by Leaona Luxx
“Damn. What the fuck is up?” Thayer leans forward, looking at me.
“I’m over it. I need a break, I need to get away from all of it.” The waitress sets the drinks down, and I slam one back. “I love him, and I’m over it.”
“Exactly how does that work?” Torrie asks.
I take a swig from the second drink and ask for the third. “I can’t give him what he wants. He wants it all, I can’t do it. I’ve spent the last few months missing a man who assumed we were fucking and then I’d be gone. So. I’m gonna go.” I finish off the second one and reach for third when the waitress sets it down.
“Ava, Riley would never hurt you or a child,” Torrie adds.
“Not saying he would.” I take another drink. “I’m saying I might.”
“Bullshit,” Thayer chimes in. “You’re full of shit, and you know it.”
“I am, but I also know I don’t have it in me to move beyond my past. I’m Ava—town whore and nothing but trouble.” The word takes me by surprise; he’s already wormed his way into places he never should have.
“Ava, stop being an ass.” Maisyn leers at me.
“Hang on a damn minute, I’m making sound decisions. I’ve decided to let him go because I may end up reverting to my old ways, and you all are acting like I’m the worst person in the world. I’m not hiding, I’m being honest.” I glare at them as my pulse races, although that could be from the Absinthe.
“So, now what?” Torrie looks at me with disdain.
“Stop. You and I both know you can’t stand me.” I down my third asking for the fourth. “As a matter of fact, none of you like me. All of this has been a show, to prove you’re better than me. Bravo, you fucking won.” I down the fourth drink, taking it from her before she can set it on the table.
I stand, turning to the dance floor. I find the first guy I can and begin to dance. Or at least I think I do. The table of unapproving judges watch me. I suppose to make sure I don’t fuck anyone without proof. Fuck them. Fuck Riley. Fuck it all.
A set of hands wrap my waist, and I place mine on top. We grind and sway to the song away. Spinning in his arms, I gaze into Riley’s face. His blue eyes loving me, faults and all. Why would he leave me? Because I’m a fuck up.
His hands find my hips, pulling me to straddle his thigh. He rubs against me and all I can think of is that I miss Riley. He bends down, kissing my neck, and I give in to him. I allow the memories to take over as this feeling carries me away.
“Hold up, Romeo. Juliet’s ass is going home,” Lea growls at the man who holds me in his hands.
“I think she’s made her decision.” He presses me into him, his breath sweeping over my face.
My eyes snap to his as Thayer grabs my arm. “Let’s go. Now.”
I mumble my response, and I swear I said ‘okay’. “Oh, no. I’m with Riley, that’s what y’all wanted.” Nope, didn’t say okay. Shit.
“She’s staying,” the man the size of Riley declares, he’s like a talking mountain.
“Not on your life,” Lea snarls, yanking me from his grasp.
“You’re kinda badass.” I squint to focus on Lea.
“You know it, I killed someone for Malone. So, jump, dude.” Lea pins him with a glare. He steps toward me when Thayer interrupts.
“No, no. She’s not kidding.” Thayer twists her finger in the air to round the group. “Let’s go, ladies.”
The second I step outside, I hurl. Such great decisions I make on the daily. “It’s okay, Ava. We’ve all tried to heal a broken heart this way,” Torrie says as she hands me a napkin.
“I’m not heartbroken. I’ve just given up because my heart is dead.” I begin to sob. The moment you think this is it, it’s gonna be okay. Yeah, this isn’t that moment.
“Excuse me, ladies. Is she intoxicated?” I work on pulling myself together, while my friends, whom I don’t deserve, cover for me.
“I think she has a virus,” Maisyn says.
“Keep it up and you can go for obstructing an officer.” His words are low and menacing.
“It’s fine.” I turn to see Dax standing in front of me. My eye twitches. “Are you even on duty?”
“I can make an arrest any time.” He grasps my arm, jerking me toward his car.
“Let go of me.” I yank on my arm, trying to pull away.
He leans down, breathing into my ear. “Do you always put up a fight?”
What? Wait, what did he say? I stare wearily at him. “Let me go, Dax.”
