by A. R. Ford
“Sarah, we need to talk,” he says and joins me without asking.
I stand up, toss a few bills on the table, and make my way out of the diner. My feet tap on the sidewalk as I head for the park. Lukas is on my heels.
“Sarah! Dammit, Sarah, slow down!”
I pause beneath an oak tree, relishing its shade in the hot summer sun. Lukas catches up to me, stepping so close that I step back until the tree’s trunk is at my back. “Don’t touch me,” I mutter, eyes down, desperate for him to just go away.
“Then listen to me,” he growls.
It’s a bad day for this. For some reason, the pain and torment are real and raw today. “You said it already. I’ve heard it all before.”
His fingers bite into my arm. He’s pushing me against the tree, his lips at my ear. He’s too close. I can smell the citrusy cologne and know this is dangerous territory. I can feel the heat of his body inches from mine. A woman walking a dog passes by, glances at us briefly, smiles, and walks away.
“I need you, Sarah. I can’t sleep without you. I’m so sorry for what happened. If I had known what it was like to be without you, none of this would have happened,” he mutters at my ear.
My nipples are traitorous pebbles as I feel his lips brush my hair. The old fire is still there, the longing so intense that it aches.
“You said you would never hurt me.” My voice betrays me as it catches on a sob.
“I hurt both of us. Let me make it right, Sarah, please.” Lukas’s voice is hoarse. The fingers ease on my arm. Then his hand strokes my hair. “Come back home.”
“No.”
I tear myself from the place where I’ve been rooted before running headlong along the lake. I’ve gone a few hundred yards when I realize he isn’t following me. My phone buzzes in my pocket. A glance at it reveals a message from Lukas.
Lukas: I won’t ever stop trying.
Of course, you won’t, Lukas. Then I wonder if that isn’t what I’m counting on.
Chapter 24
Lukas
I should have known she wasn’t ready to talk about things at the coffee shop. I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and take her back to the condo. But that meets the description of kidnapping. A woman like Sarah needs to be finessed. I know there is a lot to make up to her. I go to the diner every Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes I catch her, chase after her, exchange a few words of contrition. There are times when she has already gone, the empty coffee cup and a few dollar bills on the back booth where she always sits.
The days drag by at Bright Enterprises. Sarah is no longer at the condo to meet me when I return home each day after work. The place is empty and lifeless without her. Every night I send a text message or try to call. Sometimes she answers. More often she ignores me. Those are the worst times when she refuses to communicate with me. That’s when I lose myself in the whiskey. It’s the only thing that helps me sleep without her by my side. The only thing that eases the pain.
I manage one night to get her on the phone after I’m well on the way to being drunk. It shocks me to hear her voice.
“Hello, Lukas,” she says. I hear a splash of water in the background.
“Sarah. I didn’t expect you to answer. Are you in the pool?” I ask while sitting in bed in boxers, a fifth of whiskey in one hand.
“I’m soaking in a bubble bath. What do you need?”
I close my eyes, bite back a groan, and silently curse my body’s instant reaction to visions of Sarah naked in a bubble bath. “You. I always need you, babe.”
“It’s late and I’m tired. I should let you go,” she murmurs. The water splashes again.
“Don’t go, please.”
“I need to get out of the tub. Water is getting cold. Can you hang on?”
“Yes,” I choke out as my mouth goes dry. The whiskey is forgotten as I hear more splashing and the gurgle of water going down the drain. Rustling sounds lead me to believe she is dressing.
“I’m back. Why aren’t you in bed? It’s almost eleven,” Sarah replies. Then, I hear her yawn. The image of her eyes half-closed flits through my mind.
“I wanted to talk to you. Do you have any idea what it does to me thinking of you fresh from the tub lying in bed in a frilly nightgown?”
A soft yawn comes through the phone. “I’m not wearing a gown. I wrapped a towel around me, so we could talk.”
My cock strains against the fly of the boxers. “Dammit, babe...”
