My parents talked with him for twenty minutes. When they came out of his office, Andrea gave me a sad, encouraging smile – as if she had not brought me here. Ned looked calm, and I wondered if his heart was beating like crazy.
“I’d like to talk to you, Charlotte,” Dr Nick said.
I passed my parents and followed Dr Nick into his office. He had a wooden desk with comfortable chairs. The large windows let in a lot of sunlight.
“Your parents tell me that you have never been to a psychologist before.”
“That’s correct,” I said.
“So tell me, why are you here?”
“To please my parents.” I sighed. “I don’t need therapy.”
“Your parents think otherwise,” he said. “Your mother tells me you don’t like talking to people. She says you find it hard to open up.”
I glared at him as if he were the reason for my problems. The truth was, I felt horrible that no one believed me, and I felt guilty for making my parents worry. It wasn’t fair to take my emotions out on the doctor – he just wanted to help.
“Do you know what patient-therapist confidentiality is?” he asked me.
“No.”
“It means that if you tell me something, I am sworn to secrecy. I am not allowed to tell anyone what you told me, unless you give me permission. If I do tell, I could lose my job.”
“Are you trying to tell me that this is a safe space?”
He nodded. “It is. I want you to feel comfortable talking to me. I want you to be able to say anything.”
I swallowed. “There is nothing I want to talk about.”
“Can we talk about the things you parents told me?” he asked. “I’m sure that would make them very happy.”
I drew a deep breath. Manipulator. He was playing on my feelings for my parents, but I was going to sit here for forty minutes, and might as well talk. “All right. What’s first?”
“Your parents tell me that they came home one day and found all of their gardening tools in your room. Apparently, the floor was scratched and dented very badly.”
“And they think I did it,” I said solemnly.
“Did you?”
“No, I was at work the whole day.”
“Then who do you think did it?”
I hesitated. Maybe I should take a chance and tell him the truth. He was a professional, and he was supposed to understand people. Maybe he’d even heard a similar story before. “I know who did it. It was a ghost.”
Dr Nick frowned. He didn’t look like he thought I was a liar, he appeared curious, and that made me think that he might actually try to understand me. “Excuse me. I think I heard you incorrectly. I thought you said a ‘ghost’ did it?”
“You heard right,” I told him. “I came home from work and found my room that way. I did not do it.”
Dr Nick wrote something down on a piece of paper while he kept his expression placid.
“And, just like everyone else, you don’t believe me.”
“I just did not anticipate that answer,” he said in a free-of-judgment tone of voice.
“Of course not,” I said. “You don’t believe in ghosts. What’s next?”
“The sleepwalking...”
“I don’t sleepwalk,” I said. “I never have.”
“Your mother and aunt say differently.”
“They are wrong,” I said.
“Will you tell me what happened the night your aunt caught you sleepwalking?”
I sighed. “There was a ghost in my room – the Red-eyed Lady. I followed her downstairs and ran into my aunt.”
“Did your aunt see this ghost?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Only I can see them. I’m ‘special’.”
He was scribbling on his notepad like a maniac. I was not going to convince him of the truth, though a tiny part of me still held onto the hope that I might.
“And the second incident?”
“We were at a holiday home. One night I saw the Red-eyed Lady outside, and I walked towards her. She disappeared, and a hand grabbed me. My family came to help me, but they could not see the hand.”
I must sound like a crazy person to him. I longed for Dimitri. I wanted to tell him about everything. He would believe me.
“And the hand disappeared when your family arrived?”
“Correct,” I said.
“Do you struggle to sleep?”
“No.”
“Have you ever taken drugs before?”
“No.”
This was feeling like an interrogation, as if he was going to lock me up, and I would never see daylight again. He had said this was a safe space, but now it didn’t feel like it. I would keep my replies as short as possible.
“What do you do in your free time?”
“I read,” I said.
“Do you have a lot of friends?”
“No. Can we stop now?” I asked.
He looked at his watch. “If you want to – then we can add the remaining time to our next session. Charlotte, I am a doctor. I studied many years, and I know what I am talking about.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to prescribe antidepressants and mood-stabilising medication for you. I would very much like to see you again.”
This was hopeless. There was no point in speaking. No one understood me. This doctor thought I was crazy. Instead of arguing, I nodded, which seemed to make him happy.
He accompanied me to the waiting area and asked to speak to my parents. They were both wide-eyed and pale-faced. I waited for them to return.
When they were finished, they were cautious around me – as if they expected me to explode. I knew they had booked another session with Dr Nick. I wanted to tell them that they were wasting time and money.
They bought my medication, and we drove home in silence. I went straight to my room. Before bedtime, there was a knock on the door, and Juan entered.
“Hey...”
“I assume Mom and Dad told you everything?”
Juan nodded. “They are worried about you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me...”