“You’re under arrest for public intoxication.” He opens his car door, placing his hand on my head. “Wonder how Riley will feel knowing you’re about to do for me what you did for him.” His smile makes me nauseous.
“Fuck you, asshole,” I mutter, slurring my words and destroying myself.
“I can arrange that for you,” he whispers as he pushes my head down.
“Not tonight,” Walker growls behind Dax.
Dax springs up, spinning on Walker. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”
“Her attorney,” Walker smirks.
“So?” Dax crosses his arms. “You’re just trying to cuckold your brother, asshole.”
“I legally and lawfully recorded a public incident of an indecent proposal by an officer of the law. You present yourself as an on-duty officer, and what you just did was as illegal as hell.” Walker steps in. “Riley won’t be gone forever, dick. Or should I tell these ladies everything?”
Dax scans the crowd that’s forming. “We’re good. Ava, get out.”
Walker motions for me. “Go wait with the other ladies, please.” I scurry over to my tribe, and someone hands me a bottle of water. Walker spends a minute with Dax before turning and joining us. “Ava, do you have a ride home?”
“I’ll take her, and Ryver can drive her car,” Willow says.
“Thank you. I’ll call you tomorrow. I think we need to talk.” Fuck. Why do I feel like my dad just bailed me out to put me back in?
“Okay,” I mumble, grimacing.
“Ladies.” He nods his head as he turns away but spins back. “Thayer?” She hasn’t stopped staring at him. “I’m sorry I was a fucking asshole. You should’ve let Hardy kick my ass. I’ll apologize to him when I can.” He disappears as fast as he showed.
“What just happened?” Lea asks.
“Walker went badass and then apologized for being an ass,” Maisyn replies.
“Wonder what he said to Dax?” I say aloud.
Emerson grins. “I know.”
“That’s my girl,” Lea jokes.
“He told him no one has forgotten he allowed Ava to be attacked. Apparently, he witnessed it, but Riley kicked his ass. And the fact, if he touched Ava or anything belonging to her, Riley will be home in April.” Emerson smiles. “Riley’s gonna kick his ass.”
“Again.” Torrie laughs.
“Seriously, don’t tell Hardy, but Walker can handle his own shit.” Thayer’s snarky.
My heart pounds in my chest and my ears. “I love him. I miss him. I’m scared as all hell.”
“How about just telling him?” Willow replies as I look on. I know, I fucked up.
“Yeah, not so good at that.” I chug the water that’s left. “I’m sorry, y’all. I’m so fucking killed. How do I do this without him? How do I do it with him?”
“The same as we all did.” Lea shrugs. “Keep working on you and keep loving him.”
“Yeah.” I nod. Now, how in the hell to do that?
Riley,
I keep making the worst decisions. I went out the other night and started drinking, I danced with another guy. If Lea and Thayer hadn’t been there, I’m not sure what would’ve happened. I’m not surviving too well this time. I miss you like crazy. And as much as I wished you were here, I can’t see how we can make this work.
Sometimes, it takes more than love. I’m between asking you to never let go and asking why you stay? I’ve always been a handful, trouble at every turn. I’m proving it to be true to thi
s day. I can’t give you what you want. I’m not even sure if I can give you what you need.
How can a person become such a counterpoint in one’s life, in so little time? You are my center; in you, I find my strength. The true me. The person I was meant to be. Without you, I’m nothing—I’m dead weight, even if you wanted to try, I’d always be waiting for what comes next.
Maybe in a world where only you and I existed, we could figure this out. I’m scared and right now, I’m not sure if I’m afraid to move forward because of who I am or if it’s because of who I’ve become. What if you lose faith in us again, who will make it work then? I’m lost.
Ava
Ava,
I miss you, baby. Please tell Andi I love and miss her. Are you ready for your next semester to start? Just remember to take your time and ask for help if you need it. I’m sure you won’t, you’re more intelligent than you give yourself credit for being.
I know you’re frightened, you have every right to be. I’m scared shitless about everything. I’m the one who wanted this for so long and once I got it, I screwed it up. I can understand your fear of something going wrong.