Then she giggles. That musical sound she makes when she’s amused or flirtatious. Please be flirtatious. “We were always good when it came to sex, Lukas. You make me wet even though you’ve hurt me.”
“You’re wet?” Holy shit. What is she doing to me? I groan out loud.
“Mm-hmm. I wish you were here. But I know where it would go. Maybe one day I can stop being afraid.”
Sarah is afraid of me. My erection wilts while I digest that bit of information. She yawns again then sighs. “You’re almost asleep, aren’t you?” I ask in a softer tone.
“So sleepy.” She mumbles incoherently then whispers, “Sweet dreams, Lukas. Love you.”
“Love you, babe.” I listen as the soft, regular sound of her breathing assures me she’s asleep. I click the end call button, set the whiskey by the bed, and grin. Sarah still loves me.
*******
Sarah
The conversation with Lukas the night before digs at my soul. He swore he loved me. The hurt is still fresh. Lukas broke through my walls and stole my heart. A wave of sadness comes as I climb into bed.
Against my better judgment, I call him. He answers on the first ring. “Sarah?”
“Just answer one question honestly,” I ask, freehand clutching the comforter so tight my knuckles blanche.
“Anything.” He sounds serious. Maybe I can trust him to be honest.
“Was it ever real? Or was I a notch on your belt?”
“It’s real. I love you, Sarah,” he mutters.
A sob chokes my voice. “Then why did you make me go?”
“Only to protect you. Detective Akins wasn’t sure who was doing those things to you. It could have been someone from my past or your past. That’s the only reason, I swear. Let me come over. You know it breaks me to hear you cry.”
“I-I can’t.”
“Why, babe?”
“It’s late, and I need sleep,” I sniffle while burrowing under the comforter.
“It doesn’t matter how late it is. I’ll be there,” he says more insistently.
“It’s okay. I’ll be okay,” I murmur. “Coffee at nine?”
“Yeah, coffee at nine. I’d love that. Night, babe. I love you.”
“I’ve always loved you.” For some reason the admission makes me smile. Maybe the hurt is diminishing. Maybe that’s why it’s easier to remember how I feel about Lukas.
*******
Chapter 25
Lukas
After a few weeks, Brittney and Morgan are tired of my angst and brooding. Brittney drops by the condo and gives me a key to the apartment. “You need to go to her, and don’t leave until you’ve worked this out,” she says. “I’m worried about you both. I can’t stand to see my best friends hurt like this. Go, don’t be a dick, and make things right.”
“Be a dick?”
“Try not to be drunk. And if you’re drinking, at least get Riley to drop you off,” Brittney says. She hugs me, a hand rubbing my back soothingly. “Don’t make it all about you either. You and Sarah are perfect for each other. You’re the only one that can really get through to her. And don’t give up no matter what happens. Maybe you should show your real feelings, the real pain. Sarah can’t stand seeing someone hurting, especially the man that she loves.”
Brittney pulls away, holds my hands, and smiles up at me. “Now go get ‘em, tiger.”
My knees quake and fear brews in my gut at the thought of trying to make Sarah understand the reasons why I made the decision all those weeks ago. Maybe it wasn’t about that deci
sion. Maybe this was about our pain, our love, and the desperate need for us to be back together. I know she felt it. That day at the park when I pinned her against the tree, I could feel her body tremble. I felt the shiver when my mouth brushed against her ear. The old spark was there. It scared the hell out of me thinking about how to make her understand and not being sure.
So, I do what I have done since Sarah left that night. I get roaring drunk and have Riley drop me off at the apartment. Then, I called her.
*******
Sarah
I lie in bed unable to sleep. The phone rings. Lukas. I recognize the number instantly. He has been obsessive and stubborn, meeting me at the diner in the mornings as I linger over coffee. Then there are the text messages and phone calls. Ignoring him only makes it worse. I almost believe he wants to try again, to make things right, and to move forward instead of backward with this relationship. I almost believe he still loves me.
“Sarah, talk to me,” Lukas slurs in greeting.
