. “Back among the land of the living. I thought I’d pick Ari up from her riding lesson this afternoon.” It was the perfect excuse to head out to the farm.
One dark brow winged up. “Wanting to have a chat with Logan?”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “I just thought I’d save you the drive.”
His lips quirked as he tried and failed to suppress a smile. “So that’s the way of it. All right, then. I’d appreciate the help. I’ve some paperwork to catch up on around here.”
With every mile closer to the farm, Athena’s stomach curdled just a little bit more. What was she even supposed to say to Logan? She still couldn’t quite believe she’d told him everything. But she was so used to people here knowing. What had happened to her father had been a topic of conversation for everybody in town when she was a child, and memories in Eden’s Ridge ran long. Everyone had looked at her with pity or judgment after that, just waiting for her to follow in her father’s footsteps and get into drugs because the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, after all.
Her teen years had been marked by total desperation to escape the pitying looks and be something other than “that poor Bryson girl.” Her drive for success had been as much about wanting to give them something else to talk about as it was the food. And it had worked. People liked being able to say they knew a rising star. Somebody who was sort of famous. Somebody who’d made the Ridge proud.
Now all that was gone and she’d be “that poor Reynolds girl.” New last name. Same backstabbing gossip.
And dammit, she’d told Logan everything. A huge part of her attraction to him had been that he wasn’t from the Ridge and didn’t know any of her past. Now he knew and he’d look at her differently. With pity or judgment or whatever the hell, just like everybody else. And that was her own damned fault.
It shouldn’t matter. He’d been a wedding fling. A helluva one at that. But she genuinely liked him. Enough that they’d actually talked when she’d gone back to Chicago. That had kind of fallen away when she’d started dating Jayson. She realized now that she’d missed those conversations. Missed him. They’d been…almost friends. Now he’d be just another one of the things she’d lost.
On that dismal thought, she rolled to a stop in front of the brightly-painted barn. Hating the feeling of vulnerability, she put on her favorite I-don’t-give-a-shit armor and walked around the barn to the corral, where her niece was circling on a chestnut horse, her smile brighter than the afternoon sun. Athena softened, just a little. Ari’s enthusiasm made hanging on to her bitch persona a challenge.
“Athena! Look! Look what I can do!” She nudged the horse into a trot and began to post.
Athena kept her eyes on the girl as she crossed over to lean on the paddock fence beside Logan. “Looking good, kid.”
“She’s been a quick study.”
Under the weight of his gaze, she braced herself to look at him. But it wasn’t the expected pity she saw. Surprised pleasure lit his hazel eyes, along with an undeniable flash of interest as he took her in from head to toe.
“I’ve never seen you in jeans before.”
She hadn’t given a thought to her outfit before coming out here. The ancient jeans and green t-shirt in ultra soft cotton were nothing to write home about. Comfortable. But he was looking at her exactly as he had the satin and lace she’d worn beneath her bridesmaid dress. Heat crawled up the back of her neck and into her cheeks as her brain flashed back to that night at Opal Springs.
She shrugged. “I guess you’ve mostly seen me at holidays and special occasions.”
“Jeans suit you.”
He did pretty amazing things for a pair of jeans himself. Not that she was going to go ogling his butt again with Ari mere yards away. And why was she even thinking about this right now? She’d broken up with Jayson not even two weeks ago. But standing here now, able to feel Logan’s eyes on her like a caress, it was hard not to be all Jayson who?
“How’s the head?” he asked.
“Better.”
“Good.”
She tensed, waiting for him to ask about the rest. Instead he shouted instructions to Ari. They watched her ride for another few minutes, standing in companionable silence. He didn’t pry, and some of her tension unraveled. That was why she’d told him, she realized. Because he never forced anything. He let her tell him what she wanted to tell him, on her terms. She wondered if that was deliberate or just the way he was.
Her skin prickled with awareness of his proximity. She could’ve tipped her head to his shoulder or leaned to brush her arm against his. She didn’t know what to do with that desire, though certainly it was better than the self-pity she’d been wallowing in on the drive out.
She’d never intended things with him to go further than a one-time thing. An indulgence. She’d seen him and she’d wanted. That should’ve been it. An enjoyable scratching of an itch. But then he’d been more. Turned out, the thoughtful, scruffy-faced farmer totally worked for her. His calm, unruffled demeanor was unarguably appealing. He never let her emotional storms—and he’d been witness to a few of them by now—bother him in the least. That was…oddly refreshing. She could admit to herself now that if they’d been in the same place after the wedding, she’d have pursued him.