I wish I could tell you it wouldn’t, but that’s not realistic, baby. Things will go wrong, life will happen. And as we both know, there’s no stopping life from moving forward. Whether we’re ready or not, there’s only so much we can control.
I want you to know this—I will always love you. Through mistakes and bad decisions, I will be by your side. That’s all I’m asking from you, baby. Be by my side. Be with me in your entirety. I won't expect anything less than you—the real you.
I love you. Riley
Steve’s attorney has postponed this thing so many times, I’m about to end him and get it over with. It’s embarrassing enough to have to sit here and listen to these things, but to have him weasel out each time; I’m over it. Riley would’ve already done something.
What would Riley do? It’s a court proceeding, and his father and brother are attorneys. I try to call Walker, but it goes to voicemail, so I call Cynthia to see if she can tell me how to get in touch with Walker. “Hey, Cynthia. It’s Ava.”
“Hello, sweetheart. How are you?” She immediately puts me at ease.
“I have a problem, well this thing, I’m hoping to ask Walker his opinion.”
“He’s in court in Charleston today,” she explains. My guts knot, and I bite my nail.
“Oh, alright. I’m sorry to have bothered you.” I try to slow my breathing, I feel as though I’m going to hyperventilate.
“Can Ian help?” she offers as if he’ll jump right on. I bite my lip, trying to decide if I should tell them. Before I can say a word, a rustling sound comes over the phone.
“Ava, how can I help?” He’s calm, his voice so much like his sons’, I gasp.
“I’m at the courthouse again, for the assault.” I lower my voice. “Steve’s attorney has had it postponed three times, every time I show up to have it postponed again.” I end with a huff from talking so fast.
Again, I hear rustling and a door this time. “Which courtroom? And what time?” Ian questions me.
“212 at eleven. I’m sorry to ask, but I keep missing class and I hate being here with him.” My words short as I clear my throat. “Do you have any suggestions as to what I can do?”
“Sit tight.” Ian’s words are clipped and exact as he ends the call.
So much for sitting, I’ve paced since hanging up with Riley’s parents. A young guy, about Hawk’s age, stands across from me with papers in his hand, and he smiles at me when we make eye contact. I don’t want to but I’m weary about my surroundings now.
“Case number 3-5-3-5,” the bailiff steps from the courtroom to announce. I jump, startled as my heart pounds against my chest. The attorney from the prosecutor’s office walks up the hall.
“How are you, Ava?” He reaches for my hand, and I do my best to not wince. I’m not a toucher. Well, not with people I don’t know.
“Ready for this to be over,” I mumble as I pick at my nails.
“They’re hoping someone won’t show up and they can move to have the charges dropped. Let’s go grab a seat.” He shows me into the courtroom.
I sit behind him, shaking as Steve enters the room. I should’ve asked someone to come with me. I continue to pick at my nails, anxiety getting the best of me. Even trotting my knee isn’t helping. I scan the room to keep from looking at him; they told me I could wait in another room, but I declined.
As Steve passes, a breeze from the door wafts a scent past me. I’m stunned for a brief moment as the memory of my custody hearing pops into my head. I’m thrown back in time, a time I’d rather forget. What set it off? A shiver races through me.
I’m scared to death, but I refuse to let him know. A noise at the back of the room draws everyone’s attention. Ian, Riley’s dad, walks through with Cynthia behind him. She slides in beside me to my amazement.
As Ian speaks to the prosecutor, Cynthia takes my hand in hers. I’m not stupid, I latch on and pray I can stop shaking. “All rise. The Honorable Rob Barton presiding,” the bailiff announces. “Please be seated.”
“Ian, what do I owe this pleasure?” the judge asks.
“Your honor, please excuse my appearance, but I just picked my client up. I’m here to represent the victim, Ava Pope Cook.”
“Is this civil?” The judge looks from Ian to me as Steve’s attorney rises. The guy from out front hands Ian the paper he was holding.
“It is now,” Riley’s dad declares.
“Objection, your honor, he’s her boyfriend’s dad,” the attorney charges.
