CHAPTER XIII.
HOW LORD CHUDLEIGH WOKE OUT OF SLEEP.
Alas! there was small pride in that thought. What joy of being LadyChudleigh, when I had to pick my way home through the dirty and crowdedmarket, thinking of the pain and grief this wicked thing would causemy ladies when they learned it, of the shame with which my father'ssoul would have been filled had he known it, and the wrath of LadyLevett when she should hear it! "Oh, Kitty!" I thought, "how miserablyart thou changed in four short months! In the happy fields at home,everything (save when the rustics swore at their cattle) breathedof religion and virtue; in this dreadful place, everything leads toprofligacy and crime. And what a crime! And the poor young gentleman!Did ever any one hear the like, that a young girl, not yet quiteseventeen, should thus consent to marry a man whom she had neverseen! Oh, shame and disgrace! And that young man, so handsome and sogallant, albeit so tipsy that he could scarcely stand. Who would havethought, four months ago, that Kitty would be that wicked creature?"Afterwards, I thought of the dreadful wickedness of marrying whilestill in mourning for a father not yet six months dead. But I confessthat at first, so confused was I, that this thought did not oppress me.Indeed, there was almost too much to think about. Suppose I was, by acareless word, to reveal the secret! Suppose the rascal Roger were totell it abroad in the market! Suppose the young man (whose name I didnot dare to pronounce) were to see me, and find my name! Suppose theDoctor were at once to reveal to my--husband, I suppose I ought to callhim--who and what I was! All these thoughts, I say, crowded into mymind together, and filled me with repentant terrors.
I went straight home, because there was no other place to go to.Mrs. Deborah reminded me, when I had taken off my hood, that we werestill engaged upon the long-outstanding account between Richard Roe,gentleman, and Robert Doe, draper. It was one of the problems ofthe Book-keeping Treatise, how rightly to state this account to thesatisfaction both of Doe (who wanted all he could get), and of Roe (whowanted to pay as little as possible). I remember that Richard Roe hadnot only bought extraordinary things (for a gentleman), such as ladies'hoops and paniers, but had bought them in immense quantities, to beexplained, perhaps, by the supposition that he was a benefactor tothe female sex, or perhaps that he was shipping things to Madagascar,where I believe a sarsnet pinner, if in scarlet, is considered worth adiamond as big as a pigeon's egg; and a few bottles of eau de Chypreare thought a bargain, if purchased by a ruby weighing a pound or so.
We had been engaged for a month upon a statement of the account showingthe exact liabilities of Richard Roe (who used to pay in odd sums, withpence and farthings, at unexpected times); we never got it right, andthen we began again. Fortunately, it costs nothing to clean a slate.
I sat down to this task with listless brain. What girl, after beingso suddenly hurled into matrimony, with the possession of so greata secret, could take any interest in the debts of Richard Roe? Thefigures got mixed; presently, I was fain to lay the slate aside, and todeclare that I could do no more that day.
Nor, indeed, could I do anything--not even hear what was said, sothat my ladies thought I was sickening for some fever; which was notimprobable, fever being rife at this time, owing to the smell from thevegetables, and one of the little Dunquerques in our own house downwith it. Ah! could they only have guessed the truth, what sorrow andpity would have been theirs, with what righteous wrath at the sin.
* * * * *
When I was gone, the Doctor called back Roger, and they carried theunhappy bridegroom again to the bedroom, where they laid him on the bedand then left him to himself.
"He will sleep," said the Doctor, experienced in these cases, "untilthe afternoon. Have a cup of mutton-broth for him when he wakes, with apint of small ale."
Then he returned, and the ordinary business of the day began. Thecouples came in--half-a-dozen of them. One pair gave him five guineas.They were an Irishman, who thought he was marrying a rich widow; and awoman head over ears in debt, who thought she was marrying a wealthysquire. A week afterwards the unhappy bridegroom came to the Doctor toundo the match, which was impossible. He escaped his wife's creditors,however, and took to the road, where, after many gallant exploits, hewas caught, tried, and hanged at Tyburn, making a gallant and edifyingend, and ruffling it bravely to the very foot of the ladder. The day,therefore, was profitable to the Doctor.