We’re in the same place now.
She very nearly lifted a hand to brush that devil right off her shoulder. As gratifying as another fling with him would be, she didn’t need the distraction. There was major life shit to figure out.
Still, it was hard not to engage in a little what if. Her mind conjured up an image of him carrying her through
the house as she nibbled along his throat, his jaw, and made his muscles coil tight. He laid her down on the sofa, and she pulled that big, work-hardened body down over her to take what she wanted—
“Okay, I think we’re done for the day,” he called. “Cool him down, groom him, and put away your tack.”
Ari saluted. “On it.”
Athena gripped the rail hard enough her knuckles turned white. She’d asked him what she’d said to him. She hadn’t asked what she’d done.
He frowned at her. “You okay?”
“Fine.” She forced her lips to curve. Knowing her niece’s penchant for eavesdropping, she asked, “Do you have time to give me a little tour?”
“Sure.”
As Ari began to walk her mount in slower circles, Logan led Athena to a two-seater ATV. At the sound of the engine, the dogs burst free of a field and made a beeline toward them, dancing around the vehicle with happy barks before racing off ahead. They made her smile, reminding her of Samwise, the mutt she’d had growing up. He’d been some combination of hound, shepherd, and collie, made for running, and she’d adored him. He was buried in the apple orchard, beneath his favorite tree.
Logan drove her from one end of the farm to the other, pointing out crops, talking about plans. It was beautiful. Lush with rich earth and new, spring growth. He’d expanded beyond the basic crops and kitchen garden they’d had to include livestock. A small herd of cattle, goats, sheep. She’d seen chickens back by the barn. And, of course, the horses. He’d also added a series of hoop houses to extend the growing season and provide assorted produce year-round for the community supported agriculture program he’d started. He told her about his intention to build a bigger four-season greenhouse to replace the small one he’d experimented with over the winter. He was full of plans and dreams and ways to expand. Listening to him talk, Athena could see it—both what he’d done, what he wanted to do. There was something somehow soothing about seeing the land’s potential unlocked and fully realized. It helped ease some ache to know that it hadn’t gone to waste, hadn’t been ruined.
At the top of a hill on the far side of the property, he parked. “This is my favorite spot. From here I can see almost the whole farm. The house. The barn. The outbuildings.”
It spread out below them, a picture of pastoral beauty.
“Your spread is bigger than what we had,” she observed.
“The guy before me bought up a fair chunk of the surrounding acreage to add to the original farm. I bought up more. I wanted the room for crop diversification.”
“I still can’t get over what you’ve done here. What you’ve made of this place. This was my father’s greatest dream. Not one he ever came anywhere close to achieving. He struggled so much.”
“I still struggle. As you said, farming is tough. In a lot of ways it’s like playing futures on the stock market. You can do all the right things and Mother Nature can still decide you’re not worthy and destroy everything. I’ve been lucky on that front, so far. My issue’s been a lot more with exposure and making a profit competing against big agriculture.”
This, at least, was something she knew about. “You should make contacts with the restaurant scene in Nashville and the surrounding areas. Olympus has contracts with farmers all over Illinois to get the best of the best.”
“I’ve made some, but a lot of them are put off by the cost of organic produce. Particularly produce that has to come from four hours away, when there are other farms closer. They’ve all gotta deal with the current economy like everybody else. And then there’s the transportation costs and all the rest. I’m doing okay, but I’d like to expand more.”
She knew what it took to work a farm. She couldn’t begin to imagine how much he’d sunk into this place, both in money and blood, sweat, and tears, to make it thrive. She wondered how he’d come to be here, doing this. It wasn’t something she’d asked him in their conversations all those months ago, and she didn’t feel quite like asking him now. She had other things on her mind.
“Logan, I need to ask you something.”
He folded his arms loosely over the steering wheel and shifted to look at her. “Shoot.”
How to put this? “Do I have something to apologize for from the other night?”
“You don’t need to apologize for asking for a ride. I’d way rather you call than try to drive. That was the smart thing to do.”
“No, I mean—” She huffed a breath and took the bull by the horns. “Did I try to jump you?”
He pursed his lips, clearly considering his answer.
Shit.
“You might have made it clear that you were interested in a repeat performance of last summer.”
Not much embarrassed her. She was unapologetically herself pretty much all the time. But this… Covering her burning face with her hands, she wished she could sink into the ground beneath them. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.”
