by Kensie King
“I don’t…” I cleared my throat and rubbed my thumb over his cheek, hating that my words seemed to be hurting him. “It’s best if we stop.”
“Stop?”
“Put this on hold,” I amended, because I wanted to find our way back to this moment in the future.
He looked around as if searching for the reasoning in all of it. “I don’t understand.”
My heart broke at the vulnerability in his voice. “What if I lay with you?” I nodded, trying to encourage him to get on board. “Come on. To bed, and I’ll stay with you, and then you can get some rest.”
He frowned softly so I kept nodding.
“Let me help you,” I soothed.
I lifted him into my arms, surprised how easy we fit together. I carried him to his bedroom, setting him on the edge of the bed before pulling back the cool sheets.
I wasn’t sure what I had expected from him. A fight, maybe? Embarrassment?
But instead, he just looked lost. Maybe a little confused, but more like he wasn’t sure what to do but just listen to me.
“That’s right,” I said, tucking his legs under the covers.
“My clothes,” he started.
There was no way in hell I was going to take off his pants. Not if I didn’t want to have a complete meltdown. I was barely hanging on as it was.
If I saw him naked, or even close, I didn’t know if I could keep exercising the same restraint.
“You’re wearing sweats,” I reasoned with him. “Comfortable.”
He closed his eyes and sighed. “Comfortable.”
“That’s right.”
I sat on the edge of the bed, stroking my hand over his hair. When he seemed more relaxed, I stood, debating on whether or not to leave him alone.
“Where are you going?” His voice came out slurred and sleepy.
“Nowhere,” I said quickly. “Just getting comfortable.”
In my clothes, too, so I could continue to stay sane. I climbed into bed with him. When he turned on his side, facing away from me, I stayed where I was. But then he reached back and pulled my arm over him, tucking his body up against me, ass pressed to my middle.
My breathing went shallow. I held Roe tight as a million thoughts went through my mind. Was he going to remember tonight? Was he going to hate me because I’d seen him vulnerable?
Could we even get to where I hoped we could be when it seemed like there was always something in the way?
I waited until I heard Roe’s breathing even out. I wanted to stay with him, but I needed a shower and I needed a moment to think.
I wasn’t sure how he was going to feel about things in the morning or whether or not it was a good idea to be next to him when he woke.
I eased off the bed quietly and made sure I still heard his even breathing before I walked back to the living room and cleaned up our plates of food. Once it was clean out, I went the rest of the way to my bedroom.
It felt lonely inside, and I almost turned around to go climb back into bed with Roe.
“Shit,” I muttered under my breath.
The way Roe had looked tonight had broken my heart. I swear I’d seen tears in his eyes before I hugged him. He’d had a hard life and he was making the best of it.
He made me want to be a better person.
To somehow make up for how I’d treated him almost two years ago when he’d been at his most vulnerable.
I started the shower and stepped in under the steam of hot water.
Too many thoughts bombarded me, so I shut them all out, instead letting myself think of Roe’s hooded eyes, the desire of his kiss. I let myself feel the press of his cock against my leg as he straddled me.
It turned me on immediately. I stroked my own cock under the hot water, feeling the tension go out of my shoulders.
I might not have Roe yet, but after tonight, my desire to pursue him was renewed. And as I finally found my release, I was determined to let him know just how I felt.
16
____________________
ROE
Waking up the next day wasn’t the easiest thing I’d ever done. My eyes felt glued shut, the uncomfortable and swollen feeling I remembered having after I’d realized Lucas had walked out on me and I’d let tears overcome me even though I should have known better.
Even though I should have made myself hold back.
I’d had heartache before and that, compared with losing my mom, was a walk in the park.
But this time…the emotions were all mine. They were from my mom and realizing somewhere during the day that I still had those moments of feeling very alone. Of feeling like I had no one else.
But then Lucas had come and…
I pressed my fingers against my temples. Oh, God. No, I hadn’t been alone when he’d come home. He’d brought me more to drink and dinner and the movies. He’d been there for me when I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed it.
And how had I repaid him? I’d assaulted him right on the couch. Sat on his lap and acted like a horny teenager.
So much for hanging onto a little dignity.
Even now, I still felt horny. For the first time since I’d moved in with Lucas, the business suit and smile had done it for me. I’d wanted him. Bad. And I’d made it clear.
I sat up and ignored the throbbing in my head. I didn’t deserve to feel good. I’d come onto him and he’d turned me away.
Despite the sting of that, I had to see it from his perspective. We had an agreement—an arrangement—and I’d overstepped the boundaries. Badly.
Shit. I glanced at the clock and realized it was late morning. He was probably already at work. Probably avoiding me because he was afraid I’d attack him again.
Dammit. I went straight for the shower. How did I fix this? How did I make it clear to him that I could still uphold my end of the bargain?
A text. I nodded. That would do it. Just a polite and professional text.
