by Karin Baine
‘I’m not sure it was about making a new start. More like avoiding one.’ He winced at the admission but she appreciated the honesty. Perhaps that was what she’d been doing in her twenties. She hadn’t simply been a free spirit, just a lonely child afraid to return home where there was no one waiting for her.
‘How so?’ Sophie picked at the corner of a cardboard coaster lying on the table, slightly soggy from the condensation dripping from her glass. She didn’t want to appear eager to know all the gory details of what had brought Luciano to this point in his career, even if it was true.
‘I know they mean well but my family is pushing me to find someone else.’
‘You’re clearly not ready for that.’ Her acknowledgement opened a chasm deep in her chest, which she chose to interpret as empathy for his loss.
It took him longer to respond to that than she expected. ‘I didn’t want to think about life without Renata but my family were making it impossible. We’re such an Italian stereotype. Lots of siblings, always a new baby to celebrate with vast amounts of pasta and wine.’
‘Sounds heavenly to me.’ Especially to a woman who’d been way too long on her own and whose idea of a home-cooked meal was something reheated in a plastic container.
‘I suppose it was for a while but it’s difficult when you need time to yourself and space to breathe.’
‘I wouldn’t know. Can’t say I ever knew my father well. He was a musician. A wandering spirit, apparently. My mother, well, she goes wherever her heart takes her. One wrong ’un after another. I don’t see my parents enough for them to suffocate me.’ It was incomparable to whatever Luciano had been dealing with but it was her truth. She wanted to find some way of relating to him so he wouldn’t regret sharing any of this with her. If he’d run away to sea after losing his wife, chances were he needed someone to talk to. She wasn’t a counsellor by any means but everyone needed to vent. Poor Edith had been the closest thing she’d had to a sounding board and look where she’d ended up.
‘Swap? I’m sure my mamma and papà would love to shower you with affection and food.’
‘Mine would happily ignore you and give you all the space you want.’ Sad but true. ‘Be honest now, aren’t you missing your family a little bit?’
It was only when Ryan had gone and she’d been on her own in their house that she’d realised how alone she was in the world. Little wonder that Edith had felt sorry for her to the point of booking her onto a cruise.
She really had to get herself out there and get a life again. This trip, today with Luciano, was the most she’d socialised in months. It was beginning to look as though the same was true for him. Perhaps this was the nudge they both needed to make some changes.
‘Hmm...’ He contemplated her question for so long she could almost visualise the list of pros and cons he was drawing up about his family in his head. ‘A little homesick but I’m not ready to return.’
Sophie’s heart gave a hop, skip and a jump. Goodness knew why when she was the one going home in a few days’ time. They weren’t about to sail off into the sunset together. The best she could hope for was to live her travelling dream vicariously through him.
‘I know the feeling. I mean, without the homesick part. If I never went back it would be too soon.’ It wasn’t so much the place, or even the weather. No, it was the memories. Such dreams she’d had when they’d settled down. Now England represented the end of them. The idea of going back to an empty home and the daily grind of her job filled her with even more dread now she’d experienced something infinitely more thrilling.
‘Everybody thinks that when they’re on holiday. Perhaps you could extend yours for a week or two?’ Was it her imagination or was there a hint of hope in his suggestion? Wishful thinking on her part or not, it wasn’t an option.
‘Even if I could get the time off work I couldn’t afford it. I’m here due to the kindness of Edith’s heart, bless her.’ The only reason she could enjoy herself now was the knowledge that her friend was recuperating at her son’s home in Spain and being spoiled as much as she deserved.
‘I know you’re a nurse but you didn’t say where you worked.’
‘In a care home for the elderly. Don’t get me wrong, I love them all but I don’t think I was made to stay in one place too long.’
‘You should see if there are any vacancies with the cruise company in that case.’ He grinned, as though daring her to prove she had the guts to actually make the same life-changing decision he had. It made her want to call his bluff, prove to him, and Ryan—and more importantly to herself—that she wasn’t simply all talk.
‘Maybe I will. I’m willing to sign on as a cleaner, dishwasher or barmaid at this stage.’
‘Don’t sell yourself short. We’d be lucky to have someone like you in the medical bay.’ From anyone else it would’ve sounded nothing more than professional courtesy. It was the look in his eyes as he held her gaze across the table that made it more personal.
The sincerity of his comment was heightened by the fact that the opera singer had taken a break and his was the only voice to be heard in the sudden hush. The second Luciano realised it his cheeks flushed the same colour Sophie imagined hers were.
‘Oh, I don’t know. We seemed to clash a little bit when we met. It’s probably not conducive to a good working relationship.’
‘It shows we’re both passionate. I mean, about our work and patients.’ Before Sophie had a chance to consider what other ways they could get passionate together he scraped his chair back along the ground and was on his feet.
‘I should go and get the bill.’ He disappeared into the shadowy recess of the café where she couldn’t see him or scrutinise his expression.
