by Kate Eastham
They were still overloaded with extra laundry and now seemed to be working their way through all of Miss Smith’s linen, including some fine tablecloths. Dolly was chatting away and Ada only listened vaguely at first, her thoughts elsewhere: rumour had it Smithy was in bed herself at the moment. ‘It looks like she’s sick in the head,’ said Dolly. ‘Mary Roberts went in there the other day and she was sat up in bed, wearing her night cap, with papers scattered all around. She couldn’t speak but she kept pointing to the papers and shaking her head, saying, “I’m in despair, I’m in despair,” over and over again. Mary Roberts had asked that young Dr Lampeter to go in there and take a look at her but nobody knows what he said.’
‘Really?’ said Ada, suddenly latching on to the conversation when she heard Lampeter’s name.
‘Well, who knows what’s going on with the woman?’ said Dolly. ‘We don’t really like her but you wouldn’t wish her any harm.’
Ada agreed and then got stuck into the work. She began to feel good about being back in the laundry, where she could relax and be herself and just listen to the banter and the stories around her. Her body could work hard without much thought doing this kind of task. Dolly had found another box and an old chair so they could all sit together for a break, and as they sat in the sun with a cup of tea a figure appeared and sat himself down next to Ada.
‘Oh, hello,’ said Ada, surprised but pleased to see Billy away from the ward.
‘Hello,’ he said. ‘I was looking for you on the ward and that Sister, the one with the stern face and the nice voice, she told me that you would be out here. Sister thought it was a good idea for me to come out and get some fresh air. She said I could even help with my good arm if there was anything for me to do. And I wanted to say thank you for yesterday,’ he added simply.
‘Oh, you’re welcome,’ said Ada warmly, delighted to see him looking so well. ‘How’s it doing today?’
‘Still feels sore and I need to be careful with it but the sling really helps. The good doctor came by to have a look and he’s happy. Didn’t say much; you know what he’s like.’
‘I do,’ said Ada, laughing and feeling slightly uncomfortable all at the same time. ‘So you really think you’re up to helping us with all this?’
‘Course you are, lad,’ said Dolly. ‘As you can see we’re piled up with stuff at the moment and we could do with a hand, even if it is only one.’
Billy laughed, moving to take his place among the women.
‘Where’s your dog?’ said Ada.
‘Oh, he’s really taken a shine to Dr Lampeter, so he’s trotting round after him today. Really seems to like him.’
Somebody has to, thought Ada, apart from Dr Mason and me.
‘Right,’ she said, standing up and suddenly anxious to get on with the work. ‘Let’s get crackin’.’
Billy stood up too but wobbled a little, off balance with his arm.
‘Whoa,’ said Ada. ‘Are you sure you’re going to be all right?’
‘Yes, I’m sure,’ said Billy with a grin.
So they got on with the work and as Ada brought the wood for the fire, Billy chucked it on with his good arm. When they had finished stoking the fire he passed her the clean bandages to roll and put in the basket. Then they went to fetch some more firewood from the big pile of scrap timber that had been brought up from the harbour to supply the hospital. The day was sunny and glorious in every way.
Ada and Billy gathered wood into a pile and then sat together for a quick breather on a pile of sleepers that served as a bench. Ada didn’t want him over-exerting himself – she knew that rest was important for healing, and she didn’t want anything going wrong with that arm. It was still too early to tell if suppuration would set in and she prayed that it wouldn’t. If it did he would probably lose the arm or die. A shudder went through her at that thought and she needed to distract herself.
‘What did you do back home?’ she said, swinging her legs backwards and forwards as she sat.
‘I live out in the country,’ he said. ‘I worked on a farm with the horses.’
So that’s why he’s so good with the animals, Ada registered.
‘And then you got called up?’ she asked.
‘One day the army turned up to requisition some of the horses to take out to the Crimea and when they saw me with them they asked if I wanted to join up. I said yes on the spot, without even thinking about what it’d do to my mother, but by then it was too late. I had to go.’