“Actually, our son is her fiancé. He’s deployed at the moment or he’d be here,” Ian states.
“I remember your youngest serves, what branch?” The judge gets comfortable asking questions.
“Army, Special Forces. Ava is in college for practical nursing.” Ian glances over his shoulder to smile at me, and Cynthia offers me a comforting squeeze of the hand. What is going on?
“Congratulation’s, young lady. Have you set a date?” He catches me off guard, but I answer honestly.
“After college and he returns from service, we’re going to work it out.” I smile when Cynthia nudges my shoulder.
“Wise decision.” The judge nods. “Mr. Osbourne, are you ready to proceed?”
“We are moving for a continuation.”
“Objection,” the prosecutor and Ian say in unison, as the judge waves for Ian to take the floor. “We object, sir. The victim has been here three times, taking her from class and putting her under undue stress. With this case, her school work, her job, and her fiancé deployed, she's going as far as she will go or should be expected to. But I’m always happy to go civil.”
“Sustained. Mr. Osbourne, are we proceeding?” He bends, murmuring to Steve, who shoots me a dirty look.
“No, your honor,” he concedes and continues to mutter to Steve.
The judge waits for the murmuring to stop. “Has there been a plea agreed upon?”
“The defendant has agreed to the prosecutor’s terms,” Mr. Osbourne’s announces.
“Let’s get this over with.” The judge sighs. “Will the defendant rise?” Steve stands, waiting his fate. “This is your first offense?”
“Yes.” Steve nods.
“Do you have anything to say before sentencing?” the judge asks.
“She’s the town whore, she asked for it for months. She only got upset when her boyfriend found us,” Steve spits with venom.
“I think you’ve summed this up nicely. Steve Carter, I hereby sentence you to a thousand-dollar fine, two years supervised probation, and you must attend anger management classes. And I’ll add, had the law permitted, I would’ve thrown it at you.” With the pound of the gavel, it’s done.
My hands fly to my mouth, I try my best to hold in my sobs, but it’s of no use. Cynthia wraps me in her arms as Ian speaks to the prosecutor. After a few minutes, he walks over, pul
ling me into a hug. “Thank you so much. I have no doubt had you not been here, it would’ve been delayed again. You didn’t have to, but thank you.”
“Ava, we know things aren’t good between you and Riley. But we know love when we see it, and we see it on both of you. In both of you. Your family, you and Andi, have helped heal years of pain. The way we see it, we owe you.” Ian hugs me again.
“I do love him.” I swallow hard. “I-I’m just scared,” I gasp.
“That’s natural. We broke up before our wedding, and I’m not sure we would’ve tried again, but I was pregnant with Sallie. It’s like she stayed long enough to see us strong and in love.” Cynthia banishes a tear with the back of her hand.
“We’ll be waiting for the children for a while.” I nod.
“We’ll share Andi.” Ian beams. I walk out with them, feeling like the weight of the world has been lifted.
Ian and Cynthia follow me out and down to where I parked. “Please, don’t be a stranger.” Cynthia hugs me.
“I promise, Andi and I will come visit soon.” Ian hugs me before opening my door.
“Be careful,” Ian adds as he shuts the door. I wave as I pull into traffic. I love them; they’re like Walker, they feel like family.
I make good time over to Willow’s. I love that girl, but it’s time to pull up my big girl panties and move on as Riley would expect me to. I’m thrilled to be going home and working myself through the fear that will take a while to overcome, but I’m taking a huge step. I’m sure my bed will smell like Riley, I’ll be pleased to spend some time with him and get my head together. I miss him so much, more than I ever thought I would.
I call as I walk through the door. “Hey, Willow.”
“In here, girly,” she yells from the kitchen.
I look in the pot brewing on the stove, sniffing the sauce. “Smells good.”
She looks at me wide-eyed. “Are you going to eat?”
“A little, probably.” I sit across from her. “I’m going back to the apartment, Steve was convicted today. So, I feel safe now.”
“Wonderful, besides, your bodyguard doesn’t leave your shadow,” she quips. I stand in silence, waiting for her to reiterate.