For someone who’d gone to the lengths of leaving his family rather than entertain the idea of getting involved with anyone else, he was becoming increasingly flustered at the idea of them spending more time together.
* * *
Luciano wanted to get back to the ship and the sanctity of his medical centre as soon as he could. It hadn’t occurred to him that disembarking at the nearest port would take him so far out of his comfort zone.
‘Let me pay half.’ Sophie pulled out her purse when he returned to the table.
‘Not necessary. You have the all-inclusive drinks package. Remember?’ The joke as they left was supposed to diffuse some of the tension and confusion he’d created with his effusive praise. Instead, as he caught her appreciative smile, his emotions were jumbled all over again.
She was everything he was supposed to be getting away from in this vagabond life. Yet he couldn’t stay away and didn’t want to. They could have gone their separate ways at any time—when they’d got off the coach, or after their argument at the harbour—but he continued to push his personal boundary, waiting and wondering what their next moments together would bring.
He never imagined he’d open up about Renata, but Sophie was a compassionate person. Enough that he could trust her not to create any drama or tears over his secrets. Just simple understanding.
There was the possibility he’d told her in the hope of creating more distance between them. A widower came with more emotional baggage than the average person. Plus, bringing Renata into existence here should’ve blocked those developing feelings he was having towards Sophie with guilt.
He didn’t understand what was in her genetic make-up that made her so different from all the other women he’d encountered or how she’d made him see that the comments from his family, which had once angered him, came from a place of love.
He didn’t have to settle down any time soon. They’d simply wanted him to move on from mourning and at least date again. To think about someone other than his dead wife. He was certainly doing that now but it wasn’t bringing him any more peace. Sophie would be leaving soon, on her way back home and out of his life for good. If he ventured back into the wo
rld of dating or seeing anyone as more than a friend or colleague, it should be with a free spirit such as Sophie. At least then he wouldn’t be torn in two by the idea of permanently replacing Renata in his heart.
Sophie had made it clear that life as a couple wasn’t for her—along with staying in one place for too long. He enjoyed her company, was attracted to her, and he was sure after their initial personality clash she felt the same. He simply wasn’t sure how far out of his comfort zone he was prepared to go. Perhaps he’d take her advice and see where his feet, his head and his heart took him. Live dangerously for once.
CHAPTER FIVE
‘THERE’S A BEACH. Do you think we have time to take a paddle? Just so I can say I’ve been in the Med?’
‘Sure.’ The slight detour meant it was going to take them longer to return to the ship but it was impossible to refuse the simple request when her eyes were sparkling like the sea at the prospect.
‘It’s beautiful down here. I thought it would’ve been packed out with sun-worshipping tourists.’
It was an impressive panoramic view. The palm trees provided intermittent shade along the broad promenade stretching along the vast extent of the golden sands. Other than themselves, the only souls experiencing the beauty were skateboarders, who were more interested in the smooth lines of concrete available.
‘They’ll all be fighting for breathing room at the more popular tourist sights but there’s a lot to be said for the less well-known parts of the country. You have time to appreciate everything unspoiled by the tourist market.’
‘Like your home town?’
‘Yes. We have some of the most beautiful countryside you could ever hope to see.’
‘Maybe I will someday.’ Sophie’s big eyes searched his face for an answer he wasn’t willing to give. But promising her a visit, issuing an invitation that suggested a continued acquaintance beyond this week, went against everything he was trying to establish.
‘It’s off the beaten track.’ He knew she would love exploring the vineyards, seeing the colourful wildflowers growing by the side of the country lanes near his parents’ home. Funny how he still thought of that as his home. The one he’d shared with Renata, where they’d pictured having a family and growing old together, had been lying empty and unloved since he’d left. Not unlike his heart.
It would be too painful to go back there but going home to see his family might be bearable if he had Sophie there with him. He was relaxed around her, their conversation easy, the mood light. The opposite of everything he’d left behind.
‘That’s what I was kind of hoping for, but I was angling for an invitation or, you know, directions.’ She nudged him playfully with her arm.
‘Angling? You want to go fishing? I’m sorry we don’t have any rivers near where we live.’ If it was a particular hobby she enjoyed he would have to investigate the nearest access. His father would know. It was a long time since Luciano had fished or gone camping as they had done when he was little.
Sophie turned away but not before he saw the grin spreading across her face.
‘What? What is it?’ He was doing his best to be sincere and honest with himself. Her amusement at his offer struck him like a bullet fired at point-blank range. He was putting himself out there for her. Something he hadn’t managed to do for anyone else and she was mocking him? Clearly, he’d read the signs wrong.
‘Nothing. Something got lost in translation, that’s all. Angling in this case means I was fishing for an invitation.’
‘Ah. I see.’ The pain gradually decreased. A misunderstanding on his part was much easier to stomach than utter humiliation.
‘Sorry. Your English is excellent. My Italian is non-existent. I shouldn’t tease.’ She reached out and gave his arm a squeeze—an apology, a show of solidarity and the closest he’d come to physical intimacy since Renata’s death. Rather than shrink away from Sophie’s touch, he welcomed it. It reminded him he was flesh and blood, more than a medical automaton.