‘Must have been a shock for her,’ said Ada, noting his momentarily haunted expression.
‘It was. She couldn’t stop crying,’ he said, his voice going quiet.
Gently trying to steer him away from a subject that was clearly painful, she asked him what life was like up at camp.
‘When I’m not needed as a groom, I sometimes have to fight in the trenches as well.’ He paused then and Ada sensed that there was so much that he wanted to tell her about that experience but just couldn’t.
‘You men must see terrible things out here, when you’re in battle,’ she said. ‘I don’t know how you get through it.’
‘Well, we do,’ said Billy. ‘But mostly people don’t talk about it. They just get on with things and get ready for the next battle.’
Then he fell silent for a few moments and Ada let him sit, lost in his own thoughts, sensing that he needed time.
‘It is bad sometimes,’ he said at last, his voice quiet. ‘I had no idea what I was signing up for. I mean who would have thought that a groom would be expected to fight in the trenches. All I’d ever done before was use a small gun to shoot rabbits on the farm.’
Ada put her hand on his to show her sympathy for him and all the other men who had ended up out here in the thick of it.
‘I mean it’s much the same for the real soldiers as well, you know; none of them have seen battle before. The last time we were at war was with Napoleon. What was that, forty years ago?’
‘Thereabouts,’ said Ada.
Billy took a smoke out of his pocket, and Ada sat quietly waiting until he had got the tobacco alight.
‘So many fine men and horses have been maimed and killed out here,’ continued Billy. ‘The officer I work for, Lieutenant Goodman, he lost his own mount following a direct hit by cannon fire in that Charge of the Light Brigade. The poor horse fell instantly, didn’t stand a chance. Goodman had to battle his way out from beneath it, grabbing his sword and dagger and going straight into hand-to-hand combat with a Cossack.’
Ada felt a shudder go through her but was determined to sit and listen to what Billy had to say. She thought that it was probably good for him to talk about this stuff.
‘He told us that the floor of the valley was so thick with dead and dying men and horses that he could hardly climb through it. He described a scene I hope I never have to see – blood everywhere and men crying out for help and for water.’ Billy hung his head for a minute, silenced by the horror of it, then took a long drag of his smoke while Ada sat beside him with her head bowed.
She felt winded by Billy’s story but then, as she sat taking it all in, she began to feel glad that she had come out to this place, to do this work. Never had she felt more needed. She raised her head and looked at Billy sitting next to her in his very ordinary way, little more than a boy, and felt proud of him and all the other men out there on the front line. He looked at her and smiled as he dropped his smoke on the ground and crushed it under his boot.
Then he was ready to lighten the tone, telling her that thankfully Goodman had got himself another horse. ‘Oh yes,’ he chuckled, ‘he has Captain Jack.’
‘What’s so amusing about Captain Jack?’ said Ada, intrigued.
‘Well, Captain Jack is an old horse – strong and stubborn but not expected to survive the winter. He isn’t really the kind of mount that Goodman would have ever chosen. I mean, he’s only got one speed and he certainly couldn’t move up to a gallop. But I bloody love that horse.’
Ada laughed, glad to s
ee him looking more relaxed again. ‘Well, let’s hope we don’t have any more charges of the brigade,’ she said.
‘Too right,’ said Billy. ‘Jack would only move fast if there was some fodder to be had!’
Ada could tell he had a real affection for the horse. ‘Do you ever get to ride Captain Jack?’ she asked.
‘Yes I do. I take him out, try to keep him in as good a shape as I can. Only recently we went out when the guns were quiet. I stopped at a stream to let him have a drink and as he dipped his muzzle into the water, for some reason it really made me think about home. I stood by that stream for ages watching him drink, watching the drops of water fall back into the stream, and that was one of the most peaceful days I’ve had out here.’
‘You must really miss home,’ she said, her eyes searching his face.
‘No more than anybody else, I suppose,’ he replied with a shrug.