“Are you drunk?” Lukas admitted that he started drinking as a way of coping with the breakup. His voice is slurred and unsteady. Maybe he does regret what happened. I brush the thought away.
“I can’t sleep without you, Sarah. You ran away again without giving me a chance to try.”
Lukas sounds forlorn, lost, and very drunk. “Where are you? At least tell me you’re safe.”
“Why do you care?” he mutters.
“Lukas, please. I’m not okay. It still hurts.” Tears threaten. I didn’t want to go there, not tonight. I don’t know if it will ever stop hurting.
“What the hell do you think it does to me?” he mutters. “I ripped my heart out, Sarah.”
Lukas swears. Concern for his safety grows. I care about him regardless of our painful past. “Are you okay? Where are you?”
Someone knocks on the front door. “Right here,” he slurs. “Let me in, babe.”
The door opens and Lukas stumbles inside. I shut and lock the door before turning toward him. “Lukas, you’re drunk.”
Lukas leans heavily against the wall before turning a pint of whiskey up and taking a long drink. I snatch the bottle from his hand. “Give it back!” he growls.
“No, Lukas, no more. Please?” I implore. It breaks my heart to see him so disheveled and despondent. I wrap an arm around his waist. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.”
Lukas staggers along, mumbling incoherently until we enter the bedroom. “Only if you come with me,” he slurs, swaying before sitting on the bed.
I tug his jacket and shirt off. “Help me undress you. You’re a hot mess, Lukas Ryan Knight.” He kicks both shoes off then unfastens the jeans. Both of us finally manage to get his jeans off. Lukas lies back with a sigh.
“You’ll make me go away,” he mutters.
“No, you’re staying. Here, get under the comforter. You need to sleep it off. We can talk tomorrow.”
Lukas pulls me on top of him, hands fisting in my hair. My face is inches from his. The glistening eyes bore into mine. “I need you so fucking bad, Sarah. I dream about you every night. Hold me, and don’t let me go. I’m dying without you,” he whispers.
Tears pour down my face at his words. I don’t fight it when he kisses me. Then, he breaks free, buries his face in my hair and sobs.
“Promise you’ll stay here, and I’ll hold you. No sex, please, Lukas? I’m not ready for that,” I murmur hesitantly.
“I’ll be a good boy,” Lukas mutters against my hair.
He pulls me close, sighing when my head rests on his chest. I’ve missed this so much. Feeling his arms around me, hearing his heartbeat, smelling Lukas’s unique scent. I feel safe in his arms. I drift to sleep feeling content.
I wake the next morning tangled with Lukas’s arms and legs. His head rests on my breast, an arm wrapped tight around my waist. Then he groans and stirs. A grin lights his face when he looks up.
“It’s not a dream. You’re really here?”
“I’m really here,” I murmur, fingers stroking the thick dark hair. “I can’t fight it any longer, Lukas. Can we try?”
He kisses me then, desperately slanting his mouth across mine. It doesn’t matter that we both have morning breath. The desperate love and need within us trumps the need for oral hygiene. Our tongues dance sinuously together as his hands fist in my hair. A rush of desire races straight to my core. Lukas breaks free, burying his face against my neck. “Yes, anything for you, babe. We can go slow, whatever you want. Please don’t leave me again.”
I feel the damp salt of his tears against my neck. It breaks me. I sob helplessly, my chest heaving as the cathartic release consumes me. The storm quiets eventually. We lie together, exchanging tender kisses. The time has come to work through baggage from the past few weeks.
“It broke me when you said we were through,” I murmur with my head pillowed on his shoulder.
“It broke me, Sarah. I knew the instant you left it was a horrible mistake. I can’t take it back. I can only promise you that it will never happen again,” Lukas replies.
“We have to forgive and forget. I want to be a part of your life forever. I have never been so happy than I was when we were together.” I close my eyes, inhale the scent of Lukas and whiskey. Even with the whiskey mixed in the scent stirs something inside me. My heart swells with the depth of feeling I have for him. I can’t stop loving Lukas Knight.