There was heat in her touch. Meaning. More than he experienced from merely treating patients. It reminded him he was alive and hadn’t died along with Renata. Even if it had felt that way for some time.
He couldn’t take his eyes off the slender fingers wrapped around his forearm that provided that connection between them.
The fingers that travelled slowly down his arm to link with his. Hand in hand, Luciano and Sophie stood by the shore as the crystal clear waves lapped gently nearby.
‘I’ve had a lovely day, Luciano.’ Sophie’s tender voice drew his gaze from their intertwined fingers to her soft lips.
‘Me too.’ Standing here with her, nothing else existed. It was a memory no one else would ever share. There was only one more thing that would make it perfect. Something he’d thought he’d never want to do again. Yet the adoration he saw in her eyes, and the slight tilt of her chin, was everything he needed to be sure what he was feeling was right and real.
With a dip of his head he was able to meet her lips with his. He closed his eyes, sighing into the blissful sensation of the kiss—soft and tender, yet filled with so much potential for more. Kissing Sophie was a release from the tension he’d been holding inside for days, trying not to act on his natural instinct to do this. He’d found the peace for which his soul had been searching for so long.
With that, his whole body opened up to the possibility of loving again. She’d awakened the passion inside him he’d thought had died long ago.
He wanted her closer and placed his free hand at her waist, drawing her deeper into the kiss.
Sophie wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling their bodies close enough that her body heat was burning him up. Her mouth was scorching against his. That desire they’d mistaken for battling egos was burning fiercely. The need to immerse himself in her and block out the pain that had tormented him for so long was stronger than the need to breathe.
He slid his hands under the thin fabric of her top, relishing the smooth plane of her skin under his fingertips. It would be easy to lose himself with her and forget who he was and why he’d come here. Sophie flicked her tongue against his and he growled. Too easy.
A slow trickle of cold water splashed over his feet and brought him back to earth. The tide had slowly been making its way in as they’d made out. They’d been carried away by the romance of the setting. This wasn’t right. He began to withdraw from Sophie as doubt crept back in. It was a betrayal of his late wife’s memory, their relationship and everything he’d ever felt for her.
He saw the confusion on Sophie’s face, the daze of passion in her eyes as she stepped back. His feet were well and truly soaked through but it was a small price to pay for the return of some common sense.
‘We should get back to the bus in case they leave without us. The ship won’t wait, not even for me.’ He could barely muster a fake smile to accompany the feeble attempt at levity.
‘Luciano?’ Heart-breaking bewilderment furrowed her forehead. None of this was her fault. He was the one messed up and in the wrong. The one who continued to sin when he continued to lust after her. He still wanted to reach out to those kiss-swollen lips begging for attention and claim them again.
It was only his thumbs he let trace over her tempting mouth before stroking her cheek, knowing he couldn’t go back there. His conscience wouldn’t let him, despite every other inch of him begging for mercy.
‘Sophie... I just can’t.’ He pleaded with her for understanding. She knew his background and why this was wrong even if it didn’t explain why he’d initiated the kiss or why he was walking away now. He couldn’t give his heart to anyone else. Especially someone he knew he was getting too close to and who was walking out of his life again in a matter of days. Sophie had made it clear she was no longer the kind of woman who would stick around and he couldn’t risk his heart on anything less.
He daren’t look back as he made
his way across the beach without her. There was a danger that was all it would take to grab her again and give in to that primal need to possess her. Playing out some erotic movie scene as waves crashed over their feverish bodies writhing on the sand wasn’t going to make their lives any easier.
They were both in pain and an entanglement between two people who lived completely different lives wasn’t going to heal broken and bruised hearts.
This was for the best, no matter how physically painful it was at this very moment.
* * *
Sophie would have kissed everyone on board if she’d thought there was a chance of it lessening the impact one man’s lips had had on her.
It wasn’t as though she’d asked Luciano to kiss her. At least, not in so many words. It had simply...happened. She didn’t regret it but the consequences made her wonder if it was worth the hangover. It wasn’t the tender bruising of her lips keeping her awake but the sheer force of desire that had caused it. Goodness knew the last time she’d been kissed like that. If ever. Certainly not by Ryan. He’d been safe and predictable, or so she’d thought. Luciano had been pure, raw passion.
The memory rekindled those little shivers of desire zinging along her spine. She slid the balcony doors open and stepped into the night in bare feet. The man was impossible to get out of her head. Even today, walking around the town of Lavorno on her own, she’d thought of him. The cathedral she’d visited alone had made her think about him. Even strolling along the canals, which had once been a gateway for transporting goods to the local markets, had sparked the memory of that private moment with him on the shore.
They hadn’t spoken since that breath-stealing scene. Luciano had sat in brooding silence on the short bus journey back to the ship. He’d also been the first one to alight, without waiting for her. She hadn’t seen him since. Unfortunately, out of sight didn’t equate with out of mind.