‘Come on, we’d better get back,’ said Ada, taking his hand and helping him up before he could start asking any questions about her home. She didn’t want to have to go through all that had happened to her, and risk triggering the grief that she knew was always there, lying in wait just beneath the surface.
‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘Thank you for helping me and looking after me.’ Then he let go of her hand.
‘Come on,’ she said, ‘we’ve been gone long enough,’ and she started to walk ahead, her arms full of wood, leading the way back to the laundry.
When they got back, the women were just finishing up the work and Rose had arrived. Ada could tell immediately that something was wrong and rushed straight over.
‘There’s been a call for a team to go up to the front line,’ Rose said.
‘Right,’ said Ada steadily, giving her friend time to calm herself.
‘We’ve been chosen,’ she said. ‘You and I are going with Dr Lampeter.’
‘When?’ asked Ada, her heart racing.
‘Next week,’ said Rose. ‘We are to go next week. Dr Mason thinks they’re probably planning a big push.’
‘But what about the cholera?’ asked Ada anxiously.
‘They say there haven’t been any new cases for a few days, and so by next week it should be all right. We don’t have any choice anyway: we’re needed. We’re to go up there with any of the soldiers who are fit to travel.’
‘I should be all right by then,’ Billy said.
‘No,’ said Ada instantly. ‘You need more time than that.’
Billy didn’t reply and she knew that he had made up his mind. She felt sick to her stomach.
19
‘I thought the end of the world, instead of the war, was at hand, when every battery opened and poured a perfect hail of shot and shell upon the beautiful city which I had left the night before sleeping so calm and peaceful beneath the stars.’
Mary Seacole
Ada worked extra hard for the next week, throwing herself into it and trying not to think about their trip to the front line. She spent as much time as she could with Billy, trying to persuade him that he needed to stay back at the hospital, let his arm get fully healed. But he just smiled at her and she knew she was wasting her breath.
On the day of departure she was busy helping Rose to organize supplies and pack up the dressings and bandages they would need. Just before they were about to leave Dolly popped her head round the door of the storeroom. ‘You all set then, young Ada?’ she said.
‘I think so,’ said Ada, ‘but you know what it’s like.’
‘I do that,’ said Dolly, putting her booted foot up on a wooden box and pulling up her skirt. Ada watched, intrigued. Dolly was unfastening something, which she then held out to Ada. It was a small dagger in a leather sheath with a strap to fit around the leg.
‘What the heck …?’ spluttered Ada. ‘What do you think I’m going to do with that?’
‘You’re going to protect yourself,’ said Dolly. ‘You need all the help you can get out there, Ada, believe me.’
‘Well, I’m not fixing to be fighting in the trenches,’ said Ada, but she could see by the way Dolly stood her ground, holding the dagger out to her, that she had no chance of refusing it.
‘Pull up your skirt,’ said Dolly and Ada did as she was told. The strap was miles too big for her leg so Dolly measured it, then took a corkscrew from her pocket and made a new hole. She thinks of everything, thought Ada.
‘Pull your skirt up again,’ said Dolly, this time fixing the strap around Ada’s thigh, making sure it was firm and that the dagger was positioned where she could reach it. ‘It’s served me well, that little knife,’ she said.
‘Thanks,’ said Ada. ‘I sincerely hope I don’t need it.’
‘I hope so too, but at least you’ve got it now.’
Dolly said no more but blew her a kiss as she went through the door. Ada stood for a moment feeling the strap firm around her leg. It did make her feel stronger somehow.
When Ada and Rose emerged from the hospital building, Lampeter was already up on the wagon, ready to be off. He glanced down at Ada, gesturing for her to sit up front with him, but she made it clear that Rose would be best suited up there with her long legs and she would fit better in the back with Billy.
As they were about to set off, Billy’s little dog came scampering out of the hospital straight towards the wagon, yapping away at the side, wanting to come with them. Ada started to climb down to lift him up but Lampeter said, ‘No, leave him, he’ll be safe here.’ She glanced at Billy and he nodded his agreement.