"Well begun, Roger," he said, "is well done. The morning's work isworth ten guineas. I would rest this afternoon; wherefore, bring nomore couples. Yet one would fain not disappoint the poor creatures. Letthem come, then, Roger. We may not weary in well-doing. And, hark ye,take this guinea to Mistress Dunquerque--not the captain, mind--andbid her spend it for the children; and inquire whether Mr. Stallabrashath paid his rent lately; if not, pay it; and buy me, on Ludgate Hill,a hat and feathers for Miss Kitty; and, varlet! if thou so much asbreathe of what was done here this morning--I threaten not, but I knowthe history of thy life. Think of the past; think of Newgate, close by;and be silent as the grave."
At three o'clock in the afternoon, when the Doctor, after his dinner,sat over a cool pipe of Virginia, Lord Chudleigh came downstairs. Hewas dressed and in his right mind, although somewhat flushed of cheekand his hand shaky.
"Doctor Shovel," he said, "I thank you for your hospitality, and amsorry that I have abused it. I am ashamed to have fallen into sodrunken and helpless a condition."
"Your lordship," said the Doctor, rising and bowing, "is welcome tosuch hospitality as this poor house of a prisoner in the Liberties ofthe Fleet can show a nobleman of your rank. I am the more bound to showthis welcome to your lordship, because, for such as is my condition, Iam beholden to the late Lord Chudleigh."
This was a speech which might have more than one meaning. His lordshipmade no answer, staring in some perplexity, and fearful that the punchmight still be in his head.
"It was in this room," he said presently, "that we drank last night. Iremember your chair, and these walls; but I remember little more. Fie,Doctor! your way of treating guests is too generous. Yet I have had acurious and uneasy dream. Those books"--he pointed to the Register andthe Prayer-book--"were those upon the table last night? They were in mydream--a very vivid and real dream. I thought I was standing here. Yourman was beside me. Opposite to me was a girl, or woman, her face andfigure covered with a hood, so that I knew not what she was like. Thenyou read the marriage-service, drew the ring from off my finger, andplaced it upon hers. And you pronounced us man and wife. A strange andinteresting dream!"
"What was the ring, my lord?"
"A diamond ring, set round with seven pearls; within, the crest of myhouse, and my initials."
"Let me see the ring, my lord."
He changed colour.
"I cannot find it."
"My lord, I know where is that ring."
The Doctor spoke gravely, bending his great eyebrows. Lord Chudleighwas a man of fine presence, being at least five feet ten inches inheight, without counting the heels of his boots and the foretop of hiswig. Yet the Doctor, whose heels were thicker and his toupee higher,was six feet two without those advantages. Therefore he towered overhis guest as he repeated--
"I know where to find that ring!"
"You cannot mean, Doctor----" cried Lord Chudleigh, all the bloodflying to his face.
"I mean, my lord, simply this, that at eight o'clock this morning,or thereabouts, you rose, came downstairs, met a young lady who waswaiting for you, and were by me, in presence of trustworthy witnesses,duly and properly married."
"But it was a dream!" he cried, catching at the table.
"No dream at all, my lord. A fact, which you will find it difficult tocontradict. Your marriage is entered in my Register; I have the lineson a five-shilling stamp. I am an ordained minister of the Church ofEngland; the hours were canonical. It is true that I may be fined ahundred pounds for consenting to perform the ceremony; but it will behard to collect that money. Meanwhile, those who would inflict the finewould
be the last to maintain that sacerdotal powers, conferred uponme at ordination, can suffer any loss by residence in the Rules of theFleet. Ponder this, my lord."
"Married!" cried Lord Chudleigh. "Married? It is impossible."
"Your dream, my lord, was no dream at all, but sober truth, believe me."
"Married?" he repeated.
"Married," said Doctor Shovel. "I fear that your state of mind, duringthe performance of the ceremony, was not such as a clergyman couldaltogether wish to see. Still who am I, to decide when a gentleman istoo drunk to marry?"
"Married! Oh, this is some dreadful dream! Where is my bride? Show memy wife!"
"She is gone, Lord Chudleigh."
"Gone! Where is she gone?"
The Doctor shook his head for an answer.
"Who is she? What is her name? How came she here?"
"I am sorry that I cannot answer your lordship in these particulars.She came--she was married--she went away! In her own good time she willdoubtless appear again."
"But who is she?" he repeated. "What is she like? Why did she marry me?"
"Why did your lordship marry her? That, methinks, would be the properquestion."