I snagged my phone off the nightstand and brought it with me to the bathroom. In the mirror, under the bright lights, I still looked tired. But I’d fared much better than I should have considering the amount of alcohol I’d consumed. And the amount of food I hadn’t eaten to counteract it.
Text first. Shower next. Then I’d get my priorities straight.
I typed a few lines out, deleted them, and then tried again.
I apologize for last night. I crossed the line and that never should have happened. I hope you’ll forgive me and understand I can still do this without making things uncomfortable.
I read the text through three times before I forced myself to press send and set my phone down.
It was out of my hands now. Hopefully, Lucas understood. I mean, it wasn’t like he hadn’t made mistakes in the past either.
He could see where I’d come from. That one night didn’t make a whole relationship. Not that we had a relationship—or at least, not a romantic one.
God, even in my head I couldn’t stop babbling. I was nervous.
Not just by how hard I’d thrown myself at him but by how badly I’d wanted him. I’d been tipsy yes, bordering on drunk, but I remembered clearly how much I’d longed to be near him. To be claimed by him.
I wanted his breath on my cheek, my ear, his hands running down my body, his cock in my mouth.
I wanted it rough and dirty and in the past, I might have gotten that from him.
Before our agreement.
Oh, and there was that little part of me that was humiliated because he’d turned me down.
By the time I’d steamed away most of the ache in my head, I figured Lucas had had had plenty of time to respond. Plenty of time to decide whether or not I was even worth his time anymore.
With a towel around my waist, I grabbed my phone off the counter, a flicker of nerves racing through me, and saw…
Nothing. No text back. Yet it said on the screen, plain as day, that he’d read my message.
Fuck. He was angry. Or disappointed.
I walk
ed back to the bedroom and sorted through the small wardrobe in my closet, but I couldn’t get the text—or lack of—out of my mind.
A meeting. He probably had to go to a meeting and didn’t have time to text back. But after another hour of waiting, my worry grew far larger than I should have let it.
I couldn’t let this get further than it had to.
I could call him? No, better to do this in person. I’d stop by his work. Explain the situation. I’d be breezy.
Sorry, I’d been drunk. I won’t let it happen again.
Even if I wanted it to. Minus all the alcohol involved.
I made the decision and didn’t look back. I finished getting dressed, remembering to put on some of the cologne I’d gotten from Elise for my birthday last year, and then left the apartment with plenty of time to stop and grab lunch for us.
This would look good to his partners, right? Bringing my sweetheart lunch. I didn’t even have to stay long. I’d give him lunch, talk to him a few minutes, reassure him, and then I’d go.
Back to normal.
With a few turkey and lettuce wraps in a bag, I took a cab to the building Lucas worked in and found his office on the directory by the elevator. Top floor.
I glanced at my outfit of jeans and a button-up shirt. It’d have to do because I was too nervous to go back and change. If I didn’t do this now, I’d chicken out and probably forgo the whole idea.
When the elevator dinged and I stepped out, I searched for a secretary or someone to point me in the right direction. Fuck. I should have figured this out beforehand instead of looking like a boyfriend who had no idea what his boyfriend’s office looked like.
Then I spotted Olivia at a desk around the corner. She saw me at the same time and her face lit up.
“Roe!” She met me halfway, still smiling, and gave me a hug. “It’s good to see you.”
I returned the hug, happy to see a familiar face. It lessened the nerves some. Until I spotted Lucas behind glass windows, pacing while he gestured about something.
“Are you here to see Lucas?” she asked.
Doubt hit me. “I didn’t ask first—he’s in a meeting, isn’t he?” I held up the bag of food. “Maybe it’s better if I just left his.”
“No, no—the meeting’s over. He’s on the phone but, but I’m sure it’s not a problem.”
Lucas glanced over at the same time and saw me. He froze, eyes locking on mine.
The nerves hit me again and suddenly, I realized this was a terrible idea. I was bothering him at work, after I’d already bothered him with a text, after I’d already bothered him last night.
“I’ll just leave this,” I told her, nodding again. “It’s just lunch and—”
“No, no. Don’t go.”
Before I could even turn, the door opened and Lucas peered out. “Roe. Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine—”
“He brought you lunch,” Olivia provided for him. “Isn’t that sweet?”
I gave a smile that probably came off as more of a grimace. “I see that you’re really busy, though. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I can just leave this—”
“No.” He pointed. “Please wait in my office. I’m almost done here.”
My mouth opened to assure him again that it was fine if I left, but he’d already closed the door and resumed his call.
“His office is right here,” Olivia said, leading me to another door with glass windows that had blinds over them.
It didn’t make sense to protest anymore, so I just gave her a grateful smile and stepped inside.
It looked…sparse. Even though the space itself wasn’t that large, it didn’t have the cozy feel his home had. Odd, considering he spent far more time here.
I set the bag on his desk and stuffed my hands in my pockets to keep from fidgeting. I get over the thought that I was making a mistake being here. Lucas was busy and I was interrupting his day.
I walked to the window and stared at the building across the street. A few people lounged in chairs on the rooftop even though it was the middle of the day.