“I’ve never felt the way I do about any woman, Sarah. I’ve been a player for most of my adult years. Then you came along and I knew I had to have you in my life,” Lukas admits. “Forgive me?”
“Always. Promise me that you’ll talk to me about things. Don’t keep information from me that involves me or us. We have to learn how to communicate better.”
“You have to stop running away,” he mutters.
“I guess I got that from my mother. She ran away from things in one way or another. Old habits die hard.” I reflect on the various ways my mother ran. She was histrionic, succumbed to bouts of depression, and was involved in more horrible relationships than I can remember. I lived with my grandparents while she flew from one exotic set to the other for filming. Then the bright light of fame faded. She ran from one plastic surgeon to another trying to revive her fading career. I was lost in the shuffle.
Lukas pulls me closer before pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Is this something we need to work on together?” he asks.
“I think I understand it now. Introspection is a good skill learned from my counselor. It’s better than it was.”
“You’ve saved me from myself, Sarah. I’m glad we are whole and together again.”
I agree as I snuggle against him, close my eyes, and breath the unique scent that is Lukas. We hold each other. I feel more at peace than I have in several weeks. I can’t imagine my life without Lukas in it.
*******
Lukas
Sarah agrees to go out to eat. She washes my clothes while I take a shower in her bathroom. My heart soars with excitement. I step out of the shower, dry off, and wrap a towel around my waist. I saunter into the bedroom only to find Sarah half-dressed wearing only panties and a lacy bra. She squeals while holding a dress against her body.
My body reacts instantly to hers. Her eyes fall on the tent in the towel created by my erection. Pink suffuses her cheeks. She backs away until the wall prevents further retreat. I close the distance between us.
“Lukas, you promised,” she whispers when I lean against her.
I nuzzle her neck. “I said we could go slow. You smell so good, babe.” The trail of kisses I make from her neck to her ear brings a strangled moan. “This is slow.” I move to the other side of her neck and chuckle when she sways against me.
“Lukas, I can’t, it’s too..” she whimpers when I nip at her earlobe. She struggles briefly when my hands unfasten the bra. “Please!”
“That’s precisely what I want to do, Sarah. I want to please you.” Her eyes are closed when I pull away. My hand eases inside th
e lacy panties. I cup her sex and groan when I find her slick with arousal.
“Lukas, it’s been too long,” she murmurs against my neck after I ease her into bed and follow along. “You, I can’t…” Her voice breaks when I tug the towel away and grind my cock against her.
The panties slide off her legs before being tossed to the floor. Her skin is like warm silk against me. “We can go slow.”
She nods frantically, eyes screwed shut, fingers digging into my biceps. The tip of my cock eases inside her. She cries out, pressing a hand against her mouth. Then I pull away while I try to make her understand.
“Maybe I need to show you how much I need you, how much I’ve missed you.”
“How much did you miss me?” Sarah whispers. Her eyes open and she looks into my eyes, never wavering. It almost looks like she wants to know.
Her voice is hoarse while her hips move restlessly against me. I know what she needs. I stroke my cock, pulling away so she can see my hand as it moves. She swallows hard, lips parting, the pink tip of her tongue licking across the full lower lip. My cock is an angry red, the crown nearly purple. I hold the shaft in one hand, dragging the head through the folds between her legs. Then I press my cock against that tight, hot opening slick with arousal just for me.
“How bad do you think I missed and needed you, babe?”
“So much it hurts,” she murmurs, eyes locked with mine.
“All of me, Sarah, has been in agony without you. So, I’m showing you how much I need you.”
Her lips are sweet as honey. I tease her with slow forward movements until I am fully sheathed inside the tight, wet heat of her. Our bodies move in unison. We are attuned to each other through the depth of our love. Sarah whimpers against my chest as I make love to her with every bit of love, regret, and fear of losing her that has built over the past few weeks. The sound drives me wild with need. We reach the peak together, bodies exploding in a cyclone of heat and bliss.