“Charlotte, I was there the night you sleepwalked and cried.”
“I know, and I wish you could have seen that hand. I wish you would believe me. No one believes me. That makes all of this so much harder!”
“I wish I could help you.”
“It would help me if you believed me,” I said, “but you don’t.”
“How can I?” Juan said. “Do you hear yourself?”
“Please leave. I had a long day, and I don’t want to fight with you.”
Juan hesitated before she went. I had not seen my sister look so sad in ages. I hated that I was the reason for my family being miserable.
Andrea came in next. In her one hand were pills, in the other was a glass of water.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“I’m fine.” I eyed the pills.
“Will you please take these?” My mother spoke gently.
I reached for the pills and put them in my mouth. I then took a mouthful of water.
My mother stroked my hair. “I’ll be right back,” she said and left, taking the glass.
Why had my mother not given me the full container of pills? Were my parents scared that I would overdose? I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I had kept the pills in my cheek like a hamster. I spat them into the toilet and flushed them away. Then I got back into bed and waited for my mother to return.
When she did, Andrea came straight to the bed and hugged me tightly. “I love you.”
“I know.”
I watched her leave. My father came next, and it made me feel as if I were five years old again.
“I’m proud of you,” he said.
“You have nothing to be proud of – I did not do anything.”
“You went to see Dr Nick, although you did not want to,” he said. “I know it was not easy opening up to him
.”
I did not say anything. My dad approached and kissed me on the forehead. “Sleep well.”
I waited awhile and then went to their room. The door was shut, and I put my ear against it so that I could hear better. I did not like eavesdropping, but felt it was necessary. I had to know what my parents were thinking.
“This is worse than I thought,” Andrea said.
“The doctor knows how to help her. The medication will work. We just have to give her some time,” Ned said.
“She’s delusional!” Andrea said. “And after all these years, she never told us. Who knows how long she’s needed help?”
“We are helping her now,” Ned said. “Did she take the pills?”
“She did.”
“Good. For now this is all we can do. Give her love and support, and make sure she drinks her medication.”
“What if she does not get better?”
I had heard enough. I went back to my room and softly closed the door. My heart felt heavy and my eyes wet. Crazy people did not know they were crazy. Maybe I was delusional. Maybe I was seeing things that weren’t there. Maybe I did need help. Everyone seemed to think that there was something seriously wrong with me.
At my desk, I paged through the notebook. The flowers Dimitri had drawn for me were beautiful. They filled me with happiness, and I wished he would show up. I looked to the window, but he was not there.
“Do you think I’m crazy?” I asked Amore.
Amore cocked her head, clearly listening to my voice. She looked peaceful and happy on the bed.
I went to the open window where I had a view of our driveway and street. One of these days the trees would not have any leaves left. Then I got into bed and thought of all the crazy things that had happened to me ever since I saw the Red-eyed Lady being murdered. It was one thing on top of the next. Had I imagined all of it?
It was time I told someone the truth. My mother would not believe me – she never listened. My father would pretend to be calm – but I would only freak him out. Juan would want to believe me, but even she would think that something was wrong with me. The only person who would understand and believe me was Grandma May.
Chapter 25
Charlotte
The next morning, I ate breakfast with my family. They were calmer and more loving than usual, and it only made everything worse. I did not need to be treated any differently. I did not need sympathy or support.
I finished my breakfast quickly and went upstairs to brush my teeth, while my family remained in the kitchen. I glanced downstairs, to double check that they stayed there, before I ran to my parents’ room. Once I was inside, I searched through my mother’s cupboards, drawers, and closet. I was about to give up when I thought about the bathroom. I opened the cupboard and found my pills. I stuck the two containers into my handbag and left the room as if I had never been there. I wanted to take the pills to Grandma May so that I could show her exactly what medication Dr Nick had prescribed for me.
I made my way to my car without greeting anyone. Instead of driving to school, I went to my grandmother. For once, I did not turn up the music. I enjoyed the silence because it gave me time to think.
I parked in Grandma May’s driveway, and the trees here had few leaves clinging to them. I wore my boots and winter coat. When I climbed out of the car, the cold kissed my cheeks. I headed to the door and knocked several times before Grandma May finally heard me and opened.
“Charlotte!” she exclaimed. “Come in! It’s so nice to see you! Your coat looks wonderful!”
I entered the house where a warm fire was burning and the kitchen smelled like fresh muffins.
“Can I make you some tea?”
“That would be lovely,” I said.
I went with Grandma May into the kitchen and helped myself to a chocolate chip muffin. Grandma May only made one cup of tea, and I assumed hers was already on the coffee table by the television. It was most likely cold.
“You are in a good mood,” I pointed out.
“I’m always happy when you visit me,” Grandma May told me.
“You are in an extra good mood,” I rephrased.