That’s where I should have been, out somewhere enjoying myself and trying to forget last night had ever happened.
“I do that a lot,” Lucas said behind me. His deep voice made me shiver. “Stare out the window.”
I turned and got a good look at him. Fuck. I’d been lying to myself this entire time. Business suits really did do it for me. Or maybe it was just when they were on Lucas. He looked long and lean, capable and in charge.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have come—”
He stepped inside the office and shut the door behind him. The blinds were closed, making it feel like we were trying to keep a secret. Or maybe that’s exactly what he wanted it to look like on the outside. That I was here for a mid-afternoon kiss. Hug. More than that. Whatever his partners or Olivia might assume.
“Why are you apologizing? I’m glad you’re here,” he said, stepping further into the room.
“Oh. I—I thought—I mean, I sent the text but didn’t hear back, and now I realize you’re probably too busy—”
“No. I’m not too busy for you. Were you able to sleep in a little today?”
I flushed, suddenly feeling self-conscious about everything. Like the fact I’d gotten to sleep in, but he’d had to get up early and go to work even though he’d been drinking too—although far less than I had been if I recalled correctly.
“I did.” I fidgeted with the sleeve of my sweater, suddenly at a loss for words. “Thank you. And thanks again for last night. The—dinner, I mean. And the movies.”
It was unfortunate we hadn’t even been able to watch the entire movie, but that was my fault.
God, could this get any more awkward? Just apologize and go, I ordered myself. Get it over with so you can both get on with your day.
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I texted but that—that wasn’t good enough, I guess. I mean, of course it wasn’t. I should have—“ I took another breath. “I shouldn’t have done what I did, and I just want you to know that it won’t happen again. And I totally understand why you turned me down—”
I broke off with a silent curse. I shouldn’t have even said that last part, but dammit, I couldn’t seem to stop putting my foot in my mouth.
Lucas stayed silent the entire time, making me even more nervous. Nervous enough I was rethinking the whole arrangement.
“So…” I gestured to the door. “I just wanted you to know that. All of that. I won’t let things get awkward anymore. I’ll just…go. I brought sandwiches in case you’re hungry, but I’ll stop bothering you now.”
I stepped toward the door, but Lucas didn’t move.
“Lucas,” I whispered.
“No. You’re not leaving.”
My mouth opened, surprised and ridiculously turned on by his demand.
“Now it’s my turn to talk,” he said.
I folded my arms with a nod, trying to order my body to stop responding to his the way it was. “Of course. Sure. Sorry.”
“And stop apologizing,” he snapped.
I opened my mouth again, but he shook his head, stepping up to me and putting one finger against my lips.
“My turn,” he said.
I shivered at the contact and made myself nod. “Go ahead.”
“I didn’t text you back because I wanted to talk about this in person, and I figured anything I said wasn’t going to come out right—”
“I get that you might be mad, but—”
“Did I say I was mad?” He gripped my arms gently, making another set of chills race through me. “I said I wanted to talk about this in person. It’s not awkward for me and I don’t regret anything that happened last night. I wanted to be there for you, and I tried to do so as best as I could.”
I swallowed and nodded. He had been there. More than he realized.
“As for what happened after…” His jaw shifted. “I hope to hell you’re not telling the truth about it nev
er happening again. I wanted you so bad I could barely hold back.”
My breath caught at the sudden fire in his eyes. “But—”
He shook his head. “Not finished. I didn’t act on it because you were vulnerable, and you’d been drinking and I didn’t want you to wake up this morning and regret anything. When we make love, it’s going to be intense and amazing and I don’t want to do it until you’re ready. Until we’re both on the same page. Until you want me as badly as I want you.”
My legs wobbled. I already wanted him that badly. But he said “when.” When we made love. That went far for me. It wasn’t just fucking to him, it was something more, which made me respect him that much more.
“You understand?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Say it.”
“I—I understand,” I murmured. After another moment, I whispered, “Are you finished?”
His lips twitched. “Yes.”
“Good. I won’t bother you anymore—”
In a flash, he spun me around so my back hit the door. My lips parted in shock and he covered them with his own.
“Stop saying you’re bothering me. Does it feel like you’re bothering me?” he asked.
His hips pressed against mine and I could feel the hard outline of his cock. He tipped my chin up with both hands, staring into my eyes.
“The only reason I’m not taking you right here, in my office, is because I want you to ask for it. I want you to be the one who initiates it, and not when you’re vulnerable, not when you’re drunk, but when you’re so hot for me you can’t even stand.”
I was having trouble standing right now. Lucas was practically holding me up against the door, one of his thighs pressed against mine and his hands still on my face.
He pressed another kiss to my lips, gentler this time.
“Thank you for bringing me lunch,” he whispered, his breath hitting my lips.
“You’re welcome.”
He eased back, making me slump a little, and gave a small smile. “Will you stay and eat with me?”
“Okay,” I said, breathless, and pretty much ready to agree to anything he asked.
“This is nice,” he said as we sat. “Having you here.”