Spreading her fingers, she peered through them to see his face. “You’re not sorry I tried to maul you?”
“I’m not sorry you’re still interested on some level. So am I. If you’d been anywhere approaching sober, you’d have woken up in a very different bed. But you weren’t, so I stopped.” He shrugged. “I don’t see that as something to apologize for. If you decide you want to go there without the alcohol, I’m ready, willing, and able.”
Direct and to the point. She appreciated that in a person. So she opted to respond in kind. “My life is a fucking mess right now, Logan.”
“Because the asshole broke your heart or because of the imploded career thing?”
“My heart is broken because of the career thing. But I wasn’t in love with the asshole.”
“Does it make me a jackass if I say good?”
Her lips quirked. “It makes you honest. I find I appreciate that even more now than I did before.”
“Then in the name of honesty, let me just say that I want to be here for you. Whether that’s just as a friend or as a naked distraction.”
A shudder ran through her body as she imagined his hands on her skin, stroking, stoking the heat inside her. “You have no idea how appealing an offer that is.”
“An irresistible one, I hope.” The flash of his grin against that close-cropped beard had lust unspooling in her belly.
“I’m probably going to kick myself for this later, but I think, for now, for your sake, I need to avoid the naked. You deserve better than being a rebound guy.”
“While a part of me is inclined to say that rebound sex is better than no sex, the smarter part agrees with you. So no naked. For now. But the friend thing is still on the table.”
She sighed. “I could really use a friend.”
“Then consider me yours.”
His gaze caught hers and held. Tension snapped between them, and for a moment, she thought he’d blow the whole friend declaration all to hell and kiss her. She wanted him to.
Instead, he pulled back on a rueful smile. “This may be harder than I thought.”
“More trouble than it’s worth to try?”
“Hell no. You’re worth the effort.”
As he put the ATV into gear, she decided so was he.
Chapter 6
Spring planting was finally finished.
Thank Christ.
Filthy, tired, and starving, Logan came in from the fields, thrilled to be done before dark. He’d earned a beer. And a shower. Maybe a beer in the shower. Yeah. That’d be a fitting reward for his accomplishment. Maybe he’d haul his ass into town to the tavern for a meal he didn’t have to wrangle himself. He checked his watch. It was early yet. Maybe he could convince Athena to join him.
He hadn’t seen her since she’d stopped by the farm a few days ago, but they’d been texting and had had a few more of those late-night conversations they’d managed in the wake of the wedding. Well, late for him. His farmer’s hours and her chef’s hours didn’t have a ton of overlap. She still hadn’t shared any details about the
whole exploding career thing. He’d considered hitting up Google to see if it was a newsworthy kind of explosion. But if it was, he didn’t want to be one more yahoo invading her privacy. And he could admit to himself, he wanted her to tell him herself, in her own time. He wanted to earn that kind of trust. So he’d be patient.
Head full of her, Logan stored his equipment in the pole barn and headed for the house. He drew up short at the sight of Porter’s truck in the drive. Changing direction, he circled around to the far side of the big red barn—when would he start thinking of it as the stable? Porter leaned on the rail of the little corral, talking to Sebastian. Inside the fence was a pair of the sorriest-looking specimens of horse Logan had ever seen. Each rib stood out in stark relief along their sides and their heads hung low, nary an ear or tail twitch between them.
“Damn. They’re even worse than you described.” Logan joined Porter at the rail.
Sebastian’s jaw tensed. “I’d like a few hours alone with the asshole who let them get to this state.”
“Are we gonna have problems with him?” Up to this point, the rescues they’d gotten had been willingly surrendered. Animals whose owners could no longer afford their upkeep. These were the result of a judicial mandate.
“Law’s on our side. He lost the case and them. If that’s not enough to keep him away, I’ve got no problem sending a clearer message.” The dark glint in Sebastian’s eyes suggested he’d enjoy it.
“Guess we’ll see.”
“The vet’s been by,” Sebastian continued. “They’re extremely malnourished, obviously. Both have thrush in their feet and their hooves are overgrown. The bay there has a wound on her shoulder—probably from a barbed wire fence. That’s infected. Beyond all that, their spirits are broken. This is a level of profound neglect I can barely wrap my head around.”
“Think they’re gonna make it?” Porter asked.
“Could go either way. They’ll be treated for their medical issues. With some proper nutrition and TLC, their physical condition should improve. After that, it’ll be up to them. They have to choose life.”