She got down, picked up the dog, and carried him, struggling against her, back inside the hospital. She just couldn’t bear to leave with him yapping away and then maybe trying to follow them. She saw Tom Dunderdale and thrust the dog into his arms. ‘Keep him safe,’ she said.
‘I will that,’ said Tom assuredly. ‘The lads on the ward wouldn’t be without this little fella. The rats won’t be all that happy to see him stay though.’
When she walked back out to the wagon she could see how tense Lampeter was and thought he glared at her but, as she was desperately trying not to look in his direction, she couldn’t be sure. As soon as she got back in next to Billy, the wagon lurched away, two horses pulling this time due to the heavy load.
Ada and Billy bounced along in the back, not saying much, each aware that after this day of travelling they would go their separate ways and it was entirely possible, given all that was going on, that they might never see each other again. Billy winced with pain as they went over a particularly large rut and Ada shot a look at him.
‘I’m fine,’ he said. ‘Just caught my arm on the side, that’s all.’
She shook her head and tried not to think about what would happen to him if he was sent into the trenches. She had tried so many times to persuade him not to go but he was having none of it. There was nothing else that she could do.
Ada felt her mind and body fall into some kind of steady rhythm as they rocked along the road to the army camp. As they approached the pointed canopies of the tents, Billy reached across and squeezed her hand and then smiled. Her heart lurched as she saw again, in that moment, how like Frank’s his eyes were. She tried to smile back but her face was tight and all she could feel was the misery she’d held inside since the day her brother went missing. She carried it with her all the time; it just seemed to vary in intensity. She sat without moving, the pit of her stomach heavy.
When the wagon ground to a halt, Ada and Billy scrambled off and stood together for a few moments. There didn’t seem to be anything else to be said and so Ada reached for Billy’s hand and gave it a squeeze. He opened his mouth to say something but in that moment they both saw a man in uniform marching in their direction.
‘That’s Sarge,’ said Billy. ‘I’d best get moving.’
Ada let go of his hand and tried to smile, but then she heard the sergeant giving Billy his orders. He would be going to the trenches; he would be on the front line. Ada felt her heart tighten and tried to suppress the feeling of
dread that had started to creep through her body.
Already Billy was starting to move away, following the sergeant, and then he turned and gave her one of his smiles and she called to him, ‘You take care, Billy. I need to see you on the other side of all this, do you understand?’
‘Yes, Sister!’ he shouted back and gave her a final wave. The big guns started up and she moved instantly, hurrying along to find the others, who had already disappeared inside the hospital tent.
As she came through the door her body felt heavy and she still had that leaden feeling in the pit of her stomach. The now familiar smell met her, hanging in the air even though the tent had been cleared and the sick and wounded shipped out, and she knew she had to get on with the job in hand.
She saw Lampeter deep in conversation with a good-looking man with glossy brown hair and a quick, pleasing manner. She noticed Lampeter look up and glance in her direction. Their eyes met for just an instant before he looked down and she went over to Rose, but in that instant she felt a surge of connection with him. It made her feel annoyed and excited all at the same time.
‘What do you want me to do?’ she asked Rose who was bending over a large box on the ground.
‘Oh, if you could help me move all this stuff and get organized I would be most grateful,’ she said, sounding rather breathless. ‘They say that there’s going to be a big push and a heavy bombardment, and then the men will go over the top,’ she added, straightening up from the heavy box that she was trying to move.
‘Right,’ said Ada. ‘Where do you want this?’
‘Over there,’ said Rose, standing by still slightly out of breath while Ada manhandled it across to the appointed position.
‘They expect heavy casualties,’ said Rose as Ada stood up.
‘Right,’ said Ada, feeling a tightness in her chest as she thought of Billy in amongst that lot. Then she looked at Rose and she could see her hands shaking.
‘We’ll be all right back here, Rose,’ she said. ‘The guns don’t reach this far.’
‘But what if the Russians—’