“Well, you won’t guess what happened...”
“What happened?”
“Abigail called me!” Grandma May exclaimed. “Can you believe it? Out of the blue she called me! I thought it was a one-time thing, but then she called me again today. I just got off the phone.”
“That’s amazing!” I said, although I knew Abigail called her because I was there when it happened.
“It is fabulous!” Grandma May added an extra spoonful of sugar in the tea. “She drove all this way to pick me up. I spent the weekend at her house. I met both of my beautiful grandchildren. Little Hanna is the sweetest girl who loves her dolls, and Emma hardly ever cries!”
“Wow,” I said. “Meeting them is a big deal!”
“I wish she had told me in advance. I would have loved to knit scarves for both of them.”
“I’m sure you will see them again soon,” I said.
“I believe I will,” she said. “Abigail said I could spend as much time with them, as I want as long as I don’t scare them with ghost stories.”
I carried my teacup, and the two of us headed to the couch and sat down. The couch was full of blankets and pillows, and it looked as if a teenager lived in the house who invited her friends for a sleepover every night.
“You look sad and tired,” Grandma May pointed out. “Is it the sleepwalking? Abigail mentioned that she found you sleepwalking when you visited them. Did you know that your mother was also a sleepwalker?”
“Until recently I did not,” I said, “and I don’t sleepwalk, either. That night I saw a ghost – the Red-eyed Lady again. I followed her down the stairs. I wanted to know what she wants from me.”
“Did you find out?”
“No,” I said. “I’m more confused than ever!”
My grandmother reached for me and touched my arm lovingly. “Eventually she will go away.”
“She’s been here for two months,” I complained.
Then I told my grandmother about our weekend away and the hand that had grabbed me. She listened to every word, observed me through her thick glasses, and nodded to show that she understood.
“Then my parents took me to a psychologist,” I said. I told her grandmother about my therapy session and the things I said.
“My dear, you knew he would not believe you! Why did you tell him the truth?”
“I am not sure,” I confessed. “I feel like I am going crazy. Maybe I do need help. Maybe something is wrong with me.”
“There is nothing wrong with you,” Grandma May said firmly.
“Dr Nick says otherwise,” I mumbled. I reached into my handbag and pulled out the containers of pills. “He prescribed these for me.”
Grandma May reached for the bottles, and I let her take them. She read the label slowly and carefully.
“These are antidepressants and mood stabilisers!” she said. “Please tell me you have not taken any of these pills.”
“I have not – yet.” I explained. “Mum and Dad want me to take them.”
“This will make you sick!” Grandma May got up angrily and went to the bathroom, having taken the pills with her.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I am getting rid of these!” she cried. She twisted the bottles open and emptied the contents into the toilet.
“Grandma! Those are expensive!”
“You don’t need them,” she said, and flushed the toilet. Grandma May returned to her seat.
I gaped at her. “Mom is going to kill me.”
“You can tell her I did it,” Grandma May said. “It was the wise thing to do.”
I looked down, feeling weak, embarrassed, and tired. “Are you sure the pills can’t help me?”
“They can’t make you not see the ghosts,” Grandma May said. “No pill can do that.”
I sighed and sat in silen
ce for a while. “When did you see a ghost for the first time?”
“My mother died when I was very young,” Grandma May said. “I lived with my grandmother and grandpa. My grandmother said that she could see ghosts – but no one believed her. Not even me. She was scared of them, and her fear got the best of her. She started looking for a solution in the bottom of a bottle.”
“She tried to drink the ghosts away...” I said.
Grandma May nodded. “Eventually, the drinking killed her.”
“I’m sorry,” Charlotte said.
“I was the one who found her and called my grandfather. I attended her funeral with him by my side. On the night of the funeral, I woke up. She was standing by my bed and complaining about the state my room was in. She had no idea she was dead.”
“What did you do?” I asked.
“For a long time I hid from her, but she always found me. I cried and begged and wished for her to go away. Then one day I talked to her. I told her that she was dead and that it was time to move on.”
“Was it sad to let her go?”
“She did not belong here anymore.”
Grandma May hardly ever spoke about her childhood. Until now, the only thing that I knew was that she had grown up poor and motherless. She was a strong woman who had made it through all of her hard times. I admired her for it.
“There is something you are still not telling me,” Grandma May said. “Why is the Red-eyed Lady haunting you? What happened?”
I took a deep breath. “She wants revenge on me.”
“Why?”
I braced myself. I had kept this secret too long. It was like a living thing trapped in a closet, and it was tearing up the inside – my insides – trying to get out. “Because I saw her get murdered.”
Grandma May’s face turned ghostly white. She was about to say something when the front door swung open. Both of us turned to see what was happening. The person in the doorway was scarier than the Red-eyed Lady. It was Andrea.
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