"Show me your Register, man!" Lord Chudleigh was sober enough now, andbrought his fist down upon the table in peremptory fashion. "Show meyour Register and your certificate!"
"Ta! ta! ta!" cried the Doctor. "Softly, young man, softly! We are notused to threats in this chapel-of-ease, where I am archbishop, bishop,and chaplain, all in one. For the Register, it is securely locked up;for the certificate, it is perhaps in the hands of Lady Chudleigh."
"Lady Chudleigh!"
"Perhaps her ladyship hath consigned it to my keeping. In either case,you shall not see it."
"This is a conspiracy," cried Lord Chudleigh. "I have been deceived byrogues and knaves! This is no true marriage."
"You would say that I am lying. Say so, but, at your peril, _think_ so.You are as truly married as if you had been united in your own parishchurch, by your own bishop. Believe that, for your own safety, if youbelieve nothing else. At the right time, her ladyship will be revealedto you. And remember, my lord"--here the Doctor, towering over him,shook his great forefinger in warning or menace--"should you attemptanother marriage in the lifetime of your present wife, you shall bebrought to your trial for bigamy as sure as my name is Gregory Shovel.Laws, in this country, are not altogether made for the punishment ofthe poor, and even a peer may not marry more than one woman."
"I will have this wickedness exposed," cried his lordship hotly.
"Alas! my lord," said the Doctor, "the name of Gregory Shovel isalready well known. I am but what your father caused me to be."
"My father! Then there is revenge.... The benefits which my fatherconferred upon you----"
"They were greater than any I can confer upon you. He kept me with himas his private jester. I found him wit: he fed me upon promises. Heturned me forth, to be flung into a debtor's prison. That, however, wasnothing. Your lordship will own"--here the Doctor laughed, but withoutmerriment--"that I have returned good for evil; for, whereas yourfather robbed me of a wife, I have presented you with one."
"O villain!" cried my lord. "To revenge the wrongs of the father uponthe son--and this wretch continues to wear the gown of a clergyman!"
"Say what you please. So rejoiced am I with this day's work that Iallow you to cast at me what names come readiest to your tongue. Butremember that curses sometimes come home."
"Where is my wife, then?" he demanded furiously.
"I shall not tell you. Meantime, choose. Either let this matter beknown to all the world, or let it remain, for the present, a secretbetween you and me. As for the lady, she will be silent. As forthe rogue, my clerk, if he so much as breathes the secret to thecabbage-stalks, I have that which will hang him."
"I want to see the woman who calls herself my wife," he persisted.
"That shall you not. But perhaps, my lord, you would like to go home toSt. James's Square with such a wedding-party as we could provide foryou: a dozen of Fleet parsons fuddled; the bride's friends, who mightbe called from their stalls in the market; the music of the butchers,with salt-boxes, marrow-bones, and cleavers; the bride herself. Lookout of the window, my lord. Which of the ragged baggages and trollopsamong the market-women most takes your lordship's fancy?"
Lord Chudleigh looked and shuddered.
"Go your way," the Doctor went on, "and always remember you have aspouse. Some day, for the better glorifying of your noble name, I willproduce her. But not yet. Be under no immediate apprehension. Not yet.At some future time, when you are happy in the applause of a nationand the honours of a sovereign, when your way is clear before you andyour conscience gives you the sweet balm of approbation, when you haveforgotten this morning, we shall come, your wife and I, with 'Room formy Lady Chudleigh! Way there for her ladyship and Doctor Gregory Shovelfrom the Rules of the Fleet!'"
"Man," replied Lord Chudleigh, "I believe you are a devil. Do what youwill; do your worst. Yet know that the woman may proclaim her infamyand your own; as for me, I will not speak to her, nor listen to her,nor own her."
"Good!" said the Doctor, rubbing his hands. "We talk in vain. I now bidfarewell to your lordship. Those convivial evenings which you desiredto witness will still continue. Let me hope to welcome your lordshipagain on the scene of your unexpected triumphs. Many, indeed, is theman who hath come to this house single and gone out of it double; butnone for whom awaits a future of such golden promise. My most heartycongratulations on this auspicious and joyful event! What can come outof this place but youth, beauty, birth, and virtue? And yet, my lord,there is one singularity in the case. One moment, I pray"--for LordChudleigh was already outside the door--"you are the only man I everknew who spent his honeymoon--alone!"
The Chaplain of the Fleet Page 14
